It's really not as bad as it sounds (or looks)

Most people cringe when I tell them what happened to my shoulder.  I think they think it's similar to rotator cuff.  I wouldn't know, but I don't think it's as bad as all that.  Don't cry for me, Laura Lee.  (Don't know where that came from). 

Physical therapy (contrary to popular belief) was not that bad!  They were very nice and gentle.  Maybe it helped that I had taken 1/2 of a pain pill.  Guess I'll never know. 
You may remember here I wrote (in what has to be my shortest blog post ever, that I was going to post 16 times in August.  Well we are about to say goodbye to August, in 1 hour, and this is post #16!!  I love reasonable goals.  :)

Also, in this post, I mentioned a few goals.  I will re-list them here and add my comments/revisions/updates:

-Measure my cereal and milk. Not hard tasks, and I can still fix that myself with little time added.  Done.  Parents came up with a brilliant system of bagging individual servings for the week.  Insta-breakfast. 
-Restart tracking. The week before surgery, I stopped and haven't started back.  Not going to lie.  Haven't jumped back on the wagon yet.  I'm keeping better watch, but still no excuses
-Blog my feelings more so I'm not tempted to eat them. I'm going through a lot emotionally right now and I don't need another hurdle in my journey. Not now. A lot of my blog has recently been about my shoulder, and it will still hover, but I won't hide my weight loss "struggles" behind updates of the crippled limb. :)  What am I doing now?  Although, I would have liked to blog at least once between the weekend and now.
-Go back to eating a smaller dinner and a bit bigger lunch, and following the plate division: 1/2 vegetable/fruit, 1/4 protein, 1/4 bread.  Done.  Have too now that I'm a little more active during the day. 
-I'm going to listen to my stomach and stop when I'm full.  Done.  The only real listening I have to do is at dinner.  It's a little bit easier since I have to eat slower on account of the one hand.  :)
-Work myself up to 1 mile. This may take two weeks, but I'm not going to push myself past where I feel comfortable just for a goal date (I'm not about to risk injury), so I'm going to make it a wide goal date; by the time I have my next Dr appointment (where we discuss the possibility of waning off the sling) in 24 days.  Unfortunately, probably not going to happen.  The Physical Therapist cringed when I mentioned walking and suggested the best exercise for me is a stationary bike.  No risk moving the shoulder.  Now where to find a stationary bike.  Wonder if YMCA would severely discount membership so I could only use the bikes.  Hm a thought. 
-I would like to walk 3 times this week. This may or may not be feasible, depending on physical therapy I start next week. PT may kill me or it may not. It was painful the first time, and that's before someone cut into me.  See above statement.  PT did not kill me, nowhere close, but still. 


I can't sleep.  That's why I blog.  It started the blog actually.  I would love to lie on my stomach where I'm most comfortable but . . .


I'm off to read a bit more and see if I can't coax myself to sleep.  I'm not above taking something if I get desperate.  Not like I'm under-stocked or anything.  :)


You know where to find me.  :)


Until next time,
:)

The older you get the faster it goes.

So true, even at my young age. This week flew by! I cannot believe it's Saturday! Work went well this week, I was in pain a little, but it was not for the most part major. I was very productive even with only one arm. Work smarter, not harder. :) The steri-strips came off and I found an extra hole, so I have 4, not 3 like I originally thought. I know you were just dying to know that tidbit. :)


This week I lost the two pounds I gained last week. No real surprise there, I was let out to play with the other kids and stopped taking the oxycodon.


When I entered my weight on eTools, it showed my stats (average) for the last 8 weeks. On average, I have stayed the exact same, and the total weight lost over the past 8 weeks is 0.2. That is very interesting to me. Looking at my overall stats (from November 7th to present), my average is 1 per week (not too shabby) and 40 total. This is the 4th time I have hit 40 pounds after a gain the week before. Very, very interesting.


