I think this time of year is what really gets me all worked up. Today, I'm going to think positive. But first I'm going to get a few negative things out of the way:
I'm tired. I work too much. My feet hurt (thanks to running around in heels all day). Christmas can't come early enough, or be far enough away. I'm tired. Oh, I mentioned that last one twice.
Now let's get to the positive. I feel better about myself today. I found an outfit that, quite frankly, I felt smokin' in :)
I was in a work groove, I got so much accomplished today.
One week from this Saturday, I will run a 5K. The whole thing. I'm very excited! It will kick off the new year right!
I'm going to turn in for the night, busy day already set for tomorrow.
Until next time,
:)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
One day I'll be okay with myself. Warning: today is NOT that day.
First order of business, a catch-up review of the last few weeks, and reminder to self that I need to post more often. After my maintaining stint, I lost .6 then gained 2.2 then lost .6 then gained 2.2 this past week. And I feel gross, to be perfectly honest. ::sigh:: I feel like I'm taking myself back into the pendulum again, and I can already see the same results as the last time: a lot of frustration, tears, and more time wasted.
In my last blog post, I said I was going to run 1.75 miles if it killed me because that was what the training plan said. Well, I ran 3.25!!! Unfortunately, it was 3.25 miles in one direction: AWAY from my car. So then I had to walk the 3.5 miles back to my car. Boy oh boy was I in pain afterwards! But I did it! I ran the 5K distance + some!! Then I recovered for a week :)
Then last Sunday, I went downtown and ran 3.10 exactly, and that included 2 hills. I mastered this feat in 34:15, maintaining around an 11:03 pace approx. I basically ran the route for the 5K I am running on December 31st. That was exciting!
Something happened the last two-three weeks. I got depressed, almost scary depressed. Didn't want to do anything except lay in bed, did so all weekend and slept and then was exhausted. Didn't understand that one. Gloomy Gus Leigh was very confused. Maybe it's the season, maybe its just the way I am, and I'm going through a difficulty, or working through some of my "stuff", who really knows. All I know is I cried all the time for no reason and didn't want to do anything. Well, except eat. Joy. I have gotten a little sidetracked from my diet plans, and I can tell a difference.
Then I seemed to get out of my funk, and was happy for a few days this week, up to, well right now. I'm fighting tears. What changed? Yesterday I got a massage and spent time with friends, and had tons of fun! Today, I got to hang out with my boyfriend, and we took some pictures, and ta DA. There it is. I was feeling very proud of myself for looking so cute in my cute dress, until I looked at the pictures of myself, and all I could/can think is how unhappy with my current self I am, how fat I think I look (and in some pictures, how pregnant I look - WHICH that is not a bad way to look, if you are, but I'm not....I'm trying desperately not to offend anyone with that sentence). 100% want to change, 0% pure motivation. All I want to do now is sulk.
Then I came home and was trying to find a cute outfit for tomorrow and failed, nothing fits like I want it too, because I've gained weight the last few weeks, and so now I'll probably just hide.
I was only a couple pounds away from hitting the lowest weight in my weight loss journey, the weight I haven't achieved since July a year ago, and what did I do? Sabotaged it. Same old story, over and over. Now I'm frustrated, and I feel defeated. And fat.
I had decided that while eating gluten and corn free was very helpful to my weight loss, and made me feel better, it wasn't "practical" or "financially friendly" and so I decided to scoot away from it a little, I was still going to mostly maintain that lifestyle, but not be gung-ho. Well, I knew what that was before I even started, a self-justification to eat whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. I've eaten gluten and corn all weekend! I have no self control.
So executive decision: back to gluten and corn free. I don't care if I have to wake up an hour earlier and if it kills me financially. Feeling crappy isn't really worth a little convenience and money saved. I think it comes down to I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else and for once not experience consequences. Well, I just have to face that I'm different. And maybe one day I'll be okay with that.
I'm sure this has just been a peach to read, and I apologize for that. Maybe when I pick myself back up, I'll post a happy post.
Until next time,
L
In my last blog post, I said I was going to run 1.75 miles if it killed me because that was what the training plan said. Well, I ran 3.25!!! Unfortunately, it was 3.25 miles in one direction: AWAY from my car. So then I had to walk the 3.5 miles back to my car. Boy oh boy was I in pain afterwards! But I did it! I ran the 5K distance + some!! Then I recovered for a week :)
Then last Sunday, I went downtown and ran 3.10 exactly, and that included 2 hills. I mastered this feat in 34:15, maintaining around an 11:03 pace approx. I basically ran the route for the 5K I am running on December 31st. That was exciting!
Something happened the last two-three weeks. I got depressed, almost scary depressed. Didn't want to do anything except lay in bed, did so all weekend and slept and then was exhausted. Didn't understand that one. Gloomy Gus Leigh was very confused. Maybe it's the season, maybe its just the way I am, and I'm going through a difficulty, or working through some of my "stuff", who really knows. All I know is I cried all the time for no reason and didn't want to do anything. Well, except eat. Joy. I have gotten a little sidetracked from my diet plans, and I can tell a difference.
Then I seemed to get out of my funk, and was happy for a few days this week, up to, well right now. I'm fighting tears. What changed? Yesterday I got a massage and spent time with friends, and had tons of fun! Today, I got to hang out with my boyfriend, and we took some pictures, and ta DA. There it is. I was feeling very proud of myself for looking so cute in my cute dress, until I looked at the pictures of myself, and all I could/can think is how unhappy with my current self I am, how fat I think I look (and in some pictures, how pregnant I look - WHICH that is not a bad way to look, if you are, but I'm not....I'm trying desperately not to offend anyone with that sentence). 100% want to change, 0% pure motivation. All I want to do now is sulk.
Then I came home and was trying to find a cute outfit for tomorrow and failed, nothing fits like I want it too, because I've gained weight the last few weeks, and so now I'll probably just hide.
I was only a couple pounds away from hitting the lowest weight in my weight loss journey, the weight I haven't achieved since July a year ago, and what did I do? Sabotaged it. Same old story, over and over. Now I'm frustrated, and I feel defeated. And fat.
I had decided that while eating gluten and corn free was very helpful to my weight loss, and made me feel better, it wasn't "practical" or "financially friendly" and so I decided to scoot away from it a little, I was still going to mostly maintain that lifestyle, but not be gung-ho. Well, I knew what that was before I even started, a self-justification to eat whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. I've eaten gluten and corn all weekend! I have no self control.
So executive decision: back to gluten and corn free. I don't care if I have to wake up an hour earlier and if it kills me financially. Feeling crappy isn't really worth a little convenience and money saved. I think it comes down to I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else and for once not experience consequences. Well, I just have to face that I'm different. And maybe one day I'll be okay with that.
I'm sure this has just been a peach to read, and I apologize for that. Maybe when I pick myself back up, I'll post a happy post.
Until next time,
L
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I think I'm scared to be thin.
*Note: I started this post a while ago....
Interesting thought. huh? After two years (first week in November was official year 2 mark) of fighting and losing and gaining and maintaining and feeling...
I've done WELL the last 6 weeks up until last week and this week. I'll start with a little background. On September 24th, I went to get the results from a bunch of lab work I had done. Turns out my thyroid was out of whack. (Don't ask which direction, I have NO idea) :)
My doctor said she wanted to try to bring it to normal range with diet before she made any diagnosis or prescribed medicine. Verdict: corn free and gluten free diet.
This is only half a shocker for me. In high school, I went to a natural doctor who said my eczema was caused by a food sensitivity to corn (among a long list of other things). I cut corn, and the eczema went away and I dropped 15 pounds in a very short period of time. So I knew that the weight would FALL off if I cut corn. Gluten...well that's still a learning process. Turns out, like corn, it's in EVERYTHING. At least everything that resembles bread (and the whole family). So I got my game plan together and the next day (Saturday) I started this new diet change.
Results:
Week 1: -2.6 pounds
Week 2: -2.2 pounds
Week 3: -1.6 pounds
Week 4: -2.2 pounds
Week 5: -.6 pounds
That's 9.2 pounds total. And brings us to last week. I gained 0.4, which is basically maintaining. It's one of those "eh" things. I have maintained the last two weeks (NOT complaining)
I'm pity eating. I'm so depressed that I can't eat all this great stuff everyone else can eat, and that my food is twice as expensive (NOT an exaggeration) and is five times more trouble, it's FRUSTRATING. Am I getting GREAT benefits out of it? Absolutely! I feel better, I'm not tired in the morning, the eczema is gone, I'm dropping pounds, fit back into my jeans from high school (!!!!!!!), the list goes on and on. BUT, sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. I can do all this work to make sure I can eat something and one little thing that I can't eat can undo it all.
I've also figured out what chocolate I can eat (internal GROAN) because I definitely overdid it a week or so ago on that.
Something mental is going on in my head that I have no idea what it is...because I've been eating like crazy all week. It's that thing on the tip of my tongue that I can't get out!
