I'm one of those hopeless romantics and I will forever be in awe of Christmas. The way it has the power to bring everyone together. And the music! I've always been in love with Christmas. As a child, I would live for Christmas.
Even though I love Christmas and everything about it, Christmas overwhelms me. All the gift giving. All the gift receiving. If I had it my way, I'd only be on the giving end, not the receiving. Just get me a card. I'll be more than satisfied. Anything else you think of is just wonderful, but don't ever expect to ask me what I want and get an answer.
Every year like clock work, Christmas Eve night the overwhelming feelings make sure to turn me into a sobbing mess. I barely made it in my apartment tonight before curling up in a ball on the floor. And every year it's something different.
I think mostly I worry if I got the right gifts for everyone, worry that people went overboard on gifts for me that I don't think I should have. If that doesn't scream self-confidence issues, I don't know what does. I believe the underlying question is Am I Good Enough? I've made some severe progress over the last couple of months in that regard. Living my life the way I think it ought to be lived. Not worrying about if anyone else thinks I'm good enough, I know I am me and I am OK and that's enough. Christmas in all its splendor and magic threatens to take that progress away if I'm not careful. So as I laid in the floor, I just let the tears pour, let it all out. Progress people.
December 25th. It's just another day. What makes it so special? Why is there this stigma that we must see every living family member on that day. Why is seeing our family on any other day not good enough? Tomorrow, I will wake up in my own apartment and travel one whole whopping hour to see family. And by the way, I feel like such an adult for getting to say that. He he.
And between seeing family, I plan on going for a walk with my sisters. It was suggested to get coffee or ice cream etc., but I drew on what one of my Weight Watchers leaders told us last year: make being social not about food. Too many things revolve around food. Go for a walk, play Frisbee, etc. One of these days, I'm going to find a run on these major holidays.
For now, I'm going to go to bed, shut my eyes, and wake up to Christmas magic tomorrow morning, make it through the day, and have a very large glass of wine. :)
Until next time,
:)
Monday, December 24, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
I lost 5 pounds in 10 days
Well 5.2 to be exact. :)
I'll explain the 10 days first. Because the school semester is over, I no longer have Wednesday mornings free, so I switched my meeting to Saturday. Therefore, last week I did not weigh on Wednesday, but had to wait and weigh on Saturday.
Now to the 5.2. Part of it is because I was sick at the end of last week and didn't eat or drink anything for 2 days. Part of this is because over the last month or so, my appetite has significantly decreased leading up to the week before Thanksgiving when I didn't eat all day. Over the last few weeks, I will actually get hungry, then I look at food or manage to take a bit or two and feel nauseous. It's very odd.
What I am not doing is fighting it. I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when either I'm full or nauseous. I pay very close attention to my body's signals. I am going to deal with what you may be wondering up front: I do not have an eating disorder. I am not starving myself. I quite simply am only eating what my body says I need. We are getting to know each other.
I have lost 12.4 pounds since the beginning of November, and 7.4 so far this month!
I am loving the new direction my life is taking, and I think my concentration on the short term, each day, each week, instead having tunnel vision on my goal weight is definitely helping.
Until next time,
:)
I'll explain the 10 days first. Because the school semester is over, I no longer have Wednesday mornings free, so I switched my meeting to Saturday. Therefore, last week I did not weigh on Wednesday, but had to wait and weigh on Saturday.
Now to the 5.2. Part of it is because I was sick at the end of last week and didn't eat or drink anything for 2 days. Part of this is because over the last month or so, my appetite has significantly decreased leading up to the week before Thanksgiving when I didn't eat all day. Over the last few weeks, I will actually get hungry, then I look at food or manage to take a bit or two and feel nauseous. It's very odd.
What I am not doing is fighting it. I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when either I'm full or nauseous. I pay very close attention to my body's signals. I am going to deal with what you may be wondering up front: I do not have an eating disorder. I am not starving myself. I quite simply am only eating what my body says I need. We are getting to know each other.
I have lost 12.4 pounds since the beginning of November, and 7.4 so far this month!
I am loving the new direction my life is taking, and I think my concentration on the short term, each day, each week, instead having tunnel vision on my goal weight is definitely helping.
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, December 15, 2012
It's a good thing I don't get sick very often
I'm going to warn you in advance. There may be a little complaining in this post. Sorry, it's a sick thing. I tried to keep it to a minimum and not go on and on and on and on and...you get it.
That would be because I'm a BIG baby about it! I won't even lie. I've had a little bit of a sore throat since Tuesday and it kept getting worse until Thursday evening I couldn't talk, eat, drink, swallow. That caused me to not be able to lay horizontally, so no sleep for me. Friday morning my temperature was on the rise, it went over 100 at one point. So I went to the minute clinic and they said I have strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection in BOTH ears. No wonder my head felt like someone stuck a balloon in my head and inflated it. I now have 3 prescriptions and at least 3 other OTC remedies. I barely get out of the bathroom applying all these different remedies before it's time to repeat them all over again! :) The good news is, even though I hadn't improved as of last night, and so another night with no sleep, I do feel better this morning. I think I might actually be able to eat something!
Here's what amuses me. Do you know what they gave me to treat strep throat? Pills the size of TEXAS. Someone wasn't thinking! I'm about to gag just thinking about them. Luckily I only have to take them every 12 hours.
Yesterday, I made an attempt to eat and drink a couple of times before giving up. So in 36 hours, I had 4 sips of soup and less than 8 ounces of water, all of which was consumed when I was taking my Texas pills. When I woke up this morning, I thought something has to change, because I'm going to end up dehydrated and malnourished. I already have trouble with my appetite now (I'll go into that in a later post), this is only going to make it worse.
The good news is my fever disappeared in a matter of a few hours, I am getting that drainage out, and I am feeling better, more perky. So what do I do when I realize this? I do the dishes and start to clean my apartment before catching what I was doing and banishing myself back to bed. Don't judge, you do it too. When I start to feel better, I overdo it. I don't know if I feel guilty for laying in bed when I don't feel crappy, but I know I need to get over that one real quick.
I feel like I've been smart with this round of being sick. I tried OTC remedies myself first and when they didn't help and I got the fever, I sought help. So all in all I don't think I was TOO much of a baby this time.
And as a side note: I have noticed that I am totally unable to spell the words disappeared and appetite. Every time I use either one, spell checker gets me. :)
Until next time,
:)
That would be because I'm a BIG baby about it! I won't even lie. I've had a little bit of a sore throat since Tuesday and it kept getting worse until Thursday evening I couldn't talk, eat, drink, swallow. That caused me to not be able to lay horizontally, so no sleep for me. Friday morning my temperature was on the rise, it went over 100 at one point. So I went to the minute clinic and they said I have strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection in BOTH ears. No wonder my head felt like someone stuck a balloon in my head and inflated it. I now have 3 prescriptions and at least 3 other OTC remedies. I barely get out of the bathroom applying all these different remedies before it's time to repeat them all over again! :) The good news is, even though I hadn't improved as of last night, and so another night with no sleep, I do feel better this morning. I think I might actually be able to eat something!
Here's what amuses me. Do you know what they gave me to treat strep throat? Pills the size of TEXAS. Someone wasn't thinking! I'm about to gag just thinking about them. Luckily I only have to take them every 12 hours.
Yesterday, I made an attempt to eat and drink a couple of times before giving up. So in 36 hours, I had 4 sips of soup and less than 8 ounces of water, all of which was consumed when I was taking my Texas pills. When I woke up this morning, I thought something has to change, because I'm going to end up dehydrated and malnourished. I already have trouble with my appetite now (I'll go into that in a later post), this is only going to make it worse.
The good news is my fever disappeared in a matter of a few hours, I am getting that drainage out, and I am feeling better, more perky. So what do I do when I realize this? I do the dishes and start to clean my apartment before catching what I was doing and banishing myself back to bed. Don't judge, you do it too. When I start to feel better, I overdo it. I don't know if I feel guilty for laying in bed when I don't feel crappy, but I know I need to get over that one real quick.
I feel like I've been smart with this round of being sick. I tried OTC remedies myself first and when they didn't help and I got the fever, I sought help. So all in all I don't think I was TOO much of a baby this time.
And as a side note: I have noticed that I am totally unable to spell the words disappeared and appetite. Every time I use either one, spell checker gets me. :)
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Something small and you could lose it all
Injuries are scary. The threat of injury is scary. How do you figure out of stretching is a good idea? Don't do it and see what happens.
I had this goal to run 3 miles today. My knee had other plans.
