As a disclaimer of sorts, I think this post is all over the place, and very psychologically bent, but I don't know, I didn't read over it after I wrote it. I say that to say if it doesn't make any sense, that makes sense. :)
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There's a lot to be said for having, and being able to correctly use, perspective. I can sometimes exercise good perspective, but many times, it's hindsight. I truly admire people who have this gift, though I rarely say so because that would mean admitting someone else knows more than I do, which of course is true, but who wants to admit that.
The bit of hindsight I'll offer myself is over the last few months, I've let boys distract me. I don't use the term men because none of them were, and none deserving of the time in which I invested. That's not arrogance, that's the truth. I put a lot of effort into a lot of boys. Trying to impress them, make them like me, etc. Effort that was wasted, none of them are still around, and it didn't take long. It's for the better anyways. While I may have felt good around these people, I was nowhere near happy, or content. These were not boys I could imagine reading the paper with on a lazy weekend morning, sipping coffee while watching television.
It took someone with perspective, someone I truly admire to really shine the light on what I think in the back of my mind I already knew. These boys were not going to respect me, and were not worthy of my time. He would know too.
This got me thinking, and I realized something. I had gotten so excited about the test run of the new, confident me that I took the car out on the interstate too soon. And as a result, I ended up losing a bit of myself in the pursuit of others, and ended up feeling broken, confused, and a little bit lost.
My weight loss has been declining over the last two months. The numbers are still negative, but I only lost 1.4 in March. This was not the goal. The goal was for me to be happy. And I think in order to do that, I need to go back to being happy in who I really am, and find someone who knows that from the get-go and likes me for that person. Not some superficial flirt who makes their needs more important than her own. I need to go back to the girl I found at the end of last year that said to heck (although I used another word :) with anyone else, I'm most important in this circus!
Once I get caught up in something, it's hard for me to pull back and focus. I'm truly glad this friend of mine will look me dead in the eye and say "What are you doing?!?!" and mean it in love. I've thanked him for this, and though he may never read this, I'll thank him here too.
Certain things in my life had to happen the way they did. I try not to have any regrets, but I will always wonder if I did the right thing. I created my life to be very independent and the vast majority of the time, alone. There are times, like today, that I feel lonely. I miss feeling happy with a significant other who I could share life with. Someone who has a large amount of perspective that came with life experience, and shared that with me. Someone who had a different opinion than mine, but wasn't oppressive about it. Someone with whom, I was able to be myself, and that took a long time to come about.
I know this sounds very vague, and maybe it is. Sometimes loneliness is a weird feeling. It makes you not tired after midnight, and understand the meaning of fourth meal. It kind of fills you with a sadness that if expressed (like I am doing now, while I type) will eventually be resolved. Sometimes I think loneliness is unresolved grieving from the loss of someone in our lives (not literal, just a change in interpersonal relationships).
I enjoy being alone. Talking to myself while I walk around an empty apartment, listening to music from the other room. There are also times when I long to be able to curl up on the couch under a blanket snuggled in someones arms. Comforted, safe, protected, taken care of. Can't have it both ways, at least not right now, so I get to be alone. And today I just had a lot of thoughts, so I had a conversation with my Twitter account. 20 tweets in a matter of a couple hours. I wanted to say these trivial things to someone, observations in life mostly, and so I did. I only have 21 followers, and most may not ever read my tweets, but that doesn't matter, I feel like I conversed with the world, spoke to someone.
I'm not sure if it's the feelings or late hour causing the hunger, but in the last hour, I've eaten an entire bag of popcorn, a little candy, full cup of water, and my stomach is still growling. Maybe I'm just tired. Seems lately I can't get to sleep before 11pm. This will be an issue when I go back to work this summer. I'll have to start getting up between 5:30 and 6:30 compared with the 8-8:30 I get up now, even on school days. I think I need to start training myself to go to sleep earlier, by giving going to bed a little bit earlier every night the old college try. If that's ineffective, I'm not above using a sleep aid to right my sleep schedule. If I'm not able to conquer going to bed and waking up earlier, my productivity will continue to slide, and I'm pretty sure my boss will not appreciate that. That, and I don't like being sleepy.
I don't really know where some of the stuff in this post came from, but the fingers went to the keys and now I'm yawning, so that's a sign something worked and I can now get some sleep.
