Seek first to understand

*Note: I have several links in this post, they should all open up in separate windows...* :)

I heard this all the time growing up.  My sisters and I are constant correctors of each others missteps.  That's neither here nor there and not the point of this post.  As an adult, I am beginning to understand the true meaning behind the statement "seek first to understand".  It means more that just letting go of the fact that your friend text "your" instead of "you're" (although, that's a really good place to start...)  You understood the context of the sentence with the incorrect grammar.  The deeper meaning behind "seek first to understand" is this: "Give your fellow humanity a BREAK.  Seek to understand the intent behind whatever it is instead of picking it apart for its wrong doings, that were not intended".  

Unless a video particularly fascinates me, I typically won't watch it until it's viral.  Deep down, I just want to be cool.  :)  But I digress.  There's a video that I think has just about gone viral.  And so I watched it.  You can watch it here.  The basic premise is that they bring in women to a sketch artist and the women describe how they look, and the sketch artist draws.  Then, after each woman has had a chance to mingle with another woman, they bring her back in and she describes the other person.  They then bring in each woman to view the two pictures.  The basic result is to drive home the point that we are our own worst critic as far as seeing ourselves.  In my OPINION, this is where the evaluation of this video should STOP.  It is not a corporate plot against us.  The marketing department is NOT out to get us.  It's not a conspiracy.  It is not trying to drive home how we measure up to society's view of beauty.  At the bottom of the page of the video, there are links to two criticisms.  Because I'm that kind of person, I'm going to give you easy access: here and here.  I'm going to point out my main objection to their objections and be done with it.  First, I think they both mention (but I could be wrong) that the words used in the ad were geared towards saying that being thin is good and fat is bad.  Now, I won't go into why I think that's fundamentally correct anyways, because being overweight can lead to all kinds of health problems and blah, blah, blah.  

Here's my issue.  I think the authors of both of these posts watched the ad over and over and over.  At least I know one did because she said she did.  Is it really necessary to TRY and find "issues"??  Can we not just accept that the message Dove is TRYING to convey is that we need to give ourselves and everyone else a BREAK and celebrate how beautiful we, as individuals, are??  How each little thing about ourselves that we think is ugly is really beautiful, and the world doesn't notice all the little "flaws" that we see, they see our true beauty.  For me, watching this video wasn't about breaking down what types of women were featured in the ad, or what words were used.  I didn't even notice those things.  It was about overturning this terrible habit that in order to be feminine and not cocky, we had to be demure about our looks and we are so trained that when we hear another woman say "I'm beautiful, pretty, cute," whatever, we think, well she's arrogant and full of herself.  It was about us celebrating that what makes us different is what makes us BEAUTIFUL.  

I ran across a quote from Marianne Williamson a very long time ago, and it says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

I just googled "Marianne Williamson quotes" and this web page was the first result.  I have had the printed quote posted in my cubicle for YEARS.  THIS is where I think Dove was trying to go.  WE ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL.  WE ARE ALL TALENTED.  WE ALL ARE FABULOUS.  
I will tell you this.  I am beautiful.  I am talented.  I am FABULOUS.  I am freaking AWESOME.  And I'm not afraid to tell you.  That is not arrogance.  That is the confidence that comes from being able to see that I AM ME AND I AM OKAY.  I am beautiful in my own way.  We all are!  It took a long time for me to get there, because for me it wasn't just about trying to be demure, I truly didn't think I was beautiful.  I didn't think I was anything.  I was lucky enough to have someone (really someones) in my life willing to preach at me day in and day out for more than a year and constantly ask me the question "You know you're beautiful right??"  And wait for me to work through all my stuff until one day I could answer "YES" and BELIEVE IT.  That last part...that's the KEY.  :)

It's is an amazing power to be able to say, you know what, I am really cute just me!  

Go look yourself in the mirror and say "I am beautiful" (and STOP the sentence there, NO buts) and see if it doesn't make you smile. :)

Until next time,
:)