Like a horse with a carrot

It's an interesting phenomenon.  You put a carrot in front of a horse, and it keeps walking towards it.  I'm going to relate myself to a horse here.  No comments from the peanut gallery please.  :)  I have found I'm getting bored unless I have something to move towards.  In the spring, it was my 5K.  Now that I'm healing enough to be able to start running again, I'm going to start slow.  I am going to start walking a mile a day in addition to my training on the elliptical.  I'm going to attempt by the end to have it down to a 15 minute mile.  It's 26 weeks until the Country Music Marathon/Half Marathon so I can add a half mile each week until go time.  

Other news: I gained this past week, but I'll get back on the horse this coming week and kick it back off. 

Merry Christmas!

Until next time,
:)

Shaken, not stirred

I'm sure you all know to what I am referencing in my title.  James Bond.  His martini was shaken, not stirred.  Do you know why martinis are traditionally stirred, not shaken?  Gin will bruise and become cloudy if shaken.  Here's why I bring all this up:  On Saturday, I started Bartending School!  I learned Martinis, Manhattans and the like as well as Highballs (Gin Tonic, Rum and Coke, Bay Breeze, Tequila Sunrise, etc).  I had SO MUCH FUN.  The class was really laid back and I spend as much if not more behind the bar mixing "drinks" as I did learning from the instructor.  I could go on forever about all the fun I had, but instead, I'll bring you up to speed of the last month.

In my last post, I had joined the gym, I'm now going consistently, and have graduated to the elliptical.  The first couple times, I woke up the next morning and slid everywhere my calves hurt THAT bad.  It was fantastic!  Well, now I've gotten a routine down: 5 minutes doing leg weight machines, 25 minutes on the elliptical, 10-15 minutes cooling down doing mat type exercises, but on a exercise ball.  I'm really enjoying the new activities, but it's leaving me with less "free time" or another way to say it is I'm choosing to spend my free time differently.

I've had a weekend of SELF CONTROL!  Yesterday, I went to a Reunion of people I used to work with years ago at the church I attended then, and as you may remember from all my ranting, I'm not good at dealing with food in social situations.  Well I did great!  I had a modest bowl of chili with cheese, and I did have two brownies, but I stopped at that, and did not have a s'more.  So all in all, I think I did really well.  Then today, I had another social situation, but I coached myself all the way there.  Luckily I already knew what we were having: lasagna.  OY.  It's a pasta, so I love it already.  I told myself: 2" x 2" square and 1/2 plate salad, and what did I put on my plate.  Exactly that.  I said no dessert, but I did have a cookie.  The only difference was I only had one and I ate it after Bible Study after my food had settled.  Before, I would eat dessert right after dinner and then have another dessert after Bible Study.  I have told myself that a dessert is fine, but after Bible Study from now on because that worked really well. 

I've been a little stalled in my weight loss and my WW leader says it's because of the upped activity.  She says that I'm strengthening my body and my muscles will start catching up and then there's no stopping me.  She also said that what I should have noticed is that my clothes are starting to get loose, which they are, so it's more learning about non-scale victories.  Goody, what I'm best at: viewing progress with no numerical evidence.  I can hardly wait.  It's getting easier because my khaki pants which were snug a few weeks were just washed and I had to pull them up all day Saturday and today.  It was GREAT. 

How's my shoulder, you ask?  It's doing great!  I got the green light to start driving my VERY OWN CAR Friday a week ago and last week was when I got the additional green light to start bartending class.  I guess this counts as non numerical evidence of progress as well.  Interesting. 

On a totally random note: my hair has grown LONG.  Apparently high dose pain killers help with that.  There WAS a benefit.  WOOT.  I'll probably let it get another inch or so before I have it trimmed and layered and then keep it that length.  I like it long.  I like the way it feels against my shoulders when I wear sleeveless shirts, which I wear more of in the winter odd as it sounds, but everyone always cranks the heat up to the temperature of the sun, so I wear tanks and add sweaters if I get cold, which isn't often. 

I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but it feels good.

I had my annual physical last Tuesday, and my DR was, and I quote "tickled about the weight loss".  Yes.  I'm THAT cool.  It's awesome huh?  For the record, my goal is to be at my goal weight by this time next year, in time for my next annual physical; November 9th or something like that.  I may have to move that back to December to fit some scheduling things on the horizon, but we'll see how the cookie crumbles.

My goal weight is between 155 and 160, I haven't set a definite yet, but I'm estimating it'll fall around 157.  I'm 190.6 now, so I have 33.6 to go, or in 52 weeks, that's .6 a week.  I would say cat in the bag, but we know the way that statement ends.

Well cats, I'm off to read before my timer turns off my lamp.  It is thrilling having to stop in the middle of the sentence because the timer says so.  Otherwise, I think I'd read all night.  I'm lovin' it.  :)

Until next time,
:)

I'm coughcoughcoughcoughcough...sniff...sick

Ew.  I really hate being sick.  Luckily my mom buys really soft tissues, or my nose would be as red as Rudolph's.  I normally buy the cheap brand, but how could that possible be a surprise.  Maybe I'll start buying the good ones.  Well I don't have to worry about all that now. 

I've been up since 0430 because I refuse to sleep propped up and I can't breathe laying down.  I'm so stubborn.  Well after I woke up there wasn't really any going back to sleep anyways.

I am, however, not sick enough to stay home from work.  1.  I'm not contagious.  If I was, I'd take myself out of the game.  As it stands, I do OK when I'm not laying down.  2.  I only feel bad from the neck up.  I'm not walking funny (I don't think :) ) and my brain may not be functioning to its fullest extent, but when has it over the last 9+ weeks?  This also means I'm not sick enough to not exercise.  I'll back myself down 5 minutes and do 25 instead of 30, but I'm going (so there :) )

Good news: I get to try PT without drugs tomorrow.  Could get interesting, but I have faith in myself.  Next step: driving my car!!

Until next time,
:)

I don't like staring blankly at puzzles, I like to solve them.

Wow.  Lots of news.  Weighed in on Saturday.  Lost 2.4 pounds!  WOOT.  I've still got it!  It was a huge encouragement.  I have a feeling I'm going to have week 2 syndrome this week, so I'm being proactive, to try and squeeze out a loss anyway. 

I have a check up with my shoulder doctor tomorrow.  Today marks 9 weeks.  Amazing. 

My mind has been swirling for the last 36 hours.  I worked some crazy late hours (like 2am) on Saturday and was up early again Sunday, so all signs pointed to a nap.  I tried, but my brain went straight to school.  I'm forming a plan, and puzzle pieces are coming together!  I'm going to switch over from Computer Information Systems to Computer Science (still keeping my Criminology Minor, which is VERY important to me) and my dream job down the road is a Special Agent for the FBI Cyber Division investigating computer related crimes.  I'm so thrilled I could dance!  Or not sleep at least. 

From Friday night through last night I'm looking at a grand total of 17 hours of sleep over 3 nights...not a great track record, since that number's usually more like 24 or 27.  Looks like because my mind's still spinning, I'm in for no more than 6 hours tonight too.  I'm already starting to get congested.  I need sleep or I'm going to get SICK.  EW. 

I feel like all the puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place in my life.  I'm turning it all around.  I've turned my weight back into loss, I've stopped feeling sorry for myself, started exercising again, and I've started to compose a plan for school.  I have DIRECTION.  It feels great.  I'm not a fan of the nomad feeling.  It was helpful to my life experience, but I'm a little tired of sometimes feeling like I'm spinning my wheels.  Do I look like a hamster?  I didn't think so.  :)

Well I'm off to TRY and sleep.  HA! 

Until next time,
:)

So THAT'S what sweating is!

The last post was from Monday.  I composed it and forgot about it.  Whoops.  :)

I had my meeting with the gym Tuesday.  I loved it!  I am now a member.  I went Tuesday night and did .5 mi on the treadmill and 3.5 miles on the stationary bike.  I went back last night and did 1 mile on the treadmill and 9 miles on the bike.  WOOHOO.  It felt really great to sweat again, and doing 9 miles in 25 minutes, I was sweating.  I had physical therapy tonight, so I didn't go because I'm high.  Like really.  I do plan on going tomorrow after work before a party and then Saturday before I weigh in. 

I cannot do anything except the treadmill and the bike, but that's better than the NOTHING I've been doing the last few weeks. 

I thought my movie blog would be hopping, but turns out I took a break from it all.  I've been working on my NCIS movie project.  I'm almost done with season 7, and then I'll take this weekend to catch up on all my other weekly shows I've been missing the last few weeks to finish my NCIS project, and then when I'm all caught up on TV and sleep, I'll start hitting my movie blog.  Like hard.  I've already got the first title picked.  But I'm not sharing.  :)

My shoulder is doing really well!  I'm able to move it on my own more now.  That is really encouraging.  Monday will be 9 weeks.  9 WEEKS.  Wow. 