I was running my speedy mile in Campus Rec, and on about lap 3, my knee started to twinge. I thought it was just warm up pain. Then around lap 5, it got worse, it wasn't muscle growing pain, it was legit pain, like when you run up the stairs to fast and your knee buckles. I tried to hurry through my lap 6.5 to make a mile, and I did, but boy was that stupid. At that point the pain had subsided, but I knew continuing running was not a good idea. I couldn't run more than a lap at a time after that, and towards the end of my half hour workout, I couldn't even make it the full lap.
While I was walking, after my life flashed before my eyes, I started thinking (another bad idea). What would have happened if I had hurt my knee? What if I did? I'll tell you what, it's scary! I know what injury is. And I was scared then too. I talk about it in this post, right before my shoulder surgery, more than two years ago.
Injuries (or the threat of them) are depressing! They have the ability to take all the wind out of you. I'm not sure even if my knee hadn't been hurting if I'd been able to run the rest.
It's just a lesson that I have to be careful. I can't be paranoid, but I can't be stupid either. There is some pain you can push through, like side stitches. Joint pain is NOT one of those kinds of pain.
In other good news though, my 1 mile run has been consistently under 10:30!
Until next time,
:)
I had this goal to run 3 miles today. My knee had other plans.
I was running my speedy mile in Campus Rec, and on about lap 3, my knee started to twinge. I thought it was just warm up pain. Then around lap 5, it got worse, it wasn't muscle growing pain, it was legit pain, like when you run up the stairs to fast and your knee buckles. I tried to hurry through my lap 6.5 to make a mile, and I did, but boy was that stupid. At that point the pain had subsided, but I knew continuing running was not a good idea. I couldn't run more than a lap at a time after that, and towards the end of my half hour workout, I couldn't even make it the full lap.
While I was walking, after my life flashed before my eyes, I started thinking (another bad idea). What would have happened if I had hurt my knee? What if I did? I'll tell you what, it's scary! I know what injury is. And I was scared then too. I talk about it in this post, right before my shoulder surgery, more than two years ago.
Injuries (or the threat of them) are depressing! They have the ability to take all the wind out of you. I'm not sure even if my knee hadn't been hurting if I'd been able to run the rest.
It's just a lesson that I have to be careful. I can't be paranoid, but I can't be stupid either. There is some pain you can push through, like side stitches. Joint pain is NOT one of those kinds of pain.
In other good news though, my 1 mile run has been consistently under 10:30!
Until next time,
:)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
My own personal guiness record
There are times I know the title of the post before I know anything else about it. Then there are times I open up the editor and know I'll struggle with the title until the bitter end and finally come up with something. . .manageable, mostly because after writing it I'm sick of staring at it. :)
Don't let today's (possibly) bad title fool you. It's been a great day! I woke up after hardly sleeping, the water main near our apartment caused the entire complex to be without water for almost 6 hours, it's the end of the semester and I'm currently in the library, OH and I ran 1 mile in 10:10. Did you see what I did there? :)
I RAN A MILE IN 10:10!!!!!!! That's the fastest mile I've run in..well I wouldn't want to show my age; but A LONG TIME! ;)
I was holding out on working out because I was feeling a little lazy, and because the water was out, I wasn't going to be able to take a shower (or use the restroom, or [you get it]). So finally, at 4:30, when the water still wasn't on, I packed my computer bag for studying later, my backpack for class before studying, and my gym bag, and ventured to the campus gym to run my fastest mile and then shower. What an interesting experience. Then I went to class, then the library, got stuff accomplished, and here we are. Still totally overjoyed at today's running success. And after I thought I wasn't going to run at all. I certainly didn't make the 30 minute goal, but that's OK. I did something, and if you ask me (who else would you ask???), that's pretty darn tootin' awesome!
I'm now going to go home, and sleep. Maybe :)
Until next time,
:)
Don't let today's (possibly) bad title fool you. It's been a great day! I woke up after hardly sleeping, the water main near our apartment caused the entire complex to be without water for almost 6 hours, it's the end of the semester and I'm currently in the library, OH and I ran 1 mile in 10:10. Did you see what I did there? :)
I RAN A MILE IN 10:10!!!!!!! That's the fastest mile I've run in..well I wouldn't want to show my age; but A LONG TIME! ;)
I was holding out on working out because I was feeling a little lazy, and because the water was out, I wasn't going to be able to take a shower (or use the restroom, or [you get it]). So finally, at 4:30, when the water still wasn't on, I packed my computer bag for studying later, my backpack for class before studying, and my gym bag, and ventured to the campus gym to run my fastest mile and then shower. What an interesting experience. Then I went to class, then the library, got stuff accomplished, and here we are. Still totally overjoyed at today's running success. And after I thought I wasn't going to run at all. I certainly didn't make the 30 minute goal, but that's OK. I did something, and if you ask me (who else would you ask???), that's pretty darn tootin' awesome!
I'm now going to go home, and sleep. Maybe :)
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Consistency is a runner's best friend
I'm pretty sure I'd rather run two 12 minute miles than one 10 minute mile and one 14 minute mile, even though the pace is still the same.
When I run, I try to use splits so I have more to go on than just the average pace. It gives me a pace at different times of my run, and helps me with smaller goals. Instead of "I want a faster pace", I can start small. "I want to run that segment faster". Work on one at a time, and eventually, the average pace will follow.
I also try to split in the same spots - makes sense right? :). Today, I had two 1 mile segments because apparently today I'm technologically challenged. To give myself credit, I was RUNNING trying to push buttons. Maybe I ought to get one of those little fancy-schmancy split watches. WISH LIST! :) Back to my splits: one mile was 12:23 and the other 12:24. Um, yes, please. This is especially awesome because my overall pace was 12:18 :). Yesterday, I ran a .31 segment in 3:45, today 3:47. Sweet. Yesterday .43 in 5:05, today 5:06. Woot!
As my times become faster, the over times will go down, and not be the same day to day, but it's nice to see that for now; and it's always nice to see consistency inside a run. :)
Until next time,
:)
When I run, I try to use splits so I have more to go on than just the average pace. It gives me a pace at different times of my run, and helps me with smaller goals. Instead of "I want a faster pace", I can start small. "I want to run that segment faster". Work on one at a time, and eventually, the average pace will follow.
I also try to split in the same spots - makes sense right? :). Today, I had two 1 mile segments because apparently today I'm technologically challenged. To give myself credit, I was RUNNING trying to push buttons. Maybe I ought to get one of those little fancy-schmancy split watches. WISH LIST! :) Back to my splits: one mile was 12:23 and the other 12:24. Um, yes, please. This is especially awesome because my overall pace was 12:18 :). Yesterday, I ran a .31 segment in 3:45, today 3:47. Sweet. Yesterday .43 in 5:05, today 5:06. Woot!
As my times become faster, the over times will go down, and not be the same day to day, but it's nice to see that for now; and it's always nice to see consistency inside a run. :)
Until next time,
:)
Look out world - I'M BACK!
I've got my running groove back!!! And it's better than ever!
This freedom of not training for anything specific: No race deadline or goal marker, except of course to beat my previous times, is...well freeing! It also helps that I'm not running in circles around my parking lot anymore. While that had its time and place while I was getting my running legs back under me, I'm on to bigger, better, and more importantly, more exciting things. I'm running on campus now. The far outside loop of campus is over 3.5 miles, and I have several smaller loops mapped out.
My play list? You know those songs you hear in movies that give you goosebumps and motivate you to take over the world? The ones that you turn up all the way and sing along in your car (or wherever)? For example, in Legally Blond, when she's becoming the successful bookworm proving everyone wrong, the song they play is Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti. My play list is made up entirely of those. Upbeat, awesome, I rule the world songs. Um, because I so do. I end up smiling while I run, and I can't wait until the next time I get to hit the pavement. I'm in my running clothes now, trying to get to a good stopping point in a program I'm writing, so I can go run!
I don't hurt. I avoided running for a while because I was convinced it hurt my shoulder and back and on and on. I'm being careful, but for the most part, since I'm concentrating on my form and breathing, it doesn't hurt to run. Which is fabulous. :)
And because I'm the mix-master in the h-iz-ouse (couldn't resist), I have them timed just right so when I'm needing a special boost of motivation, the next song is just that.