Until next time (when hopefully I'll be more cheery!),
:)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
It's a small world after all
I think I may have used that title before. Oh well, it's my blog, I can use it again :)
Everything's related. It's somehow connected together in the mind. For instance, my eating tendencies are tied back to my emotions and so are my driving habits.
I've had my driver's license for a little shy of 10 years. Ever since it was issued, I have been driving almost 20 over. I have received 6 tickets total: 5 speeding tickets and 1 for running a stop sign. I have been to driving school 4 times so far, I'll go at least once more for ticket #5 and 6. Hmmm. One speeding ticket and the stop sign were within 6 months of each other back when I was 16. Then in December 2010, I got a speeding ticket. December 2011 I got a speeding ticket for speeding in the same spot as the year before. Two weeks ago I got another speeding ticket FOR THE SAME SPOT. I really need to stay off that road. This morning, I got a speeding ticket on the interstate, but by the same police officer as two weeks ago. Fabulous. We laughed once we realized it. But it's not funny. I was issued a warning for speeding about a year ago. Three weeks ago, I was issued a warning for failure to obey traffic rules. I "ran" a red light turning right on red. I was turning into my apartment complex at midnight :|
The frustrating thing about the ticket today was I've been trying really, really hard to slow down to within 5 mph over the speed limit, which is really hard! I have been doing so well too! But I got caught up in the interstate traffic when I was approaching the downtown area and the speed limit dropped, that I just wasn't paying close enough attention. Okay, okay, I get it finally.
I realized my driving was a mind thing, just like my eating. It was tied to my emotional response to other drivers, just as my eating is responding to outside factors. Turns out, the world is not out to get me and I just need to calm down on the road. I think my problem started when I was late everywhere, and then it just became a habit too hard to break. Well I now get to pay for that habit, handsomely.
I've noticed over the last couple weeks experiencing personal pressure to eat more meals a day than I really need. To fit into the norm, I need to eat 3 meals a day. Or not. I've been so overstuffed, I hadn't felt physically hungry in a couple weeks. Just like slowing down, it takes constant mental effort when I FEEL like eating to ask myself "Are you ACTUALLY hungry??" If not, I get some cranberry juice and close the refrigerator. It's hard! Especially when there are brownies on the counter! It's the same effort that has to be applied to the "Do I have any MONEY to buy that whatever??" Sometimes, the un-fun answer is no, and we have to stick to that. That's part of being adult. "Children do what feels good. Adults devise a plan and follow it. " -Dave Ramsey
That doesn't just apply to money, it applies to everything, which is where the small world comes in. My plan is to discontinue giving traffic court my money, my plan to lose weight, my plan to be financially responsible. Does this mean we're perfect? Not no, hell no! I make unwise food decisions, spend money I don't have on things I don't need (or do need sometimes), and speed (trying to make this rarely instead of the standard). All I can do is try to limit the occurrences to hopefully limit the damage. I don't need to beat myself up. I just need to recognize the misstep, make steps to correct it in the future and MOVE ON.
On another awesome note: I received an e-mail from Pizza Hut with the subject: "Did you know you're great?". You know what my immediate response was? "Well, DUH!" Hehe, I love the confidence. Not arrogance, confidence :)
I started doing a Cardio Core Express DVD to work on toning where I've lost fat, and I realized that I started too late, I have some catching up to do. That's ok. When Debbie Siebers said on the DVD that I would feel that in the morning, I was like "whatever". Well I felt it the next morning! Dang! That means it's working :)
I'm going to try and shut off the brain and go to sleep. It's way past my bedtime and I have a full day tomorrow, but it's been a full day today too.
Until next time,
:)
Everything's related. It's somehow connected together in the mind. For instance, my eating tendencies are tied back to my emotions and so are my driving habits.