That's all I have for now.  More later.  As my mind comes back to me.  Maybe :)

Until next time,
:)

Hey you, It's me

That’s a great song by Michael W Smith.  My iPod is on shuffle.  It has been a while since my last posting.  I need to post more, especially when I’m having as much difficulty as I am currently.  My last ATL (all time low) was 7/24 and I weighed 181.4 (total weight loss of 41.4).  On Saturday I weighed in at 193.2 (total weight loss .  This is upsetting in a number of ways.  First, that’s 11.8 pounds in 11 weeks.  That’s gaining on average of 1 pound per week.  That’s the wrong direction, by the way.  In the last 4 weeks, I have gained 9.2, this week being the most upsetting, 5 pounds even gained this week.  I’ve no one to blame but me.  I’ve been eating my feelings again.  I’m so frustrated I can’t run and that I can only walk or do a stationary bike, I can barely take it anymore.

I found out the end of last week my company has a partnership with a gym a stone’s throw away from my house and they have a spin class on Wednesday night at 6:30.  I have a meeting tomorrow.  I’m going to take advantage!  I’m turning it around.  I’m tracking again, and I’m getting back into the exercise I can actually do.  I have my annual physical November 9^th, so I have 4 weigh ins before then.  My goal is to lose 1.5 pounds each week leading up to that, to cover half the weight I’ve gained.  I’m hoping I don’t have to go through week 2 AGAIN.  We’ll see. 

Update on my shoulder.  Today marks 8 weeks from my surgery date.  Wow.  I’m doing “textbook ideal” says my Physical Therapist.  I’m permanently out of my sling, and I might get to start driving my car (standard transmission) as early as this weekend.  When I say drive, I mean down the street one day and hold off until I know I’m not too sore the next day.  I won’t be driving on a permanent basis for at least another week.  Which is fine.  I’ve waited 8 so far, what’s one or two more?

Until next time,
:)

By George, I think I've got it!

I've finally figured out why I've had writer's block when it comes to this blog over the last week or so.  This blog's basis is my weight journey.  Right now, my journey is very stagnate.  Nothing much on which to report.  No set backs, no accomplishments (other than not eating everything I see).  I've been doing a lot of resting.  And watching movies.  So pay attention to my new blog, Spoiler Alert, in which I'll review movies I've seen.  It will be hopping the next few weeks! 

I'll check back in every so often, but the posts over here may slow down to once or twice a week at the most for a few weeks, and that's okay really.  I'll be back in full force when I'm all healed, able to run and drive my car again, and able to struggle with the things I always will. 

Thank you for your patience while I wade through the swamp that sometimes is life. 

Until next time,
:)

What is a Steel Magnolia?

I just finished the movie.  And I sobbed like a baby from the point Shelby fell down all the way to the end.  I guess it wouldn't have hit me so hard if she didn't die all of the sudden, with no real warning.  It would have been bad either way, don't get me wrong; I do not deal with death.  At all.  I happen to be particularly affected by the all of the sudden.  I've only lost a handful of people, and only three that I can remember.  I lost my Mom's Father when I was in 6th grade.  I still remember the phone call we got that night, and still have the picture I was coloring.  Last year, I lost a very dear friend.  It will seem odd.  I had never actually met him, he lived in New Jersey and I knew him through work.  We talked on the phone every other day for at least a half an hour.  He was my Grandfather's age and was very much like a Grandfather to me.  I had known him less than a year when I received an e-mail saying he had passed away from a heart attack suddenly, after returning from a conference in Florida.  He died the same way my Grandfather did, and I cried outside on the patio at work for a long time.  I lost a co-worker and very dear friend suddenly this year as well.  Privately, death tears me apart.  I do not care for movies with death in them (action bad guys excluded).  I cried after Joan of Arc for a week. 

I know it's probably not great to end a blogging drought with such a demur topic, but I can't really help it.  To think that I so stupidly tried to take advantage makes me ill. 

I'm going to go downstairs so I can cry and scream at the injustice of it all.  I promise a more cheery topic for next blog. 

Until next time,
:(

It's really not as bad as it sounds (or looks)

Most people cringe when I tell them what happened to my shoulder.  I think they think it's similar to rotator cuff.  I wouldn't know, but I don't think it's as bad as all that.  Don't cry for me, Laura Lee.  (Don't know where that came from). 

Physical therapy (contrary to popular belief) was not that bad!  They were very nice and gentle.  Maybe it helped that I had taken 1/2 of a pain pill.  Guess I'll never know. 
You may remember here I wrote (in what has to be my shortest blog post ever, that I was going to post 16 times in August.  Well we are about to say goodbye to August, in 1 hour, and this is post #16!!  I love reasonable goals.  :)

Also, in this post, I mentioned a few goals.  I will re-list them here and add my comments/revisions/updates:

-Measure my cereal and milk. Not hard tasks, and I can still fix that myself with little time added.  Done.  Parents came up with a brilliant system of bagging individual servings for the week.  Insta-breakfast. 
-Restart tracking. The week before surgery, I stopped and haven't started back.  Not going to lie.  Haven't jumped back on the wagon yet.  I'm keeping better watch, but still no excuses
-Blog my feelings more so I'm not tempted to eat them. I'm going through a lot emotionally right now and I don't need another hurdle in my journey. Not now. A lot of my blog has recently been about my shoulder, and it will still hover, but I won't hide my weight loss "struggles" behind updates of the crippled limb. :)  What am I doing now?  Although, I would have liked to blog at least once between the weekend and now.
-Go back to eating a smaller dinner and a bit bigger lunch, and following the plate division: 1/2 vegetable/fruit, 1/4 protein, 1/4 bread.  Done.  Have too now that I'm a little more active during the day. 
-I'm going to listen to my stomach and stop when I'm full.  Done.  The only real listening I have to do is at dinner.  It's a little bit easier since I have to eat slower on account of the one hand.  :)
-Work myself up to 1 mile. This may take two weeks, but I'm not going to push myself past where I feel comfortable just for a goal date (I'm not about to risk injury), so I'm going to make it a wide goal date; by the time I have my next Dr appointment (where we discuss the possibility of waning off the sling) in 24 days.  Unfortunately, probably not going to happen.  The Physical Therapist cringed when I mentioned walking and suggested the best exercise for me is a stationary bike.  No risk moving the shoulder.  Now where to find a stationary bike.  Wonder if YMCA would severely discount membership so I could only use the bikes.  Hm a thought. 
-I would like to walk 3 times this week. This may or may not be feasible, depending on physical therapy I start next week. PT may kill me or it may not. It was painful the first time, and that's before someone cut into me.  See above statement.  PT did not kill me, nowhere close, but still. 


I can't sleep.  That's why I blog.  It started the blog actually.  I would love to lie on my stomach where I'm most comfortable but . . .


I'm off to read a bit more and see if I can't coax myself to sleep.  I'm not above taking something if I get desperate.  Not like I'm under-stocked or anything.  :)


You know where to find me.  :)


Until next time,
:)

The older you get the faster it goes.

So true, even at my young age. This week flew by! I cannot believe it's Saturday! Work went well this week, I was in pain a little, but it was not for the most part major. I was very productive even with only one arm. Work smarter, not harder. :) The steri-strips came off and I found an extra hole, so I have 4, not 3 like I originally thought. I know you were just dying to know that tidbit. :)


This week I lost the two pounds I gained last week. No real surprise there, I was let out to play with the other kids and stopped taking the oxycodon.


When I entered my weight on eTools, it showed my stats (average) for the last 8 weeks. On average, I have stayed the exact same, and the total weight lost over the past 8 weeks is 0.2. That is very interesting to me. Looking at my overall stats (from November 7th to present), my average is 1 per week (not too shabby) and 40 total. This is the 4th time I have hit 40 pounds after a gain the week before. Very, very interesting.


This would normally be the time for some strict pep talk on where I'm going, and another outraged post on all the things I'm going to to achieve with lofty goals, but this is not the time or place. I can't run because of my shoulder, can't do a whole lot except walk for that matter, and only a bit at a time, so the weight is going to have to come off because of the food. Right now it's a bit unrealistic to measure everything I eat, because it took 30 minutes on average to prepare a meal (not counting breakfast) and that was with two capable hands. I really hate to use it as an crutch, but unfortunately, it is and I have to accept that!! I need to learn how to eyeball portions, and what a better time! I am not as capable as I used to be, and that's just how it is. Now, here are a few things I can continue/start to do:


-Measure my cereal and milk. Not hard tasks, and I can still fix that myself with little time added.
-Restart tracking. The week before surgery, I stopped and haven't started back.
-Blog my feelings more so I'm not tempted to eat them. I'm going through a lot emotionally right now and I don't need another hurdle in my journey. Not now. A lot of my blog has recently been about my shoulder, and it will still hover, but I won't hide my weight loss "struggles" behind updates of the crippled limb. :)
-Go back to eating a smaller dinner and a bit bigger lunch, and following the plate division: 1/2 vegetable/fruit, 1/4 protein, 1/4 bread.
-I'm going to listen to my stomach and stop when I'm full.
-Work myself up to 1 mile. This may take two weeks, but I'm not going to push myself past where I feel comfortable just for a goal date (I'm not about to risk injury), so I'm going to make it a wide goal date; by the time I have my next Dr appointment (where we discuss the possibility of waning off the sling) in 24 days.
-I would like to walk 3 times this week. This may or may not be feasible, depending on physical therapy I start next week. PT may kill me or it may not. It was painful the first time, and that's before someone cut into me.


