I'm one of those hopeless romantics and I will forever be in awe of Christmas. The way it has the power to bring everyone together. And the music! I've always been in love with Christmas. As a child, I would live for Christmas.
Even though I love Christmas and everything about it, Christmas overwhelms me. All the gift giving. All the gift receiving. If I had it my way, I'd only be on the giving end, not the receiving. Just get me a card. I'll be more than satisfied. Anything else you think of is just wonderful, but don't ever expect to ask me what I want and get an answer.
Every year like clock work, Christmas Eve night the overwhelming feelings make sure to turn me into a sobbing mess. I barely made it in my apartment tonight before curling up in a ball on the floor. And every year it's something different.
I think mostly I worry if I got the right gifts for everyone, worry that people went overboard on gifts for me that I don't think I should have. If that doesn't scream self-confidence issues, I don't know what does. I believe the underlying question is Am I Good Enough? I've made some severe progress over the last couple of months in that regard. Living my life the way I think it ought to be lived. Not worrying about if anyone else thinks I'm good enough, I know I am me and I am OK and that's enough. Christmas in all its splendor and magic threatens to take that progress away if I'm not careful. So as I laid in the floor, I just let the tears pour, let it all out. Progress people.
December 25th. It's just another day. What makes it so special? Why is there this stigma that we must see every living family member on that day. Why is seeing our family on any other day not good enough? Tomorrow, I will wake up in my own apartment and travel one whole whopping hour to see family. And by the way, I feel like such an adult for getting to say that. He he.
And between seeing family, I plan on going for a walk with my sisters. It was suggested to get coffee or ice cream etc., but I drew on what one of my Weight Watchers leaders told us last year: make being social not about food. Too many things revolve around food. Go for a walk, play Frisbee, etc. One of these days, I'm going to find a run on these major holidays.
For now, I'm going to go to bed, shut my eyes, and wake up to Christmas magic tomorrow morning, make it through the day, and have a very large glass of wine. :)
Until next time,
:)
Monday, December 24, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
I lost 5 pounds in 10 days
Well 5.2 to be exact. :)
I'll explain the 10 days first. Because the school semester is over, I no longer have Wednesday mornings free, so I switched my meeting to Saturday. Therefore, last week I did not weigh on Wednesday, but had to wait and weigh on Saturday.
Now to the 5.2. Part of it is because I was sick at the end of last week and didn't eat or drink anything for 2 days. Part of this is because over the last month or so, my appetite has significantly decreased leading up to the week before Thanksgiving when I didn't eat all day. Over the last few weeks, I will actually get hungry, then I look at food or manage to take a bit or two and feel nauseous. It's very odd.
What I am not doing is fighting it. I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when either I'm full or nauseous. I pay very close attention to my body's signals. I am going to deal with what you may be wondering up front: I do not have an eating disorder. I am not starving myself. I quite simply am only eating what my body says I need. We are getting to know each other.
I have lost 12.4 pounds since the beginning of November, and 7.4 so far this month!
I am loving the new direction my life is taking, and I think my concentration on the short term, each day, each week, instead having tunnel vision on my goal weight is definitely helping.
Until next time,
:)
I'll explain the 10 days first. Because the school semester is over, I no longer have Wednesday mornings free, so I switched my meeting to Saturday. Therefore, last week I did not weigh on Wednesday, but had to wait and weigh on Saturday.
Now to the 5.2. Part of it is because I was sick at the end of last week and didn't eat or drink anything for 2 days. Part of this is because over the last month or so, my appetite has significantly decreased leading up to the week before Thanksgiving when I didn't eat all day. Over the last few weeks, I will actually get hungry, then I look at food or manage to take a bit or two and feel nauseous. It's very odd.
What I am not doing is fighting it. I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when either I'm full or nauseous. I pay very close attention to my body's signals. I am going to deal with what you may be wondering up front: I do not have an eating disorder. I am not starving myself. I quite simply am only eating what my body says I need. We are getting to know each other.
I have lost 12.4 pounds since the beginning of November, and 7.4 so far this month!
I am loving the new direction my life is taking, and I think my concentration on the short term, each day, each week, instead having tunnel vision on my goal weight is definitely helping.
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, December 15, 2012
It's a good thing I don't get sick very often
I'm going to warn you in advance. There may be a little complaining in this post. Sorry, it's a sick thing. I tried to keep it to a minimum and not go on and on and on and on and...you get it.