This happens every time. It happened the last time I got this thin: last summer. I got down to a certain point and then something came up that put me in a weird spot emotionally and undid it all (last year it was surgery...). I don't want to do that this time!
I've also decided something: I want to get back to running. I've decided to train for another 5K. It is February 11th. Then I want to run the half marathon at the end of April.
They're lofty goals, for sure, since I haven't done much running since my 5K and even less after surgery (I'll admit: I've been a little scared of hurting myself).
A couple weeks ago (when I started this post) I jumped up and went for a run, and cranked out a mile! In 11:13!!!! Then I ran another mile the next day, and haven't run since. Ugh.
I'm going for a run this morning (in a few, when the sun comes up) and according to my training schedule, I need to be able to run 1.75. I'm driving downtown to a green way (also the 5K site :) ) to get it done if it kills me!
If I post later, you'll know I survived :)
Until next time,
:)
Interesting thought. huh? After two years (first week in November was official year 2 mark) of fighting and losing and gaining and maintaining and feeling...
I've done WELL the last 6 weeks up until last week and this week. I'll start with a little background. On September 24th, I went to get the results from a bunch of lab work I had done. Turns out my thyroid was out of whack. (Don't ask which direction, I have NO idea) :)
My doctor said she wanted to try to bring it to normal range with diet before she made any diagnosis or prescribed medicine. Verdict: corn free and gluten free diet.
This is only half a shocker for me. In high school, I went to a natural doctor who said my eczema was caused by a food sensitivity to corn (among a long list of other things). I cut corn, and the eczema went away and I dropped 15 pounds in a very short period of time. So I knew that the weight would FALL off if I cut corn. Gluten...well that's still a learning process. Turns out, like corn, it's in EVERYTHING. At least everything that resembles bread (and the whole family). So I got my game plan together and the next day (Saturday) I started this new diet change.
Results:
Week 1: -2.6 pounds
Week 2: -2.2 pounds
Week 3: -1.6 pounds
Week 4: -2.2 pounds
Week 5: -.6 pounds
That's 9.2 pounds total. And brings us to last week. I gained 0.4, which is basically maintaining. It's one of those "eh" things. I have maintained the last two weeks (NOT complaining)
I'm pity eating. I'm so depressed that I can't eat all this great stuff everyone else can eat, and that my food is twice as expensive (NOT an exaggeration) and is five times more trouble, it's FRUSTRATING. Am I getting GREAT benefits out of it? Absolutely! I feel better, I'm not tired in the morning, the eczema is gone, I'm dropping pounds, fit back into my jeans from high school (!!!!!!!), the list goes on and on. BUT, sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. I can do all this work to make sure I can eat something and one little thing that I can't eat can undo it all.
I've also figured out what chocolate I can eat (internal GROAN) because I definitely overdid it a week or so ago on that.
Something mental is going on in my head that I have no idea what it is...because I've been eating like crazy all week. It's that thing on the tip of my tongue that I can't get out!
This happens every time. It happened the last time I got this thin: last summer. I got down to a certain point and then something came up that put me in a weird spot emotionally and undid it all (last year it was surgery...). I don't want to do that this time!
I've also decided something: I want to get back to running. I've decided to train for another 5K. It is February 11th. Then I want to run the half marathon at the end of April.
They're lofty goals, for sure, since I haven't done much running since my 5K and even less after surgery (I'll admit: I've been a little scared of hurting myself).
A couple weeks ago (when I started this post) I jumped up and went for a run, and cranked out a mile! In 11:13!!!! Then I ran another mile the next day, and haven't run since. Ugh.
I'm going for a run this morning (in a few, when the sun comes up) and according to my training schedule, I need to be able to run 1.75. I'm driving downtown to a green way (also the 5K site :) ) to get it done if it kills me!
If I post later, you'll know I survived :)
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
To read signs or not to read signs, that is the question.
Wow, well I really meant to post about the 100th thing that I thought of. I'm going to run 100 laps at the track on campus. I already have 4 down. It was funny actually, I ran 4 laps around the track, and was so excited that I ran a mile, I then walked a half a mile, and while I was cooling down, I read the sign that said 1 mile is 6.5 laps. *Rolls eyes and laughs aloud*. I laughed about it all the way to my car, which was a half hour hike. I am certainly getting much more exercise now than I was, it's awesome. I suppose if I had read that sign before, I would have only run 3 laps, the 4th almost killed me, but I did it because I thought it was a mile, now I'll do it because I know I can. There was also a sign directing which way to go around the track on which days, not really useful reading that one either, it is the best idea to go the same direction as everyone else and hope the first person on the track went about the correct way. And as I typed that, it sounded very passive and follower to me, and I almost didn't like it, but I suppose there are times, when it's best to follow, and there are times when it's best to break from the pack and lead. Lose the battle, win the war types of scenarios, or is Win the battle Lose the war? Food for thought.
I think the second thing I'm going to do that involves 100 is go 100 days with NO soda. I do not count Sweet Tea in this, not sure why, and this is not cutting out caffeine. I almost said I wouldn't survive without it, however, I made it a full day on campus studying all day and a commute an hour each way very early and late and worked out at night (before the drive) all without caffeine. It was impressive really. I was impressed. Almost impressed enough to try it again the next day, but not willing to push my luck. :)
I lost a pound this week, and I have no idea how, and I hate that, I'd like to be able to spot good behavior so I can repeat. I'll just chalk it up to being sick again, allergies I guess, I coughed up so much gunk...sorry that's a little gross. I ate out a good bit this week, but I made decent choices, and left off the add ons (fries, soda, etc). I feel so...so....so....well I feel something, that's for sure, which is a good thing I suppose. I'm attempting to figure it out. I'll get there.
I have so many conflicting ideas running around in my head right now, for each of my blogs, it's starting to get confusing. I suppose if I blogged more often, I wouldn't have this trouble :)
Well, all these thoughts spinning around are limiting my ability to sleep, so I'm going to blog up a storm while my other computer formats itself and re-installs Windows (ask me how much fun that is) and hopefully go to sleep after that.
Until next time,
:)
I think the second thing I'm going to do that involves 100 is go 100 days with NO soda. I do not count Sweet Tea in this, not sure why, and this is not cutting out caffeine. I almost said I wouldn't survive without it, however, I made it a full day on campus studying all day and a commute an hour each way very early and late and worked out at night (before the drive) all without caffeine. It was impressive really. I was impressed. Almost impressed enough to try it again the next day, but not willing to push my luck. :)
I lost a pound this week, and I have no idea how, and I hate that, I'd like to be able to spot good behavior so I can repeat. I'll just chalk it up to being sick again, allergies I guess, I coughed up so much gunk...sorry that's a little gross. I ate out a good bit this week, but I made decent choices, and left off the add ons (fries, soda, etc). I feel so...so....so....well I feel something, that's for sure, which is a good thing I suppose. I'm attempting to figure it out. I'll get there.
I have so many conflicting ideas running around in my head right now, for each of my blogs, it's starting to get confusing. I suppose if I blogged more often, I wouldn't have this trouble :)
Well, all these thoughts spinning around are limiting my ability to sleep, so I'm going to blog up a storm while my other computer formats itself and re-installs Windows (ask me how much fun that is) and hopefully go to sleep after that.
Until next time,
:)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
100 Post-iversarry
Well folks, we've made it to post #100! In honor of this post, I'm going to drink 100 ounces of water today, wait, I (try) to do that anyways. Hm, I remember in school on the 100th day of school, we all brought 100 of something into class. The only one I really remember is when I brought 100 highlights magazines in. Not sure how long I had to collect those for that.
I know I said I was going to be accountable for all I ate, I'm re-starting that today. This weekend was....let's go with special. And I suppose I made up for it by barely eating yesterday. Go wrap at 7, Mini Lean Cuisine at 3, and I didn't really eat dinner last night. Well, to be correct, technically I didn't eat last night. I got a little hungry and had a bowl of oatmeal at the office before I left, but I wasn't really hungry other than that.
I'm in class and we're about to start, so I'm going to skitattle.
I'll figure out something really nifty to celebrate post #100 and share it when I figure it out.
Until next time,
:)
I know I said I was going to be accountable for all I ate, I'm re-starting that today. This weekend was....let's go with special. And I suppose I made up for it by barely eating yesterday. Go wrap at 7, Mini Lean Cuisine at 3, and I didn't really eat dinner last night. Well, to be correct, technically I didn't eat last night. I got a little hungry and had a bowl of oatmeal at the office before I left, but I wasn't really hungry other than that.
I'm in class and we're about to start, so I'm going to skitattle.
I'll figure out something really nifty to celebrate post #100 and share it when I figure it out.