So I'm sure you're curious to the results of all this dedication. Yesterday I ran 2.5 miles in 30:20. I'll help you with the math, because I'm a geek. That's a pace of 11:59. That would be over one minute FASTER PACE than my fastest ever 5K pace. EVER. Like all of them. Here we go again. :)
I am participating in a challenge on Map My Fitness (www.mapmyfitness.com). I may have mentioned it in a past post. The challenge is to do 30 minutes of some kind of activity 20 days out of the month of December. It's a motivation to keep moving through the holidays. Yesterday was day 1. Today will be day 2. And look at that. It's December 2nd. I'm on a roll :)
I think I figured out the motivation behind all this change. I changed the rules of my own life. No more games, no more bull...stuff. :) I am no longer putting up with it. From anyone else, or me! I deserve better. I deserve the best. And it starts with how I treat myself. Anyone is welcome to try to play games with me, but you better watch out; the house always wins :) and I WILL come out on top!
I DECIDED I would be happy, no matter what anyone said or did. And I am! I had left it up to other people, then wondered why I was disappointed. I'm making friends with the voice inside my head. I'm making friends with her. And no, I don't have multiple personalities, and I am not weird. I think we all need to talk to ourselves a little more. That voice makes a lot less trouble when she gets attention. She plays nice now :)
I have a few quotes, some I've heard, some I've come up with. I keep them on my white board and look at them regularly. I always thought that things on a white board or mirror wouldn't work because once you see them so many times, you know they're there. But if you look in that direction, you know what's there, and it puts it at the front of your memory, whether or not you have to actually read them.
"Remember why you're on the journey, and how you'll feel at the finish line"
"It is a marathon until the finish line is in sight. Only then is it a sprint"
"Focus on form and distance. The speed will come"
"Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers"
"Don't think about how far away the finish line is, think about how far beyond the starting line you are"
"It's a CHOICE"
Until next time,
:)
This freedom of not training for anything specific: No race deadline or goal marker, except of course to beat my previous times, is...well freeing! It also helps that I'm not running in circles around my parking lot anymore. While that had its time and place while I was getting my running legs back under me, I'm on to bigger, better, and more importantly, more exciting things. I'm running on campus now. The far outside loop of campus is over 3.5 miles, and I have several smaller loops mapped out.
My play list? You know those songs you hear in movies that give you goosebumps and motivate you to take over the world? The ones that you turn up all the way and sing along in your car (or wherever)? For example, in Legally Blond, when she's becoming the successful bookworm proving everyone wrong, the song they play is Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti. My play list is made up entirely of those. Upbeat, awesome, I rule the world songs. Um, because I so do. I end up smiling while I run, and I can't wait until the next time I get to hit the pavement. I'm in my running clothes now, trying to get to a good stopping point in a program I'm writing, so I can go run!
I don't hurt. I avoided running for a while because I was convinced it hurt my shoulder and back and on and on. I'm being careful, but for the most part, since I'm concentrating on my form and breathing, it doesn't hurt to run. Which is fabulous. :)
And because I'm the mix-master in the h-iz-ouse (couldn't resist), I have them timed just right so when I'm needing a special boost of motivation, the next song is just that.
So I'm sure you're curious to the results of all this dedication. Yesterday I ran 2.5 miles in 30:20. I'll help you with the math, because I'm a geek. That's a pace of 11:59. That would be over one minute FASTER PACE than my fastest ever 5K pace. EVER. Like all of them. Here we go again. :)
I am participating in a challenge on Map My Fitness (www.mapmyfitness.com). I may have mentioned it in a past post. The challenge is to do 30 minutes of some kind of activity 20 days out of the month of December. It's a motivation to keep moving through the holidays. Yesterday was day 1. Today will be day 2. And look at that. It's December 2nd. I'm on a roll :)
I think I figured out the motivation behind all this change. I changed the rules of my own life. No more games, no more bull...stuff. :) I am no longer putting up with it. From anyone else, or me! I deserve better. I deserve the best. And it starts with how I treat myself. Anyone is welcome to try to play games with me, but you better watch out; the house always wins :) and I WILL come out on top!
I DECIDED I would be happy, no matter what anyone said or did. And I am! I had left it up to other people, then wondered why I was disappointed. I'm making friends with the voice inside my head. I'm making friends with her. And no, I don't have multiple personalities, and I am not weird. I think we all need to talk to ourselves a little more. That voice makes a lot less trouble when she gets attention. She plays nice now :)
I have a few quotes, some I've heard, some I've come up with. I keep them on my white board and look at them regularly. I always thought that things on a white board or mirror wouldn't work because once you see them so many times, you know they're there. But if you look in that direction, you know what's there, and it puts it at the front of your memory, whether or not you have to actually read them.
"Remember why you're on the journey, and how you'll feel at the finish line"
"It is a marathon until the finish line is in sight. Only then is it a sprint"
"Focus on form and distance. The speed will come"
"Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers"
"Don't think about how far away the finish line is, think about how far beyond the starting line you are"
"It's a CHOICE"
Until next time,
:)
Friday, November 30, 2012
Having an audience does wonders for one’s running performance
I find the title to be somewhat self-explanatory, but for
the sake of …well I like to talk to I'll explain it anyways :).
Until next time,
:)
Yesterday, I decided to run on campus instead of in my
parking lot. So I got dressed, planned
my route online (www.mapmyfitness.com), and drove to campus. And ran
an 11:28 minute mile. Uh, that would be
a pace that is 45 seconds FASTER than my fastest time to date. TO DATE.
That’s all of them. ALL. Every.
You get it :) 45 seconds! Okay,
now I’m done.
I was performing for an audience. Take driving.
Never mind, I should stay away from driving :).
You get the idea though.
I have come to a turning point if you will. I am choosing to eat healthier, to listen to
the signals my body sends me. It’s quite
fascinating really. I have green
beans. I choose to eat all of them instead
of just half. I’ve had chocolate in my
apartment for weeks. Ice cream? Not interested. Munching.
No longer a problem.
Thanksgiving. Didn’t
overeat. I’m not sure what happened, but
I’m not messing with it. Maybe it's because I don't watch TV anymore. That's mostly because I don't have time. No, this would not be a "you don't make time" instance. I quite literally do not HAVE time.
I don’t know
what my total weight loss is. I couldn’t
tell you how much I weigh. All I know is
in the month of November I lost 5 pounds.
3 of the 4 weeks were losses, and I maintained (true maintain) one
week. That’s all I know. I’m not focusing on the big picture long term
goal weight almost a year down the road.
I’m focusing on right now.
Today. Tomorrow. This week.
That’s it. That’s all the brain
power I can allocate anyways. Lose
weight daily. Exercise regularly. Make choices.
Sit in a bouncy desk chair :). (Just thought I'd throw that one in for fun). Last night, I actually only bought the items on my list at the grocery
store. I didn’t even think it was
possible.
I think sometimes we try to equate “healthy” with “complicated”. It doesn’t have to be, but you have to WANT
it. It's not a diet. It's a life style change. Until next time,
:)
Monday, November 19, 2012
What happens when you don't eat for 12 hours?
Good question. I know people who can go all day without eating and not blink an eye. Yesterday I would have told you I couldn't make it 6 before not being able to function. Guess you could either call it anemic, blood sugar issues, or God's blessing me with the inability to have an eating disorder because he knew I get distracted. College has taught me a lot about eating, and the issues that I face eating at odd times. Last week, it had only been 2 hours since I had eaten, but stress, anxiety, and adrenaline running out made me totally crash.
Today, I ate breakfast around 7. I went to class, came back, worked on a few things, left for my next class at 11, just like normal MWF. Then after class I had a heart to heart with one professor, got help from another and by the time I made it home to change out stuff and head back to school to work on a project, it was almost 2. No food since 7. I worked on school stuff for hours, until time flew and it was time to leave the library for my 6pm class. Still no food. Still walking. I made it home without incident around 7:30, and fixed two pieces of pizza. I had to force myself to fix it, much more to starting eating it. It had been so long since I'd eaten, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of food. I've made it through the first piece and I think I might just be sick. I'm hungry and full at the same time. No appetite at all. I don't even want to eat the chocolate cake I brought in here to save my sugars if they started going haywire. Now that's just depressing all on its own.
I think this might have something to do with the fact that the last 24 hours have made me ridiculously happy, I have had 3.5 hours of sleep on the day, and I still have hours of homework to accomplish before getting shut-eye.
ONLY 10 class days left. I can make it, but where did the semester go?!?!?
If I had been careless, who knows how long this could have gone on before my body gave out! I guess, for the most part, that's why I'm lucky enough to not be able to go long periods of time without eating before my body starts shutting down, guess today was the exception, but I can't count on having this good fortune in the future. Crashes really freak people out, they tend to overreact and send me to the ER, and that's the last thing I need.
I'm off to finish homework, try to eat some more to fight off a losing cycle of no food, no strength until I get sick.
