Sometimes you don't catch a break, you have to throw one

Ok, so I know that's a corny title, but it's my attempt at a baseball joke.  Or maybe football.  Just something you throw vs. catch.  I tried to incorporate exercise time in my schedule.  Unfortunately, I'm not willing to a)get up before the sun to exercise, b)interrupt my study schedule, or c)not eat to have time to exercise.  I can't get behind on my studies or I'll never catch up.  (This is not at the same as I don't WANT to get behind, because on that front I don't care...see my University Experience blog for the full story. ) 

So what I've decided is I need to make a better effort to eat better, and sneak in exercise during the week.  The weekend should be a no-brainer now that its getting cooler, side note YAY, but I digress.  So I got recovered my old plastic fold up table and made a study central spot in my living room so I would no longer need to traverse to the library to have somewhere to spread out.  This accomplishes multiple things: a)I can study in my PJs b)I can do laundry while studying c)I can eat at...you guessed it...HOME d)I no longer have to traverse to the library just to spread out.  Am I the only one having deja vu? :)

The other part of that is the sneaking in exercise part.  I power walk through the grocery store, and by nature, I have to go back and forth to both ends because I don't organize my list according to the store layout.  I walk from my car to class, and build in about 5 extra minutes to do so versus riding the bus.  Also a no-brainer, since that adds miles per day!  On the weekend, I'm hoping to incorporate longer walks on the green-way, or wherever....

That's what going on here...hopefully good progress news forthcoming! :)

Until next time,
:)

Some days my life sounds like a Shania Twain song

"It's about as bad as it can be..."

This morning I woke up to an e-mail from my professor saying I got a 13/20 on a project.  That's a 65.  This project will join 4-5 others and make up 20% of my grade.  I thought I did better than that!  

"Even something simple as...
forgetting to fill up on gas...
there ain't no explaination why, things like that can make you cry, ...
just gotta learn to have a laugh"

Then I found out only because I hounded my leasing office that my August rent hadn't been paid.  I could have sworn it was.  So when I came in and paid my September rent because I realized the auto-pay hadn't continued on the new lease, they just automatically applied it to August.  Without telling me. Now granted, should I be able to keep track of this?  Yes.  I set up auto-pay last year and just like a crock pot, I set it and forgot it.  They send out unpaid balance sheets about the 12th.  They didn't send out one for August and send Aug/Sept together because "there were so many new residents and transfers".  It seems like in all that moving and shifting a reminder would be a really good idea.  But no one asked me! Let me set up e-mail notifications or SOMETHING. The best they can do is I have to pay half by Friday.  Cute.  

But hey, at least I went to the gym this morning.  : | 

"When everything is going wrong....
Don't worry it won't last for long...
Yea it's all gonna come around, don't let it get you down, you gotta keep on holding on."
Just take a deep breath and push forward.  No wallowing!  And listen to happy music on repeat!

"Up, up, up.  There's no where but up from here..." and I'm sure it will.
::sigh:: just another road bump in the road to GRADUATION.  No one, including me, ever said this was going to be easy.  But I wouldn't trade the way things happened for the easy way out.  There's a lot of good that has come out of this process.  

Until next time, 
:)

A pep talk and a plan...

My how time flies!  It's been a busy summer!  Although I guess it's not really summer anymore.  Wait, that changeover is this Saturday.  Does that mean fall is COMING?!?!?!  OH I hope so!!!!!!  But I just looked at the weather forecast and fall won't be coming before Tuesday at least...and I can't tell beyond that because it only goes out 10 days *sniff, sniff*.  But that weather last Saturday was amazing!

Yes, I'm avoiding talking about where my weight loss journey and running progress is.  I'm in denial.  At least I'm not in denial about being in denial.  Wow, I could get lost in this circle.  But, I digress.  It's not anywhere.  It's not gone down, it's not gone up.  Just blah.  I haven't run but about once all summer and I hate it.  But I hate summer more.  This summer was pretty awesome though (NOT the weather, other events...) :) There I go getting *distracted* again.  Or am I?  Hehe.  It needs to go down so blah, but it hasn't gone up so yay?  Ugh, I just want to run again.  I keep telling myself that when it's not hotter than fire outside I'll go for a run.  Or I could go to the free gym at my apartment complex.  I mean like 50 yards away.  Geez.  I really have no excuses.  And it's open 24/7, so I got nothin'.  Well give me 5 minutes and I'll have an impressive list of excuses. 

