Hope and a safe place go a long way

I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting last night.  When I walked in the group leader made me feel welcome, and didn't beat me up about rejoining (like I was in my head).  She welcomed me back and got me everything I need to get started.  

I forgot how safe I feel in Weight Watchers meetings.  How OK I am.  No one is there to judge me.  We're all in the same boat, and we're all there to support each other.  And boy what a difference that support makes.  You face a challenge, more than likely someone else has too and can offer guidance.  

The main thing I got from the meeting was hope.  I hit rock bottom, but I will reocver.  I am strong.  I will overcome the weight.  It will not end me.  

After the meeting I sat with the leader and went through the intro materials.  Even though she was busy and it was the end of her day, I got the impression she would have sat there all night with me if it would have helped.  

This morning I had scrambled cheesy eggs on top of low calorie toast with low fat cream cheese and a tomato.  Surprisingly YUMMY.  For lunch I had a morningstar farms sundried tomato basil hamburger patty on the sandwich thins.  And a tomato. Minimal effort for both meals, healthy and yummy.  I'm thinking baked potato for diner yummmmm.  Now I wish the weather would warm up so I can get back to my free outdoors exercise!  (RUNNING)

I can do this.

I will do this.  

I will overcome this.

And I will stop typing one sentence per paragraph.

Or maybe not. :)

Until next time,

:)

When you realize you're starting OVER

Four years ago, almost exactly, I stood on a scale in my doctor's office.  It was the highest number I had ever seen on the scale and I didn't know what to say about it.  Sure I could come up with excuses.  The medicine I had been on started a downhill snowball into eating myself huge (at least to me).  Bad relationships, good relationships, no relationships, all catalysts.  Living alone, having a roommate: catalysts.  I still remember the days when I could pop two bags of extra butter popcorn and eat both at the same time along with an entire bag of chocolate chips.  And not get sick.  

Back 4 years ago when I stood in my doctor's office I weighted 228 and he told me I was in danger.  Danger of all kinds of health problems.  High blood pressure, diabetes to begin with.  That I had to lose a lot of weight.  And fast.  

So I did, I lost almost 50 pounds in 2 years.  (yay!)

Then in the last two years the same catalysts arrived.  Bad relationship: check.  GREAT relationship: check (current one...).  Bad bad roommates, good roommates.  I had it all.  

A week ago, I stood in my doctor's office once again.  And the scale read 218.  My blood pressure was 148/88 for the second time in a week.  I do not have high blood pressure.  Or at least I didn't before I gained the weight back.  I'm sluggish and everything hurts.  I'm starting over.  

I just went online and renewed my meeting subscription.  I picked an Monday evening meeting I'll start attending tomorrow night.  It's on a night I'm not likely to have anything else.  

I read an article recently click here (opens in new window).  It's an eye opener.  I had one of those moments when we had family over recently.  There were pictures everywhere.  

So cheers to starting over.  And a new year.  Whee.

Until next time,
:)

1 mile. 12 minutes. I'm back.

I LOVE to run.  I mean LOVE.  It is currently 60 degrees outside.  There is no more perfect running temperature.  *happy sigh* So I decided today was the day to get back in it.  I left the apartment and just started running.  I told myself I'd just start with a half mile and I got there and just couldn't stop so a mile it was.  In 12 minutes even.  I'm pretty sure there are not words to describe how awesome I feel at the current moment.  BAM! :)

In other news, I think I'm going to give up soda....for like the 500th time.  Maybe the 501st is the charm?? ;)

So what I've realized is it's sooooo much easier to pass right by the kit kat section of the grocery store if I've just exercised (even easier if I'm still in workout clothes and sweaty :) I pushed that cart around like a BOSS.  :)

Until next time,
:)

When I eat veggies, I FEEL thinner

Try it.  Have veggies for a snack.  I just ate a bell pepper and a cucumber.  I don't know what it is, but I FEEL smaller.  I also ate some string cheese because...well why not?!?! :)  

I love raw (but washed) veggies with nothing on them.  Stoplight peppers (that would be the red, yellow, and green ones :) sit me down with it and I'll finish it.  I'm a little bit more picky when it comes to fruit, but I guess that's a good thing, what with the natural sugars.  I maintain these sugars are necessary, but it's important to ensure one doesn't go overboard with them.  Just because they're 0 points doesn't mean they have....nothing....It's always been that way, even on the old points system.  Most veggies were 0, but you still had to track them because every little bit adds up.  

In an effort to drink more water, I've started carrying around a 32 ounce gargantuan water bottle.  Turns out, I drink more water.  Cue phone call from nature.  Sorry, couldn't resist that one :)

I went to the grocery store Tuesday because I had no food.  And the snack-y food I did have was all 5 points.  SO not worth it.  At the store, I bought Lean Cuisine (checked with my WW barcode app), Bell peppers, cucumbers, green beans, apples, strawberries, WW string cheese, Lean Pockets, and a cool looking stir-fry frozen thing to have for dinner.  BAM.  I conquered Wally World and left with ZERO kit kats.  I'm pretty sure I deserve a medal.  OH, and I got WW ice cream bars, how could I forget.  :)

I was thinking I had something else....OH yea - another test.  

Until next time,
:)

Never judge anyone's story until you've walked in their shoes

When I was a young Weight Watchers member, I'll admit when I would hear people say they were rejoining I said to myself "I'll never have to rejoin".  Well the joke's on me really.  Last week, I rejoined Weight Watchers.  It's been a long time coming.  This time I joined online because my excuse for not rejoining earlier was that because of my forever changing schedule I had to keep switching meetings.  All that does is feed the fire of the aggravation that comes from not having a boring regular schedule.  

So far it's going well.  The discipline of tracking comes easier than I thought it would.  

Until next time,
:) 

Sometimes you don't catch a break, you have to throw one

Ok, so I know that's a corny title, but it's my attempt at a baseball joke.  Or maybe football.  Just something you throw vs. catch.  I tried to incorporate exercise time in my schedule.  Unfortunately, I'm not willing to a)get up before the sun to exercise, b)interrupt my study schedule, or c)not eat to have time to exercise.  I can't get behind on my studies or I'll never catch up.  (This is not at the same as I don't WANT to get behind, because on that front I don't care...see my University Experience blog for the full story. ) 

So what I've decided is I need to make a better effort to eat better, and sneak in exercise during the week.  The weekend should be a no-brainer now that its getting cooler, side note YAY, but I digress.  So I got recovered my old plastic fold up table and made a study central spot in my living room so I would no longer need to traverse to the library to have somewhere to spread out.  This accomplishes multiple things: a)I can study in my PJs b)I can do laundry while studying c)I can eat at...you guessed it...HOME d)I no longer have to traverse to the library just to spread out.  Am I the only one having deja vu? :)

The other part of that is the sneaking in exercise part.  I power walk through the grocery store, and by nature, I have to go back and forth to both ends because I don't organize my list according to the store layout.  I walk from my car to class, and build in about 5 extra minutes to do so versus riding the bus.  Also a no-brainer, since that adds miles per day!  On the weekend, I'm hoping to incorporate longer walks on the green-way, or wherever....