That would be because I'm a BIG baby about it! I won't even lie. I've had a little bit of a sore throat since Tuesday and it kept getting worse until Thursday evening I couldn't talk, eat, drink, swallow. That caused me to not be able to lay horizontally, so no sleep for me. Friday morning my temperature was on the rise, it went over 100 at one point. So I went to the minute clinic and they said I have strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection in BOTH ears. No wonder my head felt like someone stuck a balloon in my head and inflated it. I now have 3 prescriptions and at least 3 other OTC remedies. I barely get out of the bathroom applying all these different remedies before it's time to repeat them all over again! :) The good news is, even though I hadn't improved as of last night, and so another night with no sleep, I do feel better this morning. I think I might actually be able to eat something!
Here's what amuses me. Do you know what they gave me to treat strep throat? Pills the size of TEXAS. Someone wasn't thinking! I'm about to gag just thinking about them. Luckily I only have to take them every 12 hours.
Yesterday, I made an attempt to eat and drink a couple of times before giving up. So in 36 hours, I had 4 sips of soup and less than 8 ounces of water, all of which was consumed when I was taking my Texas pills. When I woke up this morning, I thought something has to change, because I'm going to end up dehydrated and malnourished. I already have trouble with my appetite now (I'll go into that in a later post), this is only going to make it worse.
The good news is my fever disappeared in a matter of a few hours, I am getting that drainage out, and I am feeling better, more perky. So what do I do when I realize this? I do the dishes and start to clean my apartment before catching what I was doing and banishing myself back to bed. Don't judge, you do it too. When I start to feel better, I overdo it. I don't know if I feel guilty for laying in bed when I don't feel crappy, but I know I need to get over that one real quick.
I feel like I've been smart with this round of being sick. I tried OTC remedies myself first and when they didn't help and I got the fever, I sought help. So all in all I don't think I was TOO much of a baby this time.
And as a side note: I have noticed that I am totally unable to spell the words disappeared and appetite. Every time I use either one, spell checker gets me. :)
Until next time,
:)
That would be because I'm a BIG baby about it! I won't even lie. I've had a little bit of a sore throat since Tuesday and it kept getting worse until Thursday evening I couldn't talk, eat, drink, swallow. That caused me to not be able to lay horizontally, so no sleep for me. Friday morning my temperature was on the rise, it went over 100 at one point. So I went to the minute clinic and they said I have strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection in BOTH ears. No wonder my head felt like someone stuck a balloon in my head and inflated it. I now have 3 prescriptions and at least 3 other OTC remedies. I barely get out of the bathroom applying all these different remedies before it's time to repeat them all over again! :) The good news is, even though I hadn't improved as of last night, and so another night with no sleep, I do feel better this morning. I think I might actually be able to eat something!
Here's what amuses me. Do you know what they gave me to treat strep throat? Pills the size of TEXAS. Someone wasn't thinking! I'm about to gag just thinking about them. Luckily I only have to take them every 12 hours.
Yesterday, I made an attempt to eat and drink a couple of times before giving up. So in 36 hours, I had 4 sips of soup and less than 8 ounces of water, all of which was consumed when I was taking my Texas pills. When I woke up this morning, I thought something has to change, because I'm going to end up dehydrated and malnourished. I already have trouble with my appetite now (I'll go into that in a later post), this is only going to make it worse.
The good news is my fever disappeared in a matter of a few hours, I am getting that drainage out, and I am feeling better, more perky. So what do I do when I realize this? I do the dishes and start to clean my apartment before catching what I was doing and banishing myself back to bed. Don't judge, you do it too. When I start to feel better, I overdo it. I don't know if I feel guilty for laying in bed when I don't feel crappy, but I know I need to get over that one real quick.
I feel like I've been smart with this round of being sick. I tried OTC remedies myself first and when they didn't help and I got the fever, I sought help. So all in all I don't think I was TOO much of a baby this time.
And as a side note: I have noticed that I am totally unable to spell the words disappeared and appetite. Every time I use either one, spell checker gets me. :)
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Something small and you could lose it all
Injuries are scary. The threat of injury is scary. How do you figure out of stretching is a good idea? Don't do it and see what happens.
I had this goal to run 3 miles today. My knee had other plans.
