Or in my case, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and you get the picture. :)
So for the weekly update. I gained 2.4 pounds this week. When the number came in, I was weighed by my WW leader, and she noticed it had been every other week, alternating lose/gain, and she asked what was up. I broke down. Just thinking about it will bring more tears. I'm stressed, spinning my wheels, and going to see my therapist. I'm going to very easily hit my limit and this "stay just about the same weight for 1.5 years" is REALLY starting to get to me, along with a mile-long list of other things. Big time. She pointed out that I maintained my 30 pounds lost for the last year and a half, and while that's true, and comforting, the whole thing is still frustrating. My big goal now is to start thinking before I eat, and asses if I'm eating for emotional reasons (stress, anxious, frustrated, upset, nervous, happy, sad, pensive, the list goes on and on) or if I'm actually hungry. If I'm starting to crave food for emotional reasons, I need to stop and JOURNAL. Doesn't have to be a formal blog entry, although it will probably turn into one, it can start out as a scrap of a napkin. I just need to get it out! The part about insanity, is I've been doing the same thing for the last year and a half, expecting different results, it's time to break the cycle. I know I've said this time and time again, and you're probably thinking, I'll believe it when I see it. Trust me, I'm thinking the same thing. I can only go round and round for so long. This might just be my time. Correction: This IS my time. I'm going to start working out again (until October I have access to a gym at home and at school, after October, I'll just have the school one), start back with Pilates, watching the fast food, and NO SODA. This time's for real. Now I've found coffee, there's a Starbucks on campus (thank goodness!) and there's always the energy shots. If you see me drink soda, this is my written permission to take it from me and trash it. I also think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone other than me for everything I eat. It's a lot easier to get away with small indiscretions (that add up!) when it's just me tracking for me. Maybe I'll start posting daily, at the end of the day, what I ate that day, and evaluate where I did well, and where I could use some work. Who knows, maybe this will help me find the emotional eating pattern so I can break it!
I'm confident the gain is because of the crazy schedule and all the fast food. I was also frustrated and upset yesterday so the half bag of Reece's pieces probably didn't help. The word "probably" could come out of that last sentence, and it'd be more true. One of my co-workers did introduce me to something fabulous yesterday, probably one of the best food choices I made all week (one of, because just about nothing will top my fruit and cheese decision on Monday). Subway now has flat bread, and she introduced me to a ham and cheese flat bread sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and ranch dressing on it. Supper yummy, and only 13 points. Okay, maybe I should take the "only" out of there, and "good choice" out of the previous sentence, because I just calculated the points. To be fair, it did have two kinds of cheese. By putting in light mayo for the ranch, it's 11 points. Taking out one of the cheeses, it's 9 points. Now that's something I can sink my teeth into and not feel guilty about getting chips :)
That would be a prime example of how fooling food can be, especially eating fast food. I know I'm guilty of thinking because I see the name Subway, that it's going to be healthy. Kind of the same thing as "low-fat" or "fat free" or "sugar free" etc. For instance, If I gave you two choices at Subway, both on whole grain bread, 6" subs, with cheese: Tuna, or Turkey Bacon Avocado, which would you guess to have fewer points? If you guessed the Tuna, you'd be wrong. The tuna has 30 grams of fat, 44 carbs, 5 fiber, and 21 protein, coming in at 14 points. The Turkey Bacon Avocado has 15 grams of fat, 49 carbs, 7 fiber, and 24 protein, coming in at 11 points. I would have guessed the tuna too.
I realized today that what also probably contributed to my gain, was the amount of soda I took in. That would be 32 ounces every morning, and on school days, the soda never really stopped. I'm drowning myself in water now to try and wash that out of my system, but it'll take a couple of days. I do need the caffeine if I'm going to be starting my days at 6:30 regularly, which for the remainder of the near future, I will be. My mom suggested to me (and my sister has been bugging me about this for a while) that I need to try coffee. ::GROAN:: My mom suggested a latte, because they have milk in them. I said, okay, I'll give this a go. I tried one. And liked it. After doing some research, I found a latte made with skim milk at Dunkin Donuts for only 2 points! They also have a wake up wrap, which will have ham, egg, and cheese in a tortilla, for only 4 points! I think I found new breakfast! It's really amazing what can be gained by a little research. Thank you college football for providing the venue for me to be still enough and not distracted enough to research all this :)
I just re-read all this, and realized I was a little repetitive on the soda thing. I wrote the second part about soda before the first part. I suppose, consciously, I know I REALLY need to stop the soda. *mental note to self*
Something I noticed this week was my loss of the ability to feel (or feign feeling) sympathy. Mostly when I hear people say "I'm tired". I had practiced, and gotten pretty good at the sympathy routine, and I was starting to feel human, instead of cold-hearted. Then I do the school thing, have really long days (which I CHOOSE, I KNOW) and I lose ALL sympathy, especially for "I'm tired". YOU'RE tired?!?!?! Now, I know, everyone has different situations, limits, and etc, and their situation may be equivalent to mine, but just tailored for their life, but it's still something I'm going to have to re-learn over the next few weeks, to shift my perspective back. I say this to say, if you tell me you're tired, and I look at you like you're crazy, I'm sorry (and I'll probably apologize on the spot), but I'm re-working on that grown-up, mature, perspective thing. My poor brain can only learn and catalog one thing at a time. No multi-tasking here. That's no excuse of course, but to be fair, this isn't on the tip-top of my list of things to accomplish, it's pretty high, but my classes (at least) rank above it. I'll get my groove back (isn't that a kids TV show?), but it might take a couple weeks.
I've been patiently searching the Internet for a few weeks to find an ultra-basic cooking class that wasn't going to put me out a ton of cash. By patient, I mean, mostly ignoring it because I got frustrated, not a good habit, but I digress. Then tonight, I got a wild hair, and decided to check out the Whole Foods cooking class schedule again. Turns out, the second Saturday, from 10a-1p, they have a "Welcome to your kitchen" hands-on class, for only $49! Yes, I'm already registered, and SUPER excited!!
I really need to go, because it's late and I'm tired, and I need to get up early tomorrow morning. I got 10 hours of un-interrupted sleep last night (9-7) and I'd like to shoot for at least 8 tonight. I'll probably need a nap tomorrow afternoon, but that's what Sunday afternoons are for. :)
I had a couple runner-up titles for this post:
Look out world, Leigh's learning to cook!
Tuna sandwich vs. Turkey Bacon Avocado??? And the winner is.....
But I really liked the insanity thing, my WW leader told me that today in our discussion, it really rang true.
Until next time,
:)
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