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Or in my case, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and you get the picture. :)
So for the weekly update. I gained 2.4 pounds this week. When the number came in, I was weighed by my WW leader, and she noticed it had been every other week, alternating lose/gain, and she asked what was up. I broke down. Just thinking about it will bring more tears. I'm stressed, spinning my wheels, and going to see my therapist. I'm going to very easily hit my limit and this "stay just about the same weight for 1.5 years" is REALLY starting to get to me, along with a mile-long list of other things. Big time. She pointed out that I maintained my 30 pounds lost for the last year and a half, and while that's true, and comforting, the whole thing is still frustrating. My big goal now is to start thinking before I eat, and asses if I'm eating for emotional reasons (stress, anxious, frustrated, upset, nervous, happy, sad, pensive, the list goes on and on) or if I'm actually hungry. If I'm starting to crave food for emotional reasons, I need to stop and JOURNAL. Doesn't have to be a formal blog entry, although it will probably turn into one, it can start out as a scrap of a napkin. I just need to get it out! The part about insanity, is I've been doing the same thing for the last year and a half, expecting different results, it's time to break the cycle. I know I've said this time and time again, and you're probably thinking, I'll believe it when I see it. Trust me, I'm thinking the same thing. I can only go round and round for so long. This might just be my time. Correction: This IS my time. I'm going to start working out again (until October I have access to a gym at home and at school, after October, I'll just have the school one), start back with Pilates, watching the fast food, and NO SODA. This time's for real. Now I've found coffee, there's a Starbucks on campus (thank goodness!) and there's always the energy shots. If you see me drink soda, this is my written permission to take it from me and trash it. I also think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone other than me for everything I eat. It's a lot easier to get away with small indiscretions (that add up!) when it's just me tracking for me. Maybe I'll start posting daily, at the end of the day, what I ate that day, and evaluate where I did well, and where I could use some work. Who knows, maybe this will help me find the emotional eating pattern so I can break it!
I'm confident the gain is because of the crazy schedule and all the fast food. I was also frustrated and upset yesterday so the half bag of Reece's pieces probably didn't help. The word "probably" could come out of that last sentence, and it'd be more true. One of my co-workers did introduce me to something fabulous yesterday, probably one of the best food choices I made all week (one of, because just about nothing will top my fruit and cheese decision on Monday). Subway now has flat bread, and she introduced me to a ham and cheese flat bread sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and ranch dressing on it. Supper yummy, and only 13 points. Okay, maybe I should take the "only" out of there, and "good choice" out of the previous sentence, because I just calculated the points. To be fair, it did have two kinds of cheese. By putting in light mayo for the ranch, it's 11 points. Taking out one of the cheeses, it's 9 points. Now that's something I can sink my teeth into and not feel guilty about getting chips :)
That would be a prime example of how fooling food can be, especially eating fast food. I know I'm guilty of thinking because I see the name Subway, that it's going to be healthy. Kind of the same thing as "low-fat" or "fat free" or "sugar free" etc. For instance, If I gave you two choices at Subway, both on whole grain bread, 6" subs, with cheese: Tuna, or Turkey Bacon Avocado, which would you guess to have fewer points? If you guessed the Tuna, you'd be wrong. The tuna has 30 grams of fat, 44 carbs, 5 fiber, and 21 protein, coming in at 14 points. The Turkey Bacon Avocado has 15 grams of fat, 49 carbs, 7 fiber, and 24 protein, coming in at 11 points. I would have guessed the tuna too.
I realized today that what also probably contributed to my gain, was the amount of soda I took in. That would be 32 ounces every morning, and on school days, the soda never really stopped. I'm drowning myself in water now to try and wash that out of my system, but it'll take a couple of days. I do need the caffeine if I'm going to be starting my days at 6:30 regularly, which for the remainder of the near future, I will be. My mom suggested to me (and my sister has been bugging me about this for a while) that I need to try coffee. ::GROAN:: My mom suggested a latte, because they have milk in them. I said, okay, I'll give this a go. I tried one. And liked it. After doing some research, I found a latte made with skim milk at Dunkin Donuts for only 2 points! They also have a wake up wrap, which will have ham, egg, and cheese in a tortilla, for only 4 points! I think I found new breakfast! It's really amazing what can be gained by a little research. Thank you college football for providing the venue for me to be still enough and not distracted enough to research all this :)
I just re-read all this, and realized I was a little repetitive on the soda thing. I wrote the second part about soda before the first part. I suppose, consciously, I know I REALLY need to stop the soda. *mental note to self*
Something I noticed this week was my loss of the ability to feel (or feign feeling) sympathy. Mostly when I hear people say "I'm tired". I had practiced, and gotten pretty good at the sympathy routine, and I was starting to feel human, instead of cold-hearted. Then I do the school thing, have really long days (which I CHOOSE, I KNOW) and I lose ALL sympathy, especially for "I'm tired". YOU'RE tired?!?!?! Now, I know, everyone has different situations, limits, and etc, and their situation may be equivalent to mine, but just tailored for their life, but it's still something I'm going to have to re-learn over the next few weeks, to shift my perspective back. I say this to say, if you tell me you're tired, and I look at you like you're crazy, I'm sorry (and I'll probably apologize on the spot), but I'm re-working on that grown-up, mature, perspective thing. My poor brain can only learn and catalog one thing at a time. No multi-tasking here. That's no excuse of course, but to be fair, this isn't on the tip-top of my list of things to accomplish, it's pretty high, but my classes (at least) rank above it. I'll get my groove back (isn't that a kids TV show?), but it might take a couple weeks.
I've been patiently searching the Internet for a few weeks to find an ultra-basic cooking class that wasn't going to put me out a ton of cash. By patient, I mean, mostly ignoring it because I got frustrated, not a good habit, but I digress. Then tonight, I got a wild hair, and decided to check out the Whole Foods cooking class schedule again. Turns out, the second Saturday, from 10a-1p, they have a "Welcome to your kitchen" hands-on class, for only $49! Yes, I'm already registered, and SUPER excited!!
I really need to go, because it's late and I'm tired, and I need to get up early tomorrow morning. I got 10 hours of un-interrupted sleep last night (9-7) and I'd like to shoot for at least 8 tonight. I'll probably need a nap tomorrow afternoon, but that's what Sunday afternoons are for. :)
I had a couple runner-up titles for this post:
Look out world, Leigh's learning to cook!
Tuna sandwich vs. Turkey Bacon Avocado??? And the winner is.....
But I really liked the insanity thing, my WW leader told me that today in our discussion, it really rang true.
Until next time,
:)
So for the weekly update. I gained 2.4 pounds this week. When the number came in, I was weighed by my WW leader, and she noticed it had been every other week, alternating lose/gain, and she asked what was up. I broke down. Just thinking about it will bring more tears. I'm stressed, spinning my wheels, and going to see my therapist. I'm going to very easily hit my limit and this "stay just about the same weight for 1.5 years" is REALLY starting to get to me, along with a mile-long list of other things. Big time. She pointed out that I maintained my 30 pounds lost for the last year and a half, and while that's true, and comforting, the whole thing is still frustrating. My big goal now is to start thinking before I eat, and asses if I'm eating for emotional reasons (stress, anxious, frustrated, upset, nervous, happy, sad, pensive, the list goes on and on) or if I'm actually hungry. If I'm starting to crave food for emotional reasons, I need to stop and JOURNAL. Doesn't have to be a formal blog entry, although it will probably turn into one, it can start out as a scrap of a napkin. I just need to get it out! The part about insanity, is I've been doing the same thing for the last year and a half, expecting different results, it's time to break the cycle. I know I've said this time and time again, and you're probably thinking, I'll believe it when I see it. Trust me, I'm thinking the same thing. I can only go round and round for so long. This might just be my time. Correction: This IS my time. I'm going to start working out again (until October I have access to a gym at home and at school, after October, I'll just have the school one), start back with Pilates, watching the fast food, and NO SODA. This time's for real. Now I've found coffee, there's a Starbucks on campus (thank goodness!) and there's always the energy shots. If you see me drink soda, this is my written permission to take it from me and trash it. I also think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone other than me for everything I eat. It's a lot easier to get away with small indiscretions (that add up!) when it's just me tracking for me. Maybe I'll start posting daily, at the end of the day, what I ate that day, and evaluate where I did well, and where I could use some work. Who knows, maybe this will help me find the emotional eating pattern so I can break it!
I'm confident the gain is because of the crazy schedule and all the fast food. I was also frustrated and upset yesterday so the half bag of Reece's pieces probably didn't help. The word "probably" could come out of that last sentence, and it'd be more true. One of my co-workers did introduce me to something fabulous yesterday, probably one of the best food choices I made all week (one of, because just about nothing will top my fruit and cheese decision on Monday). Subway now has flat bread, and she introduced me to a ham and cheese flat bread sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and ranch dressing on it. Supper yummy, and only 13 points. Okay, maybe I should take the "only" out of there, and "good choice" out of the previous sentence, because I just calculated the points. To be fair, it did have two kinds of cheese. By putting in light mayo for the ranch, it's 11 points. Taking out one of the cheeses, it's 9 points. Now that's something I can sink my teeth into and not feel guilty about getting chips :)
That would be a prime example of how fooling food can be, especially eating fast food. I know I'm guilty of thinking because I see the name Subway, that it's going to be healthy. Kind of the same thing as "low-fat" or "fat free" or "sugar free" etc. For instance, If I gave you two choices at Subway, both on whole grain bread, 6" subs, with cheese: Tuna, or Turkey Bacon Avocado, which would you guess to have fewer points? If you guessed the Tuna, you'd be wrong. The tuna has 30 grams of fat, 44 carbs, 5 fiber, and 21 protein, coming in at 14 points. The Turkey Bacon Avocado has 15 grams of fat, 49 carbs, 7 fiber, and 24 protein, coming in at 11 points. I would have guessed the tuna too.