I was running my speedy mile in Campus Rec, and on about lap 3, my knee started to twinge. I thought it was just warm up pain. Then around lap 5, it got worse, it wasn't muscle growing pain, it was legit pain, like when you run up the stairs to fast and your knee buckles. I tried to hurry through my lap 6.5 to make a mile, and I did, but boy was that stupid. At that point the pain had subsided, but I knew continuing running was not a good idea. I couldn't run more than a lap at a time after that, and towards the end of my half hour workout, I couldn't even make it the full lap.
While I was walking, after my life flashed before my eyes, I started thinking (another bad idea). What would have happened if I had hurt my knee? What if I did? I'll tell you what, it's scary! I know what injury is. And I was scared then too. I talk about it in this post, right before my shoulder surgery, more than two years ago.
Injuries (or the threat of them) are depressing! They have the ability to take all the wind out of you. I'm not sure even if my knee hadn't been hurting if I'd been able to run the rest.
It's just a lesson that I have to be careful. I can't be paranoid, but I can't be stupid either. There is some pain you can push through, like side stitches. Joint pain is NOT one of those kinds of pain.
In other good news though, my 1 mile run has been consistently under 10:30!
Until next time,
:)
I had this goal to run 3 miles today. My knee had other plans.
I was running my speedy mile in Campus Rec, and on about lap 3, my knee started to twinge. I thought it was just warm up pain. Then around lap 5, it got worse, it wasn't muscle growing pain, it was legit pain, like when you run up the stairs to fast and your knee buckles. I tried to hurry through my lap 6.5 to make a mile, and I did, but boy was that stupid. At that point the pain had subsided, but I knew continuing running was not a good idea. I couldn't run more than a lap at a time after that, and towards the end of my half hour workout, I couldn't even make it the full lap.
While I was walking, after my life flashed before my eyes, I started thinking (another bad idea). What would have happened if I had hurt my knee? What if I did? I'll tell you what, it's scary! I know what injury is. And I was scared then too. I talk about it in this post, right before my shoulder surgery, more than two years ago.
Injuries (or the threat of them) are depressing! They have the ability to take all the wind out of you. I'm not sure even if my knee hadn't been hurting if I'd been able to run the rest.
It's just a lesson that I have to be careful. I can't be paranoid, but I can't be stupid either. There is some pain you can push through, like side stitches. Joint pain is NOT one of those kinds of pain.
In other good news though, my 1 mile run has been consistently under 10:30!
Until next time,
:)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
My own personal guiness record
There are times I know the title of the post before I know anything else about it. Then there are times I open up the editor and know I'll struggle with the title until the bitter end and finally come up with something. . .manageable, mostly because after writing it I'm sick of staring at it. :)
Don't let today's (possibly) bad title fool you. It's been a great day! I woke up after hardly sleeping, the water main near our apartment caused the entire complex to be without water for almost 6 hours, it's the end of the semester and I'm currently in the library, OH and I ran 1 mile in 10:10. Did you see what I did there? :)
I RAN A MILE IN 10:10!!!!!!! That's the fastest mile I've run in..well I wouldn't want to show my age; but A LONG TIME! ;)
I was holding out on working out because I was feeling a little lazy, and because the water was out, I wasn't going to be able to take a shower (or use the restroom, or [you get it]). So finally, at 4:30, when the water still wasn't on, I packed my computer bag for studying later, my backpack for class before studying, and my gym bag, and ventured to the campus gym to run my fastest mile and then shower. What an interesting experience. Then I went to class, then the library, got stuff accomplished, and here we are. Still totally overjoyed at today's running success. And after I thought I wasn't going to run at all. I certainly didn't make the 30 minute goal, but that's OK. I did something, and if you ask me (who else would you ask???), that's pretty darn tootin' awesome!
I'm now going to go home, and sleep. Maybe :)
Until next time,
:)
Don't let today's (possibly) bad title fool you. It's been a great day! I woke up after hardly sleeping, the water main near our apartment caused the entire complex to be without water for almost 6 hours, it's the end of the semester and I'm currently in the library, OH and I ran 1 mile in 10:10. Did you see what I did there? :)
I RAN A MILE IN 10:10!!!!!!! That's the fastest mile I've run in..well I wouldn't want to show my age; but A LONG TIME! ;)
I was holding out on working out because I was feeling a little lazy, and because the water was out, I wasn't going to be able to take a shower (or use the restroom, or [you get it]). So finally, at 4:30, when the water still wasn't on, I packed my computer bag for studying later, my backpack for class before studying, and my gym bag, and ventured to the campus gym to run my fastest mile and then shower. What an interesting experience. Then I went to class, then the library, got stuff accomplished, and here we are. Still totally overjoyed at today's running success. And after I thought I wasn't going to run at all. I certainly didn't make the 30 minute goal, but that's OK. I did something, and if you ask me (who else would you ask???), that's pretty darn tootin' awesome!