Until next time,
:)
Today, I ate breakfast around 7. I went to class, came back, worked on a few things, left for my next class at 11, just like normal MWF. Then after class I had a heart to heart with one professor, got help from another and by the time I made it home to change out stuff and head back to school to work on a project, it was almost 2. No food since 7. I worked on school stuff for hours, until time flew and it was time to leave the library for my 6pm class. Still no food. Still walking. I made it home without incident around 7:30, and fixed two pieces of pizza. I had to force myself to fix it, much more to starting eating it. It had been so long since I'd eaten, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of food. I've made it through the first piece and I think I might just be sick. I'm hungry and full at the same time. No appetite at all. I don't even want to eat the chocolate cake I brought in here to save my sugars if they started going haywire. Now that's just depressing all on its own.
I think this might have something to do with the fact that the last 24 hours have made me ridiculously happy, I have had 3.5 hours of sleep on the day, and I still have hours of homework to accomplish before getting shut-eye.
ONLY 10 class days left. I can make it, but where did the semester go?!?!?
If I had been careless, who knows how long this could have gone on before my body gave out! I guess, for the most part, that's why I'm lucky enough to not be able to go long periods of time without eating before my body starts shutting down, guess today was the exception, but I can't count on having this good fortune in the future. Crashes really freak people out, they tend to overreact and send me to the ER, and that's the last thing I need.
I'm off to finish homework, try to eat some more to fight off a losing cycle of no food, no strength until I get sick.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I kindof don't like carrots.
I'm trying out the Blogger app, so show mercy on my spelling, please? :)
I'm pretty sure when I see carrots, I become a 5 year old, whining and all. Truth is, I don't like carrots unless each bite includes ranch dressing, or something. Which really defeats the purpose of eating them, since that purpose is an almost zero calorie snack. Why can't there be almost zero calorie ranch dressing? Maybe because then we would have to add something tasty. So I think I'll just stick to my raw green beans (the ones that snap) for my zero calorie snack. I could eat a bushel of those!
I'm not sure why this little fun factoid about me seemed like a good post, but it seemed like a good idea, so I went with it. Maybe it's because I just felt like talking, and since that itself was a rare thing, I decided to run with it. That and it was a perfectly good excuse to try out this nifty app. :)
So I've decided that when I eat dessert, it's a really good idea to eat it in a very, very, very small bowl. If it comes close to the top of the bowl, I feel like I'm indulging, but not in a guilty kind of a way. That kind of way that you curl up with a blanket in a comfy chair and your dessert and you can really appreciate the taste kind of way. Of course the best dessert for this is a warm brownie with a small scoop of ice cream. YUM.
Today really threw me off, I'm not sure I buy that it's Thursday night, maybe tomorrow it'll sink in; hopefully I go to the right classes! I think, well heck, I don't know, there's a lot going on upstairs, so I'm gonna log off before I start rambling. :)
Until next time,
:)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The amount of sugar I consume is inversely proportional to my running performance
Yes, I'm a math geek. So what inversely proportional means is when one item gets bigger, the other gets smaller at the same rate. Directly proportional is when the two items grow or shrink together. Just a little math lesson from your neighborhood math geek.
Okay, now to what it really means: on Monday I got distracted and I went a little overboard on a sweet treat. . .right before I went for a run. BAD idea. Just a really bad idea. I felt it from the time I took the first step. I had a terrible pace (uh 2 minutes total time SLOWER than average), and I was only able to do 2 laps instead of 3. BLAH. But it was a good lesson learned. But the good news is that the inverse of this is true. Holding off on fast food and sugar provides great results!
Now, Imma brag on my self. So I went lax, if you will, on my goals. No more specific timeline for weight loss. I just want to have a net loss each month. I want to be consistent in tracking and exercise. I don't want to have any specific fitness goals, I'm not running to train for a race, I'm running to be healthy, to push myself, and most importantly, FUN! I have a specially chosen play list that pushes me and makes me happy.
So what did I get for all my effort: -2.2! How exciting. Then, today, because it was such a good day, I got my car back yesterday, and I had an impressive loss (all adds up to one HAPPY camper), my pace was fabulous! I did the whole 3 laps 2 minutes faster than average. That shaved more than a minute off my pace. Hello 12 minute pace! WOOHOO!! And all 3 laps were within 30 seconds of each other, so I was a lot more consistent then I have been.
All in all, a fabulous start to another great week!
A side note on my car, if I ever have to part with it permanently (*sniff*), it will be a very sad day, week, month, you get it. Very, very sad. 9 days and I missed it so much.
4 weeks from today is the last day of classes for the semester. Where did it go?!?!
Until next time,
:)
Okay, now to what it really means: on Monday I got distracted and I went a little overboard on a sweet treat. . .right before I went for a run. BAD idea. Just a really bad idea. I felt it from the time I took the first step. I had a terrible pace (uh 2 minutes total time SLOWER than average), and I was only able to do 2 laps instead of 3. BLAH. But it was a good lesson learned. But the good news is that the inverse of this is true. Holding off on fast food and sugar provides great results!
Now, Imma brag on my self. So I went lax, if you will, on my goals. No more specific timeline for weight loss. I just want to have a net loss each month. I want to be consistent in tracking and exercise. I don't want to have any specific fitness goals, I'm not running to train for a race, I'm running to be healthy, to push myself, and most importantly, FUN! I have a specially chosen play list that pushes me and makes me happy.
So what did I get for all my effort: -2.2! How exciting. Then, today, because it was such a good day, I got my car back yesterday, and I had an impressive loss (all adds up to one HAPPY camper), my pace was fabulous! I did the whole 3 laps 2 minutes faster than average. That shaved more than a minute off my pace. Hello 12 minute pace! WOOHOO!! And all 3 laps were within 30 seconds of each other, so I was a lot more consistent then I have been.
All in all, a fabulous start to another great week!
A side note on my car, if I ever have to part with it permanently (*sniff*), it will be a very sad day, week, month, you get it. Very, very sad. 9 days and I missed it so much.
4 weeks from today is the last day of classes for the semester. Where did it go?!?!
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, October 28, 2012
You can take the girl out of the race, but not the race out of the girl
I know. It's cliche. You're allowed to use cliche statements when they're true. The title the way it's phrased makes more sense that what I really mean: "You can take the girl out of the run, but not the run out of the girl." I had a couple of other options for titles, but this was the most applicable.
You might have been wondering what I've been up to lately since I haven't posted in more than 3 months. Well I moved, I'm in school full time, living out on my own again, and in a new city. I'm only moved an hour away, but I moved far enough to be in a new County (which as a sidebar, means I got a new county sticker for my license plate. The dork in me was way to excited for that :D ), but I digress. There's a lot going on. I spend 20 hours per week in class (only 17 of those are graded hours, 3 are audit hours), I work about 15 hours a week, I have homework for 17 hours, and all are upper division classes, which means the homework isn't busy work anymore, it's actual work, that involves actual thought. Like 800 lines of code for one assignment. Yea, no jokes over here. Anyways, on top of all this, I'm trying to get out of debt and manage my finances on approximately 1/3 of the hours/pay I was working before I went part time. AND then on top of all this, I'm trying not to gain weight, and when humanly possible, lose it!
I say all this to say it's really easy to get discouraged. Sometimes, with this much going on, something gets dropped. And I've dropped something in just about all the areas except school (guess that says I have my priorities straight?). I haven't been making any groundbreaking strides with paying off debt, and I didn't expect to, I just try to stay afloat and not get any further behind, and I can hit that area hard when I'm on school breaks working full time.
However, I've been making strides in the exact wrong direction regarding my weight. I certainly haven't had a net loss of weight since I've moved, if anything it's been a net gain. I thought I had hit my breaking point a few weeks ago and I made a really aggressive workout schedule and eating rules. Because that tactic has worked so well in the past. To top it off, I calculated when I wanted to hit my goal weight. Since that's more than 45 pounds away, that was foolish. BY now, I should know myself well enough to know that as soon as I put a goal of a certain amount of weight loss by a certain amount of time, it becomes a head game, that I've yet to win. So, as you might imagine, the first schedule became unused within a week. I got upset. And I ate. So I decided it was too aggressive, and so I made a less aggressive schedule. Why oh why. That one went out the window too. And I ate some more. I had the nerve to feel sorry for myself. That and I was whining that I had put on my workout schedule to workout on the elliptical. I hate the elliptical. Sure it's effective, but I don't enjoy it, and I maintain if you don't like your exercise, you won't do it.