This would normally be the time for some strict pep talk on where I'm going, and another outraged post on all the things I'm going to to achieve with lofty goals, but this is not the time or place. I can't run because of my shoulder, can't do a whole lot except walk for that matter, and only a bit at a time, so the weight is going to have to come off because of the food. Right now it's a bit unrealistic to measure everything I eat, because it took 30 minutes on average to prepare a meal (not counting breakfast) and that was with two capable hands. I really hate to use it as an crutch, but unfortunately, it is and I have to accept that!! I need to learn how to eyeball portions, and what a better time! I am not as capable as I used to be, and that's just how it is. Now, here are a few things I can continue/start to do:


-Measure my cereal and milk. Not hard tasks, and I can still fix that myself with little time added.
-Restart tracking. The week before surgery, I stopped and haven't started back.
-Blog my feelings more so I'm not tempted to eat them. I'm going through a lot emotionally right now and I don't need another hurdle in my journey. Not now. A lot of my blog has recently been about my shoulder, and it will still hover, but I won't hide my weight loss "struggles" behind updates of the crippled limb. :)
-Go back to eating a smaller dinner and a bit bigger lunch, and following the plate division: 1/2 vegetable/fruit, 1/4 protein, 1/4 bread.
-I'm going to listen to my stomach and stop when I'm full.
-Work myself up to 1 mile. This may take two weeks, but I'm not going to push myself past where I feel comfortable just for a goal date (I'm not about to risk injury), so I'm going to make it a wide goal date; by the time I have my next Dr appointment (where we discuss the possibility of waning off the sling) in 24 days.
-I would like to walk 3 times this week. This may or may not be feasible, depending on physical therapy I start next week. PT may kill me or it may not. It was painful the first time, and that's before someone cut into me.


Those are what I can brainstorm now,it all seems basics, but a good reminder now and again never hurt me. If I continue to think of things I can do to keep me healthy, I'll be sure to share. :)


Now it's your turn. Have you had something major happen (doesn't have to be surgery) and how did it effect you (doesn't have to relate to weight loss)? Feel free to drop me a note by e-mail or Face book if you don't want to post it to the whole WWW.


Until next time,
:)

Back into the daily grind

Yup, it's back. First, I'll start off at my extreme disappointment at not being physically able to leave the house for church on Sunday. Too many concerns floating around, so I stayed home. This was a major concern for me since Tuesday I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment and return to work. So Sunday night I can't sleep. Same thing Monday night, and I was stir-crazy all day. This is a good sign. It means I'm rested enough to start functioning in the real world.

Tuesday comes and I visit the doctor. They took x-rays to make sure nothing bad happened to my collarbone, gave me pictures of the inside of my shoulder which are super cool (but I left them there with all the things I was carrying and trying to make sure I took care of). He released me to go back to work and told me what ended up being my problem. It was not a bone spur. (WHAT?!?!?!) My bicep muscle where it was connected to my shoulder, was not connected properly (or not at all, I don't remember, all I know is it was painful). The thing they saw on the MRI was an anomaly, in that area, every thing's connected properly, just in a weird place. Go figure. So we went from labrum injury via symptoms, a bone spur via MRI, and bicep deformation via surgery. So they fixed it by putting an anchor to connect it properly. Prognosis? No active movement with that arm from the shoulder for around 4 weeks. Sling all the time for 4 weeks. Physical Therapy 2-3x per week for 4 weeks. I go back and see them in . . you guessed it, 4 weeks for another check up and if I'm doing well, I get to start waning off the sling.

Right now I am learning how to depend on other people and ask for help. It's counter productive to risk serious injury for the sake of independence. So I've been following doctor's orders. Not going to lie, maybe I could get used to this :)

I'm becoming very adept at typing with one hand and using a mouse/10 key pad with my left hand. My handwriting still stinks, but I don't have to do much of it and I think it will get better as my left hand gets stronger. Meanwhile, my right arm is turning to jelly. That's a problem for another day though.

This whole process has opened my eyes to see how much I take for granted ability to perform simple tasks. Think about your day for a second and how much you would have to plan/request help for things like buttering toast, or opening a water bottle. Things I didn't even think about before, but boy I think about them now! Makes me extremely happy I didn't hurt my knee. I'm thoroughly enjoying still being able to walk!

So what impact does this have on my weight loss journey? Well, my next few weigh ins are going to be interesting since I'm wearing this 1+ pound contraption and can't exercise. I feel I've not over indulged, and that's partially because I can't drive myself to trigger places. I'll not be driving my own car for some time, so my outings will be fairly restricted, which is good for me.

I'm going to finish some research on the regency period and make another attempt at sleeping.