That's what going on here...hopefully good progress news forthcoming! :)

Until next time,
:)

Some days my life sounds like a Shania Twain song

"It's about as bad as it can be..."

This morning I woke up to an e-mail from my professor saying I got a 13/20 on a project.  That's a 65.  This project will join 4-5 others and make up 20% of my grade.  I thought I did better than that!  

"Even something simple as...
forgetting to fill up on gas...
there ain't no explaination why, things like that can make you cry, ...
just gotta learn to have a laugh"

Then I found out only because I hounded my leasing office that my August rent hadn't been paid.  I could have sworn it was.  So when I came in and paid my September rent because I realized the auto-pay hadn't continued on the new lease, they just automatically applied it to August.  Without telling me. Now granted, should I be able to keep track of this?  Yes.  I set up auto-pay last year and just like a crock pot, I set it and forgot it.  They send out unpaid balance sheets about the 12th.  They didn't send out one for August and send Aug/Sept together because "there were so many new residents and transfers".  It seems like in all that moving and shifting a reminder would be a really good idea.  But no one asked me! Let me set up e-mail notifications or SOMETHING. The best they can do is I have to pay half by Friday.  Cute.  

But hey, at least I went to the gym this morning.  : | 

"When everything is going wrong....
Don't worry it won't last for long...
Yea it's all gonna come around, don't let it get you down, you gotta keep on holding on."
Just take a deep breath and push forward.  No wallowing!  And listen to happy music on repeat!

"Up, up, up.  There's no where but up from here..." and I'm sure it will.
::sigh:: just another road bump in the road to GRADUATION.  No one, including me, ever said this was going to be easy.  But I wouldn't trade the way things happened for the easy way out.  There's a lot of good that has come out of this process.  

Until next time, 
:)

A pep talk and a plan...

My how time flies!  It's been a busy summer!  Although I guess it's not really summer anymore.  Wait, that changeover is this Saturday.  Does that mean fall is COMING?!?!?!  OH I hope so!!!!!!  But I just looked at the weather forecast and fall won't be coming before Tuesday at least...and I can't tell beyond that because it only goes out 10 days *sniff, sniff*.  But that weather last Saturday was amazing!

Yes, I'm avoiding talking about where my weight loss journey and running progress is.  I'm in denial.  At least I'm not in denial about being in denial.  Wow, I could get lost in this circle.  But, I digress.  It's not anywhere.  It's not gone down, it's not gone up.  Just blah.  I haven't run but about once all summer and I hate it.  But I hate summer more.  This summer was pretty awesome though (NOT the weather, other events...) :) There I go getting *distracted* again.  Or am I?  Hehe.  It needs to go down so blah, but it hasn't gone up so yay?  Ugh, I just want to run again.  I keep telling myself that when it's not hotter than fire outside I'll go for a run.  Or I could go to the free gym at my apartment complex.  I mean like 50 yards away.  Geez.  I really have no excuses.  And it's open 24/7, so I got nothin'.  Well give me 5 minutes and I'll have an impressive list of excuses. 

So a plan.  Get things done as efficiently as possible and take time in the morning to carve out at least 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I have at least 3 days a week that getting up wouldn't be a hardship. Like tomorrow a.k.a today :o I just have to shift a couple things around without disrupting my studiousness nature I discovered this semester.  

I'll get there again.  My goal is to get where I was at the end of last year (about 10-15 lbs from current) and just sit tight.  I was happy with that place, and so I'm going to get there and hang out.  I haven't been to Weight Watchers in...a while.  My mind keeps telling me that they'll judge me for being away that long because that's what I'm doing to myself, but the truth is they've all been right where I am right now.  And they're loving and accepting no matter what.  We all screw up.  Over and over sometimes.  It's time to get back on the horse, put the past in the past and stop wallowing!  How's that for a pep talk?  

I promise to go less time than 4 months without posting for next time.  I might even post tomorrow!  Again, a.k.a today.  ;)

Until then, goodnight moon.  :)

Until next time,
:)

How do you say goodbye forever?

Good question.  My answer involves a pan of brownies, bag of kit-kats and 6 pack of beer, for the record, all of which I have in my apartment right now.  

I don't handle loss of life well.  Probably due to lack of experience (and I'm NOT complaining about that).  I lost my Grandfather when I was 12 and 2 cats a few years ago.  

Today, we said goodbye forever to the family puppy, Lucy.  Lucy was 6 years old.  There's something to be said that is the bond between human and pet.  Especially such a cute pet.  This is a terribly sad occasion for our household.  When I found out, I sobbed all the way home.  It's an hour drive.  

So how do you handle bad news at work?  You go into the warehouse, find a dark corner, have a quick but thorough cry, wipe your face, and get back to work.  Then let it all out when you leave.  Having this kind of control over one's emotions is terribly difficult.  I have found that when I'm in the "mood" to cry, there's little that can stop it, and when I have the "opportunity" to cry, I'm not in the "mood".  

Back to Lucy.  That puppy was the single most cutest, adorable, and loving puppy to paw the earth.  She was a member of the family.  It feels like we lost a member of the family.  Practically the entire household revolved around the cuteness.  For good reason.  She was the most well behaved dog ever, and she never went to doggy training, she didn't have to.  Lucy came out perfect.  :)

I know one day, I'll be able to think about Lucy without tearing up, be able to remember all the happy times, and none of this sadness.  But for now, I'm giving in to the tears, knowing the tears are because I loved Lucy 100%.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here's to you Lucy, may you rest in eternal peace, and I'll see you in heaven when I get there.  Love you cuteness.

Love,
:)

Seek first to understand

*Note: I have several links in this post, they should all open up in separate windows...* :)

I heard this all the time growing up.  My sisters and I are constant correctors of each others missteps.  That's neither here nor there and not the point of this post.  As an adult, I am beginning to understand the true meaning behind the statement "seek first to understand".  It means more that just letting go of the fact that your friend text "your" instead of "you're" (although, that's a really good place to start...)  You understood the context of the sentence with the incorrect grammar.  The deeper meaning behind "seek first to understand" is this: "Give your fellow humanity a BREAK.  Seek to understand the intent behind whatever it is instead of picking it apart for its wrong doings, that were not intended".  