Now to the context of this post, I know that was a lot of (necessary) back story. If I could figure out how to put jump links in this, I would, but until then, you're stuck reading the back story. Some of you may know I've had an off again on again relationship with running. I ran for a while, had shoulder surgery, which put me out for almost a year, and then I started running again late last year. I made great strides, ran several 5Ks (I lost count, but they were all fun!). Somehow it became something I had to do instead of something I wanted to do. I had to train so I could meet a certain distance by a certain date. Sound familiar? (If not, refer to the paragraph above, again, I would use links....). After one of my dreaded elliptical workouts a couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted to take a try at running a lap around my apartment complex. So I did, and made it all the way around. Then came back and figured out it was 0.6 miles. WOOT. I didn't have to go anywhere, or pay anything. I used resources I already had where I lived. That and I wasn't running on any roads, I was basically running in my neighborhood. Which was nifty. :) And a huge confidence booster. I still had those voices in my head that I shouldn't be running because I could injure myself (specifically my shoulder).
Then today, I was laying in bed watching football, which is where I had been all day, I had a spark of motivation to workout. I hadn't decided what, but I got out of bed and put my workout clothes on and decided I was going to run. I said 1 lap. I got to the end of the lap and felt really good, so I did another, and another. Inside that third lap, I had the intuition that I needed to not overdo it, and that that needed to be my last lap. That was smart. I think I could have done another, but 1.74 miles in 22:38 (that's a 12:38 mile average) out of nowhere was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.
While I was running, I discovered something. I really enjoy running! I always have really. Just me and the road, working out whatever stress is bothering me.
My Dad told me recently "you can't schedule your whole life". You can imagine my initial response. (It looked something like a 5 year old pouting, I won't lie). But he's right! I don't ever know what my day is going to look like. Turns out, life doesn't just leave me alone just because I'm back in school full time. I have to deal with life, at unexpected and sometimes downright inconvenient times. I just need to suck it up and move on.
So I'm not going to set up another schedule. As crazy as this sounds, I'm not going to set specific goals. Yes, I know that goes against everything teachers teach about goal setting. Oh well. I've got to make decisions right for me. Does this mean I won't be accountable? Absolutely not. My goal is non-numeric, not non-existent. It's to have a net weight loss. NET. Meaning, not every week will have a weight loss, but I have to do my best to make sure that it does.
No more feeling sorry for myself. I know I've said it before, but it's the trying times when you find out what you're made of, and frankly, I'm tired of being made of wimp. I know I'm better than that, and anyone who wants to argue can....use your imagination, but the bottom line is I'm not putting up with it, starting with me!
I found the exercise I love, and yes, there's risk of injury. That just means I have to make the effort to make sure my shoulder is healthy, and that I don't overdo it.
Well I think that's about enough ground breaking for one day.
Until next time,
:)
You might have been wondering what I've been up to lately since I haven't posted in more than 3 months. Well I moved, I'm in school full time, living out on my own again, and in a new city. I'm only moved an hour away, but I moved far enough to be in a new County (which as a sidebar, means I got a new county sticker for my license plate. The dork in me was way to excited for that :D ), but I digress. There's a lot going on. I spend 20 hours per week in class (only 17 of those are graded hours, 3 are audit hours), I work about 15 hours a week, I have homework for 17 hours, and all are upper division classes, which means the homework isn't busy work anymore, it's actual work, that involves actual thought. Like 800 lines of code for one assignment. Yea, no jokes over here. Anyways, on top of all this, I'm trying to get out of debt and manage my finances on approximately 1/3 of the hours/pay I was working before I went part time. AND then on top of all this, I'm trying not to gain weight, and when humanly possible, lose it!
I say all this to say it's really easy to get discouraged. Sometimes, with this much going on, something gets dropped. And I've dropped something in just about all the areas except school (guess that says I have my priorities straight?). I haven't been making any groundbreaking strides with paying off debt, and I didn't expect to, I just try to stay afloat and not get any further behind, and I can hit that area hard when I'm on school breaks working full time.
However, I've been making strides in the exact wrong direction regarding my weight. I certainly haven't had a net loss of weight since I've moved, if anything it's been a net gain. I thought I had hit my breaking point a few weeks ago and I made a really aggressive workout schedule and eating rules. Because that tactic has worked so well in the past. To top it off, I calculated when I wanted to hit my goal weight. Since that's more than 45 pounds away, that was foolish. BY now, I should know myself well enough to know that as soon as I put a goal of a certain amount of weight loss by a certain amount of time, it becomes a head game, that I've yet to win. So, as you might imagine, the first schedule became unused within a week. I got upset. And I ate. So I decided it was too aggressive, and so I made a less aggressive schedule. Why oh why. That one went out the window too. And I ate some more. I had the nerve to feel sorry for myself. That and I was whining that I had put on my workout schedule to workout on the elliptical. I hate the elliptical. Sure it's effective, but I don't enjoy it, and I maintain if you don't like your exercise, you won't do it.
Now to the context of this post, I know that was a lot of (necessary) back story. If I could figure out how to put jump links in this, I would, but until then, you're stuck reading the back story. Some of you may know I've had an off again on again relationship with running. I ran for a while, had shoulder surgery, which put me out for almost a year, and then I started running again late last year. I made great strides, ran several 5Ks (I lost count, but they were all fun!). Somehow it became something I had to do instead of something I wanted to do. I had to train so I could meet a certain distance by a certain date. Sound familiar? (If not, refer to the paragraph above, again, I would use links....). After one of my dreaded elliptical workouts a couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted to take a try at running a lap around my apartment complex. So I did, and made it all the way around. Then came back and figured out it was 0.6 miles. WOOT. I didn't have to go anywhere, or pay anything. I used resources I already had where I lived. That and I wasn't running on any roads, I was basically running in my neighborhood. Which was nifty. :) And a huge confidence booster. I still had those voices in my head that I shouldn't be running because I could injure myself (specifically my shoulder).
Then today, I was laying in bed watching football, which is where I had been all day, I had a spark of motivation to workout. I hadn't decided what, but I got out of bed and put my workout clothes on and decided I was going to run. I said 1 lap. I got to the end of the lap and felt really good, so I did another, and another. Inside that third lap, I had the intuition that I needed to not overdo it, and that that needed to be my last lap. That was smart. I think I could have done another, but 1.74 miles in 22:38 (that's a 12:38 mile average) out of nowhere was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.
While I was running, I discovered something. I really enjoy running! I always have really. Just me and the road, working out whatever stress is bothering me.
My Dad told me recently "you can't schedule your whole life". You can imagine my initial response. (It looked something like a 5 year old pouting, I won't lie). But he's right! I don't ever know what my day is going to look like. Turns out, life doesn't just leave me alone just because I'm back in school full time. I have to deal with life, at unexpected and sometimes downright inconvenient times. I just need to suck it up and move on.
So I'm not going to set up another schedule. As crazy as this sounds, I'm not going to set specific goals. Yes, I know that goes against everything teachers teach about goal setting. Oh well. I've got to make decisions right for me. Does this mean I won't be accountable? Absolutely not. My goal is non-numeric, not non-existent. It's to have a net weight loss. NET. Meaning, not every week will have a weight loss, but I have to do my best to make sure that it does.
No more feeling sorry for myself. I know I've said it before, but it's the trying times when you find out what you're made of, and frankly, I'm tired of being made of wimp. I know I'm better than that, and anyone who wants to argue can....use your imagination, but the bottom line is I'm not putting up with it, starting with me!
I found the exercise I love, and yes, there's risk of injury. That just means I have to make the effort to make sure my shoulder is healthy, and that I don't overdo it.
Well I think that's about enough ground breaking for one day.
Until next time,
:)
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Having the right tools makes all the difference!
The right attitude probably doesn't hurt either.
Tonight was a turning point for me. I've been doing really poorly at tracking. I mean really bad. Mostly because I didn't want to have to calculate the points on everything I ate since I find it time consuming and a little frustrating not to be able to eye ball something and tell right off the bat if it's a good investment or not. I live on the go!
So Saturday night when I found myself in my shower leaning against the wall in a fit of sobs because I felt hopeless and I knew I had had another week where I would gain weight, I knew something had to change.
So I found another app. It's called My Fitness Pal. It's a free app. It can also be used exclusively online. With no monthly (or any kind) of fee to use. That allows you to work offline and doesn't limit your functionality...terribly. It also tracks weight, measurements, and all different kinds of nutrient facts. It sets a goal amount of each nutrient per day (fat, fiber, potassium, Vitamin A, C, carbs, sugar, etc.) and you can look at where you are during the day in relation to those goals. For instance, I know I don't eat anywhere near enough Potassium or Vitamin A or C and I eat too much fat, carbs, and sugars. Go figure. But I didn't know that before! Those pieces of information are just as important as how much of what I've consumed!