Those are what I can brainstorm now,it all seems basics, but a good reminder now and again never hurt me. If I continue to think of things I can do to keep me healthy, I'll be sure to share. :)


Now it's your turn. Have you had something major happen (doesn't have to be surgery) and how did it effect you (doesn't have to relate to weight loss)? Feel free to drop me a note by e-mail or Face book if you don't want to post it to the whole WWW.


Until next time,
:)

Back into the daily grind

Yup, it's back. First, I'll start off at my extreme disappointment at not being physically able to leave the house for church on Sunday. Too many concerns floating around, so I stayed home. This was a major concern for me since Tuesday I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment and return to work. So Sunday night I can't sleep. Same thing Monday night, and I was stir-crazy all day. This is a good sign. It means I'm rested enough to start functioning in the real world.

Tuesday comes and I visit the doctor. They took x-rays to make sure nothing bad happened to my collarbone, gave me pictures of the inside of my shoulder which are super cool (but I left them there with all the things I was carrying and trying to make sure I took care of). He released me to go back to work and told me what ended up being my problem. It was not a bone spur. (WHAT?!?!?!) My bicep muscle where it was connected to my shoulder, was not connected properly (or not at all, I don't remember, all I know is it was painful). The thing they saw on the MRI was an anomaly, in that area, every thing's connected properly, just in a weird place. Go figure. So we went from labrum injury via symptoms, a bone spur via MRI, and bicep deformation via surgery. So they fixed it by putting an anchor to connect it properly. Prognosis? No active movement with that arm from the shoulder for around 4 weeks. Sling all the time for 4 weeks. Physical Therapy 2-3x per week for 4 weeks. I go back and see them in . . you guessed it, 4 weeks for another check up and if I'm doing well, I get to start waning off the sling.

Right now I am learning how to depend on other people and ask for help. It's counter productive to risk serious injury for the sake of independence. So I've been following doctor's orders. Not going to lie, maybe I could get used to this :)

I'm becoming very adept at typing with one hand and using a mouse/10 key pad with my left hand. My handwriting still stinks, but I don't have to do much of it and I think it will get better as my left hand gets stronger. Meanwhile, my right arm is turning to jelly. That's a problem for another day though.

This whole process has opened my eyes to see how much I take for granted ability to perform simple tasks. Think about your day for a second and how much you would have to plan/request help for things like buttering toast, or opening a water bottle. Things I didn't even think about before, but boy I think about them now! Makes me extremely happy I didn't hurt my knee. I'm thoroughly enjoying still being able to walk!

So what impact does this have on my weight loss journey? Well, my next few weigh ins are going to be interesting since I'm wearing this 1+ pound contraption and can't exercise. I feel I've not over indulged, and that's partially because I can't drive myself to trigger places. I'll not be driving my own car for some time, so my outings will be fairly restricted, which is good for me.

I'm going to finish some research on the regency period and make another attempt at sleeping.

Until next time,
:)

I'm the mayor of Leighville

Yes, that's how I feel right now. Picture this: a girl who has been more of a social butterfly lately sees no one except her Mom and step-Dad for 5 whole days. NO ONE. The first time I've gone further than the driveway since I came home from surgery Monday morning was this morning, and that was to weigh in at weight watchers, I didn't stay for the meeting, so I saw a total of 10 people, and was away from the house for a grand total of 20 minutes. After that 20 minutes, with of course the 15 minutes it took me beforehand to change my shorts and don a sweater, I was exhausted. Taking a shower takes twice as long and I'm about ready to pass out from exhaustion when I'm done that someone has too keep an ear out to make sure I survive and don't break anything.

I'm supposed to go see the doctor on Tuesday, and go back to work if he releases me. Have no idea how I'm going to pull that off at my current lasting rate. I guess we'll just see where the cards fall.

Well, this week's weigh in went exactly as I expected. I gained 2.4. Here's the thing: I'm not the least bit upset. The most exercise I've gotten has been walking from my room into the kitchen, three times each day, and the 5 steps into the restroom. I have spent all week in bed taking pills that make me retain water, drinking water, and the sling counts for a pound in there somewhere - they didn't deduct extra. So all in all I'm actually kind of impressed.

I have a lot more to say, but my left arm is about to give out completely. Maybe tomorrow.

Until next time,
:)

So maybe it's not as bad as I thought, but limits exist and can humble me pretty quickly

OK. Surgery was not that bad after all. I survived and all that jazz. When they took me back for pre-op, they numbed my hand with the stuff they use at the dentist's office before doing the IV, did my IV, and the next thing I know, I'm in recovery, can't feel my whole arm, and can only make sounds, no words, which was odd.

After I was awake enough and forming words, they moved me to another area. I started to get my bearings, and the test I had to pass before I could leave was to be able to swallow. Sounds easy, right? Well the pain block had affected part of my diaphragm, making it difficult to take a deep breath or cough. I had a breathing tube during surgery to make sure I didn't stop breathing, and apparently, that affected my swallowing. So I tried to drink water, couldn't swallow, couldn't cough, so the sound came out more like a choke of sorts.

For a while, I was stuttering and it took me a long time to form sentences. It was pretty amusing. :)

The not swallowing business was really frustrating because I was REALLY thirsty! They called a doctor from anesthesia, and as soon he came, he wanted to see what happened when I tried and what do you know? My throat started working. They helped me get dressed, no easy task when my arm is dead weight, and sent me home. We left around 11:30 I'd say.

The pain block started to wear off that night, by about 1AM Tuesday, I woke up in a new kind of pain. I took my pain medicine, went back to sleep and repeated the process a few hours later.

Last night, I was able to sleep for 8 hours straight, but oh boy when I did wake up, OUCH!!!!

I found my limits today. Today is the day I was allowed to remove the bulky dressing (I still have one dressing covering the holes) and take a shower. So this afternoon, I felt good enough to attempt it. Alone. Mistake! The shower itself went OK, but when I took the dressing off and saw my marred shoulder, I thought I was going to be sick. It all came at once, and I crumpled carefully in the bathroom. I was seeing spots, sweating, and I felt my throat start closing. Barely coherent, I was able to call for my mom, who got my medicine, water, and food into me so I could get up off the bathroom floor and get my arm back into my sling. I feel much better now.

The good news is, my left hand gets so tired in the effort required to eat the food I can (along with the trouble of the 8 inch gap between table and mouth caused by sling), that I am doing very well on the eating front. Drinking lots of water too. :)

Well, my left hand is typing solo, and it's tired, so I'm off to sleep like a good little patient.

Until next time,
:)

Hold the phone, is this what emotions are? I don't think I'm a fan.

Seems leaving me alone has inspired much thought, followed by an emotionally moving movie, followed by exhaustion caused by heat, caused by can't sleep because my shoulder hurts. Like crazy hurts. Maybe typing isn't the best remedy. So now I'm feeling. Something my therapist would just love. Can't say right now I feel the same.

Okay, so here it is. The big emotion. I finally found it after over a week of searching.

I'm scared. Crazy scared.

I'm scared the something's going to go wrong. I'm scared it isn't going to work. I'm scared of being completely and totally dependent on other people for the better part of at least a week. The only thing that's been going through my head the last few days is a list of things I'm not going to be able to do for who knows how long. I'm scared that I'll lose a part of myself worrying even if it does work that I'll be too worried of hurting it again that I'll quit doing things I love. For instance, bowling. I LOVE bowling! I'm almost certain bowling was what did it in the very beginning, followed by ice skating and the flood. Right now, I'm so scared of re-injuring my shoulder I'm about to swear it off. I'm scared that once they get in my shoulder it's gotten worse, something else totally different has sprung up, and they have to do something crazy.

I've completely lost sight of all the positive outcomes. Like a chance at a pain-free existence. I don't even know if I remember what that feels like. Like a week off to sleep. Like a chance to actually GET BETTER instead of worse.

I'm scared that I won't be able to work as efficiently, at least for a few weeks (a long time!) with only the use of my left arm and then the limited use of my right arm for an undetermined period of time.

I'm so scared and in constant, throbbing pain, I'm sitting on my bathroom floor sobbing and blogging. The next question is why don't you take something for the pain if it's that bad? Well the answer is, surgery is in 33.5 hours, I haven't been able to take anything since 5 days ago. Nothing except Tylenol, which doesn't do s*-....anything.

Maybe all this stems from being in the sun too long during the hottest part of the day. I'm going to get a wicked tan out of it, but I've been far too thirsty all day. I've been practically mainlining water and it's absorbing, not going through.

Can someone pat my hand lovingly and tell me it's all going to be okay? I feel like I've reverted back to a five year old who's scared of the dark, but on a global scale.

They ask you in the pre-surgery questions if you have a will set up. I mean, wow, this is the real deal. Crazy real.

I'm going to finish feeling this out so I can try to sleep in the dark (one of my all-time greatest fears) because my night light doesn't work.

Until next time,
:(

What is wrong with this picture?!?!?!

I'm going to take a moment to rant. I just watched the third commercial on television about the juices and what not to hide vegetables because kids don't like them or won't eat them. Okay, when I was raised (so long ago, I know), either Mom hid the ACTUAL vegetables in casserole or you got to eat them plain. You didn't leave the table, or get dessert until all the vegetables you were served were eaten. This taught me two things. 1. Knowledge that Mom was BOSS and if I knew what was good for me I'd eat my vegetables. 2. Taught me to like vegetables and try new things. We got a tasting crown if we tried something new. So we tried new things. Easy as that. We either ate what we were given or we went hungry. When I grew up, picky eaters were non-existent!