Unless a video particularly fascinates me, I typically won't watch it until it's viral.  Deep down, I just want to be cool.  :)  But I digress.  There's a video that I think has just about gone viral.  And so I watched it.  You can watch it here.  The basic premise is that they bring in women to a sketch artist and the women describe how they look, and the sketch artist draws.  Then, after each woman has had a chance to mingle with another woman, they bring her back in and she describes the other person.  They then bring in each woman to view the two pictures.  The basic result is to drive home the point that we are our own worst critic as far as seeing ourselves.  In my OPINION, this is where the evaluation of this video should STOP.  It is not a corporate plot against us.  The marketing department is NOT out to get us.  It's not a conspiracy.  It is not trying to drive home how we measure up to society's view of beauty.  At the bottom of the page of the video, there are links to two criticisms.  Because I'm that kind of person, I'm going to give you easy access: here and here.  I'm going to point out my main objection to their objections and be done with it.  First, I think they both mention (but I could be wrong) that the words used in the ad were geared towards saying that being thin is good and fat is bad.  Now, I won't go into why I think that's fundamentally correct anyways, because being overweight can lead to all kinds of health problems and blah, blah, blah.  

Here's my issue.  I think the authors of both of these posts watched the ad over and over and over.  At least I know one did because she said she did.  Is it really necessary to TRY and find "issues"??  Can we not just accept that the message Dove is TRYING to convey is that we need to give ourselves and everyone else a BREAK and celebrate how beautiful we, as individuals, are??  How each little thing about ourselves that we think is ugly is really beautiful, and the world doesn't notice all the little "flaws" that we see, they see our true beauty.  For me, watching this video wasn't about breaking down what types of women were featured in the ad, or what words were used.  I didn't even notice those things.  It was about overturning this terrible habit that in order to be feminine and not cocky, we had to be demure about our looks and we are so trained that when we hear another woman say "I'm beautiful, pretty, cute," whatever, we think, well she's arrogant and full of herself.  It was about us celebrating that what makes us different is what makes us BEAUTIFUL.  

I ran across a quote from Marianne Williamson a very long time ago, and it says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

I just googled "Marianne Williamson quotes" and this web page was the first result.  I have had the printed quote posted in my cubicle for YEARS.  THIS is where I think Dove was trying to go.  WE ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL.  WE ARE ALL TALENTED.  WE ALL ARE FABULOUS.  
I will tell you this.  I am beautiful.  I am talented.  I am FABULOUS.  I am freaking AWESOME.  And I'm not afraid to tell you.  That is not arrogance.  That is the confidence that comes from being able to see that I AM ME AND I AM OKAY.  I am beautiful in my own way.  We all are!  It took a long time for me to get there, because for me it wasn't just about trying to be demure, I truly didn't think I was beautiful.  I didn't think I was anything.  I was lucky enough to have someone (really someones) in my life willing to preach at me day in and day out for more than a year and constantly ask me the question "You know you're beautiful right??"  And wait for me to work through all my stuff until one day I could answer "YES" and BELIEVE IT.  That last part...that's the KEY.  :)

It's is an amazing power to be able to say, you know what, I am really cute just me!  

Go look yourself in the mirror and say "I am beautiful" (and STOP the sentence there, NO buts) and see if it doesn't make you smile. :)

Until next time,
:)

Exercise makes me very happy

I know, terrible title.  The ibuprofen PM is starting to set in...better type quick before I get myself in trouble for TUI (typing under the influence) :) 

Over the last week, I've become a workout machine.  At least an hour a piece every day.  Over 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights.  I did not work out today because I was in school all day.  I feel gross.  UGH.  I want to go to the gym!  Last night, my roommate and I went to the gym together, around 8p.  That was  BAD idea all around.  It's just not ideal to work out that late.  Exercise releases endorphins (and endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't shoot their husbands!! :)  First to name the movie reference...gets a cookie ).  It also creates energy, which is why most experts will tell you the best time of day to workout is the morning, to get your body going for the day ahead.  It also helps curb bad choices because you know all the work you put into the workout.  It also helps remove excuses for not working out.  It removes the "Well I had to work late, I had to go to the grocery store, I'm so tired after work, the kids need me"....on and on and on.  Easier to defeat one excuse than 7.  

So tomorrow morning when I get up, before I go to my Chem Lab, I'm going to get my workout accomplished.  I'm so excited to go back to the gym.  School just gets terribly in the way! :)

Time for bed :)

Until next time,
:)

To be so close...

It's hard to think that one of our fellow humans would want to cause so much destruction.  Unfathomable.  When I heard about the tragedy at the Boston Marathon yesterday affecting the finish line, my first thought was all those people who worked so hard to get there didn't get to finish.  And the ones who did, the celebration was short-lived and drowned out by pain and sorrow.  I really struggled yesterday with that thought and thinking, I'm so selfish!  It's the middle of a terrible tragedy and what I think is about being able to finish.  Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible grief and sympathy for those affected and even those not affected who were close to the event or to someone in the event. It's just hard to imagine being 25 miles into the most famous marathon in the world, and not getting the gratification to finish I would have to struggle with.  

My thoughts and prayers are with the runners, workers, police officers, and all the family members who were in some way involved in the bombings.  I truly hope any suffering is healed and justice served to those responsible.  

Until next time,
:) 

Fresh or frozen?

I am fascinated by the debate over the health differences between fresh produce and fruit vs. frozen produce and fruit vs. canned....  While I really enjoy fresh produce and fruit, I'm only 1 person!  There's no way I can eat it before it goes bad, and I'm not going to the store every other day.  So I buy frozen veggies in those steamable bags.  Talk about EASY!  Stick it in the microwave, 5-7 minutes later, voila!  I just have to add salt go figure :)

I haven't done any research though, so I'm not really sure if I'm getting all the value of the veggies.  And I don't eat many fruits...I do buy some in a can and I try to buy the ones in water that seem to have less added but still able to stick around for at least a week...I'll have to work on that now that we're getting into the summer.  Strawberries!! (RIGHT?!?!?!  Heck, I don't know what's in season when) :) ooo with fat free cool whip.  I'm already excited.  This is faboo! :)

Thoughts?  Preferences?

Until next time,
:)  

And that, my friends, is how it's done.

There's going to be a smidgen of girl talk in the first paragraph of this post so if you think that might not be fun, you've been warned... :)

This past week I was up against the feeling of slight defeat from the weight gain last week and because of er "hormone regulating" medication, my cycle starts exactly every 4 weeks on Friday.  When I say exactly, I mean more precise than a   Which is the day before I weigh in.  Yay.  So for the past few months, regardless of what I've done or not done, I gain a smidgen that week.  Luckily it's oober easy to lose the week after.  This week I busted my little hump and lost 1.4.  WOOT!  Now with that momentum, I can drive straight into this week and hit it out of the park.  Thought I'd throw that current sports reference cause I'm that cool. :)

After my fabulous weigh in, I went to the gym...for an hour!  Dude, it was awesome!  I did 35 minutes of cardio and about 30 minutes of weights/exercises.  The only thing I don't really like about the weight room is it's filled with boys trying to be all buff and they all have mean GRR faces.  Humph.  They take this working out business so seriously! Please.  Maybe it's true what Cyndi Lauper's song says: "Girls just wanna have FUN!" :)  To each his (or her!) own I suppose.  I have fun, so they can do whatever they want.  :)

Last night I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30, so as you can imagine I didn't even wake up until after 11 this morning and I was all groggy.  :|  I laid in bed for a few hours watching TV and then I finally got up for one reason...to go to the gym.  For another hour plus!  I'm really loving the gym.  I'm really feeling a lot stronger and I'm feeling like my muscles are starting to get back in shape and we'll just really be well off.  I'm at that point in my weight loss where my muscle strength is going to matter a lot!  I need to be as serious if not more about toning.  