So a plan.  Get things done as efficiently as possible and take time in the morning to carve out at least 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I have at least 3 days a week that getting up wouldn't be a hardship. Like tomorrow a.k.a today :o I just have to shift a couple things around without disrupting my studiousness nature I discovered this semester.  

I'll get there again.  My goal is to get where I was at the end of last year (about 10-15 lbs from current) and just sit tight.  I was happy with that place, and so I'm going to get there and hang out.  I haven't been to Weight Watchers in...a while.  My mind keeps telling me that they'll judge me for being away that long because that's what I'm doing to myself, but the truth is they've all been right where I am right now.  And they're loving and accepting no matter what.  We all screw up.  Over and over sometimes.  It's time to get back on the horse, put the past in the past and stop wallowing!  How's that for a pep talk?  

I promise to go less time than 4 months without posting for next time.  I might even post tomorrow!  Again, a.k.a today.  ;)

Until then, goodnight moon.  :)

Until next time,
:)

How do you say goodbye forever?

Good question.  My answer involves a pan of brownies, bag of kit-kats and 6 pack of beer, for the record, all of which I have in my apartment right now.  

I don't handle loss of life well.  Probably due to lack of experience (and I'm NOT complaining about that).  I lost my Grandfather when I was 12 and 2 cats a few years ago.  

Today, we said goodbye forever to the family puppy, Lucy.  Lucy was 6 years old.  There's something to be said that is the bond between human and pet.  Especially such a cute pet.  This is a terribly sad occasion for our household.  When I found out, I sobbed all the way home.  It's an hour drive.  

So how do you handle bad news at work?  You go into the warehouse, find a dark corner, have a quick but thorough cry, wipe your face, and get back to work.  Then let it all out when you leave.  Having this kind of control over one's emotions is terribly difficult.  I have found that when I'm in the "mood" to cry, there's little that can stop it, and when I have the "opportunity" to cry, I'm not in the "mood".  

Back to Lucy.  That puppy was the single most cutest, adorable, and loving puppy to paw the earth.  She was a member of the family.  It feels like we lost a member of the family.  Practically the entire household revolved around the cuteness.  For good reason.  She was the most well behaved dog ever, and she never went to doggy training, she didn't have to.  Lucy came out perfect.  :)

I know one day, I'll be able to think about Lucy without tearing up, be able to remember all the happy times, and none of this sadness.  But for now, I'm giving in to the tears, knowing the tears are because I loved Lucy 100%.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here's to you Lucy, may you rest in eternal peace, and I'll see you in heaven when I get there.  Love you cuteness.

Love,
:)

Seek first to understand

*Note: I have several links in this post, they should all open up in separate windows...* :)

I heard this all the time growing up.  My sisters and I are constant correctors of each others missteps.  That's neither here nor there and not the point of this post.  As an adult, I am beginning to understand the true meaning behind the statement "seek first to understand".  It means more that just letting go of the fact that your friend text "your" instead of "you're" (although, that's a really good place to start...)  You understood the context of the sentence with the incorrect grammar.  The deeper meaning behind "seek first to understand" is this: "Give your fellow humanity a BREAK.  Seek to understand the intent behind whatever it is instead of picking it apart for its wrong doings, that were not intended".  

Unless a video particularly fascinates me, I typically won't watch it until it's viral.  Deep down, I just want to be cool.  :)  But I digress.  There's a video that I think has just about gone viral.  And so I watched it.  You can watch it here.  The basic premise is that they bring in women to a sketch artist and the women describe how they look, and the sketch artist draws.  Then, after each woman has had a chance to mingle with another woman, they bring her back in and she describes the other person.  They then bring in each woman to view the two pictures.  The basic result is to drive home the point that we are our own worst critic as far as seeing ourselves.  In my OPINION, this is where the evaluation of this video should STOP.  It is not a corporate plot against us.  The marketing department is NOT out to get us.  It's not a conspiracy.  It is not trying to drive home how we measure up to society's view of beauty.  At the bottom of the page of the video, there are links to two criticisms.  Because I'm that kind of person, I'm going to give you easy access: here and here.  I'm going to point out my main objection to their objections and be done with it.  First, I think they both mention (but I could be wrong) that the words used in the ad were geared towards saying that being thin is good and fat is bad.  Now, I won't go into why I think that's fundamentally correct anyways, because being overweight can lead to all kinds of health problems and blah, blah, blah.  