I realized today that what also probably contributed to my gain, was the amount of soda I took in. That would be 32 ounces every morning, and on school days, the soda never really stopped. I'm drowning myself in water now to try and wash that out of my system, but it'll take a couple of days. I do need the caffeine if I'm going to be starting my days at 6:30 regularly, which for the remainder of the near future, I will be. My mom suggested to me (and my sister has been bugging me about this for a while) that I need to try coffee. ::GROAN:: My mom suggested a latte, because they have milk in them. I said, okay, I'll give this a go. I tried one. And liked it. After doing some research, I found a latte made with skim milk at Dunkin Donuts for only 2 points! They also have a wake up wrap, which will have ham, egg, and cheese in a tortilla, for only 4 points! I think I found new breakfast! It's really amazing what can be gained by a little research. Thank you college football for providing the venue for me to be still enough and not distracted enough to research all this :)
I just re-read all this, and realized I was a little repetitive on the soda thing. I wrote the second part about soda before the first part. I suppose, consciously, I know I REALLY need to stop the soda. *mental note to self*
Something I noticed this week was my loss of the ability to feel (or feign feeling) sympathy. Mostly when I hear people say "I'm tired". I had practiced, and gotten pretty good at the sympathy routine, and I was starting to feel human, instead of cold-hearted. Then I do the school thing, have really long days (which I CHOOSE, I KNOW) and I lose ALL sympathy, especially for "I'm tired". YOU'RE tired?!?!?! Now, I know, everyone has different situations, limits, and etc, and their situation may be equivalent to mine, but just tailored for their life, but it's still something I'm going to have to re-learn over the next few weeks, to shift my perspective back. I say this to say, if you tell me you're tired, and I look at you like you're crazy, I'm sorry (and I'll probably apologize on the spot), but I'm re-working on that grown-up, mature, perspective thing. My poor brain can only learn and catalog one thing at a time. No multi-tasking here. That's no excuse of course, but to be fair, this isn't on the tip-top of my list of things to accomplish, it's pretty high, but my classes (at least) rank above it. I'll get my groove back (isn't that a kids TV show?), but it might take a couple weeks.
I've been patiently searching the Internet for a few weeks to find an ultra-basic cooking class that wasn't going to put me out a ton of cash. By patient, I mean, mostly ignoring it because I got frustrated, not a good habit, but I digress. Then tonight, I got a wild hair, and decided to check out the Whole Foods cooking class schedule again. Turns out, the second Saturday, from 10a-1p, they have a "Welcome to your kitchen" hands-on class, for only $49! Yes, I'm already registered, and SUPER excited!!
I really need to go, because it's late and I'm tired, and I need to get up early tomorrow morning. I got 10 hours of un-interrupted sleep last night (9-7) and I'd like to shoot for at least 8 tonight. I'll probably need a nap tomorrow afternoon, but that's what Sunday afternoons are for. :)
I had a couple runner-up titles for this post:
Look out world, Leigh's learning to cook!
Tuna sandwich vs. Turkey Bacon Avocado??? And the winner is.....
But I really liked the insanity thing, my WW leader told me that today in our discussion, it really rang true.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Priorities change like the seasons
I haven't posted in a while, I know. School started this week. I guess now that I think of it, I posted on Monday, so there. I've been doing OK this week in terms of food. It is nice to have a ROUTINE on the days I have school. Do I have one for work days? Absolutely not. I never have. Breakfast at 6:30 AM, lunch at 2PM, and dinner (if I eat it) around 8PM. No snacks. Not a good thing. I'm working on one thing at a time.
Unfortunately, my first priority is not my eating. Granted, I'm not letting it go, just admitting I only have 100% of energy. Right now, 100% is devoted to school. I'm making the best decisions I can, trying to still learn about myself, and not snacking myself into oblivion, but packing lunches? You can forget it. At least for now. I do control myself. I haven't gone crazy.
Last week I lost 1.5, I still have no idea. I might have maintained this week, I'm a little unsure. I feel about the same, if not a little lighter. I might weigh myself tomorrow morning for kicks and giggles.
I'll still be around, and heck, I might just do better than I give myself credit. I've already tentatively planned to work out on my school nights while I'm on campus. Go me.
Until next time,
:)
Unfortunately, my first priority is not my eating. Granted, I'm not letting it go, just admitting I only have 100% of energy. Right now, 100% is devoted to school. I'm making the best decisions I can, trying to still learn about myself, and not snacking myself into oblivion, but packing lunches? You can forget it. At least for now. I do control myself. I haven't gone crazy.
Last week I lost 1.5, I still have no idea. I might have maintained this week, I'm a little unsure. I feel about the same, if not a little lighter. I might weigh myself tomorrow morning for kicks and giggles.
I'll still be around, and heck, I might just do better than I give myself credit. I've already tentatively planned to work out on my school nights while I'm on campus. Go me.
Until next time,
:)
Monday, August 29, 2011
I made a good decision because I wanted to!!!!!
Okay, I'm going to make this quick post about how proud of myself I am, then I'm going to do what I'm in the library to do: STUDY! :)
I had breakfast on my way to campus at 6:30 this morning. Then after my first class, around 10, I was hungry. I went to a little convenience type store that had snacks, and I purposely picked out a fruit cup and string cheese!!!!! It wasn't even one of those decisions that I said to myself, "I really SHOULD ::groan:: get the fruit and cheese. I simply wanted to eat that. I WANT better!! It was $5 but I don't care.
I obviously worried about what school was going to do to my eating habits. If I keep this up, I may actually do BETTER in school. Imagine that. Hm.
Until next time,
:)
Would you like some grease with your pizza?
I remember in middle and high school seeing some of the girls use paper towels or napkins to pat the excess grease off pizza, and I remember thinking they were crazy. Well refer to my follow the skinny people post, they were ALL thin. Hmmm, I'm seeing a trend.
This post actually formed in my head about a week ago. I made a take and bake pizza. I added some pepperoni. When I pulled it out of the oven, there were puddles of grease sitting on the pizza. I soaked 6 paper towels just to get the standing grease off, and then used a few more to get some of the rest off. It was a little gross, but after I got all the excess off, the pizza was really good!
I had a really good runner-up post for this, but I just don't remember what it was.
Until next time,
:)
This post actually formed in my head about a week ago. I made a take and bake pizza. I added some pepperoni. When I pulled it out of the oven, there were puddles of grease sitting on the pizza. I soaked 6 paper towels just to get the standing grease off, and then used a few more to get some of the rest off. It was a little gross, but after I got all the excess off, the pizza was really good!
I had a really good runner-up post for this, but I just don't remember what it was.
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Follow the skinny people.
I am going to first draw attention to what time it is. Currently it is 3:50AM. I have been awake for almost an hour. I mentioned to my Doctor that this occasionally happens, and she said it was a very hypoglycemic tendency. OH BOY. That means at 3AM, my blood sugar gets so low, it wakes me up. Yay. Luckily this can be counter-acted by eating a high protein snack right before I go to bed that will keep me satisfied all night.
So I'm laying in bed trying to sleep, and then I'm thinking about what time it is, and I'm already drafting this post in my head, so I finally say to heck with it, get up, I just ate some yogurt, and now I'm blogging, hopefully I'll be able to go right back to sleep afterwards.
Someone in my Weight Watchers group a few weeks ago gave a good tip. When you go to a party, if you want to watch what you eat, follow the skinny people. If you'll notice, they'll go to the buffet table (or wherever there's food) and look around, pick up something and WALK AWAY. They don't stand near the table and graze. Interesting thought. And nifty strategy! I'm going to try that at the next party I attend :)
I was just thinking that this is what Dave Ramsey teaches too, well not the skinny people trick. He says to spend, invest, etc, like rich people do. They got rich somehow, right? Heh, very interesting parallel.
I gained 1.8 this week, and I know exactly why. I did not do well. It's almost like I wanted to gain (I didn't really). There are a couple of things (or trips through the drive-thru) that I look back at and wonder, WHY? And what on earth possessed me to do that, order that, eat that? It's stupid stuff too. I go through the McDonald's drive-thru for breakfast. I bought a whole box of lean pockets, in order to eat for breakfast! Like really?