I'm going to get on my soapbox for a minute, and because it's my blog, I can do that :)

I have several friends who joined weight watchers with 10-15 pounds to lose to get to their goal weight.  And do you know what they tell me the struggle they have is?  It's not losing the weight.  They struggle with the other people judging them for having so "little" to lose, that they can't feel accepted into a group of people dealing with the same issues.  It saddens me that people who have struggled with whatever weight loss journey can't accept that someone may have less to lose, but doesn't have any less of the struggle.  No one gets to be the person to judge someone else's journey as "less than".  It's theirs, not yours, not mine.  Everyone has their own struggles and their own ways of dealing with it.  It's like when people tell me I don't have almost 30 more pounds to lose.  I've had people be very adamant about it with me, try to argue with me.  I've gotten to the point where I thank them for the compliment and go about my business.  My secret is I dress well, so it's hard to tell...so I get that.  But no one gets to be the judge of what happens to my body.  That's all me.  And I'll do the same for you.  And for the record, I do have about 25-27 pounds to lose to get to goal.  

Okay, now I'm off my soapbox all together.  :)

With all this weight lifting and strength training, I have to remember my little speech above.  I am not invincible.  Rats!  I have my own limitations and journey and abilities, and those will never match the macho boys at the gym.  I know 5 pounds doesn't seem like much to be able to lift over my head, but how bout taking a gander at the 4 scars on my shoulder and cutting me some slack.  That last statement....it was meant mostly at myself.  I felt so weak doing the exercises with the 5 pound weights.  The simple fact is, that's all I can lift over my head!  That's the weakest motion I have.  I can do a rowing motion with almost 30 pounds, but that took a lot of time.  The truth is, I haven't really attempted motions going above my head in a while because I'm just so scared to death of hurting my shoulder, so I have some work to do.  Slow work, but I'll get there.  :)

I know I posted this somewhere, not sure if it was here, but I digress.  Starting May 1st, I have to be awake at 5:30 to go to work.  This semester I have been waking up closer to 8:30.  So I made a plan.  I wake up 7 minutes earlier every day and voila!  May 1, 5:30 is easy!  Well somehow last night I couldn't go to sleep until 3:30, so my whole day started about 4 hours too late.  To avoid starting that cycle again because I'm WIDE awake right now, I'm going to take something for a couple days to right my sleep schedule and give me the lead on this going to bed and getting up earlier thing.  I don't like to do this, and it was a last resort, but I can't be having these issues in 2 weeks.  

I think I'm going to pursue the option of breaking these longer posts up into multiple posts.  I'm just not really sure.  But I'll mull that over and figure something out.  :)

I think that's all for now.  I've got a good bit rolling around in the old noggin', and I'll more than likely be writing about it in the next couple of days, but for now, I'm going to change my sheets, wind down with a movie that will make me sob, and go to bed. :)

Until next time,
:)

Can you put a number on depression?

Well?  I can and I will: 3.6 pounds.  This is the amount of weight I gained last week.  This I believe is in most part to an unparalleled depression last week.  You might have seen my last post.  I am choosing not to reread it right now.  Not really sure what's in it to be honest, and I'm pretty sure I can't handle it right now.  I'm not just talking about being a little blue.  I'm talking about 0 motivation or ability to get out of bed.  Thank goodness I drink plenty of water at night!  Didn't want to work.  Didn't want to see anyone, do anything, or go anywhere.  And so, other than the required school and work, I didn't.  And that just continued the cycle.  I get depressed, so I seclude myself and get all sad looking.  Then I get lonely.  Then I get depressed because I'm lonely.  You see where this cycle is going.  It's very similar to the weight cycle.  Eat emotionally.  Get depressed for eating emotionally and making bad choices.  Eat depression....see?  I think the depression was I hadn't finished grieving.  Grieving different things, all of which are regarding interpersonal relationships, but none of which I'll go into in detail.  So I gained 3.6 pounds.  It's my fault!  

Walking/running helps cheer me up, and I've had a really good week so far.  I've run every day since Friday.  Then today came and I'm tired because in the last 7 days, 2 have been chalk full of class and the remaining 5 I have worked.  I'm working myself into the ground because I have no choice.  I have no cushion and I have to break even.  I know how many hours that will take, and it's doable, but I'll certainly be tired.  

I'll make it.  It certainly won't be FUN, but I'll survive.  I already have a plan for this summer when I can rebuild my cushion, get some of these debts taken care of and be better prepared for next year.

You might be thinking: if you had a plan last year and that went awry, what makes you think this plan will work better?  The answer is it's not in the plan.  It's in the execution. You could build the best budget the world has ever seen, but if you don't spend money according to it, it's totally pointless (case in point: my life the last year).  Dave Ramsey says: "Children do what feels good.  Adults devise a plan and follow it."  So that's the difference.  Because I've experienced having to resort to counting pennies and calculate taxes so what I need at Wal-Mart doesn't go over $25 because that's all I had on a gift card, and it totally STINKS.  I like not having to worry about how much a bag of potato chips cost.  So I devised a plan, and by golly, I'm going to follow it!  Working well so far.  It feels really nice to be in control.  Saying no to myself so I can say YES later :)

This whole school full time thing was an adjustment in more than one way.  You may have noticed I don't adjust well to change.  Well that's not totally true, but my ability to adapt has the speed of...well a glacier.  I'm working on that too.  All this personal growth, amazing I don't have the mental hiccups!  :)

The good news is this week for the most part I'm back on weight loss plan.  Gaining is the wrong direction.  I'm not going to make excuses for myself, feel sorry for myself, or throw a pity party and lead into gaining half the weight back like I did before.  It's best to understand what happened and try to make adjustments quickly to make sure the spiral doesn't have time to get started.  So far, so good. This fabulous weather DEFINITELY helps!

I've had a couple rough points this week, but nothing like eating animal crackers dipped in half a container of icing.  Yup, that actually happened.  Reminds me of my weight gaining days.  The days when I was in total denial it was actually happening.  