Here's my issue.  I think the authors of both of these posts watched the ad over and over and over.  At least I know one did because she said she did.  Is it really necessary to TRY and find "issues"??  Can we not just accept that the message Dove is TRYING to convey is that we need to give ourselves and everyone else a BREAK and celebrate how beautiful we, as individuals, are??  How each little thing about ourselves that we think is ugly is really beautiful, and the world doesn't notice all the little "flaws" that we see, they see our true beauty.  For me, watching this video wasn't about breaking down what types of women were featured in the ad, or what words were used.  I didn't even notice those things.  It was about overturning this terrible habit that in order to be feminine and not cocky, we had to be demure about our looks and we are so trained that when we hear another woman say "I'm beautiful, pretty, cute," whatever, we think, well she's arrogant and full of herself.  It was about us celebrating that what makes us different is what makes us BEAUTIFUL.  

I ran across a quote from Marianne Williamson a very long time ago, and it says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

I just googled "Marianne Williamson quotes" and this web page was the first result.  I have had the printed quote posted in my cubicle for YEARS.  THIS is where I think Dove was trying to go.  WE ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL.  WE ARE ALL TALENTED.  WE ALL ARE FABULOUS.  
I will tell you this.  I am beautiful.  I am talented.  I am FABULOUS.  I am freaking AWESOME.  And I'm not afraid to tell you.  That is not arrogance.  That is the confidence that comes from being able to see that I AM ME AND I AM OKAY.  I am beautiful in my own way.  We all are!  It took a long time for me to get there, because for me it wasn't just about trying to be demure, I truly didn't think I was beautiful.  I didn't think I was anything.  I was lucky enough to have someone (really someones) in my life willing to preach at me day in and day out for more than a year and constantly ask me the question "You know you're beautiful right??"  And wait for me to work through all my stuff until one day I could answer "YES" and BELIEVE IT.  That last part...that's the KEY.  :)

It's is an amazing power to be able to say, you know what, I am really cute just me!  

Go look yourself in the mirror and say "I am beautiful" (and STOP the sentence there, NO buts) and see if it doesn't make you smile. :)

Until next time,
:)

Exercise makes me very happy

I know, terrible title.  The ibuprofen PM is starting to set in...better type quick before I get myself in trouble for TUI (typing under the influence) :) 

Over the last week, I've become a workout machine.  At least an hour a piece every day.  Over 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights.  I did not work out today because I was in school all day.  I feel gross.  UGH.  I want to go to the gym!  Last night, my roommate and I went to the gym together, around 8p.  That was  BAD idea all around.  It's just not ideal to work out that late.  Exercise releases endorphins (and endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't shoot their husbands!! :)  First to name the movie reference...gets a cookie ).  It also creates energy, which is why most experts will tell you the best time of day to workout is the morning, to get your body going for the day ahead.  It also helps curb bad choices because you know all the work you put into the workout.  It also helps remove excuses for not working out.  It removes the "Well I had to work late, I had to go to the grocery store, I'm so tired after work, the kids need me"....on and on and on.  Easier to defeat one excuse than 7.  

So tomorrow morning when I get up, before I go to my Chem Lab, I'm going to get my workout accomplished.  I'm so excited to go back to the gym.  School just gets terribly in the way! :)

Time for bed :)

Until next time,
:)

To be so close...

It's hard to think that one of our fellow humans would want to cause so much destruction.  Unfathomable.  When I heard about the tragedy at the Boston Marathon yesterday affecting the finish line, my first thought was all those people who worked so hard to get there didn't get to finish.  And the ones who did, the celebration was short-lived and drowned out by pain and sorrow.  I really struggled yesterday with that thought and thinking, I'm so selfish!  It's the middle of a terrible tragedy and what I think is about being able to finish.  Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible grief and sympathy for those affected and even those not affected who were close to the event or to someone in the event. It's just hard to imagine being 25 miles into the most famous marathon in the world, and not getting the gratification to finish I would have to struggle with.  

My thoughts and prayers are with the runners, workers, police officers, and all the family members who were in some way involved in the bombings.  I truly hope any suffering is healed and justice served to those responsible.  

Until next time,
:)