When I went to see my doctor, she said I need to up the exercise, which is true. So I have a goal for this week. I bought a new Pilates video. I am going to try to do Pilates 3 mornings this week. I am also going to try to walk the majority of the evenings this week (that would be 4). TRY. If I only get 1 or 2 in, that's better than before, and the next week, I'll aim to improve upon that. I'm still going to aim for the 4, because if I only aim for 1 or 2, I'll hit it and go "okay, I'm done", which is counter-productive.
My other goal for this week is to track. I'm like a broken record to myself on this one. IT WORKS. I can PROVE it. Time after time after time after time.
I don't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post, but I am going to aim to take some basic cooking classes, because as I have learned recently, I'm almost completely useless in the kitchen. Yes, I can make a number of dishes, however, I'm very lacking in some of the basics, mostly because I wasn't interested in learning them before now. Had I been, I might have retained more from the times I cooked, watched my parents cook when I was younger.
My doctor also told me that I need to be drinking half my body weight in water every day. According to her scale, that would mean 100 ounces of water. According to my scale, it's whatever half of 193 is, so I save a whopping 3.5 ounces. When you drink 100, 3.5 pales in comparison. I did drink 100 ounces on Wednesday, definitely. I almost drowned! Thursday is a maybe, and Friday, I probably got 90. I know I didn't drink 100 ounces yesterday. I'll do better tomorrow.
Well, I'm going to try to go back to sleep, I'm yawning, so that's a good sign.
Until next time,
:)
So I'm laying in bed trying to sleep, and then I'm thinking about what time it is, and I'm already drafting this post in my head, so I finally say to heck with it, get up, I just ate some yogurt, and now I'm blogging, hopefully I'll be able to go right back to sleep afterwards.
Someone in my Weight Watchers group a few weeks ago gave a good tip. When you go to a party, if you want to watch what you eat, follow the skinny people. If you'll notice, they'll go to the buffet table (or wherever there's food) and look around, pick up something and WALK AWAY. They don't stand near the table and graze. Interesting thought. And nifty strategy! I'm going to try that at the next party I attend :)
I was just thinking that this is what Dave Ramsey teaches too, well not the skinny people trick. He says to spend, invest, etc, like rich people do. They got rich somehow, right? Heh, very interesting parallel.
I gained 1.8 this week, and I know exactly why. I did not do well. It's almost like I wanted to gain (I didn't really). There are a couple of things (or trips through the drive-thru) that I look back at and wonder, WHY? And what on earth possessed me to do that, order that, eat that? It's stupid stuff too. I go through the McDonald's drive-thru for breakfast. I bought a whole box of lean pockets, in order to eat for breakfast! Like really?
When I went to see my doctor, she said I need to up the exercise, which is true. So I have a goal for this week. I bought a new Pilates video. I am going to try to do Pilates 3 mornings this week. I am also going to try to walk the majority of the evenings this week (that would be 4). TRY. If I only get 1 or 2 in, that's better than before, and the next week, I'll aim to improve upon that. I'm still going to aim for the 4, because if I only aim for 1 or 2, I'll hit it and go "okay, I'm done", which is counter-productive.
My other goal for this week is to track. I'm like a broken record to myself on this one. IT WORKS. I can PROVE it. Time after time after time after time.
I don't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post, but I am going to aim to take some basic cooking classes, because as I have learned recently, I'm almost completely useless in the kitchen. Yes, I can make a number of dishes, however, I'm very lacking in some of the basics, mostly because I wasn't interested in learning them before now. Had I been, I might have retained more from the times I cooked, watched my parents cook when I was younger.
My doctor also told me that I need to be drinking half my body weight in water every day. According to her scale, that would mean 100 ounces of water. According to my scale, it's whatever half of 193 is, so I save a whopping 3.5 ounces. When you drink 100, 3.5 pales in comparison. I did drink 100 ounces on Wednesday, definitely. I almost drowned! Thursday is a maybe, and Friday, I probably got 90. I know I didn't drink 100 ounces yesterday. I'll do better tomorrow.
Well, I'm going to try to go back to sleep, I'm yawning, so that's a good sign.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'll take a weight fluctuation of 6 pounds in one day for 200, Alex
WAIT, no I won't. Well, I will because it happens. I weighed in at 194 last Saturday, then Tuesday afternoon, I went to the DR and weighed 200. ::FREAK OUT:: Then Wednesday AM, I weighed myself, back down to 194. ::WHEW:: I must have digested too much sodium or something. Goodness. They also took blood, like 10 vials or something (vampires!), so that may have accounted for some loss. I was pathetic and puny feeling most of the afternoon and evening until I perked up a little.....around 9 of course :)
Generally, most people gain about 3 pounds during the day. Just a fact of life, and why it's good to weigh at about the same time each time. I always weigh myself in the morning, before I eat anything, and I usually don't weigh myself during the week.
I know I haven't blogged in a bit, been busy, lots to tell, need to write it down because I forgot, and nothing witty's coming to me right now.
Until next time,
:)
Generally, most people gain about 3 pounds during the day. Just a fact of life, and why it's good to weigh at about the same time each time. I always weigh myself in the morning, before I eat anything, and I usually don't weigh myself during the week.
I know I haven't blogged in a bit, been busy, lots to tell, need to write it down because I forgot, and nothing witty's coming to me right now.
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
From smooth sailing to titanic (the ending) and back in 18 hours
I had fallen completely asleep, and suddenly, I'm jolted awake by a very loud crashing sound, from in my room. There are two closets in my room and one of them still had the hanging bar and shelf hanging on the wall (the other has already had this tragedy). It came crashing down, and brought everything with it, at 1:30 AM this morning. Scared me just about to death. I fell back asleep pretty quickly though :)
When I woke up, I promptly assisted in the emptying of that closet, and then after the scurry of a number of errands, we had a new shelf (that doesn't hang from the wall) and so I was able to re-assemble my room from the shambles of throwing stuff everywhere. My room is now back in as much order as it will get. It's neat and tidy.
Somehow, I lost .6 this week, but I have NO idea how. I am still trying to rack my brain. The only thing I have thought of is that most of my indiscretions were at the beginning of the week, and after my massage (which released some toxins, which I washed out with book-oodles of water) that it could have undone some of the mess I made at the beginning of the week. I have to have a really good week this week, and it started with some (if I say so myself) EXCELLENT planning on my errands. I had 5 stops to make, and I went the furthest from home, and went in order back home. How lucky was I that frozen food was part of only the last two stops? :)
I've figured out that almost everything I need can be found at Dollar Tree or Aldi, and I'm a FAN. Good times.
Last night, I was on the hunt for my mom for some good pictures of landscapes and flowers for her to paint. I took almost a hundred pictures, and some were fuzzy because I was losing light, but my two favorites are here:
First up,my favorite landscape:
Then my favorite flower:
Both photos are courtesy of Gaylord Opryland Hotel. Well courtesy to provide the subjects, I did take the pictures :)
I also took several flower pictures at the Public Library branch in Donelson, those will be up on my Facebook page soon.
I'm now settling down with 3 fans (those wonderful things that blow cold air, not three people that like me :) ), my programming book, and a cold beer to enjoy the rest of my evening.
Until next time,
:)
When I woke up, I promptly assisted in the emptying of that closet, and then after the scurry of a number of errands, we had a new shelf (that doesn't hang from the wall) and so I was able to re-assemble my room from the shambles of throwing stuff everywhere. My room is now back in as much order as it will get. It's neat and tidy.
Somehow, I lost .6 this week, but I have NO idea how. I am still trying to rack my brain. The only thing I have thought of is that most of my indiscretions were at the beginning of the week, and after my massage (which released some toxins, which I washed out with book-oodles of water) that it could have undone some of the mess I made at the beginning of the week. I have to have a really good week this week, and it started with some (if I say so myself) EXCELLENT planning on my errands. I had 5 stops to make, and I went the furthest from home, and went in order back home. How lucky was I that frozen food was part of only the last two stops? :)
I've figured out that almost everything I need can be found at Dollar Tree or Aldi, and I'm a FAN. Good times.
Last night, I was on the hunt for my mom for some good pictures of landscapes and flowers for her to paint. I took almost a hundred pictures, and some were fuzzy because I was losing light, but my two favorites are here:
First up,my favorite landscape:
Then my favorite flower:
I also took several flower pictures at the Public Library branch in Donelson, those will be up on my Facebook page soon.
I'm now settling down with 3 fans (those wonderful things that blow cold air, not three people that like me :) ), my programming book, and a cold beer to enjoy the rest of my evening.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
There's a reason I wear latex gloves when snaking the shower drain.
And may rich blessings pour out on the genius that invented latex gloves. Let's just put it this way: I have long hair. 'Nuff said.