Until next time,
:)

I'm the mayor of Leighville

Yes, that's how I feel right now. Picture this: a girl who has been more of a social butterfly lately sees no one except her Mom and step-Dad for 5 whole days. NO ONE. The first time I've gone further than the driveway since I came home from surgery Monday morning was this morning, and that was to weigh in at weight watchers, I didn't stay for the meeting, so I saw a total of 10 people, and was away from the house for a grand total of 20 minutes. After that 20 minutes, with of course the 15 minutes it took me beforehand to change my shorts and don a sweater, I was exhausted. Taking a shower takes twice as long and I'm about ready to pass out from exhaustion when I'm done that someone has too keep an ear out to make sure I survive and don't break anything.

I'm supposed to go see the doctor on Tuesday, and go back to work if he releases me. Have no idea how I'm going to pull that off at my current lasting rate. I guess we'll just see where the cards fall.

Well, this week's weigh in went exactly as I expected. I gained 2.4. Here's the thing: I'm not the least bit upset. The most exercise I've gotten has been walking from my room into the kitchen, three times each day, and the 5 steps into the restroom. I have spent all week in bed taking pills that make me retain water, drinking water, and the sling counts for a pound in there somewhere - they didn't deduct extra. So all in all I'm actually kind of impressed.

I have a lot more to say, but my left arm is about to give out completely. Maybe tomorrow.

Until next time,
:)

So maybe it's not as bad as I thought, but limits exist and can humble me pretty quickly

OK. Surgery was not that bad after all. I survived and all that jazz. When they took me back for pre-op, they numbed my hand with the stuff they use at the dentist's office before doing the IV, did my IV, and the next thing I know, I'm in recovery, can't feel my whole arm, and can only make sounds, no words, which was odd.

After I was awake enough and forming words, they moved me to another area. I started to get my bearings, and the test I had to pass before I could leave was to be able to swallow. Sounds easy, right? Well the pain block had affected part of my diaphragm, making it difficult to take a deep breath or cough. I had a breathing tube during surgery to make sure I didn't stop breathing, and apparently, that affected my swallowing. So I tried to drink water, couldn't swallow, couldn't cough, so the sound came out more like a choke of sorts.

For a while, I was stuttering and it took me a long time to form sentences. It was pretty amusing. :)

The not swallowing business was really frustrating because I was REALLY thirsty! They called a doctor from anesthesia, and as soon he came, he wanted to see what happened when I tried and what do you know? My throat started working. They helped me get dressed, no easy task when my arm is dead weight, and sent me home. We left around 11:30 I'd say.

The pain block started to wear off that night, by about 1AM Tuesday, I woke up in a new kind of pain. I took my pain medicine, went back to sleep and repeated the process a few hours later.

Last night, I was able to sleep for 8 hours straight, but oh boy when I did wake up, OUCH!!!!

I found my limits today. Today is the day I was allowed to remove the bulky dressing (I still have one dressing covering the holes) and take a shower. So this afternoon, I felt good enough to attempt it. Alone. Mistake! The shower itself went OK, but when I took the dressing off and saw my marred shoulder, I thought I was going to be sick. It all came at once, and I crumpled carefully in the bathroom. I was seeing spots, sweating, and I felt my throat start closing. Barely coherent, I was able to call for my mom, who got my medicine, water, and food into me so I could get up off the bathroom floor and get my arm back into my sling. I feel much better now.

The good news is, my left hand gets so tired in the effort required to eat the food I can (along with the trouble of the 8 inch gap between table and mouth caused by sling), that I am doing very well on the eating front. Drinking lots of water too. :)

Well, my left hand is typing solo, and it's tired, so I'm off to sleep like a good little patient.

Until next time,
:)

Hold the phone, is this what emotions are? I don't think I'm a fan.

Seems leaving me alone has inspired much thought, followed by an emotionally moving movie, followed by exhaustion caused by heat, caused by can't sleep because my shoulder hurts. Like crazy hurts. Maybe typing isn't the best remedy. So now I'm feeling. Something my therapist would just love. Can't say right now I feel the same.

Okay, so here it is. The big emotion. I finally found it after over a week of searching.

I'm scared. Crazy scared.

I'm scared the something's going to go wrong. I'm scared it isn't going to work. I'm scared of being completely and totally dependent on other people for the better part of at least a week. The only thing that's been going through my head the last few days is a list of things I'm not going to be able to do for who knows how long. I'm scared that I'll lose a part of myself worrying even if it does work that I'll be too worried of hurting it again that I'll quit doing things I love. For instance, bowling. I LOVE bowling! I'm almost certain bowling was what did it in the very beginning, followed by ice skating and the flood. Right now, I'm so scared of re-injuring my shoulder I'm about to swear it off. I'm scared that once they get in my shoulder it's gotten worse, something else totally different has sprung up, and they have to do something crazy.