I've had my driver's license for a little shy of 10 years. Ever since it was issued, I have been driving almost 20 over. I have received 6 tickets total: 5 speeding tickets and 1 for running a stop sign. I have been to driving school 4 times so far, I'll go at least once more for ticket #5 and 6. Hmmm. One speeding ticket and the stop sign were within 6 months of each other back when I was 16. Then in December 2010, I got a speeding ticket. December 2011 I got a speeding ticket for speeding in the same spot as the year before. Two weeks ago I got another speeding ticket FOR THE SAME SPOT. I really need to stay off that road. This morning, I got a speeding ticket on the interstate, but by the same police officer as two weeks ago. Fabulous. We laughed once we realized it. But it's not funny. I was issued a warning for speeding about a year ago. Three weeks ago, I was issued a warning for failure to obey traffic rules. I "ran" a red light turning right on red. I was turning into my apartment complex at midnight :|
The frustrating thing about the ticket today was I've been trying really, really hard to slow down to within 5 mph over the speed limit, which is really hard! I have been doing so well too! But I got caught up in the interstate traffic when I was approaching the downtown area and the speed limit dropped, that I just wasn't paying close enough attention. Okay, okay, I get it finally.
I realized my driving was a mind thing, just like my eating. It was tied to my emotional response to other drivers, just as my eating is responding to outside factors. Turns out, the world is not out to get me and I just need to calm down on the road. I think my problem started when I was late everywhere, and then it just became a habit too hard to break. Well I now get to pay for that habit, handsomely.
I've noticed over the last couple weeks experiencing personal pressure to eat more meals a day than I really need. To fit into the norm, I need to eat 3 meals a day. Or not. I've been so overstuffed, I hadn't felt physically hungry in a couple weeks. Just like slowing down, it takes constant mental effort when I FEEL like eating to ask myself "Are you ACTUALLY hungry??" If not, I get some cranberry juice and close the refrigerator. It's hard! Especially when there are brownies on the counter! It's the same effort that has to be applied to the "Do I have any MONEY to buy that whatever??" Sometimes, the un-fun answer is no, and we have to stick to that. That's part of being adult. "Children do what feels good. Adults devise a plan and follow it. " -Dave Ramsey
That doesn't just apply to money, it applies to everything, which is where the small world comes in. My plan is to discontinue giving traffic court my money, my plan to lose weight, my plan to be financially responsible. Does this mean we're perfect? Not no, hell no! I make unwise food decisions, spend money I don't have on things I don't need (or do need sometimes), and speed (trying to make this rarely instead of the standard). All I can do is try to limit the occurrences to hopefully limit the damage. I don't need to beat myself up. I just need to recognize the misstep, make steps to correct it in the future and MOVE ON.
On another awesome note: I received an e-mail from Pizza Hut with the subject: "Did you know you're great?". You know what my immediate response was? "Well, DUH!" Hehe, I love the confidence. Not arrogance, confidence :)
I started doing a Cardio Core Express DVD to work on toning where I've lost fat, and I realized that I started too late, I have some catching up to do. That's ok. When Debbie Siebers said on the DVD that I would feel that in the morning, I was like "whatever". Well I felt it the next morning! Dang! That means it's working :)
I'm going to try and shut off the brain and go to sleep. It's way past my bedtime and I have a full day tomorrow, but it's been a full day today too.
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Accomplishments are relative to the person.
Running is a sport right? So in there somewhere, there's supposed to be a competition right? Even if it's with yourself? Wrong. At least for me. And I'm talking about me, so ta da! I think it's great to run for a new personal best or to get feedback on pace consistency. Where my problem happened was when I let it take over the reason I run in the first place: release of stress and anxiety. I can't really release a whole lot if I can only make it a mile because I'm focusing so much on my pace that I run my whole body into pain. Starts with the knee, then the hip, and I can live with those, but when my bad shoulder joins the party, I pull the plug and do so immediately. There are a lot of things I'll risk, but that's where I draw the line. Sure, I made it 1.25 miles in 13 minutes (approx. 9 min pace), but what does it matter if I'm crying in pain and I've only exercised 13 minutes?? It's just not worth it to me. It's too depressing and mentally exhausting because then the thoughts start about well maybe I need to find something else. And we all know where that will end up. I'll not do anything for 6 months until I magically take up running for the love of running again.