Today, I did not feel like running, and I really wanted to whine about it.  So instead I made a compromise with myself (mark this day in history - this is Ripley's Believe it or Not worthy!).  I told myself I could just walk today.  If the mood to run struck me, great, if not, I got exercise walking and I got to enjoy the outdoors.  So I did.  I started walking and I never got in the mood to run, but I ended up walking 5 miles thank you so much which is nothing to sneeze at.  And thanks to daily Zyrtec, I'm literally not sneezing :)  At a 16 min pace too.  Not too shabby if I say so myself.  This adds up to me exercising for almost an hour and a half.  That's twice as long as if I had been running.  And I was chatting on the phone with a wonderful friend of mine who was keeping me company for more than a half hour of it, which means my lungs were getting a double workout.  Brilliant. :)

I'm thinking some of the British slang might start creeping in so I'll warn you: I've been watching a large amount of British comedy lately, so much so that you know when you think but it's like you're saying it, but in your mind?  Well, now mine's in a British accent.  I even catch myself mimicking the words they say on the show.  It's quite amusing actually.  (WOW that sounded good in a British accent) :)  And yes, I have so recorded my voice in a British accent.  And then laughed hysterically at the result.  Not half bad, but still amusing.  :)

I think that's enough for tonight.  I discovered in order to be able to start waking up for work at 5:30 starting May 1 (compared to 8:30 now), I need to wake up 7 minutes earlier every day.  This is working out well so far, but it's been my realization that it is necessary to go to bed 7 minutes earlier as well to accommodate.  And get used to the hours.  

If all else fails, I'll just reorient my sleep schedule with trusty sleep medication.  A last resort, but I am not above it since I know it works.  Don't worry, it's the soft stuff.  HA! :)

Until next time,
:)

Perspective is almost everything

As a disclaimer of sorts, I think this post is all over the place, and very psychologically bent, but I don't know, I didn't read over it after I wrote it.  I say that to say if it doesn't make any sense, that makes sense.  :)
-------------------------------------------------------------
There's a lot to be said for having, and being able to correctly use, perspective.  I can sometimes exercise good perspective, but many times, it's hindsight.  I truly admire people who have this gift, though I rarely say so because that would mean admitting someone else knows more than I do, which of course is true, but who wants to admit that.  

The bit of hindsight I'll offer myself is over the last few months, I've let boys distract me. I don't use the term men because none of them were, and none deserving of the time in which I invested.  That's not arrogance, that's the truth.  I put a lot of effort into a lot of boys.  Trying to impress them, make them like me, etc.  Effort that was wasted, none of them are still around, and it didn't take long.  It's for the better anyways.  While I may have felt good around these people, I was nowhere near happy, or content.  These were not boys I could imagine reading the paper with on a lazy weekend morning, sipping coffee while watching television.  

It took someone with perspective, someone I truly admire to really shine the light on what I think in the back of my mind I already knew.  These boys were not going to respect me, and were not worthy of my time.  He would know too.  

This got me thinking, and I realized something.  I had gotten so excited about the test run of the new, confident me that I took the car out on the interstate too soon.  And as a result, I ended up losing a bit of myself in the pursuit of others, and ended up feeling broken, confused, and a little bit lost.  

My weight loss has been declining over the last two months.  The numbers are still negative, but I only lost 1.4 in March.  This was not the goal.  The goal was for me to be happy.  And I think in order to do that, I need to go back to being happy in who I really am, and find someone who knows that from the get-go and likes me for that person.  Not some superficial flirt who makes their needs more important than her own.  I need to go back to the girl I found at the end of last year that said to heck (although I used another word :) with anyone else, I'm most important in this circus!  

Once I get caught up in something, it's hard for me to pull back and focus.  I'm truly glad this friend of mine will look me dead in the eye and say "What are you doing?!?!" and mean it in love.  I've thanked him for this, and though he may never read this, I'll thank him here too.  

Certain things in my life had to happen the way they did.  I try not to have any regrets, but I will always wonder if I did the right thing.  I created my life to be very independent  and the vast majority of the time, alone.  There are times, like today, that I feel lonely. I miss feeling happy with a significant other who I could share life with.  Someone who has a large amount of perspective that came with life experience, and shared that with me.  Someone who had a different opinion than mine, but wasn't oppressive about it.  Someone with whom, I was able to be myself, and that took a long time to come about.  

I know this sounds very vague, and maybe it is.  Sometimes loneliness is a weird feeling.  It makes you not tired after midnight, and understand the meaning of fourth meal.  It kind of fills you with a sadness that if expressed (like I am doing now, while I type) will eventually be resolved.  Sometimes I think loneliness is unresolved grieving from the loss of someone in our lives (not literal, just a change in interpersonal relationships).  

I enjoy being alone.  Talking to myself while I walk around an empty apartment, listening to music from the other room.  There are also times when I long to be able to curl up on the couch under a blanket snuggled in someones arms.  Comforted, safe, protected, taken care of.  Can't have it both ways, at least not right now, so I get to be alone.  And today I just had a lot of thoughts, so I had a conversation with my Twitter account.  20 tweets in a matter of a couple hours.  I wanted to say these trivial things to someone, observations in life mostly, and so I did.  I only have 21 followers, and most may not ever read my tweets, but that doesn't matter, I feel like I conversed with the world, spoke to someone.

I'm not sure if it's the feelings or late hour causing the hunger, but in the last hour, I've eaten an entire bag of popcorn, a little candy, full cup of water, and my stomach is still growling.  Maybe I'm just tired.  Seems lately I can't get to sleep before 11pm.  This will be an issue when I go back to work this summer.  I'll have to start getting up between 5:30 and 6:30 compared with the 8-8:30 I get up now, even on school days.  I think I need to start training myself to go to sleep earlier, by giving going to bed a little bit earlier every night the old college try.  If that's ineffective, I'm not above using a sleep aid to right my sleep schedule.  If I'm not able to conquer going to bed and waking up earlier, my productivity will continue to slide, and I'm pretty sure my boss will not appreciate that.  That, and I don't like being sleepy.  

I don't really know where some of the stuff in this post came from, but the fingers went to the keys and now I'm yawning, so that's a sign something worked and I can now get some sleep.  

Until next time (when hopefully I'll be more cheery!),
:)

It's a small world after all

I think I may have used that title before.  Oh well, it's my blog, I can use it again :)

Everything's related.  It's somehow connected together in the mind.  For instance, my eating tendencies are tied back to my emotions and so are my driving habits.  

