Well? I can and I will: 3.6 pounds. This is the amount of weight I gained last week. This I believe is in most part to an unparalleled depression last week. You might have seen my last post. I am choosing not to reread it right now. Not really sure what's in it to be honest, and I'm pretty sure I can't handle it right now. I'm not just talking about being a little blue. I'm talking about 0 motivation or ability to get out of bed. Thank goodness I drink plenty of water at night! Didn't want to work. Didn't want to see anyone, do anything, or go anywhere. And so, other than the required school and work, I didn't. And that just continued the cycle. I get depressed, so I seclude myself and get all sad looking. Then I get lonely. Then I get depressed because I'm lonely. You see where this cycle is going. It's very similar to the weight cycle. Eat emotionally. Get depressed for eating emotionally and making bad choices. Eat depression....see? I think the depression was I hadn't finished grieving. Grieving different things, all of which are regarding interpersonal relationships, but none of which I'll go into in detail. So I gained 3.6 pounds. It's my fault!
Walking/running helps cheer me up, and I've had a really good week so far. I've run every day since Friday. Then today came and I'm tired because in the last 7 days, 2 have been chalk full of class and the remaining 5 I have worked. I'm working myself into the ground because I have no choice. I have no cushion and I have to break even. I know how many hours that will take, and it's doable, but I'll certainly be tired.
I'll make it. It certainly won't be FUN, but I'll survive. I already have a plan for this summer when I can rebuild my cushion, get some of these debts taken care of and be better prepared for next year.
You might be thinking: if you had a plan last year and that went awry, what makes you think this plan will work better? The answer is it's not in the plan. It's in the execution. You could build the best budget the world has ever seen, but if you don't spend money according to it, it's totally pointless (case in point: my life the last year). Dave Ramsey says: "Children do what feels good. Adults devise a plan and follow it." So that's the difference. Because I've experienced having to resort to counting pennies and calculate taxes so what I need at Wal-Mart doesn't go over $25 because that's all I had on a gift card, and it totally STINKS. I like not having to worry about how much a bag of potato chips cost. So I devised a plan, and by golly, I'm going to follow it! Working well so far. It feels really nice to be in control. Saying no to myself so I can say YES later :)
This whole school full time thing was an adjustment in more than one way. You may have noticed I don't adjust well to change. Well that's not totally true, but my ability to adapt has the speed of...well a glacier. I'm working on that too. All this personal growth, amazing I don't have the mental hiccups! :)
The good news is this week for the most part I'm back on weight loss plan. Gaining is the wrong direction. I'm not going to make excuses for myself, feel sorry for myself, or throw a pity party and lead into gaining half the weight back like I did before. It's best to understand what happened and try to make adjustments quickly to make sure the spiral doesn't have time to get started. So far, so good. This fabulous weather DEFINITELY helps!
I've had a couple rough points this week, but nothing like eating animal crackers dipped in half a container of icing. Yup, that actually happened. Reminds me of my weight gaining days. The days when I was in total denial it was actually happening.
Today, I did not feel like running, and I really wanted to whine about it. So instead I made a compromise with myself (mark this day in history - this is Ripley's Believe it or Not worthy!). I told myself I could just walk today. If the mood to run struck me, great, if not, I got exercise walking and I got to enjoy the outdoors. So I did. I started walking and I never got in the mood to run, but I ended up walking 5 miles thank you so much which is nothing to sneeze at. And thanks to daily Zyrtec, I'm literally not sneezing :) At a 16 min pace too. Not too shabby if I say so myself. This adds up to me exercising for almost an hour and a half. That's twice as long as if I had been running. And I was chatting on the phone with a wonderful friend of mine who was keeping me company for more than a half hour of it, which means my lungs were getting a double workout. Brilliant. :)
I'm thinking some of the British slang might start creeping in so I'll warn you: I've been watching a large amount of British comedy lately, so much so that you know when you think but it's like you're saying it, but in your mind? Well, now mine's in a British accent. I even catch myself mimicking the words they say on the show. It's quite amusing actually. (WOW that sounded good in a British accent) :) And yes, I have so recorded my voice in a British accent. And then laughed hysterically at the result. Not half bad, but still amusing. :)
I think that's enough for tonight. I discovered in order to be able to start waking up for work at 5:30 starting May 1 (compared to 8:30 now), I need to wake up 7 minutes earlier every day. This is working out well so far, but it's been my realization that it is necessary to go to bed 7 minutes earlier as well to accommodate. And get used to the hours.
If all else fails, I'll just reorient my sleep schedule with trusty sleep medication. A last resort, but I am not above it since I know it works. Don't worry, it's the soft stuff. HA! :)
Until next time,
:)
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