I've also gone to tracking my weight daily. It's an interesting experiment. I weigh every morning and log it in my app. And yes, I know that weight can fluctuate from day to day. It's interesting for me to see what daily choices I make effect (or is it affect? I can never remember, but I digress) not only my weight, but how I feel.
Something I've also noticed about this app is it has a networking component in it. You can find friends and see their updates. So even though I don't have any "friends" on the site, when I lose weight, it posts. When I exercise, it posts. When I finish a day of logging food and exercise, I complete my entry, and it makes a post and either just says that I completed a log, or if I came in even 1 calorie under my goal, it says I came in under my goal. And that's nice to see. I can see the posts it makes about me, so I want it to make as many good feeling posts as possible, so my goal is to come in under my goal, even if by 1 calorie.
When I complete a daily entry of food and exercise it comes up with a screen that shows me approximately where I will be weight-wise in 5 weeks if every day was like today. I understand it's not to be taken as written in stone, as there are many factors, however, it's a fantastic motivator to see that if I work hard, I can actually see a concrete lower number on the scale over time. CONCRETE. That's huge!!
For exercise, once you find the exercise, you plug the minutes, and it calculates the calories automatically. No need to perform any calculations. Just plug in minutes.
Now back to my turning point. In the app, I've been logging everything since Sunday. I've come in under goal each day so far. So today, at dinner, I had a Mike's hard lemonade. That clocks about 220 calories, and used up my calories (after dinner of course) and I had 19 left. So I decided I would skip ice cream, and treat my alcohol as dessert. Good choice right? Then I was watching TV and feeling sad that I didn't get dessert, so I got the twizzler bites out and had a serving (which turns out to have finished the bag). Then I'm logging my dessert and toning down the serving to fit in my remaining calories. To fit under 19 calories, turns out instead of 17 twizzler bites, I ate 2.5. Yea right. So I struggle with myself and log the whole thing, which puts me more than 100 calories over my goal. Yikes! I won't get my blurb saying I was under goal! So I start playing with exercise numbers to see how long I would need to walk to burn off those twizzler bites. 30 minutes. Groan, those twizzlers SO weren't worth it!
So I hop to it, get on the treadmill for a grueling 45 minutes at 3 mph (20 minute mile), which by the way was a lot harder than it really should have been. I burn 224 calories, come out on top, and am drenched and dripping with sweat. It was a good feeling.
I don't think I'll have any issues moving the scale this week, but even if I don't, I've definitely achieved a non-scale VICTORY!!!
Until next time,
:)
Tonight was a turning point for me. I've been doing really poorly at tracking. I mean really bad. Mostly because I didn't want to have to calculate the points on everything I ate since I find it time consuming and a little frustrating not to be able to eye ball something and tell right off the bat if it's a good investment or not. I live on the go!
So Saturday night when I found myself in my shower leaning against the wall in a fit of sobs because I felt hopeless and I knew I had had another week where I would gain weight, I knew something had to change.
So I found another app. It's called My Fitness Pal. It's a free app. It can also be used exclusively online. With no monthly (or any kind) of fee to use. That allows you to work offline and doesn't limit your functionality...terribly. It also tracks weight, measurements, and all different kinds of nutrient facts. It sets a goal amount of each nutrient per day (fat, fiber, potassium, Vitamin A, C, carbs, sugar, etc.) and you can look at where you are during the day in relation to those goals. For instance, I know I don't eat anywhere near enough Potassium or Vitamin A or C and I eat too much fat, carbs, and sugars. Go figure. But I didn't know that before! Those pieces of information are just as important as how much of what I've consumed!
I've also gone to tracking my weight daily. It's an interesting experiment. I weigh every morning and log it in my app. And yes, I know that weight can fluctuate from day to day. It's interesting for me to see what daily choices I make effect (or is it affect? I can never remember, but I digress) not only my weight, but how I feel.
Something I've also noticed about this app is it has a networking component in it. You can find friends and see their updates. So even though I don't have any "friends" on the site, when I lose weight, it posts. When I exercise, it posts. When I finish a day of logging food and exercise, I complete my entry, and it makes a post and either just says that I completed a log, or if I came in even 1 calorie under my goal, it says I came in under my goal. And that's nice to see. I can see the posts it makes about me, so I want it to make as many good feeling posts as possible, so my goal is to come in under my goal, even if by 1 calorie.
When I complete a daily entry of food and exercise it comes up with a screen that shows me approximately where I will be weight-wise in 5 weeks if every day was like today. I understand it's not to be taken as written in stone, as there are many factors, however, it's a fantastic motivator to see that if I work hard, I can actually see a concrete lower number on the scale over time. CONCRETE. That's huge!!
For exercise, once you find the exercise, you plug the minutes, and it calculates the calories automatically. No need to perform any calculations. Just plug in minutes.
Now back to my turning point. In the app, I've been logging everything since Sunday. I've come in under goal each day so far. So today, at dinner, I had a Mike's hard lemonade. That clocks about 220 calories, and used up my calories (after dinner of course) and I had 19 left. So I decided I would skip ice cream, and treat my alcohol as dessert. Good choice right? Then I was watching TV and feeling sad that I didn't get dessert, so I got the twizzler bites out and had a serving (which turns out to have finished the bag). Then I'm logging my dessert and toning down the serving to fit in my remaining calories. To fit under 19 calories, turns out instead of 17 twizzler bites, I ate 2.5. Yea right. So I struggle with myself and log the whole thing, which puts me more than 100 calories over my goal. Yikes! I won't get my blurb saying I was under goal! So I start playing with exercise numbers to see how long I would need to walk to burn off those twizzler bites. 30 minutes. Groan, those twizzlers SO weren't worth it!
So I hop to it, get on the treadmill for a grueling 45 minutes at 3 mph (20 minute mile), which by the way was a lot harder than it really should have been. I burn 224 calories, come out on top, and am drenched and dripping with sweat. It was a good feeling.
I don't think I'll have any issues moving the scale this week, but even if I don't, I've definitely achieved a non-scale VICTORY!!!
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
You mean it's possible to ENJOY exercise?!?!?!
A couple of times in Weight Watchers, I've heard my leader say find an activity you ENJOY. And it's true! If you don't enjoy it, you won't do it for very long, and you'll be miserable.
Running made me miserable. I really hate to admit that, since I was so into it and did it for so long, but I didn't really know anything else. I never got the runner's high, I ran to compete with myself in terms of mileage and pace. The whole time during my runs I was counting the minutes I had left, which is kind of sad. But it's how you learn, and I'd like to think it wasn't ALL bad. I did get some self confidence (and a medal, albeit a participation medal) out of it :)
Tonight I went for a walk down the street to a little park about a half mile from my house. There's a play gym and swing set in the middle. After a loop around the track (maybe quarter mile?) I got on a swing and swung for about 5 minutes. Talk about a leg workout! I also noticed at the end a small twinge in my abs. Yes, please :)
The point being, I really enjoyed it. It was a calm walk down the street, and I feel good now.
I'm going to go finish my homework for tomorrow and go have my ice cream.
Until next time,
:)
Running made me miserable. I really hate to admit that, since I was so into it and did it for so long, but I didn't really know anything else. I never got the runner's high, I ran to compete with myself in terms of mileage and pace. The whole time during my runs I was counting the minutes I had left, which is kind of sad. But it's how you learn, and I'd like to think it wasn't ALL bad. I did get some self confidence (and a medal, albeit a participation medal) out of it :)
Tonight I went for a walk down the street to a little park about a half mile from my house. There's a play gym and swing set in the middle. After a loop around the track (maybe quarter mile?) I got on a swing and swung for about 5 minutes. Talk about a leg workout! I also noticed at the end a small twinge in my abs. Yes, please :)
The point being, I really enjoyed it. It was a calm walk down the street, and I feel good now.
I'm going to go finish my homework for tomorrow and go have my ice cream.
Until next time,
:)
All the little things add up to one good week
Well my week paid off: 2.8 pounds off! That's almost all the weight I gained last week!
I think I'm going to lace up the tennis shoes (I use that loosely, since my shoes have no laces) and go for a walk down the street in a minute. I've been lazy most of the day, so it will feel good to get our when it's not super hot.
Tomorrow restarts the getting up insanely early, but the first week flew by, hopefully the next three will as well.
I'm excited for another new week.