I've had my driver's license for a little shy of 10 years.  Ever since it was issued, I have been driving almost 20 over.  I have received 6 tickets total: 5 speeding tickets and 1 for running a stop sign.  I have been to driving school 4 times so far, I'll go at least once more for ticket #5 and 6.  Hmmm.  One speeding ticket and the stop sign were within 6 months of each other back when I was 16.  Then in December 2010, I got a speeding ticket.  December 2011 I got a speeding ticket for speeding in the same spot as the year before.  Two weeks ago I got another speeding ticket FOR THE SAME SPOT.  I really need to stay off that road.  This morning, I got a speeding ticket on the interstate, but by the same police officer as two weeks ago.  Fabulous.  We laughed once we realized it.  But it's not funny.  I was issued a warning for speeding about a year ago.  Three weeks ago, I was issued a warning for failure to obey traffic rules.  I "ran" a red light turning right on red.  I was turning into my apartment complex at midnight :|

The frustrating thing about the ticket today was I've been trying really, really hard to slow down to within 5 mph over the speed limit, which is really hard!  I have been doing so well too!  But I got caught up in the interstate traffic when I was approaching the downtown area and the speed limit dropped, that I just wasn't paying close enough attention.  Okay, okay, I get it finally.  

I realized my driving was a mind thing, just like my eating.  It was tied to my emotional response to other drivers, just as my eating is responding to outside factors.  Turns out, the world is not out to get me and I just need to calm down on the road.  I think my problem started when I was late everywhere, and then it just became a habit too hard to break.  Well I now get to pay for that habit, handsomely.  

I've noticed over the last couple weeks experiencing personal pressure to eat more meals a day than I really need.  To fit into the norm, I need to eat 3 meals a day.  Or not.  I've been so overstuffed, I hadn't felt physically hungry in a couple weeks.  Just like slowing down, it takes constant mental effort when I FEEL like eating to ask myself "Are you ACTUALLY hungry??"  If not, I get some cranberry juice and close the refrigerator.  It's hard!  Especially when there are brownies on the counter!  It's the same effort that has to be applied to the "Do I have any MONEY to buy that whatever??"  Sometimes, the un-fun answer is no, and we have to stick to that.  That's part of being adult.  "Children do what feels good.  Adults devise a plan and follow it. " -Dave Ramsey

That doesn't just apply to money, it applies to everything, which is where the small world comes in.  My plan is to discontinue giving traffic court my money, my plan to lose weight, my plan to be financially responsible.  Does this mean we're perfect?  Not no, hell no!  I make unwise food decisions, spend money I don't have on things I don't need (or do need sometimes), and speed (trying to make this rarely instead of the standard).  All I can do is try to limit the occurrences to hopefully limit the damage.  I don't need to beat myself up.  I just need to recognize the misstep, make steps to correct it in the future and MOVE ON.  

On another awesome note: I received an e-mail from Pizza Hut with the subject: "Did you know you're great?".  You know what my immediate response was?  "Well, DUH!"  Hehe, I love the confidence.  Not arrogance, confidence :)

I started doing a Cardio Core Express DVD to work on toning where I've lost fat, and I realized that I started too late, I have some catching up to do.  That's ok.  When Debbie Siebers said on the DVD that I would feel that in the morning, I was like "whatever".  Well I felt it the next morning!  Dang!  That means it's working :)

I'm going to try and shut off the brain and go to sleep.  It's way past my bedtime and I have a full day tomorrow, but it's been a full day today too.

Until next time,
:)

Accomplishments are relative to the person.

Running is a sport right?  So in there somewhere, there's supposed to be a competition right?  Even if it's with yourself?  Wrong.  At least for me.  And I'm talking about me, so ta da!  I think it's great to run for a new personal best or to get feedback on pace consistency.  Where my problem happened was when I let it take over the reason I run in the first place: release of stress and anxiety.  I can't really release a whole lot if I can only make it a mile because I'm focusing so much on my pace that I run my whole body into pain.  Starts with the knee, then the hip, and I can live with those, but when my bad shoulder joins the party, I pull the plug and do so immediately.  There are a lot of things I'll risk, but that's where I draw the line.  Sure, I made it 1.25 miles in 13 minutes (approx. 9 min pace), but what does it matter if I'm crying in pain and I've only exercised 13 minutes??  It's just not worth it to me.  It's too depressing and mentally exhausting because then the thoughts start about well maybe I need to find something else.  And we all know where that will end up.  I'll not do anything for 6 months until I magically take up running for the love of running again.  

I ran/walked the half marathon last April.  And up until now, I used to not share how long it took me and brush it off as embarrassingly slow.  Well here it goes.  It took me 3:45.  That's 3 hours 45 minutes.  And at an average of 17 minutes per mile, may be considered by some to be slow.  However, I FINISHED 13.1 MILES.  FINISHED.  Crossed the finish line of a half marathon.  Fini...you get it.  :) In ONE PIECE.  I am now baffled at how that's somehow embarrassing.  Instead, it's a HUGE accomplishment!  One I'm extremely proud of!  Someday, I'd like to be able to run one.  Run the whole half marathon (okay, that wording is amusing to me!).  It might be a while though, because what I'm no longer going to do is sign up for races I'm not prepared for and put a training schedule in place.  We see how well that worked before in all aspects of this journey. Instead, I'm going to steadily work myself up to the mileage, continuing to run for the love of the run, and only when I can run 13.1 miles on my own will I start searching for a half marathon to do.  My time will come :)

So today, I went for a run in the park.  This is good for 2 reasons.  1: No loop.  It's out and back, so once you start, you might as well finish :) 2: I chose not to use a stopwatch, timer, GPS, etc.  I was untimed.  After all was said and done, I was able to reconstruct an extreme approximation from looking at when I stopped texting, but I'm only about 50% sure it's accurate, and the 50% comes from it being 3 miles in 40 minutes.  I've done several 5k's in that time, so it's a reasonable time.  My point is, it was FREEDOM.  I was running because I wanted to be, not because I had some time to beat.  I released stress and anxiety, I was untouchable.  It was AWESOME.  And I worked out for almost and hour PAIN FREE.  To me, it just doesn't get any better!  :)

The best time to go grocery shopping is after a run like that.  I guarantee it's a strain to get the things on my list because food just doesn't have any appeal!  That, and after you've sweat for that long and go straight to the frozen section, the sweat freezes FAST, and even I get cold!  I got what I needed and got OUT.  On a side note, I did finally find a pair of sweat pants that are long enough.  And cute.  Pretty sure it was a miracle.  And they were only $9!  Can we spell TRIFECTA?  Well, no actually, because spell check had to of course come behind me.  Me and my appetite. hehe (I spelled appetite wrong again too...of course) :)

Let's see, food.  I ate poorly last week when I was on spring break.  I just stopped paying attention to what was going on.  BAD NEWS.  I had Sonic (with a soda) for breakfast every morning and fast food for lunch every day I was at work.  Then I ate dinner with dessert!  I WAY overstuffed myself.  First thing I did when I came home was drink a gallon of cranberry juice!  Yesterday and today I've done much better.  I cut myself off when necessary and worked out both days.  And I already have plans to go walking with a friend tomorrow morning.  I'm going to get on track by golly!  I will need to put a plan of action in place by the summer, because I'm going to be in Nashville during the week every week all Summer and I can't have another week like this one.  I'm thinking Lean Pocket and Green Giant are going to save my butt since they're frozen, easy to make, and easy on the body.  