I've completely lost sight of all the positive outcomes. Like a chance at a pain-free existence. I don't even know if I remember what that feels like. Like a week off to sleep. Like a chance to actually GET BETTER instead of worse.

I'm scared that I won't be able to work as efficiently, at least for a few weeks (a long time!) with only the use of my left arm and then the limited use of my right arm for an undetermined period of time.

I'm so scared and in constant, throbbing pain, I'm sitting on my bathroom floor sobbing and blogging. The next question is why don't you take something for the pain if it's that bad? Well the answer is, surgery is in 33.5 hours, I haven't been able to take anything since 5 days ago. Nothing except Tylenol, which doesn't do s*-....anything.

Maybe all this stems from being in the sun too long during the hottest part of the day. I'm going to get a wicked tan out of it, but I've been far too thirsty all day. I've been practically mainlining water and it's absorbing, not going through.

Can someone pat my hand lovingly and tell me it's all going to be okay? I feel like I've reverted back to a five year old who's scared of the dark, but on a global scale.

They ask you in the pre-surgery questions if you have a will set up. I mean, wow, this is the real deal. Crazy real.

I'm going to finish feeling this out so I can try to sleep in the dark (one of my all-time greatest fears) because my night light doesn't work.

Until next time,
:(

What is wrong with this picture?!?!?!

I'm going to take a moment to rant. I just watched the third commercial on television about the juices and what not to hide vegetables because kids don't like them or won't eat them. Okay, when I was raised (so long ago, I know), either Mom hid the ACTUAL vegetables in casserole or you got to eat them plain. You didn't leave the table, or get dessert until all the vegetables you were served were eaten. This taught me two things. 1. Knowledge that Mom was BOSS and if I knew what was good for me I'd eat my vegetables. 2. Taught me to like vegetables and try new things. We got a tasting crown if we tried something new. So we tried new things. Easy as that. We either ate what we were given or we went hungry. When I grew up, picky eaters were non-existent!

The pediasure commercial really gets me. She won't eat this, she definitely won't eat that, anything green is out of the question (WHAT?!?!?!). Okay, and? Let's look at the facts. Yes, pediasure has two servings of fruits and vegetables in it. It also has 240 Calories (equivalent to two apples), but 80 of those are from fat, while none are from fat in two apples. It has 9 grams of fat (none in two apples), 90 mg of sodium (again, none in an apple). Granted, there is more sugar in the two apples (50 in two vs 18). But here's the real kicker. Look at the ingredients, straight from their website:

ingredients:

WATER, SUGAR (SUCROSE), CORN MALTODEXTRIN, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, HIGH OLEIC SAFFLOWER OIL, SOY OIL, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, MEDIUM-CHAIN TRIGLYCERIDES; LESS THAN 0.5% OF: SOY PROTEIN ISOLATE, SHORT-CHAIN FRUCTOOLIGOSACCHARIDES, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, CELLULOSE GEL, MAGNESIUM PHOSPHATE, POTASSIUM CITRATE, POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM CARBONATE, POTASSIUM PHOSPHATE, SALT (SODIUM CHLORIDE), CELLULOSE GUM, CHOLINE CHLORIDE, SOY LECITHIN, MONOGLYCERIDES, C. COHNII OIL, ASCORBIC ACID, m-INOSITOL, POTASSIUM HYDROXIDE, CARRAGEENAN, TAURINE, FERROUS SULFATE, dl-ALPHA-TOCOPHERYL ACETATE, L-CARNITINE, ZINC SULFATE, CALCIUM PANTOTHENATE, NIACINAMIDE, MANGANESE SULFATE, THIAMINE CHLORIDE HYDROCHLORIDE, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE, RIBOFLAVIN, CUPRIC SULFATE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, FOLIC ACID, CHROMIUM CHLORIDE, BIOTIN, POTASSIUM IODIDE, SODIUM SELENATE, SODIUM MOLYBDATE, PHYLLOQUINONE, CYANOCOBALAMIN, AND VITAMIN D3.

CONTAINS SOY AND MILK INGREDIENTS.

Let me ask you something. Do you see the words apple or lettuce in there? I don't either. This is what we're feeding our kids! Makes me want to scream, not that it would help. On top of that, nineteen of the words in that paragraph are not recognized by spell checker.