The pediasure commercial really gets me. She won't eat this, she definitely won't eat that, anything green is out of the question (WHAT?!?!?!). Okay, and? Let's look at the facts. Yes, pediasure has two servings of fruits and vegetables in it. It also has 240 Calories (equivalent to two apples), but 80 of those are from fat, while none are from fat in two apples. It has 9 grams of fat (none in two apples), 90 mg of sodium (again, none in an apple). Granted, there is more sugar in the two apples (50 in two vs 18). But here's the real kicker. Look at the ingredients, straight from their website:

ingredients:

WATER, SUGAR (SUCROSE), CORN MALTODEXTRIN, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, HIGH OLEIC SAFFLOWER OIL, SOY OIL, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, MEDIUM-CHAIN TRIGLYCERIDES; LESS THAN 0.5% OF: SOY PROTEIN ISOLATE, SHORT-CHAIN FRUCTOOLIGOSACCHARIDES, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, CELLULOSE GEL, MAGNESIUM PHOSPHATE, POTASSIUM CITRATE, POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM CARBONATE, POTASSIUM PHOSPHATE, SALT (SODIUM CHLORIDE), CELLULOSE GUM, CHOLINE CHLORIDE, SOY LECITHIN, MONOGLYCERIDES, C. COHNII OIL, ASCORBIC ACID, m-INOSITOL, POTASSIUM HYDROXIDE, CARRAGEENAN, TAURINE, FERROUS SULFATE, dl-ALPHA-TOCOPHERYL ACETATE, L-CARNITINE, ZINC SULFATE, CALCIUM PANTOTHENATE, NIACINAMIDE, MANGANESE SULFATE, THIAMINE CHLORIDE HYDROCHLORIDE, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE, RIBOFLAVIN, CUPRIC SULFATE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, FOLIC ACID, CHROMIUM CHLORIDE, BIOTIN, POTASSIUM IODIDE, SODIUM SELENATE, SODIUM MOLYBDATE, PHYLLOQUINONE, CYANOCOBALAMIN, AND VITAMIN D3.

CONTAINS SOY AND MILK INGREDIENTS.

Let me ask you something. Do you see the words apple or lettuce in there? I don't either. This is what we're feeding our kids! Makes me want to scream, not that it would help. On top of that, nineteen of the words in that paragraph are not recognized by spell checker.

When I was young, fat didn't count as a fruit, but then again, when I was young, spanking was still legal. Shows how old I am I guess. I'm going to go eat a serving of green beans. Because I can. So THERE.

Oh, and Mom and Dad, when you read this; a big THANK YOU for bringing us up right. Eating the REAL vegetables. I'm better for it.

Until next time,
:)

Twelve of one, a dozen of another

Okay, so I weighed.
At home: 184
At WW: 182.2 (184.2 w/o the 2 lbs taken off)
At home: 184
After using the restroom: 183

Now, what this tells me is that the difference was in the water, not the food. Very interesting. What this also means to me is that food won't make a difference on the scale for a good long while, a few hours perhaps. That's where I would refer to WebMD. But water will make a difference instantly.

*Disclaimer. These statements have not been reveiwed or approved by anyone with knowledge on the subject. They are my opinion only.*

Couldn't resist. :)

Until next time,
:)

Six of one, half dozen of another

I love that phrase.

I've been thinking. If you eat before weighing in, does it really have THAT much effect on the number? Is it really worth it to wait? I think I'm going to experiment. I'm going to do something I NEVER do. I am going to weigh myself here, before I eat, I am going to go to Weight Watchers, get the official number, attend the meeting, eat breakfast, then come back here and weigh again and see what happens. It ought to be interesting.

I'll share how it turns out. Who knows, maybe it will fuel a new research study :)

Until next time,
:)

Like it never happened

I noticed something today. The Metro police are incredibly efficient. I was driving on a major road that has two lanes on each side and an idiot lane in the middle. I passed a car accident and it had just occurred. It looked as if someone cut it too close trying to turn left and the person driving straight at them was not able to stop in time, but tried to turn to the right to avoid a T-Bone wreck. What ended up happening was the car already on the road rammed the front left corner of their car into the driver’s side door of the car turning left onto the road. Traffic was stopped on both sides; anyone trying to turn left into the little road was blocking the left lane because the center idiot lane was taken up by all of us moving in the same direction as the car who hit the car turning. We all had to merge into one lane and drive through the idiot lane while the police directed traffic. It was amazing. I drove by a mere half an hour later, going the other direction and the cars were moved out of sight into an abandoned parking lot, the street was clear and traffic was moving normally on both sides.

Like it never happened.

How often do we encounter something amazing, and a half an hour later everything is back to normal?

Incredible thought

Until next time,

:)

I plead guilty

So I'm guilty this week. Of lack of blogging. The funny thing: I've blogged in my head about 7 times. Too bad it doesn't transmit into paper; or this drafty thingy. I have been busy this week. No excuse, but it's true. I am currently in the process of moving every single thing I own out of my room into the Garage or into upstairs rooms that have been left vacant by college children. This is in preparation to fix the basement from where it flooded. We didn't get any huge 4 feet of water, but having to tear up 5 feet of carpet down a 50 foot wall and using a shop vac to vacuum over 500 gallons of water (12 at a time) carrying the thing into the bathroom to dump it; that's enough for me. If we had flooded 4 feet high, I think I would have let it carry me away.

We wanted to make sure I had most everything little out before my surgery since I'll be out of commission. The guys can move the bigger things, but I have to clear them off first.

I'm not going to lie, with the impending surgery on my mind, about which I am starting to get nervous, moving all my stuff is a little hard. I have almost all of the stuff not contained in storage units, but this has to a point disrupted my harmony a bit. I just keep telling myself, after the work is done, I'll be able to move me and my new shoulder into a new room and start fresh! While I'm laid up, I'll probably think about rearranging :)

Well, I'll try to do better to actually blog the posts in my head. It would help me immensely. :)

Until next time,
:)

I'll wait until after . . . .

We've all heard it. I joined Weight Watchers at the beginning of November last year, so Holiday season was about to start. I heard my leader tell us people say that all the time. I didn't believe here until I heard someone say it at work. I heard it again this week. It still baffles me.

We've all said it. I'll wait until after the Holidays to get serious about eating better and exercising. I'll wait until after my birthday. People, there are 11 Federal Holidays each year, and 30 observed. That's 41, or almost one each week! So how are we supposed to wait until after the holidays when they happen all year? Well, I don't. I learned to work around the holidays. For instance, on Valentine's, the couples holiday (I'm single), I normally drown my loneliness in a few boxes of chocolates. This year I had a few pieces of chocolate. BIG difference. I worked it into my points and it was a normal event. No more over eating and then feeling guilty and so on. You have to stop the process somewhere.

I haven't decided if my increased appetite is a reaction to hormones (go figure), impending surgery (for which I am starting to get nervous), or I'll wait until after the surgery to get back on track (a.k.a. I have too many things on my plate).

When I figure it out, I'll let you know. Now I'm going to go try to sleep. HA! If I blog again in about a half an hour, it's because that attempt was for naught.

Until next time,
:)

Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing...

My mind feels like a giant pinball machine. Thoughts bouncing from one topic/problem/celebration to another. Makes me feel like I'm having mood swings. *cringe*

I really enjoyed today. I lost .4. Maybe not an excellent number, but at this point, it's not a GAIN. :) This week I am celebrating a HUGE non-scale victory. I calculated my BMI when I started this whole thing. 33. That's classified as OBESE. Scary. Really scary. So I calculated my BMI this week. 26. YAHOO!!! I'm now classified as overweight, but I'm only 1 point away from being classified as healthy!!!! This is a huge thing for me! I have never been obese (or overweight) in my entire life.

In high school, my BMI was around 22. All the time. Mostly because I was in band and kept very active. Once I got in college, I wasn't sedentary, but I also was let free with all the greatest food I could ever learn to enjoy. So I gained a little weight, and I was concerned, but it wasn't at drastic measures. Then I returned home, started working at a desk and was still loose with all the food I could possible dream; and I had money(from working) to spend on junk food, eating out, etc. Then it snowballed and I was in such a great denial that when I went to the doctor's office, I seriously thought I was 30 pounds lighter than I was.

The one thing that always confused me was that during the whole process, I had no idea I was on a road to disaster. I honestly had no idea I was almost 80 pounds overweight. It floors me. I think back, and look at pictures and think "how in the heck did I look at myself and not think there was a HUGE problem? Literally! I still wonder if my doctor hadn't kicked me in the butt, how long I would have let it continue.

I went to Goodwill today because the first Saturday of every month is 50% off day, well this weekend is also tax free weekend. How much did I spend? $75. How much did I save? $75 +tax :) I hit the JACK POT. It made me feel great to fit into the clothes I never thought I would. I did not try on one black top, and I only bought one black item: an adorable black skirt. My wardrobe now has MORE color!!!