I joked earlier today that I go to Weight Watchers for the stickers. I got a sticker for weight loss, a sticker for exercising, and a bravo sticker. My bravo sticker was for getting back on the horse and not throwing a pity party for myself.
I'm really excited, and I'm starting to feel more toned from the exercise. It's so exciting. And yes, I know I'm overusing the word excited; I'm just SO excited!! :)
Until next time,
:)
I think I'm going to lace up the tennis shoes (I use that loosely, since my shoes have no laces) and go for a walk down the street in a minute. I've been lazy most of the day, so it will feel good to get our when it's not super hot.
Tomorrow restarts the getting up insanely early, but the first week flew by, hopefully the next three will as well.
I'm excited for another new week.
I joked earlier today that I go to Weight Watchers for the stickers. I got a sticker for weight loss, a sticker for exercising, and a bravo sticker. My bravo sticker was for getting back on the horse and not throwing a pity party for myself.
I'm really excited, and I'm starting to feel more toned from the exercise. It's so exciting. And yes, I know I'm overusing the word excited; I'm just SO excited!! :)
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
What's that expression? Get back on the horse? Yea, that's it.
I know it's been a little while, so a little recap is in order. Over the last few months, my weight slowly went up and up. Finally, three weeks ago, I weighed in at 199.8. I was so close to 200. I had sworn I would never go back over 200. I got scared into right and lost a pound the following week. Then I started Jazzercise again, I started eating better, and last week I weighed in at a staggering 201.8. I knew it was bad when the woman weighed me in flashed a very confused look when she saw the number. I couldn't hold it in, I was so upset. I was so mad at myself: how did I let it get this FAR?!?!?! The first thing I did when I got in my car was call my boyfriend. Who not only talked me off a ledge, but also assured me I was doing the right things, I was on the right track, and the weight gain was more than likely due to the increase in regular exercise from....well nothing, which is a very valid point, one I had not even thought of. Sometimes it happens. After our conversation, I was in a really good place. Ready to pick myself up and keep going. Which, by the way, is no easy feat.
I would rate this week as a moderate, but not overwhelming success. I ate a few things I wish I hadn't, and I didn't go to group exercise as much as I would have liked, but I did take a walk one night, we went bowling today, and I've spent the last two days doing laundry and cleaning OUT (not up, I went through all my belongings and threw/gave a ton of stuff away, as well as reorganizing.) I'd be lying if I tried to deny myself from counting that as exercise. I was working up a nice big sweat thank you!
My boyfriend has been an absolute gem through this whole thing. Constantly encouraging me. I'm so incredibly lucky to be with him, there are no words.
My goals for this week: go to Jazzercise all three times. Work out at home at least once extra, and do the stretching video I have every night (It's 15 minutes...). Switch my Starbucks Caramel coffee drink between campus and work to a Passion tea I saw in a magazine (60 cals!), and eat more lunches at work (this would include a trip to Wal-mart tomorrow to gather supplies). Any suggestions for a fruit/veggie that I can get that won't go bad as fast as lettuce? I seem to waste a lot of lettuce because I can't eat it fast enough, and I like Wal-mart, but goodness, I don't want to be there daily. :) I'm not going to set any kind of weight loss goal. This week my calendar says will be a little unpredictable (ah hem) so I think if I do the above, I will have accomplished non-scale victories, and I need to be able to recognize and appreciate those, even when the scale may not reflect them.
I just have to keep telling myself I can do this, and take every day one day at a time.
Hopefully I won't wait as long before sharing next time :)
Until next time,
:)
I would rate this week as a moderate, but not overwhelming success. I ate a few things I wish I hadn't, and I didn't go to group exercise as much as I would have liked, but I did take a walk one night, we went bowling today, and I've spent the last two days doing laundry and cleaning OUT (not up, I went through all my belongings and threw/gave a ton of stuff away, as well as reorganizing.) I'd be lying if I tried to deny myself from counting that as exercise. I was working up a nice big sweat thank you!
My boyfriend has been an absolute gem through this whole thing. Constantly encouraging me. I'm so incredibly lucky to be with him, there are no words.
My goals for this week: go to Jazzercise all three times. Work out at home at least once extra, and do the stretching video I have every night (It's 15 minutes...). Switch my Starbucks Caramel coffee drink between campus and work to a Passion tea I saw in a magazine (60 cals!), and eat more lunches at work (this would include a trip to Wal-mart tomorrow to gather supplies). Any suggestions for a fruit/veggie that I can get that won't go bad as fast as lettuce? I seem to waste a lot of lettuce because I can't eat it fast enough, and I like Wal-mart, but goodness, I don't want to be there daily. :) I'm not going to set any kind of weight loss goal. This week my calendar says will be a little unpredictable (ah hem) so I think if I do the above, I will have accomplished non-scale victories, and I need to be able to recognize and appreciate those, even when the scale may not reflect them.
I just have to keep telling myself I can do this, and take every day one day at a time.
Hopefully I won't wait as long before sharing next time :)
Until next time,
:)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I have to eat it all now so it won't tempt me later...
Occasionally, I get the hair-brained idea to bring something into my otherwise-controlled environment that will tempt me. I then get this mindset of first guilt, then I think I have to devour the whole bit of whatever it was to prevent it from torturing me in the near future. Heaven forbid I spread the goodness out so I can actually enjoy it.
Girl Scout Cookies. 'nuff said.
:)
Girl Scout Cookies. 'nuff said.
:)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
When you add it all up...
I got a wild hair this morning. I decided I would look over my 2.5 years in Weight Watchers and add up all the times I lost weight and see how much I've lost total. Not just how far I am from where I started (Which, by the way, is 28.4 pounds....went back under 30 last week and still haven't cracked 35 in months ::sigh::) but I digress. I have 61 weeks of losses, totaling 112.6 pounds. Which means I've done 84.2 pounds of flip-flopping.
I've decided I'm done telling myself what I can and cannot eat. It doesn't work. Period. I'm going back to basics. You know, the tracking stuff THAT WORKS. The absolute majority of those losses was because of tracking, which shouldn't surprise me after 2 1/2 years. (Can you believe it?!?!?!)
I'll blog more often and let you know how it goes. I'm running (haha) out of patience and ideas...
Until next time,
:)
I've decided I'm done telling myself what I can and cannot eat. It doesn't work. Period. I'm going back to basics. You know, the tracking stuff THAT WORKS. The absolute majority of those losses was because of tracking, which shouldn't surprise me after 2 1/2 years. (Can you believe it?!?!?!)
I'll blog more often and let you know how it goes. I'm running (haha) out of patience and ideas...
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I am me and I am OK
I was exposed to this idea through indirect exposure to the 12 step recovery process. I've seen it since I was 8, but not even been able to utter it much less actually believe it until the...well if I'll be real honest, the last year. And that's largely possible thanks to my boyfriend for spending the last year making me believe it (It's hard to believe it's been a year, it's been one heck of a good year :) )
I have spent most of my life not being good enough. And by good enough, I mean perfect. At least that was my perception. Could it have been my own expectations I wasn't meeting? Sure, and some of them were (and still are).
I also, until the last couple of years, never learned how to really feel feelings (maybe that was my fault too, I'm not pushing blame here, just saying what is), so that has been (as you may be VERY aware by now) the crux of my weight loss issue, and the purpose, for the most part, of this blog, but I digress.
When you have a combination of perfect expectations and no emotions, everything is always fine, there's a permanent mask. I oozed so much confidence it made me sick because I was the world's most insecure person on the inside. I second guess everything I say, everything I do. Codependent to a fault. Feelings are stuffed, no tears, and nothing ever lives up to standards. Well to make a long story short: what happens when you shake a soda then open it?
I have been successful in being less in the full mask all the time extreme, but in order to succeed, it definitely went back on, and it worked, I was able to do amazing things with that mask, and with my perfect expectations. There's always room to improve that way.
I'll give you an example: yesterday, I ran a 5k. With an additional hill and in the rain. I ran it 43 seconds slower than Dec 31st, and I truly had the nerve to be upset. I still kind of am. I should be celebrating because I finished and ran the whole thing, but that was my goal for the last one, this time, that goal simply wasn't good enough, my goal was to beat my time! I have a race this Saturday, but I almost get a handicap...it will be all flat (as far as I know), so if I don't beat my Dec 31st time, I'll REALLY be mad at myself, but I digress...again.