I ran/walked the half marathon last April. And up until now, I used to not share how long it took me and brush it off as embarrassingly slow. Well here it goes. It took me 3:45. That's 3 hours 45 minutes. And at an average of 17 minutes per mile, may be considered by some to be slow. However, I FINISHED 13.1 MILES. FINISHED. Crossed the finish line of a half marathon. Fini...you get it. :) In ONE PIECE. I am now baffled at how that's somehow embarrassing. Instead, it's a HUGE accomplishment! One I'm extremely proud of! Someday, I'd like to be able to run one. Run the whole half marathon (okay, that wording is amusing to me!). It might be a while though, because what I'm no longer going to do is sign up for races I'm not prepared for and put a training schedule in place. We see how well that worked before in all aspects of this journey. Instead, I'm going to steadily work myself up to the mileage, continuing to run for the love of the run, and only when I can run 13.1 miles on my own will I start searching for a half marathon to do. My time will come :)
So today, I went for a run in the park. This is good for 2 reasons. 1: No loop. It's out and back, so once you start, you might as well finish :) 2: I chose not to use a stopwatch, timer, GPS, etc. I was untimed. After all was said and done, I was able to reconstruct an extreme approximation from looking at when I stopped texting, but I'm only about 50% sure it's accurate, and the 50% comes from it being 3 miles in 40 minutes. I've done several 5k's in that time, so it's a reasonable time. My point is, it was FREEDOM. I was running because I wanted to be, not because I had some time to beat. I released stress and anxiety, I was untouchable. It was AWESOME. And I worked out for almost and hour PAIN FREE. To me, it just doesn't get any better! :)
The best time to go grocery shopping is after a run like that. I guarantee it's a strain to get the things on my list because food just doesn't have any appeal! That, and after you've sweat for that long and go straight to the frozen section, the sweat freezes FAST, and even I get cold! I got what I needed and got OUT. On a side note, I did finally find a pair of sweat pants that are long enough. And cute. Pretty sure it was a miracle. And they were only $9! Can we spell TRIFECTA? Well, no actually, because spell check had to of course come behind me. Me and my appetite. hehe (I spelled appetite wrong again too...of course) :)
Let's see, food. I ate poorly last week when I was on spring break. I just stopped paying attention to what was going on. BAD NEWS. I had Sonic (with a soda) for breakfast every morning and fast food for lunch every day I was at work. Then I ate dinner with dessert! I WAY overstuffed myself. First thing I did when I came home was drink a gallon of cranberry juice! Yesterday and today I've done much better. I cut myself off when necessary and worked out both days. And I already have plans to go walking with a friend tomorrow morning. I'm going to get on track by golly! I will need to put a plan of action in place by the summer, because I'm going to be in Nashville during the week every week all Summer and I can't have another week like this one. I'm thinking Lean Pocket and Green Giant are going to save my butt since they're frozen, easy to make, and easy on the body.
I've missed the last 2 weeks at Weight Watchers. 2 weeks ago because I got the times mixed up and had to be in Nashville and there were no more meetings for the week and this past week because I was working. Although if I'm going to be honest, I used work as an excuse of sorts (I did actually have legit work in the office to do) and I didn't make a very concerted effort to be there this past week because I was sure I had gained, and I knew what seeing that would do to me. It wasn't right, I should have weighed in and taken the feedback, but I feel like I did the right thing for me. Gave myself a pass and got right back up as soon as possible to make up ground to pull off something spectacular this coming Saturday.
I will work harder. I will do better. I will get back on track. And most importantly, I will not beat myself up. It was feedback enough. I took it and did something with it. Why is it necessary to see a number too? And for the love of all things, I will learn how to spell!! :)
I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'm about to get back into some kind of sleep rhythm.