We had family over tonight, and it was great. My sister gave me a belated birthday gift - a gift certificate to Darden company restaurants (Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, and Bahama Breeze) and I already know at which one I am going to use it! She said she got the idea from this post. How exciting! If you're reading this, thanks bunches again! I can't wait!!!

While I was browsing posts to get the link for that last paragraph, I came across this post, with how incredibly scared I was of going to the Orthopedic Surgeon because I thought that cleaning out my shoulder wouldn't be enough. Amazing how a week and lots of tests/answers can change my perspective. I'm not scared of the "big kahuna" surgery as I called it in this post, it's the one I'm having. And I am going to be typing one-handed for weeks (hopefully that plural only extends to two), and it's not that scary to me. Interesting. Very interesting. :)

We had drinks, and I didn't have much. I wasn't really in the mood. There are really only a few drinks really worth the points, and I drank a lot last weekend at the Brewer's fest and then the wine at the restaurant this week and blah blah blah.

Well, that's a lot of soul baring. I'm going to go deal with the *huge* pile of clothes on my chair and try to get to bed at a decent hour.

Hope you enjoy the title, because it took me the last 45 minutes, and 10 google searches to make sure I spelled it right to come up with it. :)

Until next time,
:)

Alright, what did I do this time?

It's 4:30, I've been up for an hour. Not cool. And my shoulder hurts (that's probably why I'm awake). That's the end of my complaining. I found out yesterday that the reason my shoulder hurts is I have a bone spur that has cut through the cartilage and is now rubbing right up against the bone. Sound painful? Guess what, it is. So how to fix it? Surgery; on the 16th. Believe it or not, I find this as GOOD news! Everybody thinks I'm crazy, but here's why I think it's good: my greatest fear going into his office yesterday was that he was going to say I went through the MRI and they didn't find anything, and I was going to have to live with it. I am currently living with a few other things because Doctors can't find a cause, but I digress.

What does this all mean? Well starting the 16th, I will be reduced to one arm. I find this to be a very interesting conundrum. I have done some serious thought to this over the last 12 hours; paying special attention to tasks which use my right arm. For example, using the mouse, typing, dressing, buttons on pants, and on and on. It's humbling to think about such things. I am going to get to expand my skill set over the next few weeks to become more ambidextrous.

So the biggest question, is how does this relate to my post yesterday? Well this will pretty much wipe out my social calendar for a few weeks. There are some things I will be able to do, but for at least the first 10 days, I'll pretty much be confined to the house/bed and under some extreme pain medicine. How does this help/hurt my weight loss? Well, think about it. I don't know about you, but I cannot eat a burger with one hand. Not possible. A Chick-Fil-A sandwich, different. Can I eat cereal and soup with one hand? Absolutely. I think this may be God telling me (among other things) slow down a little bit, don't stop completely, but just take it a little easy. Now for the first week, I'll be stopped completely, which may not be a bad thing.

It seems very odd for me to only looking at the positives of this surgery. Yes, it's going to hurt, but it's going to help me heal in the long run, and I guess I am in a place of complaining isn't going to get me anywhere, surgery is my only option. Here's another heady realization. What if the reason I'm so "happy" about this is it will shine the light on me for a few weeks, if that short. Wow now that's a thought. I'm not generally a spotlight person, but a few times each year, I rise to the occasion (or my body does it for me). I enjoy the spotlight on my birthday and share it on Christmas (favorite holiday, even over my birthday). This summer/year, the light has really been focused on the children returning/starting college and me being home with only parents coming, well, the last one leaves the day of my surgery. In my twisted mind, it will validate me of sorts in the medical sense. Everyone always tells me, yes you have these problems, but none of them were serious for surgery etc. They're SERIOUS to ME! I made the joke last night of finally having something to put on medical forms under "major surgeries".

I guess the lesson here is that I need not worry about all the other reasons, psychological craziness, and remember that this surgery is all about making the long term pain go away and retaining full use of my shoulder. I am definitely positive on this front.

I'm going to go watch a movie :)

Until next time,
:)

P.S.

I like post scripts, when I write letters, I usually have 3 or 4. I just looked at my blogging frequency. It's pathetic. In June, I blogged 14 times in 16 days. WONDERFUL! In July, I blogged 10 times in 31 days. OUCH! It's already August 5, and this is my second post. I am going to work, for myself if nothing else, to blog more often. Lets say at least 16 times in the 31 days of August. How is that accomplished? Let's break down the math. There are 4 full weeks in August, this would mean 4 posts each week. Not impossible. I will have two more posts for your entertainment this week. Yes, I have now set out to do something, and goodness, I'm going to do it!

With my expanded social schedule, my post topics might expand a little too. Maybe. Who knows. I don't know about what I am going to write until it comes out.

Until next time,
:)

Wait, it's WEDNESDAY already?!?!?!?!?!

Okay, I know today's Thursday, but I meant to blog this yesterday, but yesterday happened, and I need to stop using that as an excuse. The beginning of my weeks have FLOWN by and suddenly here I am at Thursday, and I only remember the beginning as a blur unless I sit and really think about it, which I don't really have time to do, ironically. These last few weeks I have been beefing up my social schedule wherever possible, which results things to do on most nights. I have also started walking at night while catching up on one of my 6 shows per night, 5 of said shows come on on Monday and Tuesday, so I have plenty of material for all week. Having things on most nights conflicts with that. I'm still working on making my schedule work for me, trying to set boundaries, and recently, I just can't get up in the morning early enough to be presentable at work, so night time it is.

Here's the worry that comes with all the new social events: Is my social calendar getting in the way of my weight loss? Wow, that's a heavy one. Deep and heavy this early! But I don't have to choose! The learning experience in all of this is that I can have my cake and eat it too! I can be social and learn (as my mom says), it's not the last chocolate chip cookie in the world. I truly can have only one (or none!)! It may take me a week or two more to have this really sink in, but I'm going to work on my weight loss and my social calendar and get a balance. Neither is going to take a back seat. Maybe a passenger seat, but not in the back.

So if I don't have enough things on my calendar, I am going to Bartending School. I'm so excited! I have an interview thing on Friday (TOMORROW). I will probably start that in September (which will make it finish around the first week of October). It will be a great way to make a little extra money on the side to help ease my financial concerns, though that's not the only/main reason I'm doing this. I like to expand my skills and learn new things. LOVE IT!

I'm off to get my MRI results.

Until next time.
:)

Are we in a tizzy of anticipation yet?

I definitely am. I'm sure you are all on the edge of you seats waiting to find out how my doctor's appointment went today. Well I ended up having two. First, I went to see the Rheumatologist, and he referred me to an Orthopedic Surgeon (like I thought) and said Orthopedic was able to get me in an hour and a half later. Boss' decision: stay where I was. I was only going to be at the office 30 minutes max before having to leave again. So I drive over to Calypso Cafe (1.5 minutes away) and had a veggie pita. Delicious! Then I hung out at the hospital until time for my appointment. Really nice people, have to tell you. Quick and courteous, efficient. Excellent. Should be to, because this whole thing is going to cost me a fortune. I describe my symptoms, and they prescribe x-rays. They have a machine in-house, so someone comes to get me from the exam room, takes me to get x-rays and brings me back to exam room. The x-rays come out pretty quickly and the Doctor comes in and talks to me. He does some tests for motion on my shoulder (of which I have very little at this point) and determines based upon symptoms and x-rays and tests that my pain could have two causes: 1. My acromion is hooked when it shouldn't be and 2. Possible injury to Labrum cartilage.

All this adds up to one solution: MRI scheduled for Monday. We're moving forward in the direction of healing! This is good, because I ran tonight and I aggravated it MORE, so now I'm in a new kind of PAIN!

I had to step on the scale today at the Doctor and I have gained a pound. Now this may be because I had just finished a large drink from Sonic, or because it's the middle of the day, or because I've gained a pound so far this week. Not good either way. So I'm buckling down and try for a good number on the scale this Saturday before going to a beer festival Saturday afternoon. The extra 35 points I get each week that start on Saturday? Gone by Saturday night. And I'm okay with that because, well it's allowed. I will stay within my points for the remainder of the week and all will be good.

It's also been requested that I move the TV shows out to the garage from the TV room so other people can record in there (and I record at least 6 shows weekly). This will be a good opportunity for me to WALK (no more serious running until the shoulder heals) while catching up. Six shows minus the commercials equals 4.5 hours per week and if I walk at a 20 minute pace (3 miles per hour), I will accomplish over 13 miles each week. That's more than I'm doing now. More than I was doing running every day. Fascinating. This is a minimum also; I normally spot-record a few extra shows as I find them. The 6 are regulars, and recorded weekly. :)

I'm going to go take a nice HOT shower and lay down and try to get comfortable.

Until next time,
:)

I'll take it!

I find myself in an interesting place. Confused, for one. I went to weigh in last week and thought for sure I was going to maintain/gain. I stepped on the scale, read the number, and said, oh good, I maintained. She said, no you lost (they take 2 pounds off for clothes and shoes). I lost 2 pounds. I am flabbergasted. I guess it's the same logic as I work harder than ever and gain. I'm a woman, I should stop being confused. So, YAY! I lost 2 pounds! Go me!