When I was young, fat didn't count as a fruit, but then again, when I was young, spanking was still legal. Shows how old I am I guess. I'm going to go eat a serving of green beans. Because I can. So THERE.

Oh, and Mom and Dad, when you read this; a big THANK YOU for bringing us up right. Eating the REAL vegetables. I'm better for it.

Until next time,
:)

Twelve of one, a dozen of another

Okay, so I weighed.
At home: 184
At WW: 182.2 (184.2 w/o the 2 lbs taken off)
At home: 184
After using the restroom: 183

Now, what this tells me is that the difference was in the water, not the food. Very interesting. What this also means to me is that food won't make a difference on the scale for a good long while, a few hours perhaps. That's where I would refer to WebMD. But water will make a difference instantly.

*Disclaimer. These statements have not been reveiwed or approved by anyone with knowledge on the subject. They are my opinion only.*

Couldn't resist. :)

Until next time,
:)

Six of one, half dozen of another

I love that phrase.

I've been thinking. If you eat before weighing in, does it really have THAT much effect on the number? Is it really worth it to wait? I think I'm going to experiment. I'm going to do something I NEVER do. I am going to weigh myself here, before I eat, I am going to go to Weight Watchers, get the official number, attend the meeting, eat breakfast, then come back here and weigh again and see what happens. It ought to be interesting.

I'll share how it turns out. Who knows, maybe it will fuel a new research study :)

Until next time,
:)

Like it never happened

I noticed something today. The Metro police are incredibly efficient. I was driving on a major road that has two lanes on each side and an idiot lane in the middle. I passed a car accident and it had just occurred. It looked as if someone cut it too close trying to turn left and the person driving straight at them was not able to stop in time, but tried to turn to the right to avoid a T-Bone wreck. What ended up happening was the car already on the road rammed the front left corner of their car into the driver’s side door of the car turning left onto the road. Traffic was stopped on both sides; anyone trying to turn left into the little road was blocking the left lane because the center idiot lane was taken up by all of us moving in the same direction as the car who hit the car turning. We all had to merge into one lane and drive through the idiot lane while the police directed traffic. It was amazing. I drove by a mere half an hour later, going the other direction and the cars were moved out of sight into an abandoned parking lot, the street was clear and traffic was moving normally on both sides.

Like it never happened.

How often do we encounter something amazing, and a half an hour later everything is back to normal?

Incredible thought

Until next time,

:)

I plead guilty

So I'm guilty this week. Of lack of blogging. The funny thing: I've blogged in my head about 7 times. Too bad it doesn't transmit into paper; or this drafty thingy. I have been busy this week. No excuse, but it's true. I am currently in the process of moving every single thing I own out of my room into the Garage or into upstairs rooms that have been left vacant by college children. This is in preparation to fix the basement from where it flooded. We didn't get any huge 4 feet of water, but having to tear up 5 feet of carpet down a 50 foot wall and using a shop vac to vacuum over 500 gallons of water (12 at a time) carrying the thing into the bathroom to dump it; that's enough for me. If we had flooded 4 feet high, I think I would have let it carry me away.

We wanted to make sure I had most everything little out before my surgery since I'll be out of commission. The guys can move the bigger things, but I have to clear them off first.

I'm not going to lie, with the impending surgery on my mind, about which I am starting to get nervous, moving all my stuff is a little hard. I have almost all of the stuff not contained in storage units, but this has to a point disrupted my harmony a bit. I just keep telling myself, after the work is done, I'll be able to move me and my new shoulder into a new room and start fresh! While I'm laid up, I'll probably think about rearranging :)

Well, I'll try to do better to actually blog the posts in my head. It would help me immensely. :)

Until next time,
:)

I'll wait until after . . . .

We've all heard it. I joined Weight Watchers at the beginning of November last year, so Holiday season was about to start. I heard my leader tell us people say that all the time. I didn't believe here until I heard someone say it at work. I heard it again this week. It still baffles me.

We've all said it. I'll wait until after the Holidays to get serious about eating better and exercising. I'll wait until after my birthday. People, there are 11 Federal Holidays each year, and 30 observed. That's 41, or almost one each week! So how are we supposed to wait until after the holidays when they happen all year? Well, I don't. I learned to work around the holidays. For instance, on Valentine's, the couples holiday (I'm single), I normally drown my loneliness in a few boxes of chocolates. This year I had a few pieces of chocolate. BIG difference. I worked it into my points and it was a normal event. No more over eating and then feeling guilty and so on. You have to stop the process somewhere.