I'm in a cleaning out mood again, as noted a little in my last post. I'm also a little on edge, and the appointment with the potential new Luda owner got moved back one more day, so I'm pins and needles right now. I also ate WAY too much pizza tonight. I stopped counting after 4 slices. ::groan:: I'm still emotionally eating, and it's about various things. Some Luda, some worry over final grades in calculus, some things I only blog about in my blog no one can see :)
I'll probably gain this week, and it's because I got lazy. So here's the deal. It works for me when I buy my food and eat my breakfast and lunch out of a box. Set number of points, no way for me to go overboard, with vegetables....so I'm going to be more consistent with that, and stop going out to eat for the next few weeks. And I had soda this week. ::double groan:: so I'm going to give those up (again) too. Those I'm trying to give up permanently. I'm going grocery shopping after my Weight Watchers, when I'll be inspired NOT to buy the things I shouldn't, I've found it's the best time to go grocery shopping.
I've also got a long list of errands to run, things to google (grin) and chores to accomplish this weekend, it's going to definitely be productive! I'm in a clean-out mode, so watch out stuff! It's trimming time again :)
I'm off to bed! Have a fun weekend!
I just re-read this post and realized I've been incredibly repetitive. Whoopsie Daisies. :)
Until next time,
:)
I'm in a cleaning out mood again, as noted a little in my last post. I'm also a little on edge, and the appointment with the potential new Luda owner got moved back one more day, so I'm pins and needles right now. I also ate WAY too much pizza tonight. I stopped counting after 4 slices. ::groan:: I'm still emotionally eating, and it's about various things. Some Luda, some worry over final grades in calculus, some things I only blog about in my blog no one can see :)
I'll probably gain this week, and it's because I got lazy. So here's the deal. It works for me when I buy my food and eat my breakfast and lunch out of a box. Set number of points, no way for me to go overboard, with vegetables....so I'm going to be more consistent with that, and stop going out to eat for the next few weeks. And I had soda this week. ::double groan:: so I'm going to give those up (again) too. Those I'm trying to give up permanently. I'm going grocery shopping after my Weight Watchers, when I'll be inspired NOT to buy the things I shouldn't, I've found it's the best time to go grocery shopping.
I've also got a long list of errands to run, things to google (grin) and chores to accomplish this weekend, it's going to definitely be productive! I'm in a clean-out mode, so watch out stuff! It's trimming time again :)
I'm off to bed! Have a fun weekend!
I just re-read this post and realized I've been incredibly repetitive. Whoopsie Daisies. :)
Until next time,
:)
Caring for self: I can get into this :)
I had a half day today, and I got a massage. And enjoyed every second of it. I feel so relaxed and stress-free, I might make it a regular occurrence. I'm definitely a FAN.
I've noticed I'm starting to devote a little more time, money, and energy to self care, and I'm definitely seeing benefits. I'm also enjoying it. I would not have enjoyed self care 5 years ago like I do now.
I had a thought earlier that wondered if I'm being selfish. Now, if I got weekly massages, nails and toes done every two weeks, etc, that MIGHT be selfish, but only getting my toes done every 4 weeks and only in the summer, granted nails get done every two weeks, getting massages monthly at most, and my weekly Weight Watchers meetings, I think I'm devoting an appropriate amount of time to myself. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else, right? Right.
Part of my pride is evolved by my extensive movie collection. I boast over 200 titles in said collection, and I'm very proud of that. It was like back when I had 545 friends on Facebook. Finally, it got ridiculous, and I started trimming away the people I never talked to, people I didn't like, etc. There were a few people I accidentally removed, and I've re-added since then, but I trimmed down to 40 friends. Now I'm at a little over 100, but those are all people I keep up with at least, and talk to regularly for the most part. Family is also in that :) I say all this to say this: I'm going to do the same with my movie collection, trim the movies I either don't watch, don't like anymore, or can get easily through Netflix, on demand, etc. I'm going to take the rest and sell them to McKay's. I got the idea from my mom and step-dad who are doing the same thing with their collection. I probably won't get rid of my TV shows on DVD though. I will probably get rid of most of my VHS too, unless I decided I like it enough to devote the time to turn it into a DVD via the converter we have.
Well, I have a long list of things to get accomplished tonight and this weekend, so I'm off! I'll probably blog once more tonight, but then I'll be checking list items off!
Happy self-care!
Until next time,
:)
I've noticed I'm starting to devote a little more time, money, and energy to self care, and I'm definitely seeing benefits. I'm also enjoying it. I would not have enjoyed self care 5 years ago like I do now.
I had a thought earlier that wondered if I'm being selfish. Now, if I got weekly massages, nails and toes done every two weeks, etc, that MIGHT be selfish, but only getting my toes done every 4 weeks and only in the summer, granted nails get done every two weeks, getting massages monthly at most, and my weekly Weight Watchers meetings, I think I'm devoting an appropriate amount of time to myself. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else, right? Right.
Part of my pride is evolved by my extensive movie collection. I boast over 200 titles in said collection, and I'm very proud of that. It was like back when I had 545 friends on Facebook. Finally, it got ridiculous, and I started trimming away the people I never talked to, people I didn't like, etc. There were a few people I accidentally removed, and I've re-added since then, but I trimmed down to 40 friends. Now I'm at a little over 100, but those are all people I keep up with at least, and talk to regularly for the most part. Family is also in that :) I say all this to say this: I'm going to do the same with my movie collection, trim the movies I either don't watch, don't like anymore, or can get easily through Netflix, on demand, etc. I'm going to take the rest and sell them to McKay's. I got the idea from my mom and step-dad who are doing the same thing with their collection. I probably won't get rid of my TV shows on DVD though. I will probably get rid of most of my VHS too, unless I decided I like it enough to devote the time to turn it into a DVD via the converter we have.
Well, I have a long list of things to get accomplished tonight and this weekend, so I'm off! I'll probably blog once more tonight, but then I'll be checking list items off!
Happy self-care!
Until next time,
:)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I have a love-hate relationship with feelings. Okay, mostly hate. I'm NOT amused.
I don’t handle grief well. At all. I suppose everyone handles it in their own way. I eat. I realize I haven’t blogged in a few days. I’ve been hiding in shame from what I’ve been eating the last few days. I tonight realized why: In a few weeks, I will be starting back college. Full time. I currently have a cat, Luda. Since moving back in with my parents, and with that her relocation outside, I haven’t had been as close with my cat as I was when it was just her an I. She can’t sleep with me now, or sit in my lap while I watch TV. So a few months ago, we made the decision to start looking for a new home for her, to allow someone else to enjoy her, and to allow her to be loved and cared for like she really should, and I’m going to be around less in a few weeks than I have been. I can’t (least favorite word in English language) give her the love I used to any longer, and it grieves me greatly. When the discussion first came up, and the decision was made, I cried for a good long while. Then the idea went away a little because there was no progress on the actual finding. Now there’s a meeting. Luda and my step-dad are going to meet a potential new owner. Tomorrow at 1PM. I haven’t hardly stopped crying since I found out. I can't go. My mom asked for her file a few days ago, and the eating hit. I'm stuffing. BIG TIME.
McDonalds already three times, Arby’s, it’s like I’m eating like I used to. I’m not hungry until about an hour after I eat. Empty calories is all. I forced myself to eat my brought lunch at work today, and felt better, but then turned around forgot to eat dinner before class, and grabbed a burger afterwards. ::sigh:: now I know what’s going on. I was trying to process the grief like I used to process everything. I don’t think I’ll have that desire after tomorrow, I’ll have cried enough.
I have mixed emotions about this whole thing. My head says she’s a CAT. My heart says she's MY cat, and I have very fond memories of my cat and I in our apartments. My dream of moving out anytime soon has gone away, and soon, so will my kitty cat.
Below is one of my favorite pictures of me and my cat. Taken with my web cam a few months after my cat became my cat. Back in 2008. I love you, Luda, and hope you find true happiness and love with your next owner.
Until next time,
:)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Can't 1+1 just equal 2?
Forgive the following, mostly non-weight related Math rant. We had a test tonight in Calculus. It was two parts. Calculator and non-calculator. Took the non-calculator part first. There were 30 questions, I estimate I got 29 of them correct (internal happy dance!). Those were straight forward: solve this equation. I can do that. Then came the calculator part. There were 14 questions, I estimate I got 2 of them right, at best. Every single one was a word problem, an application of the "solve this equation". With these, I had to build the equation to solve it. I can solve them, but I get SO stuck trying to set them up! I turned in 5 extra credit, so my hope on this test is to get a C.
I'm one of those exception-to-the-rule kind of people when it comes to Math. They say you either do well at Algebra OR Geometry, I did well at both. So when they say Calc II is the hardest of Calc I, II, or III, it'll probably be the easiest for me. It starts out with hard core integration, so I'm already pumped.
I keep getting distracted. I'm feeling 100% again, and I've done enough napping to not be able to sleep right now. That and I think I accidentally drank a tea with caffeine in it. MY BAD. It was small....
Think I'm going to try to go to bed now.
Until next time,
:)
I'm one of those exception-to-the-rule kind of people when it comes to Math. They say you either do well at Algebra OR Geometry, I did well at both. So when they say Calc II is the hardest of Calc I, II, or III, it'll probably be the easiest for me. It starts out with hard core integration, so I'm already pumped.