Until next time,
:)
I ran/walked the half marathon last April. And up until now, I used to not share how long it took me and brush it off as embarrassingly slow. Well here it goes. It took me 3:45. That's 3 hours 45 minutes. And at an average of 17 minutes per mile, may be considered by some to be slow. However, I FINISHED 13.1 MILES. FINISHED. Crossed the finish line of a half marathon. Fini...you get it. :) In ONE PIECE. I am now baffled at how that's somehow embarrassing. Instead, it's a HUGE accomplishment! One I'm extremely proud of! Someday, I'd like to be able to run one. Run the whole half marathon (okay, that wording is amusing to me!). It might be a while though, because what I'm no longer going to do is sign up for races I'm not prepared for and put a training schedule in place. We see how well that worked before in all aspects of this journey. Instead, I'm going to steadily work myself up to the mileage, continuing to run for the love of the run, and only when I can run 13.1 miles on my own will I start searching for a half marathon to do. My time will come :)
So today, I went for a run in the park. This is good for 2 reasons. 1: No loop. It's out and back, so once you start, you might as well finish :) 2: I chose not to use a stopwatch, timer, GPS, etc. I was untimed. After all was said and done, I was able to reconstruct an extreme approximation from looking at when I stopped texting, but I'm only about 50% sure it's accurate, and the 50% comes from it being 3 miles in 40 minutes. I've done several 5k's in that time, so it's a reasonable time. My point is, it was FREEDOM. I was running because I wanted to be, not because I had some time to beat. I released stress and anxiety, I was untouchable. It was AWESOME. And I worked out for almost and hour PAIN FREE. To me, it just doesn't get any better! :)
The best time to go grocery shopping is after a run like that. I guarantee it's a strain to get the things on my list because food just doesn't have any appeal! That, and after you've sweat for that long and go straight to the frozen section, the sweat freezes FAST, and even I get cold! I got what I needed and got OUT. On a side note, I did finally find a pair of sweat pants that are long enough. And cute. Pretty sure it was a miracle. And they were only $9! Can we spell TRIFECTA? Well, no actually, because spell check had to of course come behind me. Me and my appetite. hehe (I spelled appetite wrong again too...of course) :)
Let's see, food. I ate poorly last week when I was on spring break. I just stopped paying attention to what was going on. BAD NEWS. I had Sonic (with a soda) for breakfast every morning and fast food for lunch every day I was at work. Then I ate dinner with dessert! I WAY overstuffed myself. First thing I did when I came home was drink a gallon of cranberry juice! Yesterday and today I've done much better. I cut myself off when necessary and worked out both days. And I already have plans to go walking with a friend tomorrow morning. I'm going to get on track by golly! I will need to put a plan of action in place by the summer, because I'm going to be in Nashville during the week every week all Summer and I can't have another week like this one. I'm thinking Lean Pocket and Green Giant are going to save my butt since they're frozen, easy to make, and easy on the body.
I've missed the last 2 weeks at Weight Watchers. 2 weeks ago because I got the times mixed up and had to be in Nashville and there were no more meetings for the week and this past week because I was working. Although if I'm going to be honest, I used work as an excuse of sorts (I did actually have legit work in the office to do) and I didn't make a very concerted effort to be there this past week because I was sure I had gained, and I knew what seeing that would do to me. It wasn't right, I should have weighed in and taken the feedback, but I feel like I did the right thing for me. Gave myself a pass and got right back up as soon as possible to make up ground to pull off something spectacular this coming Saturday.
I will work harder. I will do better. I will get back on track. And most importantly, I will not beat myself up. It was feedback enough. I took it and did something with it. Why is it necessary to see a number too? And for the love of all things, I will learn how to spell!! :)
I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'm about to get back into some kind of sleep rhythm.
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I found the key to my appetite
I truly figured it out. Finally. My appetite is tied to my social butterfly status. If I'm feeling the need for attention and to be around people, appetite decreases. For the last week or so, I've been dying to be alone. Secluded. NO PEOPLE. No phone. You get it. And this last week I've had the appetite I had back when I was gaining weight like crazy. I was hiding. It's very effective. Well, gaining weight is effective at hiding me. But I'm not going to hide behind weight anymore. It's going to be a fight against myself until I feel alone enough.
I'm going to shut off my phone for a week and ignore people in a secluded spot looking at trees. It's just too bad I have to wait until this summer for that. Until then, I am going to find spots on the local greenway to run alone, or walk alone, or go eat alone, or just be alone. I'm allowed to shut my door and ignore my phone :)
So if you happen to try and reach me and I don't respond, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I'm equal opportunity, I'm ignoring everyone :)
Now, if I could just figure out how to spell appetite! Thank goodness for spell check :)
Until next time,
:)
I'm going to shut off my phone for a week and ignore people in a secluded spot looking at trees. It's just too bad I have to wait until this summer for that. Until then, I am going to find spots on the local greenway to run alone, or walk alone, or go eat alone, or just be alone. I'm allowed to shut my door and ignore my phone :)
So if you happen to try and reach me and I don't respond, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I'm equal opportunity, I'm ignoring everyone :)
Now, if I could just figure out how to spell appetite! Thank goodness for spell check :)
Until next time,
:)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
That bowl of ice cream did nothing for the sweets craving
Or what I thought was a sweets craving. I should know by now that all a craving is is emotions. Here we go again. I know you're tired of reading the following sentence almost as much as I'm tired of blogging it: I DO NOT LIKE FEELINGS. You know in the movie The Proposal where they're on the airplane and they're going over the questions, and Sandra Bullock asks "What am I allergic to" and he said "Pine nuts and the full spectrum of human emotion"? Yes, well wouldn't that be nice. Not the pine nuts part, I don't even know what those are.