I haven't decided if my increased appetite is a reaction to hormones (go figure), impending surgery (for which I am starting to get nervous), or I'll wait until after the surgery to get back on track (a.k.a. I have too many things on my plate).

When I figure it out, I'll let you know. Now I'm going to go try to sleep. HA! If I blog again in about a half an hour, it's because that attempt was for naught.

Until next time,
:)

Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing...

My mind feels like a giant pinball machine. Thoughts bouncing from one topic/problem/celebration to another. Makes me feel like I'm having mood swings. *cringe*

I really enjoyed today. I lost .4. Maybe not an excellent number, but at this point, it's not a GAIN. :) This week I am celebrating a HUGE non-scale victory. I calculated my BMI when I started this whole thing. 33. That's classified as OBESE. Scary. Really scary. So I calculated my BMI this week. 26. YAHOO!!! I'm now classified as overweight, but I'm only 1 point away from being classified as healthy!!!! This is a huge thing for me! I have never been obese (or overweight) in my entire life.

In high school, my BMI was around 22. All the time. Mostly because I was in band and kept very active. Once I got in college, I wasn't sedentary, but I also was let free with all the greatest food I could ever learn to enjoy. So I gained a little weight, and I was concerned, but it wasn't at drastic measures. Then I returned home, started working at a desk and was still loose with all the food I could possible dream; and I had money(from working) to spend on junk food, eating out, etc. Then it snowballed and I was in such a great denial that when I went to the doctor's office, I seriously thought I was 30 pounds lighter than I was.

The one thing that always confused me was that during the whole process, I had no idea I was on a road to disaster. I honestly had no idea I was almost 80 pounds overweight. It floors me. I think back, and look at pictures and think "how in the heck did I look at myself and not think there was a HUGE problem? Literally! I still wonder if my doctor hadn't kicked me in the butt, how long I would have let it continue.

I went to Goodwill today because the first Saturday of every month is 50% off day, well this weekend is also tax free weekend. How much did I spend? $75. How much did I save? $75 +tax :) I hit the JACK POT. It made me feel great to fit into the clothes I never thought I would. I did not try on one black top, and I only bought one black item: an adorable black skirt. My wardrobe now has MORE color!!!

We had family over tonight, and it was great. My sister gave me a belated birthday gift - a gift certificate to Darden company restaurants (Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, and Bahama Breeze) and I already know at which one I am going to use it! She said she got the idea from this post. How exciting! If you're reading this, thanks bunches again! I can't wait!!!

While I was browsing posts to get the link for that last paragraph, I came across this post, with how incredibly scared I was of going to the Orthopedic Surgeon because I thought that cleaning out my shoulder wouldn't be enough. Amazing how a week and lots of tests/answers can change my perspective. I'm not scared of the "big kahuna" surgery as I called it in this post, it's the one I'm having. And I am going to be typing one-handed for weeks (hopefully that plural only extends to two), and it's not that scary to me. Interesting. Very interesting. :)

We had drinks, and I didn't have much. I wasn't really in the mood. There are really only a few drinks really worth the points, and I drank a lot last weekend at the Brewer's fest and then the wine at the restaurant this week and blah blah blah.

Well, that's a lot of soul baring. I'm going to go deal with the *huge* pile of clothes on my chair and try to get to bed at a decent hour.

Hope you enjoy the title, because it took me the last 45 minutes, and 10 google searches to make sure I spelled it right to come up with it. :)

Until next time,
:)

Alright, what did I do this time?

It's 4:30, I've been up for an hour. Not cool. And my shoulder hurts (that's probably why I'm awake). That's the end of my complaining. I found out yesterday that the reason my shoulder hurts is I have a bone spur that has cut through the cartilage and is now rubbing right up against the bone. Sound painful? Guess what, it is. So how to fix it? Surgery; on the 16th. Believe it or not, I find this as GOOD news! Everybody thinks I'm crazy, but here's why I think it's good: my greatest fear going into his office yesterday was that he was going to say I went through the MRI and they didn't find anything, and I was going to have to live with it. I am currently living with a few other things because Doctors can't find a cause, but I digress.