I'm now going to go home, and sleep. Maybe :)
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Consistency is a runner's best friend
I'm pretty sure I'd rather run two 12 minute miles than one 10 minute mile and one 14 minute mile, even though the pace is still the same.
When I run, I try to use splits so I have more to go on than just the average pace. It gives me a pace at different times of my run, and helps me with smaller goals. Instead of "I want a faster pace", I can start small. "I want to run that segment faster". Work on one at a time, and eventually, the average pace will follow.
I also try to split in the same spots - makes sense right? :). Today, I had two 1 mile segments because apparently today I'm technologically challenged. To give myself credit, I was RUNNING trying to push buttons. Maybe I ought to get one of those little fancy-schmancy split watches. WISH LIST! :) Back to my splits: one mile was 12:23 and the other 12:24. Um, yes, please. This is especially awesome because my overall pace was 12:18 :). Yesterday, I ran a .31 segment in 3:45, today 3:47. Sweet. Yesterday .43 in 5:05, today 5:06. Woot!
As my times become faster, the over times will go down, and not be the same day to day, but it's nice to see that for now; and it's always nice to see consistency inside a run. :)
Until next time,
:)
When I run, I try to use splits so I have more to go on than just the average pace. It gives me a pace at different times of my run, and helps me with smaller goals. Instead of "I want a faster pace", I can start small. "I want to run that segment faster". Work on one at a time, and eventually, the average pace will follow.
I also try to split in the same spots - makes sense right? :). Today, I had two 1 mile segments because apparently today I'm technologically challenged. To give myself credit, I was RUNNING trying to push buttons. Maybe I ought to get one of those little fancy-schmancy split watches. WISH LIST! :) Back to my splits: one mile was 12:23 and the other 12:24. Um, yes, please. This is especially awesome because my overall pace was 12:18 :). Yesterday, I ran a .31 segment in 3:45, today 3:47. Sweet. Yesterday .43 in 5:05, today 5:06. Woot!
As my times become faster, the over times will go down, and not be the same day to day, but it's nice to see that for now; and it's always nice to see consistency inside a run. :)
Until next time,
:)
Look out world - I'M BACK!
I've got my running groove back!!! And it's better than ever!
This freedom of not training for anything specific: No race deadline or goal marker, except of course to beat my previous times, is...well freeing! It also helps that I'm not running in circles around my parking lot anymore. While that had its time and place while I was getting my running legs back under me, I'm on to bigger, better, and more importantly, more exciting things. I'm running on campus now. The far outside loop of campus is over 3.5 miles, and I have several smaller loops mapped out.
My play list? You know those songs you hear in movies that give you goosebumps and motivate you to take over the world? The ones that you turn up all the way and sing along in your car (or wherever)? For example, in Legally Blond, when she's becoming the successful bookworm proving everyone wrong, the song they play is Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti. My play list is made up entirely of those. Upbeat, awesome, I rule the world songs. Um, because I so do. I end up smiling while I run, and I can't wait until the next time I get to hit the pavement. I'm in my running clothes now, trying to get to a good stopping point in a program I'm writing, so I can go run!
I don't hurt. I avoided running for a while because I was convinced it hurt my shoulder and back and on and on. I'm being careful, but for the most part, since I'm concentrating on my form and breathing, it doesn't hurt to run. Which is fabulous. :)
And because I'm the mix-master in the h-iz-ouse (couldn't resist), I have them timed just right so when I'm needing a special boost of motivation, the next song is just that.
So I'm sure you're curious to the results of all this dedication. Yesterday I ran 2.5 miles in 30:20. I'll help you with the math, because I'm a geek. That's a pace of 11:59. That would be over one minute FASTER PACE than my fastest ever 5K pace. EVER. Like all of them. Here we go again. :)
I am participating in a challenge on Map My Fitness (www.mapmyfitness.com). I may have mentioned it in a past post. The challenge is to do 30 minutes of some kind of activity 20 days out of the month of December. It's a motivation to keep moving through the holidays. Yesterday was day 1. Today will be day 2. And look at that. It's December 2nd. I'm on a roll :)
I think I figured out the motivation behind all this change. I changed the rules of my own life. No more games, no more bull...stuff. :) I am no longer putting up with it. From anyone else, or me! I deserve better. I deserve the best. And it starts with how I treat myself. Anyone is welcome to try to play games with me, but you better watch out; the house always wins :) and I WILL come out on top!