I've missed the last 2 weeks at Weight Watchers.  2 weeks ago because I got the times mixed up and had to be in Nashville and there were no more meetings for the week and this past week because I was working.  Although if I'm going to be honest, I used work as an excuse of sorts (I did actually have legit work in the office to do) and I didn't make a very concerted effort to be there this past week because I was sure I had gained, and I knew what seeing that would do to me.  It wasn't right, I should have weighed in and taken the feedback, but I feel like I did the right thing for me.  Gave myself a pass and got right back up as soon as possible to make up ground to pull off something spectacular this coming Saturday.  

I will work harder.  I will do better.  I will get back on track.  And most importantly, I will not beat myself up.  It was feedback enough.  I took it and did something with it.  Why is it necessary to see a number too?  And for the love of all things, I will learn how to spell!! :)

I'm off to bed.  Hopefully I'm about to get back into some kind of sleep rhythm.  

Until next time,
:)

I found the key to my appetite

I truly figured it out.  Finally.  My appetite is tied to my social butterfly status.  If I'm feeling the need for attention and to be around people, appetite decreases.  For the last week or so, I've been dying to be alone.  Secluded.  NO PEOPLE.  No phone.  You get it.  And this last week I've had the appetite I had back when I was gaining weight like crazy.  I was hiding.  It's very effective.  Well, gaining weight is effective at hiding me.  But I'm not going to hide behind weight anymore.  It's going to be a fight against myself until I feel alone enough.  

I'm going to shut off my phone for a week and ignore people in a secluded spot looking at trees.  It's just too bad I have to wait until this summer for that.  Until then, I am going to find spots on the local greenway to run alone, or walk alone, or go eat alone, or just be alone. I'm allowed to shut my door and ignore my phone :)

So if you happen to try and reach me and I don't respond, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I'm equal opportunity, I'm ignoring everyone :)

Now, if I could just figure out how to spell appetite!  Thank goodness for spell check :)

Until next time,
:)

That bowl of ice cream did nothing for the sweets craving

Or what I thought was a sweets craving.  I should know by now that all a craving is is emotions.  Here we go again.  I know you're tired of reading the following sentence almost as much as I'm tired of blogging it: I DO NOT LIKE FEELINGS.  You know in the movie The Proposal where they're on the airplane and they're going over the questions, and Sandra Bullock asks "What am I allergic to" and he said "Pine nuts and the full spectrum of human emotion"?  Yes, well wouldn't that be nice.  Not the pine nuts part, I don't even know what those are.  

I would say the feelings are feelings of being scared of commitment, but I'm not really sure that's true.  It's possible, and definitely something that a few years ago, I would have been prone to, but I learned over the last couple of years that I could commit, I was ready to permanently at one point, but that's another story for another day.  To the right person, I don't think commitment would be an issue for me.  

Maybe the emotions are that I'm drowning.  And scared that I'll screw it all up.  Scared that maybe I can't do it all, even though I want to be able to.  

Maybe I'm nervous.  I haven't run any races since the half marathon last year (you remember after which I had all but given up running -- I thought I had posted about it, but I can't find it, the only one I can find is this one. ) BUT anyways.  I had decided that when I started running again, I wasn't going to sign up for any races until I was ready to run the distance comfortably, and without injury.  I don't know that I'm totally out of the woods on the latter, but I'm definitely out of the woods on the former.  5K (3.1 miles) in 36:18.  Yes, please.  So I signed up for a race. Actually I ran the same race last year :)  It's in 2 days.  I'm a little nervous!  I'm just glad it's supposed to be warmer than the 8 degrees it was last year.  YIKES.  Well, wish me luck! :)

I've started running outside again now that it's the perfect weather for it, and I have to say, I like it SO much better than inside!!  There's more pretty scenery, people to watch, and I'm not looking at the same thing around and around and around again like on a track, or worse, a treadmill!  :)

I think I've run out of amusement, so I'm going to go to bed.  Goodnight moon :)

Until next time,
:)

It's amazing how reality can sneak up on you and smack you in the face!

SCHMACK!  Yes, it sounds like that.  Part of feeling feelings is being vulnerable to them in the first place.  By the way, the very idea is just gross...but I'm doing it.  And so sometimes that means that I get to experience unexplainable joy.  The kind of joy that makes you want to wake up in the morning.  It's that way a lot of the time.  I'm just a happy person.  But there are also times that life just kind of stinks.  And in the same way I've allowed the feelings of joy, I also have to allow those other feelings.  

Most of my running motivation comes from being a few different things: angry, anxious, happy, those are a few.  Sadness isn't one of them.  Most of the time I have to allow the sadness to run its course, then go run to cheer myself up, and it always works.  But I'm not eating my feelings (ANY OF THEM) anymore :)

I just completed 3 straight months of net weight losses.  Meaning each month since November, over the month, I have had a net weight loss.  5 lbs in November, 7.2 in December, and 3.2 in January.  I lost 2.4 last week, making my total lost so far a nice, round 35!

I'm so excited!  I'm more than halfway there!  I can ALMOST see the end of the tunnel.  I feel great!  And I get noticed.  It's so much fun.  I used to hide from it, but now I'm basking in it and using it as motivation to push forward.  I got checked out at the gym today, and what a confidence booster :)

Today has just been a roller-coaster of different kinds of joy!  I met with a career counselor at school because I was really having a crisis of "Is the major I'm in going to get me on the right career track?" I mean it was almost at panic attack level.  I was hyperventilating and everything.  I had some major trouble with a couple of my major classes last semester.  And that really freaked me out, because I didn't enjoy those classes one bit, and I'm supposed to enjoy every class in my beloved major right? Well, apparently not.  What happened?  He took a look at the classes I had left and we talked a good bit about what I really wanted to do and he said I hit a speed bump, and the classes I had left would be great.  And I was in the right major and on the right path, and that I'm destined for great things!  I'm so relieved!!  That's kind of what I thought it was, but confirmation is always a lovely thing!  The part where this tidbit effects (affects???) this blog?  I did not eat the panic attack.  It was really tempting.  I didn't drink it either.  I vented (probably talked people's ears off) and paced, but didn't eat.  :)

Kit-Kat bars are better cold

They are!  I don't know why, maybe they're more crunchy.  Part of me being healthier is me realizing my limitations.  While it may be more economical to buy a whole bag of kit-kat bars because I get a better value, it's not better for my health because I'll eat the whole bag in one sitting.  For those of you who just gasped reading that, think before you judge, you do it too :)

So I made a deal with myself.  If I really want a kit-kat bar, I get a single bar from the register.  I only buy things like that in quantities I would be ok with eating in one sitting.  Thinking I'm going to split a bag of skittles in four and save the rest for later?  Think again.  Do that quick math and see what the damage would really be.  Is it worth it?  Then the item gets bought.  If not, it doesn't.  That simple.  I get what I want, but don't necessarily need, and I'm not putting myself in a damaging situation where I have to rely on will power, which let's face it, can be tested to the max.  Anything I can do myself to take off will power I'll gladly do.  