This week, well I don't know. I ran yesterday while waiting for AAA to come get the truck, and I ran a mile in a little over 9 minutes. It just about killed me and I never want to do that again. At least for now. This week, I feel like I would imagine pregnant women feel. I want to eat everything in sight. And out of sight. I'm trying to drink lots of water and Diet Dr Pepper to squash the craving.

I realized a few moments ago that I had not blogged in a week. *cringe* Right now, I have a lot on my mind that doesn't necessarily pertain to weight and I guess I didn't feel it was important enough to put in words. Maybe I wouldn't crave everything if I did.

I'm going to the doctor again tomorrow for my right shoulder (trip #3). I am now in constant pain. The next step is referral to Orthopedic Surgeon. See that last word? Scares me silly, I'm not going to lie. The best solution at this point is for them to go in and clean out my shoulder. Hopefully that will fix it. Otherwise, I'm going to have to have the big kahuna surgery, that will put me typing one handed for weeks. WEEKS. I would assume that also means no running *GASP*. My mind runs wild with possibilities. Everyone keeps telling me the cleaning will fix it, but this is me we're talking about. My body has not proven to be cooperative. I'm expecting the worst. That will allow me to be pleasantly surprised. The real kicker? My left shoulder is starting to ache when I sit still too long, or do certain tasks (that was the beginning of the right shoulder saga). Wonderful. It doesn't hurt nearly as bad as my right shoulder, so I barely notice it, but it's there.

I'm feeling a little trapped financially. I have goals I would like to meet, and I'm never going to meet them if things like expensive doctor visits keep appearing. I have already resigned to do something locally for vacation next year. No big trip. That is a defeating feeling. It'll just have to wait.

Another depressing moment this last week: My canoe trip for Saturday got cancelled *sniff sniff* because not enough people were interested. I'm planning on going hiking tomorrow, caving next Saturday, White Water Rafting the Saturday after that, and another canoe trip has been scheduled for Aug 28. All this will be ultra fun.

Something I'm loving right now? All the selection of fantastic TV Shows. One of my favorites right now is White Collar on USA. A very funny show. :)

Until next time,
:)

Life is like a box of chocolates

You never know what you're going to get. I love that quote, I really do. I have found that when I don't run regularly I am agitated and jumpy and generally disagreeable. I ran this morning and feel so much better! 10:59.66 thank you very much. I'm going to repeat this tomorrow, and the next day. On Saturday, I'm going cameoing. I've never been so it will be GREAT!

So for a background on the title. Another ill effect of the agitation caused by not running is the craving for things I haven't craved in a while. Like chocolate. Saturday I went to the grocery store to get a few things. I ended up with a box of chocolates and ate the whole thing in 36 hours. Ridiculous. I've been dreading about blogging because then it was real. Really real.

I'm trying to catch up on TV shows now and still maintain a normal bedtime.

Until next time,
:)

That's Need to Know

Last night was wonderful. I fully enjoy my own company. No boring conversation, no awkward pauses, etc. Now, if I was with someone who's company I truly enjoy, that might be different. I was watching TV yesterday afternoon and was running through the schedule for the rest of the night. I realized I would be dining along (internal sigh of happiness) and then realized that I had not accounted for someone here and that I would not be dining alone (external sigh of resign - not because of the person, but because I was really wanting to be completely alone). So, I thought about it, and it had been quite a while since I had dressed up and gone out to eat. Alone. A passion I quite enjoy. So I did. I put on a dress, twisted my hair up, put on very nice heels, and perfume and went to Olive Garden. And loved every minute of it!

The service was divine and the food was, as always, phenomenal. I had 2 bread sticks (2 points each), 2 glasses of peach tea (0 points), a glass of Riesling wine (2 points), and my dish was Venetian Apricot Chicken (7 points, but I only ate 1/4 of my plate, so that's 1.5 points). Total for dinner: 7.5 points. Total for the day: 23.5 points. Total daily points allowance: 25 points. WAHOO! A great victory for me! You know what was even better. This cost me $3. I had a gift card. :) Things just lined into good places last night. I didn't trip, or spill food on myself. It was fabulous.

I was so serenely happy I cried tears of pure joy on the way home. Then of course I learn my family has been having fun at my expense going into a tizzy over whether or not I was on a date and with whom. (lots and lots of outward sighs, groans, rages of frustration, and bad words on my part). This all stemmed from me telling my overly nosy sister "that's need to know" when she asked where and with whom I was going. I gave no details, tried to keep that part of my life private and it only fed gossip. ARE WE 12 YEARS OLD AGAIN? Then when I got home and confronted (not my style; I'm really more passive aggressive), they all told me they were having fun running the possibilities and not to spoil their fun, by being upset. They also told me that I looked/smelled good and so there had to be a date. HA! 1. Spoil their fun?!?!?! Okay, right. This is MY life! 2. It is not a crime and is recommended to dress up for ones self. If you don't like how you look, how can you expect any one else to? Ridiculous. Last time I tell them anything. Because they had so much fun with "that's need to know", that's all they're going to get from now on. Unfortunately most of the joy of the evening was lost when I came home. Sad, huh? I think so. Now I want a vacation alone. But the location/timing is TBD.

Back to the food. This would be one of those non-scale victories that I could use right now, since I didn't get an on the scale victory this week. Up 1 pound. Okay. Last week was an interesting week really, and to be honest, I was expecting a little worse. Working much later than scheduled Wednesday-Friday probably didn't help. This week will be better.

Until next time,
:)

Plaid or polka dots?

I have to be cute and clever :)

I have noticed a pattern. When I eat WAY too much (a 25 point meal, for example), my body thanks me by being sick; you know how the word was originally intended. Anyways, I've been dealing with THAT this week so I've been a little out of place. Same thing (different effects) that happened two weeks ago. Do you see the same pattern I do? Too bad it took two times being sick for me to see it, but at least I see it now and have a couple weeks to come up with a plan. At least I think I do. I had better come up with a plan quick so I do not get ambushed.

The only exercise was the 1.25 miles I ran on Saturday (in under 13 minutes by the way!). And of course to try and be nice, I have altered my eating to only eat kind things, which means I was not allowed to eat the raw, crisp, juicy bell pepper I wanted with my toast, no butter, and jelly dinner. BOO. Oh well, my dinner was 3 points, so who's complaining? :)

So I made a good decision today. I had to be at work earlier than scheduled and I was running late (story of my life I swear) this morning, so I browsed quickly on the WW site and found I could substitute my Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito for the Jr Breakfast Burrito and save 2 dollars and 5 points. 8 points was a lot for a little tiny burrito, but surprisingly, I wasn't starving around lunchtime. I was adequately hungry. I feel pretty good about getting outside of my comfort zone too. I got to work 4 minutes before I was supposed to be there today (30 minutes earlier than normal) and it all went off without a hitch! Problems were fixed before they were crises and nothing interfered! Wonderful when that happens. It doesn't often happen that way for me, so I was on cloud 9. :)

On another subject, this is post #20! 20; I cannot believe it!!! How cool. I'll have to celebrate by reading 20 extra pages, or maybe 20 extra minutes, wait, at the pace I read, it's one and the same. I will not, however, be celebrating with food. :)

Until next time,
:)

Is today Monday?

Yes, that's how the last 24 hours have gone. Right now, I want to go outside and let out a large, long scream. Or cry buckets of tears out of pure frustration. Last night, well good grief, I really went overboard. I ate lightly all day so I had 10.5 points left over for dinner since I knew I was getting together with friends. How many points did I consume last night? 25. UGH! Oh my goodness gracious. It's like I completely lose all knowledge of how to stop when I get around other people. It probably didn't help that I had NO idea what we were going to be eating. I guess I should remedy that for next time huh? GRR.

So then comes today. I was going to run this morning. What time did I get up? 7:45. Is that condusive to running? Absolutely NOT. Today was also the day that I had to take care of the dog and pick up my sister at the car repair place all before going to work. This all equals not enough time for breakfast at home, so I stopped by Sonic. 13 points for my Super Burrito. I worked out the rest of the day to not go over my points, but goodness, when I use half my daily points in one meal, it really limits my options. So after all this, I'm late to work. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Now from dealing with all this and dealing with work, I am very tired. I was going to stick in a movie, but I'm trying to adhere to going to bed at 9, reading for an hour, and then falling asleep by 10 (instead of going to bed at 11), and since all movies made now are 2 hours and I have been sitting sulking for almost an hour along with trying to catch up on e-mails and the like, I am going to find a TV show online and watch a bit and relax for the remainder of the evening and pretend to start the week over tomorrow. If only it really worked that way.

Until next time,
:)

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

Some background on the title would be helpful. Have you heard of a game called Mille Bornes (pronounced Meal Born)? From Wikipedia:
"French for a thousand milestones, referring to the stone distance markers on many French roads"
In the game, you have cards with numbers of miles on them and the first player to 1000 miles wins. There are a lot of other parts of flair along with the basics, but the basics are all I need for the purposes of this post. When we play this game (or any game for that matter) with my dad, there are always hilarious sound effects to his plays. When he overcomes an obstacle and plays more mileage, we either get "Rollin', Rollin', Rollin" or "On the road again" (which is a song by Willie Nelson).

I have hit a major milestone today! I lost 3.4 pounds (yes, 3.4!!!), which brings me to a grand total of 40.2!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!