I DECIDED I would be happy, no matter what anyone said or did. And I am! I had left it up to other people, then wondered why I was disappointed. I'm making friends with the voice inside my head. I'm making friends with her. And no, I don't have multiple personalities, and I am not weird. I think we all need to talk to ourselves a little more. That voice makes a lot less trouble when she gets attention. She plays nice now :)
I have a few quotes, some I've heard, some I've come up with. I keep them on my white board and look at them regularly. I always thought that things on a white board or mirror wouldn't work because once you see them so many times, you know they're there. But if you look in that direction, you know what's there, and it puts it at the front of your memory, whether or not you have to actually read them.
"Remember why you're on the journey, and how you'll feel at the finish line"
"It is a marathon until the finish line is in sight. Only then is it a sprint"
"Focus on form and distance. The speed will come"
"Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers"
"Don't think about how far away the finish line is, think about how far beyond the starting line you are"
"It's a CHOICE"
Until next time,
:)
This freedom of not training for anything specific: No race deadline or goal marker, except of course to beat my previous times, is...well freeing! It also helps that I'm not running in circles around my parking lot anymore. While that had its time and place while I was getting my running legs back under me, I'm on to bigger, better, and more importantly, more exciting things. I'm running on campus now. The far outside loop of campus is over 3.5 miles, and I have several smaller loops mapped out.
My play list? You know those songs you hear in movies that give you goosebumps and motivate you to take over the world? The ones that you turn up all the way and sing along in your car (or wherever)? For example, in Legally Blond, when she's becoming the successful bookworm proving everyone wrong, the song they play is Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti. My play list is made up entirely of those. Upbeat, awesome, I rule the world songs. Um, because I so do. I end up smiling while I run, and I can't wait until the next time I get to hit the pavement. I'm in my running clothes now, trying to get to a good stopping point in a program I'm writing, so I can go run!
I don't hurt. I avoided running for a while because I was convinced it hurt my shoulder and back and on and on. I'm being careful, but for the most part, since I'm concentrating on my form and breathing, it doesn't hurt to run. Which is fabulous. :)
And because I'm the mix-master in the h-iz-ouse (couldn't resist), I have them timed just right so when I'm needing a special boost of motivation, the next song is just that.
So I'm sure you're curious to the results of all this dedication. Yesterday I ran 2.5 miles in 30:20. I'll help you with the math, because I'm a geek. That's a pace of 11:59. That would be over one minute FASTER PACE than my fastest ever 5K pace. EVER. Like all of them. Here we go again. :)
I am participating in a challenge on Map My Fitness (www.mapmyfitness.com). I may have mentioned it in a past post. The challenge is to do 30 minutes of some kind of activity 20 days out of the month of December. It's a motivation to keep moving through the holidays. Yesterday was day 1. Today will be day 2. And look at that. It's December 2nd. I'm on a roll :)
I think I figured out the motivation behind all this change. I changed the rules of my own life. No more games, no more bull...stuff. :) I am no longer putting up with it. From anyone else, or me! I deserve better. I deserve the best. And it starts with how I treat myself. Anyone is welcome to try to play games with me, but you better watch out; the house always wins :) and I WILL come out on top!
I DECIDED I would be happy, no matter what anyone said or did. And I am! I had left it up to other people, then wondered why I was disappointed. I'm making friends with the voice inside my head. I'm making friends with her. And no, I don't have multiple personalities, and I am not weird. I think we all need to talk to ourselves a little more. That voice makes a lot less trouble when she gets attention. She plays nice now :)
I have a few quotes, some I've heard, some I've come up with. I keep them on my white board and look at them regularly. I always thought that things on a white board or mirror wouldn't work because once you see them so many times, you know they're there. But if you look in that direction, you know what's there, and it puts it at the front of your memory, whether or not you have to actually read them.
"Remember why you're on the journey, and how you'll feel at the finish line"
"It is a marathon until the finish line is in sight. Only then is it a sprint"
"Focus on form and distance. The speed will come"
"Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers"
"Don't think about how far away the finish line is, think about how far beyond the starting line you are"
"It's a CHOICE"
Until next time,
:)
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