What does this all mean? Well starting the 16th, I will be reduced to one arm. I find this to be a very interesting conundrum. I have done some serious thought to this over the last 12 hours; paying special attention to tasks which use my right arm. For example, using the mouse, typing, dressing, buttons on pants, and on and on. It's humbling to think about such things. I am going to get to expand my skill set over the next few weeks to become more ambidextrous.

So the biggest question, is how does this relate to my post yesterday? Well this will pretty much wipe out my social calendar for a few weeks. There are some things I will be able to do, but for at least the first 10 days, I'll pretty much be confined to the house/bed and under some extreme pain medicine. How does this help/hurt my weight loss? Well, think about it. I don't know about you, but I cannot eat a burger with one hand. Not possible. A Chick-Fil-A sandwich, different. Can I eat cereal and soup with one hand? Absolutely. I think this may be God telling me (among other things) slow down a little bit, don't stop completely, but just take it a little easy. Now for the first week, I'll be stopped completely, which may not be a bad thing.

It seems very odd for me to only looking at the positives of this surgery. Yes, it's going to hurt, but it's going to help me heal in the long run, and I guess I am in a place of complaining isn't going to get me anywhere, surgery is my only option. Here's another heady realization. What if the reason I'm so "happy" about this is it will shine the light on me for a few weeks, if that short. Wow now that's a thought. I'm not generally a spotlight person, but a few times each year, I rise to the occasion (or my body does it for me). I enjoy the spotlight on my birthday and share it on Christmas (favorite holiday, even over my birthday). This summer/year, the light has really been focused on the children returning/starting college and me being home with only parents coming, well, the last one leaves the day of my surgery. In my twisted mind, it will validate me of sorts in the medical sense. Everyone always tells me, yes you have these problems, but none of them were serious for surgery etc. They're SERIOUS to ME! I made the joke last night of finally having something to put on medical forms under "major surgeries".

I guess the lesson here is that I need not worry about all the other reasons, psychological craziness, and remember that this surgery is all about making the long term pain go away and retaining full use of my shoulder. I am definitely positive on this front.

I'm going to go watch a movie :)

Until next time,
:)

P.S.

I like post scripts, when I write letters, I usually have 3 or 4. I just looked at my blogging frequency. It's pathetic. In June, I blogged 14 times in 16 days. WONDERFUL! In July, I blogged 10 times in 31 days. OUCH! It's already August 5, and this is my second post. I am going to work, for myself if nothing else, to blog more often. Lets say at least 16 times in the 31 days of August. How is that accomplished? Let's break down the math. There are 4 full weeks in August, this would mean 4 posts each week. Not impossible. I will have two more posts for your entertainment this week. Yes, I have now set out to do something, and goodness, I'm going to do it!

With my expanded social schedule, my post topics might expand a little too. Maybe. Who knows. I don't know about what I am going to write until it comes out.

Until next time,
:)

Wait, it's WEDNESDAY already?!?!?!?!?!

Okay, I know today's Thursday, but I meant to blog this yesterday, but yesterday happened, and I need to stop using that as an excuse. The beginning of my weeks have FLOWN by and suddenly here I am at Thursday, and I only remember the beginning as a blur unless I sit and really think about it, which I don't really have time to do, ironically. These last few weeks I have been beefing up my social schedule wherever possible, which results things to do on most nights. I have also started walking at night while catching up on one of my 6 shows per night, 5 of said shows come on on Monday and Tuesday, so I have plenty of material for all week. Having things on most nights conflicts with that. I'm still working on making my schedule work for me, trying to set boundaries, and recently, I just can't get up in the morning early enough to be presentable at work, so night time it is.

Here's the worry that comes with all the new social events: Is my social calendar getting in the way of my weight loss? Wow, that's a heavy one. Deep and heavy this early! But I don't have to choose! The learning experience in all of this is that I can have my cake and eat it too! I can be social and learn (as my mom says), it's not the last chocolate chip cookie in the world. I truly can have only one (or none!)! It may take me a week or two more to have this really sink in, but I'm going to work on my weight loss and my social calendar and get a balance. Neither is going to take a back seat. Maybe a passenger seat, but not in the back.

So if I don't have enough things on my calendar, I am going to Bartending School. I'm so excited! I have an interview thing on Friday (TOMORROW). I will probably start that in September (which will make it finish around the first week of October). It will be a great way to make a little extra money on the side to help ease my financial concerns, though that's not the only/main reason I'm doing this. I like to expand my skills and learn new things. LOVE IT!

I'm off to get my MRI results.

Until next time.
:)