I've already been hard at work planning today. It looks as if I will be able to make my next goal on or around 8/14 (48 total pounds lost, 174.6) and the goal after that will be the GOAL goal. The big kahuna; the final milestone. How exciting! I can see it, smell it, feel it! The final goal is 157 (right now) and 65.6 total pounds lost. That means I have only 25.4 to go!!! 7.8 to my next mini-goal and 17.6 to the final goal after that. My goal for hitting my goal is no later than October 30. That will mark 1 week before 1 year on Weight Watchers (November 7). My aim is going to be to reach that goal by October 9, which is the Saturday before I go back to my Doctor for my annual check-up (this is the Doctor that gave me the kick in the seat of my pants). This is also the Saturday before my mom and I go on a day trip shopping to places exciting! October 9 is 13 weeks away and I would need to lose an average of 2 pounds per week each week. Now that I'm getting thinner, it's going to be difficult to pull such large numbers as we get closer to time. Getting to my goal on October 30 will require an average of 1.5 pounds per week, which may turn out to be a little more manageable. I am going to continue to measure, track, and run and let the numbers fall where they will. I know they will regardless.

Wish me luck: I get to practice eating in social situations today. Family is coming over. I have all the items we will eat, I'll be figuring out points this morning and inputting new recipes into the database so I will be prepared and can plan out my dinner with family and then work backwards to plan lunch/snacks so I won't be hungry when they get here. Then I'm going to stick to my plan and revel in my victorious week! Tomorrow afternoon, I am going to work in eating out at lunch one day this week. And I'm going to make good choices and not feel guilty. I have my weekly 35 (that I haven't hardly been using the past 3 weeks) that I can lean on if necessary.

Until next time,
:)

What is this feeling; so sudden and new?

Now; if you are familiar with the Broadway hit "Wicked" you know that the end of that phrase is "I felt the moment I laid eyes on you". That's not the direction in which I am going.

I was born in the North. I didn't move down South until I was 5 and we moved in December. Well if you've been in the South in December you know it doesn't snow. Ever. So I was a little confused. I love snow. I love cold. I am never cold. I am always hot. Until now. This past weekend, I noticed an alarming trend. I was chilly. A lot. It was weird. I had to wear a sweater! Really weird. I still enjoy the cold! I am going to look at it as a wonderful change to being hot ALL the time. Of course, I have really jinxed it because I've been warm all day. Maybe my body is secretly 50 and I'm having hot flashes. :)

It's been a long week. It went by really fast, but I veered outside my normal evening schedule, hence no blog posts between Sunday and today. I watched movies at night and the timing was weird so I'll try to sum up my week in a summary instead of a book (HA!).

I ran 4 days this week. If you recall, I made a goal to do all 4 runs in under 12 minutes, but to run the whole mile. I ran 11:58.56 (Monday), 11:29.47 (Tuesday), 11:40.81 (Wednesday), and 10:59.28 (Friday). YEAH for all week, but especially today. Under 11 minutes!! I'm thinking about getting Nike +. That's a topic for another day. :)

So for food. This week has been like the last two. Measure everything, track before I eat. It's getting a little easier and I'm getting a flow down. I'm getting a little harassed at home because it takes so long to prepare my food, but I laugh it off and ignore it. I'm doing this for ME and not for anyone else. This is all about doing what I need to do, not what someone else wishes. They just need someone to pick on. Well I have broad shoulders; I can take it.

I haven't been brave enough to go out to eat yet, but I need to because I'm starting to crave, and that's NEVER good. I'll end up over-indulging and starting a bad cycle. I would like a Sonic Blast. Maybe I'll actually use some of my weekly 35 points this week. It's just that with actually paying very close attention to what I put in my mouth, I find I am full after eating. A Sonic Blast is more like a meal anyways (13-15 points depending on mix-ins).

I had a pretty large-sized victory today. At work, we have a company lunch once a month on Friday during the summer. Outside. Friday? Really? I weigh in on Saturday morning. I can deal with it. And today I did! This month's theme was Christmas in July. Don't ask why; I don't have the slightest. So what was the menu? Turkey, stuffing, southern style green beans, mashed potatoes, brownies, chocolate cake, apple pie, pecan pie, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. The memo we all got about it was very vague about the whole list menu, but I was able to get my hands on it and calculate estimated points values for each item. I was glad I did. Stuffing - 4 points for 1/2 cup. YIKES! So I had Turkey (3 points for 3 ounces), green beans (2 points for 1/2 cup - southern style), mashed potatoes (2 points for 1/2 cup), and a brownie (3 points). That's 10 points for a buffet! SWEET! I was so proud! Especially when I saw all the apple pie (10 points) and pecan pie (12 points!!). Those are meals!! I enjoy those foods, and on Thanksgiving, I may use my weekly points for a slice of pumpkin pie (8 points) and skip the stuffing, but I choose not to indulge on those items on a regular basis. I mean really. I was given a recipe for pecan pie-like things that supposedly taste just like the real thing, but are 2 (or 3) points per serving. I'll find it and post it eventually.

We got to wear shorts today and I got several comments on how skinny I am :):):):):):):):) FABULOUS! I'm loving it! I need to go back to Goodwill and refill my wardrobe; I'm starting to run out of clothes now that it's hot outside and I'm still losing :)

After last week's numbers, I'm a little nervous about tomorrow (no big shocker there), but I know I did my best and the numbers will fall where they will. I just have to accept that. I would like a nice little loss; of more than a pound so I keep moving forward.

This week, my mom made Quiche. I love her quiche, but some of her homemade things (as good and organic as they are) sometimes the points work out to be a little bit of a surprise. For example. Tofu pie. Guess the points values. If you guessed 7, you're right. The last time she made this was a number of weeks ago, and I had been counting it as 4, and then adding whipped cream! Just another example that guessing is not the best idea. Sometimes it's necessary, but I at least need to make and educated guess, but I digress. Back to quiche. Dinner is at 6 and I get off at 5:30, so if I get off late, they start without me. This particular night, I was late. I come upstairs and they had just sat down to dinner. I saw it was quiche and inwardly groaned because the touch app doesn't have the recipe builder; that's only on the website tools (aka I needed my computer). For a moment, I considered just eating and counting later. I stood in the middle of the kitchen for what felt like forever. And then I decided. NO. I am measuring and tracking everything before I eat it. That includes quiche. I then huff and run downstairs to grab my laptop to enter the recipe into the recipe builder. It was an educated guess instead of a downright track since mom doesn't really know what's in it. Quiche - 5 points. Glad I tracked before hand. So I pretty much ended up eating alone because by the time I finally got it all tracked and measured, everyone else had already finished. Still a victory.

Tradition has dictated that Dinner is the largest meal because that is generally when Father's get home from work and Mothers make a big dinner. There are now arguments that rock that boat and say Lunch should really be the biggest meal. I worked it through and it makes sense. You don't really need all those carbohydrates/protein at Dinner because bed time is only a few hours away. You need it at lunch when you have 8 or more hours left in the day. In Europe, Dinner is more like a snack. They also have dessert first. My kind of chaps :). I have been trying this bigger lunch, smaller dinner a little this week and having a blast with it! I will have around 7 points for breakfast, around 11 for lunch and 6 for dinner (including my 2 point dessert, so really 4). Sometimes these numbers vary, but I have found when my dinner is smaller, but has more vegetables, I do not go to bed hungry or stuffed (and therefore unable to sleep). It's a revolution. And I'm enjoying it :)

Speaking of sleep, I have not taken a sleep aid since I got better from being sick, and (knock on wood) I have been sleeping through the night every night. A little odd. Maybe it's the exercise. Maybe my body finally gave in and did as I wished (I can dream!). I'm not particularly interested in why I am now able to sleep, just the fact I am now able.

I would like to take a paragraph and sincerely thank all the people who read my blog posts and then comment (either on the post/face book or in person) about a part that spoke to them individually. I cannot express in words (or hand gestures) how tickled I am when I hear these! I love knowing I am not only helping myself by expressing it in words, but I am entertaining others with my witty prose and revelations of common sense etc. I heart all my readers!

Until next time,
:)

I had my cake and ate it too!

Today is my birthday. I was thinking about how to covertly mention it was nearing without mentioning the actual date, but I got nothing. So it's today. Happy Birthday to me! To call it even, I won't share how young I am.

So with my birthday begs the question: What did you do about celebration food? In years past, my excuse for overeating on days like this is "Oh it was my birthday". Guess what? It comes once a year and it comes at the same time each year. It's not a "whoop there it is!" because its impossible to miss (you know with all the sales, fireworks and breaking out of Christmas decorations), but I digress.