I would say the feelings are feelings of being scared of commitment, but I'm not really sure that's true. It's possible, and definitely something that a few years ago, I would have been prone to, but I learned over the last couple of years that I could commit, I was ready to permanently at one point, but that's another story for another day. To the right person, I don't think commitment would be an issue for me.
Maybe the emotions are that I'm drowning. And scared that I'll screw it all up. Scared that maybe I can't do it all, even though I want to be able to.
Maybe I'm nervous. I haven't run any races since the half marathon last year (you remember after which I had all but given up running -- I thought I had posted about it, but I can't find it, the only one I can find is this one. ) BUT anyways. I had decided that when I started running again, I wasn't going to sign up for any races until I was ready to run the distance comfortably, and without injury. I don't know that I'm totally out of the woods on the latter, but I'm definitely out of the woods on the former. 5K (3.1 miles) in 36:18. Yes, please. So I signed up for a race. Actually I ran the same race last year :) It's in 2 days. I'm a little nervous! I'm just glad it's supposed to be warmer than the 8 degrees it was last year. YIKES. Well, wish me luck! :)
I've started running outside again now that it's the perfect weather for it, and I have to say, I like it SO much better than inside!! There's more pretty scenery, people to watch, and I'm not looking at the same thing around and around and around again like on a track, or worse, a treadmill! :)
I think I've run out of amusement, so I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight moon :)
Until next time,
:)
I would say the feelings are feelings of being scared of commitment, but I'm not really sure that's true. It's possible, and definitely something that a few years ago, I would have been prone to, but I learned over the last couple of years that I could commit, I was ready to permanently at one point, but that's another story for another day. To the right person, I don't think commitment would be an issue for me.
Maybe the emotions are that I'm drowning. And scared that I'll screw it all up. Scared that maybe I can't do it all, even though I want to be able to.
Maybe I'm nervous. I haven't run any races since the half marathon last year (you remember after which I had all but given up running -- I thought I had posted about it, but I can't find it, the only one I can find is this one. ) BUT anyways. I had decided that when I started running again, I wasn't going to sign up for any races until I was ready to run the distance comfortably, and without injury. I don't know that I'm totally out of the woods on the latter, but I'm definitely out of the woods on the former. 5K (3.1 miles) in 36:18. Yes, please. So I signed up for a race. Actually I ran the same race last year :) It's in 2 days. I'm a little nervous! I'm just glad it's supposed to be warmer than the 8 degrees it was last year. YIKES. Well, wish me luck! :)
I've started running outside again now that it's the perfect weather for it, and I have to say, I like it SO much better than inside!! There's more pretty scenery, people to watch, and I'm not looking at the same thing around and around and around again like on a track, or worse, a treadmill! :)
I think I've run out of amusement, so I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight moon :)
Until next time,
:)
Monday, January 28, 2013
It's amazing how reality can sneak up on you and smack you in the face!
SCHMACK! Yes, it sounds like that. Part of feeling feelings is being vulnerable to them in the first place. By the way, the very idea is just gross...but I'm doing it. And so sometimes that means that I get to experience unexplainable joy. The kind of joy that makes you want to wake up in the morning. It's that way a lot of the time. I'm just a happy person. But there are also times that life just kind of stinks. And in the same way I've allowed the feelings of joy, I also have to allow those other feelings.
Most of my running motivation comes from being a few different things: angry, anxious, happy, those are a few. Sadness isn't one of them. Most of the time I have to allow the sadness to run its course, then go run to cheer myself up, and it always works. But I'm not eating my feelings (ANY OF THEM) anymore :)
I just completed 3 straight months of net weight losses. Meaning each month since November, over the month, I have had a net weight loss. 5 lbs in November, 7.2 in December, and 3.2 in January. I lost 2.4 last week, making my total lost so far a nice, round 35!