The point I'm trying to make here is as it would turn out, when I consistently set impossible to reach expectations, and don't allow feelings, I'm bound to get insecure and mad at myself, because who wouldn't if you considered yourself a failure/not good enough time after time? How incredibly depressing am I? I'm sure I'm so much fun to be around when I get like that, and those feelings are a lot easier to run away from if you don't have a witness (if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around.....). I'm not running this time. And that means I get to deal with my "stuff" (recovery term for skeletons in one's closet). Turns out healing isn't a one and done kind of thing, some scars take longer to heal, and have to be dealt with more than once. You can't just deal with one and be over them all, either, you have to take one by one, when they arise and hope you have a good enough head on your shoulders to recognize and start healing. Sure, there are times that I'm able to tell myself I'm OK, and HOPEFULLY, those times are greater in number than the times I'm not. But I have to be allowed to work through the times I'm not, or I'll just continue to stuff and be mad at myself, and that will feed a vicious cycle.
I feel like I need one of those disclaimer signs you see in stores doing construction: pardon our mess while we build a better shopping experience. Rephrased: pardon my mess while I build a better me... preparing for version 24.0 :)
I am me, and I am OK. I'm better than OK, I'm awesome, JUST THE WAY I AM!!! :)
Until next time,
:)
I have spent most of my life not being good enough. And by good enough, I mean perfect. At least that was my perception. Could it have been my own expectations I wasn't meeting? Sure, and some of them were (and still are).
I also, until the last couple of years, never learned how to really feel feelings (maybe that was my fault too, I'm not pushing blame here, just saying what is), so that has been (as you may be VERY aware by now) the crux of my weight loss issue, and the purpose, for the most part, of this blog, but I digress.
When you have a combination of perfect expectations and no emotions, everything is always fine, there's a permanent mask. I oozed so much confidence it made me sick because I was the world's most insecure person on the inside. I second guess everything I say, everything I do. Codependent to a fault. Feelings are stuffed, no tears, and nothing ever lives up to standards. Well to make a long story short: what happens when you shake a soda then open it?
I have been successful in being less in the full mask all the time extreme, but in order to succeed, it definitely went back on, and it worked, I was able to do amazing things with that mask, and with my perfect expectations. There's always room to improve that way.
I'll give you an example: yesterday, I ran a 5k. With an additional hill and in the rain. I ran it 43 seconds slower than Dec 31st, and I truly had the nerve to be upset. I still kind of am. I should be celebrating because I finished and ran the whole thing, but that was my goal for the last one, this time, that goal simply wasn't good enough, my goal was to beat my time! I have a race this Saturday, but I almost get a handicap...it will be all flat (as far as I know), so if I don't beat my Dec 31st time, I'll REALLY be mad at myself, but I digress...again.
The point I'm trying to make here is as it would turn out, when I consistently set impossible to reach expectations, and don't allow feelings, I'm bound to get insecure and mad at myself, because who wouldn't if you considered yourself a failure/not good enough time after time? How incredibly depressing am I? I'm sure I'm so much fun to be around when I get like that, and those feelings are a lot easier to run away from if you don't have a witness (if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around.....). I'm not running this time. And that means I get to deal with my "stuff" (recovery term for skeletons in one's closet). Turns out healing isn't a one and done kind of thing, some scars take longer to heal, and have to be dealt with more than once. You can't just deal with one and be over them all, either, you have to take one by one, when they arise and hope you have a good enough head on your shoulders to recognize and start healing. Sure, there are times that I'm able to tell myself I'm OK, and HOPEFULLY, those times are greater in number than the times I'm not. But I have to be allowed to work through the times I'm not, or I'll just continue to stuff and be mad at myself, and that will feed a vicious cycle.
I feel like I need one of those disclaimer signs you see in stores doing construction: pardon our mess while we build a better shopping experience. Rephrased: pardon my mess while I build a better me... preparing for version 24.0 :)
I am me, and I am OK. I'm better than OK, I'm awesome, JUST THE WAY I AM!!! :)
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Everyone grieves in different ways
Some people drink, some eat, some...well I don't really know.
I'm fine for about an hour, then when the news actually hits me, I'm a wreck for a while after that, then I'm emotionally turned inside, and on the verge of depressive for a bit after that.
We found out this evening that a very close family friend passed away tonight.
Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.
Until next time,
L
I'm fine for about an hour, then when the news actually hits me, I'm a wreck for a while after that, then I'm emotionally turned inside, and on the verge of depressive for a bit after that.
We found out this evening that a very close family friend passed away tonight.
Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.
Until next time,
L
Saturday, January 7, 2012
This isn't the first time my body said no, but it IS the last
I know. That title seems odd.
Some of you may not know this about me, but I like to run. Like, really like. Well, I ran a 5K last Saturday!!! My first all-running 5K. 41:11. That would be a new PB (personal best).
I just ran one mile. One stinking little mile. And it was the most labored mile since I've been able to run a mile! 12:19. Very UN impressive. (Well, I guess I ran at average 13 and change in the 5K, but that was 5K, not 1.6K) but I digress. I believe I've posted before about being gluten and corn free. And how I felt better etc.
Well, recently, I've been trying to stick to 90% gluten free. That's all well and good, but this week, it's been a gluten binge. I've eaten more crap than I would really care to admit, but because it will only help, I'm going to. Breakfast every day this week was a Sonic burrito. I ate one good lunch this week, and that was Chinese leftovers. On Tuesday. Every other day I've been out to eat or fast food, a sandwich of some sort. Dinner is the only redeeming meal, but I've destroyed it by the huge bowls of ice cream. The only good thing about the ice cream (and extreme number of toppings) is it's all gluten/corn free. Yes, Magic Shell is corn free.
Today, in my mile, I paid for all that crap. It was as if my body was telling me: you feed me crap? You no run. Fine. A good lesson. I am going to stick to 90% HOWEVER, next 2 weeks? DETOX. No more gluten or corn, 14 days. Eat out as little as possible. NO sweet tea or soda. I will be going back to Diet Lipton Green Tea for the caffeine (fun factoid: Diet Lipton is corn free, Regular Lipton has corn syrup. *rolls eyes* go figure :-) )
I will be doing walking over the next 14 days, but I'm not going to run until the 21st of January. That's also in part because I'm out of contacts, and running in glasses ends up with foggy glasses and if I take them off, I can't see, if I leave them on, I really can't see. Not fun, and very distracting. :)
I think my weigh in this morning is also going to be an eye opener. I haven't weighed in since Dec 17th. The 24th they were closed, and last week, I had my 5K. That I had also used as an excuse to eat crap, which tells me, even when I hit lifetime, I'll be weighing in weekly, simply for the regular accountability.
Until next time,
:)
Some of you may not know this about me, but I like to run. Like, really like. Well, I ran a 5K last Saturday!!! My first all-running 5K. 41:11. That would be a new PB (personal best).
I just ran one mile. One stinking little mile. And it was the most labored mile since I've been able to run a mile! 12:19. Very UN impressive. (Well, I guess I ran at average 13 and change in the 5K, but that was 5K, not 1.6K) but I digress. I believe I've posted before about being gluten and corn free. And how I felt better etc.
Well, recently, I've been trying to stick to 90% gluten free. That's all well and good, but this week, it's been a gluten binge. I've eaten more crap than I would really care to admit, but because it will only help, I'm going to. Breakfast every day this week was a Sonic burrito. I ate one good lunch this week, and that was Chinese leftovers. On Tuesday. Every other day I've been out to eat or fast food, a sandwich of some sort. Dinner is the only redeeming meal, but I've destroyed it by the huge bowls of ice cream. The only good thing about the ice cream (and extreme number of toppings) is it's all gluten/corn free. Yes, Magic Shell is corn free.
Today, in my mile, I paid for all that crap. It was as if my body was telling me: you feed me crap? You no run. Fine. A good lesson. I am going to stick to 90% HOWEVER, next 2 weeks? DETOX. No more gluten or corn, 14 days. Eat out as little as possible. NO sweet tea or soda. I will be going back to Diet Lipton Green Tea for the caffeine (fun factoid: Diet Lipton is corn free, Regular Lipton has corn syrup. *rolls eyes* go figure :-) )
I will be doing walking over the next 14 days, but I'm not going to run until the 21st of January. That's also in part because I'm out of contacts, and running in glasses ends up with foggy glasses and if I take them off, I can't see, if I leave them on, I really can't see. Not fun, and very distracting. :)
I think my weigh in this morning is also going to be an eye opener. I haven't weighed in since Dec 17th. The 24th they were closed, and last week, I had my 5K. That I had also used as an excuse to eat crap, which tells me, even when I hit lifetime, I'll be weighing in weekly, simply for the regular accountability.
Until next time,
:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)