That is how my Mom described me earlier; I suppose because of my previous driving habits and eagerness to leave the nest or something like that. Made me wonder if that's how everyone sees me. Only waiting to get on to the next best thing. Very thought provoking. I need to really learn to live in the moment.
I have put another piece of the puzzle together. When I have emotions, or feelings, I express them or cover them. Previously I used food to cover them. I have also been known to drive my feelings (reason for description above), which helped, a little bit, except sometimes it only serves to exasperate me more than I was before I got behind the wheel.
Over the last few weeks (timeline starting to make sense), I have toned down my driving. A lot. I drive the speed limit, I use caution at yellow lights, stop at red ones, no more yelling or even talking to other drivers, etc. So I lost that form of "expression", so over the last few weeks what have I been doing? Going back to covering with food. DING DING DING DING DING.
I have found that I truly enjoy driving the speed limit. It makes my gas tank happier and I have the opportunity to enjoy the road. I got 28 miles to the gallon last time I filled up. Tell me that's not worth it!
I need to find a consistent and safe outlet; maybe this blog, maybe something else in addition. Therapy is always a nice idea, and works wonders, but is expensive. Exercise is good, but to a certain point. The only problem with some options (e.g. running) is the feelings do not really go away, they just dull down temporarily. Some parts are expressed, but leaves larger chains or thoughts not expressed. With running it is still all internal. It, to me, is extremely important to externalize (word?) feelings and emotions, to get them out, which makes blogging (more importantly expressing - talking - about them) ultra important. To me, it helps to vocalize, so sometimes I will read out my posts either during or after they're written. When I hear it, things start to click, to line up, to connect in my head and I am able to get it. I talk to myself. Way too much for my own good maybe, but I do not care. I do not understand something if I simply think it, I must hear it, even if they are my own thoughts.
On another subject: Bravo to me, I resisted all temptation at my Dad's house and did not have 1 piece of chocolate. I was really tempted to say it's just one, but that always turns into way more than just one. So I had a Diet Dr. Pepper thank you very much.
Until next time,
:)
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