I keep getting distracted. I'm feeling 100% again, and I've done enough napping to not be able to sleep right now. That and I think I accidentally drank a tea with caffeine in it. MY BAD. It was small....
Think I'm going to try to go to bed now.
Until next time,
:)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Finally a weight loss show with which I agree
Okay, I like to watch TV, and the Biggest Loser is a pretty decent show. My only beef is they concentrate SO HEAVILY on the exercise. And as you know, I'm a big supporter of nutrition being a MAJOR part (like majority rules) of weight loss. I'm watching Shedding for the Wedding. It's interesting to me because they're all couples who are getting married (obviously) and they have a definite goal, not just to get healthy (don't get me wrong, that's a WONDERFUL goal, and it's mine!) but to get in a certain place, by a certain DATE, which adds some motivation. Also, the winner will have they're dream wedding paid in full. Now, that's a neat motivation.
Here's what I like about it: They're on week 3 right now, and all 3 of the women who either half-arsed or didn't track at all in their required food journal didn't lose ANY weight, even though they kicked butt in the gym! Now, I know it sounds like I'm celebrating their defeat, I'm not, I promise. I'm celebrating the SOLID PROOF that nutrition matters as much or MORE as exercise. All you have to do is look at how long you will have to run to burn of the ___________(fill in the blank). For example. One Kit Kat bar is 210 calories. For that ONE bar, it will require you to work out on a stationary bike for 20 minutes.
The trainers on this show say over and over that it's about what you eat. I'm highly enjoying this.
What's also cool, is each of the challenges is geared around a different part of the wedding. Tonight's challenge was about the flower arrangements. Each of the couples got to sit down with a top flower designer and plan their flowers, and the one that won the challenge got their flowers for the wedding. Next week is the rings.
Then after the weigh in, the two couples at the bottom compete against each other at some challenge and the winner stays. It's not house politics and voting.
They also (for now at least) only show the combined couple total at the weigh in. The next week at the first workout, they reveal which person lost how much of the total weight loss in each couple.
I think I really enjoy this show. I set it up to DVR :)
Until next time,
:)
Here's what I like about it: They're on week 3 right now, and all 3 of the women who either half-arsed or didn't track at all in their required food journal didn't lose ANY weight, even though they kicked butt in the gym! Now, I know it sounds like I'm celebrating their defeat, I'm not, I promise. I'm celebrating the SOLID PROOF that nutrition matters as much or MORE as exercise. All you have to do is look at how long you will have to run to burn of the ___________(fill in the blank). For example. One Kit Kat bar is 210 calories. For that ONE bar, it will require you to work out on a stationary bike for 20 minutes.
The trainers on this show say over and over that it's about what you eat. I'm highly enjoying this.
What's also cool, is each of the challenges is geared around a different part of the wedding. Tonight's challenge was about the flower arrangements. Each of the couples got to sit down with a top flower designer and plan their flowers, and the one that won the challenge got their flowers for the wedding. Next week is the rings.
Then after the weigh in, the two couples at the bottom compete against each other at some challenge and the winner stays. It's not house politics and voting.
They also (for now at least) only show the combined couple total at the weigh in. The next week at the first workout, they reveal which person lost how much of the total weight loss in each couple.
I think I really enjoy this show. I set it up to DVR :)
Until next time,
:)
Psh, Who needs iron?
***This post was created earlier, but we had no Internet...so here it is...Now. (well duh) :)
Well apparently, I need iron. I came home sick today because of a lack of it. Or at least that’s the theory (mind you that's a theory from medical professionals. You know, the one with the degrees). Hm, does chocolate help iron? :) No seriously, does it?
I’m lying in bed and I feel better, so I get up to walk around a bit, and remember why I’m in bed. Being out of bed doesn’t last very long. My eye lids are starting to droop a little and my head’s nodding. Time to try sleeping again.
I'm feeling better now, but not back to 100% yet. I got up and had dinner and did okay with it. I'm a little draggy, but I think I'll perk up tomorrow.
I have a calc test tomorrow, so I better perk up.
I had thought of a few other great things I wanted to blog about, but I didn't write them down. Shame on me. I suppose I'll just post again if I think of it.
Until next time,
:)
Monday, August 1, 2011
Tacos, Taco Salad, and Ice Cream Sundaes OH YAY!
Okay, that title is REALLY corny. First, it was an attempt to mimic the Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my! but then I could only come up with two things, so I just stuck with the one until I came up with three things, which you see there. I figured out the third halfway through that last sentence. Train of thought....DERAILED. lol. Then, where you might expect oh my, it sounded like a bad connotation, so I said YAY instead. I think in English class, that's called paraphrasing. Yup, we'll go with that.
Friday night we stayed in and made tacos! Tacos are one of my favorite meals! I only have to count the shell, meat, and cheese! I add lettuce, tomato, salsa, other vegetables, and make it a wonderful meal! I could probably eat tacos every night. Then Sunday, we had taco salad! Even better! I can get more veggies in there! I had the chips, meat and cheese, as well as tomatoes, green bell peppers, salsa, and lettuce. 3/4 of my bowl was veggies and it was AWESOME! Then, I was blessed enough to get to try the new ice cream sundae idea from Hungry Girl. She took fat free (I used low fat) vanilla ice cream and the new 90 calorie fudge brownies from Fiber One (heated of course) to make an ice cream sundae! It came out at about 7 points, but that's with a little more than the serving size of 1/2 cup of ice cream. HA! Right. Me. 1/2 cup of ice cream. Not happening. :)
Well, I suppose I'll turn in for the night. Yikes! It's almost 11. LATER!
Until next time,
:)
Friday night we stayed in and made tacos! Tacos are one of my favorite meals! I only have to count the shell, meat, and cheese! I add lettuce, tomato, salsa, other vegetables, and make it a wonderful meal! I could probably eat tacos every night. Then Sunday, we had taco salad! Even better! I can get more veggies in there! I had the chips, meat and cheese, as well as tomatoes, green bell peppers, salsa, and lettuce. 3/4 of my bowl was veggies and it was AWESOME! Then, I was blessed enough to get to try the new ice cream sundae idea from Hungry Girl. She took fat free (I used low fat) vanilla ice cream and the new 90 calorie fudge brownies from Fiber One (heated of course) to make an ice cream sundae! It came out at about 7 points, but that's with a little more than the serving size of 1/2 cup of ice cream. HA! Right. Me. 1/2 cup of ice cream. Not happening. :)
Well, I suppose I'll turn in for the night. Yikes! It's almost 11. LATER!
Until next time,
:)
If I ignore being hungry, it goes away, until I think about it again.
I'm serious, it's true. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't do this on purpose. No need to send in the calvary. When I'm at work, if I'm super busy, I tend to get distracted from being hungry and just forget about it. Time gets away from me. Then, when I stop the bustle long enough to think about it, it hits me like a ton of bricks. This, of course, is not a good thing for me to do, and normally, I reserve this behavior for weekends, when, usually, I only eat twice a day. On Saturday I have brunch at 11 and Dinner around 4, Sunday I have breakfast around 8 or 9 and Dinner around 3. I might have a light snack around 8, but that's it. Normally, though, this pattern develops on the weekends because that's when I'm hungry. I also eat two bigger meals instead of 3 smaller ones.
Today, I was so busy at work, that I didn't even think about being hungry until I pulled myself away from work and went to pick up something to eat. I don't even remember the drive there and back. All I know is I was HUNGRY, and I didn't feel it until I left my desk.
I think I'm having writer's block about this particular subject, and my mind is working on yet another post about a different topic, so I'm going to switch over to that, and if I think of any follow up thoughts on this...well I'll blog about it :)
Until next time,
:)
Today, I was so busy at work, that I didn't even think about being hungry until I pulled myself away from work and went to pick up something to eat. I don't even remember the drive there and back. All I know is I was HUNGRY, and I didn't feel it until I left my desk.
I think I'm having writer's block about this particular subject, and my mind is working on yet another post about a different topic, so I'm going to switch over to that, and if I think of any follow up thoughts on this...well I'll blog about it :)
Until next time,
:)
The most boring title....ever.
I blame the lack of a good title on the fact that I was somewhere without Internet most of the weekend, so this got drafted in Microsoft Word. On Saturday. I've slept since then, I've drank since then, and I've worked since then. I've got the trifecta. I'm also working on a new post in my head that will cover yesterday and today, etc, so this is just to get this out of the way. How I did this week!
Weight loss is not predictable. Except this week.
I said my weight loss would even out this week. It did. I lost .4. I'm REALLY happy about this! I’m still going in the right direction, and I know I hit a few bumps this week, but I’m losing! This would be the only time that’s fun :)
I’m going to pay a little better attention this week to what I put in my mouth, because I can feel myself slacking off, getting a little over-confident. Confidence is fine, it's when I think I got this without the help of tracking etc that I get in TROUBLE.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sticker Shock
You know when you try on that cute dress, or fancy suit, and you turn over the price tag, and have a heart attack? Yup, I know how you feel. I do that when I track food after I eat it all the time. Yes, after. Not the most ingenious way to do it. Not even recommended. Don't hate, I'm tracking, I'll get to the before I eat it eventually.