NOW I'm off to do nothing.  Or go to bed.  I'm just the life of the party :)

Until next time,
:)

I think watching too much TV makes me gain weight

OK.  I'll start with a little disclaimer of sorts.  There are two key parts the the above sentence.  The first is the part that says "I think".  I.  ME.  The bomb-diggity.  :) THINKS.  I have no research to support this thought.  It's just that.  A thought.  The second part is the part that says "me".  I know, this post so far seems like it's all about me.  Guess WHAT?!?!  It IS, in fact the whole blog is.  :)  This is an observation I made about MYSELF. If you think it could apply to you, fine.  But don't e-mail me and tell me you watch 2 hours of TV a day and have lost weight every week for _______ [amount of time], and so therefore I am wrong.  I didn't say anything about your journey, and I'll thank you to return the favor.  :)

WHEW.  I'm pretty sure I could never be a lawyer if I always had to explain myself like that, but it was a fun exercise.  Wait, exercise, do I get activity points for that?!?! JUST KIDDING :)

I have noticed a pattern, that is the point of this post.  In November and most of December, I watched a very small amount of TV.  I think a grand total of less than 5 hours each month.  Spread out at less than 30 minute intervals at a time.  And during none of that time was I eating.  (As a matter of fact, I try to not do anything while I'm eating, it helps me pay better attention to my body's signals.)  I lost 5 pounds in November and 7.4 in December.  Then towards the end of December, more in the beginning of January, I was working full time, commuting 2 hours a day to work, and stressed to the max.  So I was watching TV for an hour or more or a movie at night.  Almost every night.  January week 1 I lost .8, week 2 I lost .6, then week 3 gained .8.  (That gain was that every 4th week unavoidable gain...so I don't give it much merit.) but still!  Those numbers are small!

There are two possible causes:

Well, there are actually more than 2, but I'm only going to evaluate 2...

1.  The increase in TV watching had an effect (or is it affect???) on my weight loss

2.  I'm starting to get to the point where the weight isn't going to fall off anymore.  

I've already really addressed #1, so I'll move right on to #2, but it's possible it could be a combination.  :)

SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?  It's true.  When someone first starts losing weight, the first big (different for everyone) can come off really fast.  For instance, the first week, when someone starts eating better and gets moving a little more, may not bring a whole lot of change, but it's enough to produce a big number on the scale.  Then when the body starts to settle down, week 2 can seem like a downer.  I've written about it many times.  After that, it kind of evens out, but the numbers are still fairly large.  Then a point comes along that the battle is less of getting rid of fat, and more of toning muscle.  The excess fat at this point will be *mostly* gone.  I say mostly, but if I'm there, I still have 30 pounds to hit my goal.  Of course my goal could be unrealistic...we'll see when we get there.  But I digress!  The point is I'm used to these 1.5-2.5 per week losses and I may just have exhausted that power.  Now I'm chinking it away .5-1 pound at a time.  But that doesn't make me upset because it still falls in my goal: NET loss each month.  Simple.

So what happens now?  Well I'm back in school, so the TV will pretty much stay off again.  And I will continue to work my butt off in the gym.  I'm adding toning classes to my workouts instead of just running.  Like there's anything "just" about running :)

There's a class I really enjoy called Body Sculpt, which works muscles all over, it's not targeted, and it's great!  I can make it twice a week, and the moves are starting to get easier and I'm starting to have to go up in the weight amount.  :)  There's also Pilates once a week, and you bet I'm going to be all over that!!  I LOVE Pilates.  Love, love, love!!!  I'm also going to *try* Yoga again.  TRY.  And when it gets warmer, get back in the pool :)

My appetite hasn't changed recently.  And I still can't spell appetite, I have to let spell check grab it.  :) I still have to remind myself to eat breakfast because I don't wake up hungry.  I might have eaten lunch today, but I don't remember.  I did have some leftover Fettuccine Alfredo that my roommate made.  BEST Fettuccine Alfredo EVER.  Period!  The spelling of Fettuccine doesn't look right but the spell checker is being silent.  Never-mind, it was the Safari spell checker that didn't get it.  The Google spell checker got it, and now it's right :)

I'm off to do something.  Probably nothing but goof off for a few minutes.  I've been highly productive today.  

Until next time,

:)  

Excuses exshmuses

I've written this blog post about 20 times in my head so when I actually sat down to write it, as you can probably imagine, I had to go look at my actual blog to make sure I hadn't written something with this title already.  I would hate to be repetitive.  :)

Why haven't I posted this post yet?  Because my computer was on the other side of the room and I was lazy.  Because I was tired.  Blah, blah, blah.

And I know the second word of the title looks a little funny.  You know how you can add shm to the first syllable of a word and come up with two words to say?  Like fancy schmancy.  It's my attempt to be cute.  Just go with it.  :)

It's amazing to me how many people say they're going to start eating well after the holidays are over.  Are holidays ever really over?  My family's gotten a lot bigger over the years and there's always a birthday or graduation or Valentine's day (a.k.a. single girls eat chocolate day :) or WHATEVER.  Aren't those holidays too??  So what happens then?  Do we just spend our lives waiting for the next big thing to be over so we can get back on the wagon?  Doesn't that fall under the umbrella of wishing our lives away?  Haven't we been told by people older and wiser than us that that is not a good idea?  And, yes, I tried to figure out a way to word that sentence without using "that" twice.  

I have lost almost 15 pounds since the beginning of November.  And every week except one I lost weight in some number.  2 days after Thanksgiving I weighed in and lost.  The week after both Christmas and New Years I weighed in and lost.  Did I have less fun?  No. I actually had more fun because I spent less time concentrating on food and thus less time feeling sick to my stomach.  Of course all this is helped by the fact that I have very little appetite any more.  But I won't circle that wagon again, I think I already covered that, and like I said before, I hate to be repetitive.  See what I did there?  I repeated that I ....... you saw it.  :)

I had one New Year's resolution: to remember to write 2013 on everything instead of 2012.  Nothing else.  I'm already doing everything I need to be doing right now, and I'm happy.  That's the best part.  That and I feel great, and I have more energy.  Oh, and I'm getting ready to go another size down in jeans. That would be the 3rd time in 2 months thank you so much.  I'll be back in a size 12.  WOOHOO!!!!!  It's been a while since I've been there.  Like a WHILE.  

I'm a little bored of this post since I've written it so many times in my head.  Hilarious.  It's hard to be funny when I'm bored.  Or tired.  Either way, I think I'm going to retire it and post anew another time.  :)

Until next time,

:)