The answer: Simple, I ate my meals like normal (a little on the light side actually to put some extra cushion in my allowance). Then, since I got my choice of what kind of cake/pie to have, I choose to go out to Marble Slab Creamery. This way, I get my birthday treat, but I don't have to watch it watch me for a week begging to be eaten. It's a little easier with another person's birthday because I feel a little guilty if I think I'm "hogging" their cake. But it's MY birthday. It would have been MY cake. And there would have been a lot of whispered summons from the cake. That would not have been an ideal situation, or not even less-than-ideal. It would have been bad. Very bad. Then I would be writing about how it is not good to give into temptation and so on. I save my hips the extra pounds and you the having to read my whining. Everyone wins! :)

So for my treat, I did my research. I did decide this last night. I had all day to plan and I wanted to really make this count. I scoured the nutrition facts pages for tasty options, then calculated points on all of my picks and the choices narrowed down pretty easily. Is chocolate topped with chocolate and fudge really worth 10 points? No. I went with what they call a Red, White, and Blue (it's Sweet Cream ice cream, strawberries, and blueberries - YUM!). It was 6 points. I only went over my daily points allowance by 1.5 points and that includes the adult drink I had at dinner. YEAH!!! Victory for me!!!

I am so proud of myself! I am also still enjoying the ice cream. It's the kind of long term enjoyment. I knew going into it what I was getting and how many points it was, and I knew where that fit into my day. I went in not worried at all and the ice cream tasted twice as good with no guilt or worries! It's a bit of work on the front end, but WELL worth it on the back end (literally!).

One other thing about today that I enjoyed (and recommend) was that the opening of presents and the ice cream were two separate things. At two totally separate parts of the day. I opened presents after lunch. We had ice cream after dinner. There was no, let's eat cake and open presents, like I hear so often, and what we have done traditionally.

Overall, a GREAT day! Another year passed, survived, and this year ranks way up there in terms of how healthy I am! Another thing of which to be proud and feel blessed!

Enjoy the fireworks!

Until next time,
:)

It's "week 2" all over again!

I gained a pound. Not really what I entirely expected, but I understand why. When you begin to lose weight, week 1 is usually really good. Week 2 is always a disappointment. Always. The body thinks it's going to be starved because it's not used to this new way of eating (instead of stuffing) and so it goes into a shock of sorts. It retains things it usually wouldn't. If the plan is stuck to on week 3, the body adjusts and weight loss usually continues. A common occurrence is for people to see not as big of a weight loss (or in some cases, a gain) and think well that's it and give up. I am NOT one of those people. I know the deal and I'm going to stick with it. So there. I was also sick this week - a great week to be sick actually :). Now that I'm better, I get to start this week with a vengeance. I'm going to stick to the same goals. We're doing a rewind/repeat :).

My weight loss goal is going to be 2.5 this week. 1 to lose the pound I gained and 1.5 to keep with my 1.5 per week goal. With that logic, the goal should really be 3, but it's not. That will be my *hope/aim*.
My exercise goal is going to stay the same as it was last week. I am going to concentrate on running the whole mile, and would like to do it in under 12 minutes. All 4 times I will run this week. Barring any illness of course. Health first :)

I have found a disturbing trend that is evidence of a lack of confidence. I have found even if I have a great week, starting Friday night I start getting really nervous for Saturday AM weigh in. I don't know why, but I do. Last week, for example. I had a GREAT week, and Friday night I was really nervous. Did I do enough? Did I expect too much from myself? Did I create a hype to which I will only be disappointed and depressed? I had some pretty aggressive goals last week, and was pretty adamant about keeping them. I had a does pride really come before the fall? moment. It was disheartening. Until I stepped on the scale. Now last week, it went so far in the other direction, I'm still in shock. This week, well I guess I did have reason to be nervous. I am going to try and head in the mindset direction of if I did my best, that's all I can do. If I didn't do my best, nervous OK, but if I did my best, I have every reason to be confident in myself.

So at WW today, we talked about planning for vacations. Evidence Summer really is here. One of the suggestions is that if you are going to splurge on going out etc, to really make it count; to eat something you don't have near home. I don't believe we have a German restaurant here, but there was one in Colorado when I went and I decided I've never had German food before that I can remember, so I'm going to try it. I had pizza with apples and other things I don't remember but I wouldn't think to put on pizza. It was fantastic! Well worth the splurge. I did a WW trick and split it all in half and took the other half home and ate it for dinner. YAY for me! The only exception to this was the first night I had to order Pizza Hut because I got to the hotel around 9, hadn't eaten since early afternoon, and I didn't have a car yet (rental car drama! long story).

We also talked about how to deal with stress other than turning to food. So I didn't do this one so well. With all the rental car drama, I ate an entire box of oreos and drank 1/2 gallon of milk with it. That's 63.5 points for the oreos and 11 for the milk. YIKES right? Well I still don't feel guilty and here's why. After that lapse in judgement, instead of feeling guilty for eating the oreos and then eating MORE oreos, I chose frozen vegetables instead. I got the steamed peas and corn that all you had to do was take the bag out of the freezer and stick it in the microwave for 5 minutes and TA DA! That would be 4 points thank you. BIG difference.

I would definitely recommend when traveling to get a hotel room that has a kitchenette with a refrigerator, stove/oven, and a microwave. It was well worth it for me to buy Breakfast at the local grocery for the week and only eat out a few meals during the week. My hotel room was apartment style, with living room and all, it was GREAT!

I have figured out I cannot sit in my desk chair and blog. I have to be sitting in my arm chair with my feet propped up. I had writer's block until I made myself comfortable in the arm chair and then the words just flowed out. Go figure.

Until next time,
:)

Losing weight is 80% what you put in your mouth

Try and tell me I'm wrong. Go ahead. I will delete your post. :) No seriously, it's true and this week I get to prove it. I believe me eating too much brought on a sickness I cannot describe. Basically, I'm tired all the time, feel nauseous in the morning and when I attempt to walk across my room - that's about 15 feet - I have to collapse into a chair because my legs are jelly and my heart rate is 160. From walking across the room. So pretty much, I have been confined to my room since Monday morning unless I go upstairs to eat...and I only have enough energy for 45 minutes tops for that. I was upstairs for 2 hours for dinner tonight, and I'm thoroughly exhausted.

With all this said, I get to subtitle this post "Amendment 2". Unfortunately, I'm going to have to push my exercise goals off until next week, or when I'm all the way better, which ever comes...... well it won't really matter if next week comes first if I don't feel well next week, they'll still have to wait. That's the thing with mysterious illnesses; I never really know how long they are going to last or what they are going to do. For instance, I took something to sleep Monday night. What time did I FINALLY fall asleep? 5:45. Yes, that would be 0545 for those confused. I slept until 7:30 and got ready, under some weird illusion that I was going to go to work today; went upstairs, made my breakfast, and halfway through, I was sweating bullets and couldn't stand up anymore, so I stumbled downstairs, called my boss and almost lay down before I bolted into the bathroom and....well use your imagination. I'm not saying it in writing. If you really want to know, ask me later.

So I feel marginally better tonight. My hope is to be able to get past making breakfast tomorrow morning and actually get to work. I think my body is rebelling against turning one year older or something. I'm not that old! I swear my body thinks I'm 70 or something. Ridiculous.

I am still going to uphold my goal of 1.5 pounds this week. Being that 80% of losing weight is what you eat, and last week the way I ate/exercised I lost 5 pounds, I figure 80% is 4 pounds, I think this will be possible, if not simple. We'll see. No exceptions though. Everything measured and tracked before eaten. Yesterday I had 5 unused points and today I had 8.5 unused points, on the account of being sick of course. We'll see how this whole thing progresses when I actually feel the energy to eat.

You know, the Mr. and Mrs. Smith soundtrack is great blogging music. He he. Makes me feel like I'm working against some secret clock to get it finished before the enemy comes in and destroys me. I watch WAY too much James Bond. :) No hating please. :)

I like movies. A lot. I just watched The Devil Wears Prada and got to laugh at Emily's cheese cube "diet". She eats nothing and when she feels like she is going to faint of hunger, she eats a cube of cheese. Sounds great huh? Well if I didn't eat, I'd probably eat the whole bag. HA! Really though, my parents never have to worry about me being anorexic. I'm borderline anemic, so if I don't eat, after about 5-6 hours, I start getting woozy. And then my brain stops working as a cue that it's time to concentrate on food. And then I eat a mountain of food from the nearest fast food place, since it's normally when I forget to go to lunch from being so busy at work and I have to run out and grab something quick. It's pretty humorous to watch actually. Well, until I go to calculate the points for said meal. That's not usually the forefront thing on my brain, food is. Which is why I eat no later than 12:30. And I eat at home. Avoids the whole mess.

I'm about to go off the grid. I'm going to say something, and you probably won't agree. That's fine. Let me stress that this is my opinion, it is no way fact. Just a thought I've been mulling around.

Let's use a hypothetical situation (since I'm never going to be in the real one). If I were to get married, and I had a high stress job, with weird hours etc, as might happen, I believe I would need someone with the same type of job, and who understands what weird hours are. It just makes things easier that way. I was thinking about this while watching my movie. The two characters are in such different jobs that it creates a break between them. When she moves down into a more calm environment, all is okay; or at least it seems that way. This is a MOVIE we're talking about. It's why Booth and Brennan work so well (from Bones) and why Gibbs has been married 4 times (it's really only the reason for the last 3) (from NCIS). Just a thought. If both partners were in calm jobs, I guess the type of job wouldn't matter as much, but if it's on call a lot, like at a hospital or law enforcement, someone who worked a similar job would be important. Look at Mr. and Mrs. Smith: once they stopped trying to kill each other and worked together, great things happened! Just a thought. :)

Until next time,
:)