I found the key to my appetite

I truly figured it out.  Finally.  My appetite is tied to my social butterfly status.  If I'm feeling the need for attention and to be around people, appetite decreases.  For the last week or so, I've been dying to be alone.  Secluded.  NO PEOPLE.  No phone.  You get it.  And this last week I've had the appetite I had back when I was gaining weight like crazy.  I was hiding.  It's very effective.  Well, gaining weight is effective at hiding me.  But I'm not going to hide behind weight anymore.  It's going to be a fight against myself until I feel alone enough.  

I'm going to shut off my phone for a week and ignore people in a secluded spot looking at trees.  It's just too bad I have to wait until this summer for that.  Until then, I am going to find spots on the local greenway to run alone, or walk alone, or go eat alone, or just be alone. I'm allowed to shut my door and ignore my phone :)

So if you happen to try and reach me and I don't respond, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I'm equal opportunity, I'm ignoring everyone :)

Now, if I could just figure out how to spell appetite!  Thank goodness for spell check :)

Until next time,
:)

That bowl of ice cream did nothing for the sweets craving

Or what I thought was a sweets craving.  I should know by now that all a craving is is emotions.  Here we go again.  I know you're tired of reading the following sentence almost as much as I'm tired of blogging it: I DO NOT LIKE FEELINGS.  You know in the movie The Proposal where they're on the airplane and they're going over the questions, and Sandra Bullock asks "What am I allergic to" and he said "Pine nuts and the full spectrum of human emotion"?  Yes, well wouldn't that be nice.  Not the pine nuts part, I don't even know what those are.  

I would say the feelings are feelings of being scared of commitment, but I'm not really sure that's true.  It's possible, and definitely something that a few years ago, I would have been prone to, but I learned over the last couple of years that I could commit, I was ready to permanently at one point, but that's another story for another day.  To the right person, I don't think commitment would be an issue for me.  

Maybe the emotions are that I'm drowning.  And scared that I'll screw it all up.  Scared that maybe I can't do it all, even though I want to be able to.  

Maybe I'm nervous.  I haven't run any races since the half marathon last year (you remember after which I had all but given up running -- I thought I had posted about it, but I can't find it, the only one I can find is this one. ) BUT anyways.  I had decided that when I started running again, I wasn't going to sign up for any races until I was ready to run the distance comfortably, and without injury.  I don't know that I'm totally out of the woods on the latter, but I'm definitely out of the woods on the former.  5K (3.1 miles) in 36:18.  Yes, please.  So I signed up for a race. Actually I ran the same race last year :)  It's in 2 days.  I'm a little nervous!  I'm just glad it's supposed to be warmer than the 8 degrees it was last year.  YIKES.  Well, wish me luck! :)

I've started running outside again now that it's the perfect weather for it, and I have to say, I like it SO much better than inside!!  There's more pretty scenery, people to watch, and I'm not looking at the same thing around and around and around again like on a track, or worse, a treadmill!  :)

I think I've run out of amusement, so I'm going to go to bed.  Goodnight moon :)

Until next time,
:)