I usually try to do well when eating out. Usually, I accomplish this. I recently had pizza for dinner. I really like pizza, and it's a big treat for me. I used to be able to have two pieces of pizza and get out for around 10-12 points. Doesn't sound like a lot of pizza for the points, but if I'm having a hankering for pizza, it's a pretty good deal. Heh. Well I assumed (I know, I know) that when I ate two slices of meat lovers stuffed crust pizza, that it would be the same. Anyone could have told me (probably even me) that that was a foolish thought. Well, I won't hold out any longer. One piece is 13 points. And I definitely had two. And a beer.
Here's my thing. I learned from this, this was all good. I know now, that now that I'm getting smaller, that I can be sustained with one piece. I was so full. This I consider a good thing! I'm smaller!!!
Here's the take-away. I had my cake and ate it too. I used some of my weekly points, which is why I have them, and now I know I only need one piece of pizza!
I was trying to remember something else I was going to share, but you know memory is the second thing to go. I don't remember what the first is.
I always have my blog when I remember.
Until next time,
:)
I usually try to do well when eating out. Usually, I accomplish this. I recently had pizza for dinner. I really like pizza, and it's a big treat for me. I used to be able to have two pieces of pizza and get out for around 10-12 points. Doesn't sound like a lot of pizza for the points, but if I'm having a hankering for pizza, it's a pretty good deal. Heh. Well I assumed (I know, I know) that when I ate two slices of meat lovers stuffed crust pizza, that it would be the same. Anyone could have told me (probably even me) that that was a foolish thought. Well, I won't hold out any longer. One piece is 13 points. And I definitely had two. And a beer.
Here's my thing. I learned from this, this was all good. I know now, that now that I'm getting smaller, that I can be sustained with one piece. I was so full. This I consider a good thing! I'm smaller!!!
Here's the take-away. I had my cake and ate it too. I used some of my weekly points, which is why I have them, and now I know I only need one piece of pizza!
I was trying to remember something else I was going to share, but you know memory is the second thing to go. I don't remember what the first is.
I always have my blog when I remember.
Until next time,
:)
Monday, July 25, 2011
The I-40 West Test
I'm getting ready to borrow. I've taken the Sunday's in July off from working at Christ Pres, and have been attending Brentwood Baptist. The reason for this is I know if I attempt to attend a church at which I normally work, I'll get distracted. And this way, I'm anonymous. Mike Glenn preached a sermon on Sunday about Micah, and how we know better, but we don't want better. Did that hit home this week (HA, because we're so far into this week. It's only getting started).
Right now, today, I want to eat EVERYTHING I see. Even things that really shouldn't be eaten, like the washcloth my poor, sweaty hands are resting on to spare my laptop from the sweat. I have to focus on knowing better, and it's not easy.
Now to explain the I-40 West test. Mike noted that he talks to young adults that are in a mess in their lives that they don't want to be, and don't know how they got there. When they start examining their decisions, they are stunned to find out that every decision they make leads to the place in which they are. He said that when you get on I-40 West from Nashville, you will always end up in Memphis. There are signs the whole way. You may not want to go to Memphis, or think you're going to Memphis, but you're going to Memphis!
Here's how I relate. When I start giving into emotional eating, and give in to my over active appetite, when I'm not hungry, it snowballs into undoing all the good work I've done in the last few weeks and I will end up in me gaining weight. Every time. Every single time. Every one! So I know better, I have to read the signs this time, and understand that if I do give into the emotional eating, I'll end up gaining (going to Memphis). So I am paying attention to my body's signals. If I'm physically hungry, then I'll eat. But if I get a craving to eat just because, I need to distract myself with something else. Like blogging. I don't even know if the tactic of munching on veggies will be effective, I'm in emotional training right now. I need to train my brain that it doesn't get food if it's not hungry, not even something with 0 points! I will chew gum faster than a chain smoker though. It's not going to be fun, but I'm stronger than this! I can defeat my mind!
It's a pretty interesting sermon, check it out if you feel so lead....
July 24, 2011 | What God Wants from Brentwood Baptist Church on Vimeo.
Until next time,
:)
Right now, today, I want to eat EVERYTHING I see. Even things that really shouldn't be eaten, like the washcloth my poor, sweaty hands are resting on to spare my laptop from the sweat. I have to focus on knowing better, and it's not easy.
Now to explain the I-40 West test. Mike noted that he talks to young adults that are in a mess in their lives that they don't want to be, and don't know how they got there. When they start examining their decisions, they are stunned to find out that every decision they make leads to the place in which they are. He said that when you get on I-40 West from Nashville, you will always end up in Memphis. There are signs the whole way. You may not want to go to Memphis, or think you're going to Memphis, but you're going to Memphis!
Here's how I relate. When I start giving into emotional eating, and give in to my over active appetite, when I'm not hungry, it snowballs into undoing all the good work I've done in the last few weeks and I will end up in me gaining weight. Every time. Every single time. Every one! So I know better, I have to read the signs this time, and understand that if I do give into the emotional eating, I'll end up gaining (going to Memphis). So I am paying attention to my body's signals. If I'm physically hungry, then I'll eat. But if I get a craving to eat just because, I need to distract myself with something else. Like blogging. I don't even know if the tactic of munching on veggies will be effective, I'm in emotional training right now. I need to train my brain that it doesn't get food if it's not hungry, not even something with 0 points! I will chew gum faster than a chain smoker though. It's not going to be fun, but I'm stronger than this! I can defeat my mind!
It's a pretty interesting sermon, check it out if you feel so lead....
July 24, 2011 | What God Wants from Brentwood Baptist Church on Vimeo.
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
It's not that I don't HAVE time, it's that I don't MAKE time
I know I said I was going to bed. Well actually I think my last words were it's past bedtime. Regardless, I had one more ponder I need to share before my mind is able to shut down for sleep.
I was pondering tonight while watching TV, that it might be nice to have the Amazon Kindle or the Barnes and Noble Nook, or something similar. Only for reading, designed for reading. Then I observed that I haven't really done a whole lot of reading in the last year, year and a half, two years, etc. Instantly, my mind went to the, "well it's because I haven't had time" excuse, when actually, its that my priorities are constantly changing such that I don't make time to read as much as would be ideal. Will I someday have, nay, make the opportunity to read more? Probably. That's when it will be nice to have a Kindle or similar. When I graduate college, my life levels out a little, when I finish my weight loss journey and move into weight maintenance stage, when I (to use the cliche) settle down. But for now, I'll stick to reading calculus problems from a textbook, and know that one day, I'll get to return to one of my favorite pastimes. Maybe I'll make time for more photographs too. That'd be pretty nifty.
Now, I'm going to bed. For real. No, seriously. I'm no longer here, you don't see me....literally :)
Until next time,
:)
I was pondering tonight while watching TV, that it might be nice to have the Amazon Kindle or the Barnes and Noble Nook, or something similar. Only for reading, designed for reading. Then I observed that I haven't really done a whole lot of reading in the last year, year and a half, two years, etc. Instantly, my mind went to the, "well it's because I haven't had time" excuse, when actually, its that my priorities are constantly changing such that I don't make time to read as much as would be ideal. Will I someday have, nay, make the opportunity to read more? Probably. That's when it will be nice to have a Kindle or similar. When I graduate college, my life levels out a little, when I finish my weight loss journey and move into weight maintenance stage, when I (to use the cliche) settle down. But for now, I'll stick to reading calculus problems from a textbook, and know that one day, I'll get to return to one of my favorite pastimes. Maybe I'll make time for more photographs too. That'd be pretty nifty.
Now, I'm going to bed. For real. No, seriously. I'm no longer here, you don't see me....literally :)
Until next time,
:)
I'm not the only one
I obviously never thought I was the only one in the world that blogged. That's insanity, and ignorant. But to read complete stranger's blogs, is fascinating. Getting to peek into other people's lives, people to whom I have no connection other than this website, has been a pleasure.
At the top of this page, there's a link that says "Next blog". Click on it, and read a bit, then click again, and again, and again. You'll be occupied for hours (like I was) with other blogs. All the ones I read are runners, which is interesting to me. Then go to your blog and click next blog link and see who is posting around you. Might just open our eyes to a view from a different window.
Past my bedtime :)
Until next time,
:)
At the top of this page, there's a link that says "Next blog". Click on it, and read a bit, then click again, and again, and again. You'll be occupied for hours (like I was) with other blogs. All the ones I read are runners, which is interesting to me. Then go to your blog and click next blog link and see who is posting around you. Might just open our eyes to a view from a different window.
Past my bedtime :)
Until next time,
:)
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