I'm so excited! I'm more than halfway there! I can ALMOST see the end of the tunnel. I feel great! And I get noticed. It's so much fun. I used to hide from it, but now I'm basking in it and using it as motivation to push forward. I got checked out at the gym today, and what a confidence booster :)
Today has just been a roller-coaster of different kinds of joy! I met with a career counselor at school because I was really having a crisis of "Is the major I'm in going to get me on the right career track?" I mean it was almost at panic attack level. I was hyperventilating and everything. I had some major trouble with a couple of my major classes last semester. And that really freaked me out, because I didn't enjoy those classes one bit, and I'm supposed to enjoy every class in my beloved major right? Well, apparently not. What happened? He took a look at the classes I had left and we talked a good bit about what I really wanted to do and he said I hit a speed bump, and the classes I had left would be great. And I was in the right major and on the right path, and that I'm destined for great things! I'm so relieved!! That's kind of what I thought it was, but confirmation is always a lovely thing! The part where this tidbit effects (affects???) this blog? I did not eat the panic attack. It was really tempting. I didn't drink it either. I vented (probably talked people's ears off) and paced, but didn't eat. :)
Most of my running motivation comes from being a few different things: angry, anxious, happy, those are a few. Sadness isn't one of them. Most of the time I have to allow the sadness to run its course, then go run to cheer myself up, and it always works. But I'm not eating my feelings (ANY OF THEM) anymore :)
I just completed 3 straight months of net weight losses. Meaning each month since November, over the month, I have had a net weight loss. 5 lbs in November, 7.2 in December, and 3.2 in January. I lost 2.4 last week, making my total lost so far a nice, round 35!
I'm so excited! I'm more than halfway there! I can ALMOST see the end of the tunnel. I feel great! And I get noticed. It's so much fun. I used to hide from it, but now I'm basking in it and using it as motivation to push forward. I got checked out at the gym today, and what a confidence booster :)
Today has just been a roller-coaster of different kinds of joy! I met with a career counselor at school because I was really having a crisis of "Is the major I'm in going to get me on the right career track?" I mean it was almost at panic attack level. I was hyperventilating and everything. I had some major trouble with a couple of my major classes last semester. And that really freaked me out, because I didn't enjoy those classes one bit, and I'm supposed to enjoy every class in my beloved major right? Well, apparently not. What happened? He took a look at the classes I had left and we talked a good bit about what I really wanted to do and he said I hit a speed bump, and the classes I had left would be great. And I was in the right major and on the right path, and that I'm destined for great things! I'm so relieved!! That's kind of what I thought it was, but confirmation is always a lovely thing! The part where this tidbit effects (affects???) this blog? I did not eat the panic attack. It was really tempting. I didn't drink it either. I vented (probably talked people's ears off) and paced, but didn't eat. :)
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Kit-Kat bars are better cold
They are! I don't know why, maybe they're more crunchy. Part of me being healthier is me realizing my limitations. While it may be more economical to buy a whole bag of kit-kat bars because I get a better value, it's not better for my health because I'll eat the whole bag in one sitting. For those of you who just gasped reading that, think before you judge, you do it too :)
So I made a deal with myself. If I really want a kit-kat bar, I get a single bar from the register. I only buy things like that in quantities I would be ok with eating in one sitting. Thinking I'm going to split a bag of skittles in four and save the rest for later? Think again. Do that quick math and see what the damage would really be. Is it worth it? Then the item gets bought. If not, it doesn't. That simple. I get what I want, but don't necessarily need, and I'm not putting myself in a damaging situation where I have to rely on will power, which let's face it, can be tested to the max. Anything I can do myself to take off will power I'll gladly do.
NOW I'm off to do nothing. Or go to bed. I'm just the life of the party :)
Until next time,
:)
So I made a deal with myself. If I really want a kit-kat bar, I get a single bar from the register. I only buy things like that in quantities I would be ok with eating in one sitting. Thinking I'm going to split a bag of skittles in four and save the rest for later? Think again. Do that quick math and see what the damage would really be. Is it worth it? Then the item gets bought. If not, it doesn't. That simple. I get what I want, but don't necessarily need, and I'm not putting myself in a damaging situation where I have to rely on will power, which let's face it, can be tested to the max. Anything I can do myself to take off will power I'll gladly do.
NOW I'm off to do nothing. Or go to bed. I'm just the life of the party :)
Until next time,
:)
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