Having the right tools makes all the difference!

The right attitude probably doesn't hurt either.

Tonight was a turning point for me.  I've been doing really poorly at tracking.  I mean really bad.  Mostly because I didn't want to have to calculate the points on everything I ate since I find it time consuming and a little frustrating not to be able to eye ball something and tell right off the bat if it's a good investment or not.  I live on the go!

So Saturday night when I found myself in my shower leaning against the wall in a fit of sobs because I felt hopeless and I knew I had had another week where I would gain weight, I knew something had to change. 

So I found another app.  It's called My Fitness Pal.  It's a free app.  It can also be used exclusively online.  With no monthly (or any kind) of fee to use.  That allows you to work offline and doesn't limit your functionality...terribly.  It also tracks weight, measurements, and all different kinds of nutrient facts.  It sets a goal amount of each nutrient per day (fat, fiber, potassium, Vitamin A, C, carbs, sugar, etc.) and you can look at where you are during the day in relation to those goals.  For instance, I know I don't eat anywhere near enough Potassium or Vitamin A or C and I eat too much fat, carbs, and sugars.  Go figure.  But I didn't know that before!  Those pieces of information are just as important as how much of what I've consumed!

I've also gone to tracking my weight daily.  It's an interesting experiment.  I weigh every morning and log it in my app.  And yes, I know that weight can fluctuate from day to day.  It's interesting for me to see what daily choices I make effect (or is it affect?  I can never remember, but I digress) not only my weight, but how I feel. 

Something I've also noticed about this app is it has a networking component in it.  You can find friends and see their updates.  So even though I don't have any "friends" on the site, when I lose weight, it posts.  When I exercise, it posts.  When I finish a day of logging food and exercise, I complete my entry, and it makes a post and either just says that I completed a log, or if I came in even 1 calorie under my goal, it says I came in under my goal.  And that's nice to see.  I can see the posts it makes about me, so I want it to make as many good feeling posts as possible, so my goal is to come in under my goal, even if by 1 calorie. 

When I complete a daily entry of food and exercise it comes up with a screen that shows me approximately where I will be weight-wise in 5 weeks if every day was like today.  I understand it's not to be taken as written in stone, as there are many factors, however, it's a fantastic motivator to see that if I work hard, I can actually see a concrete lower number on the scale over time.  CONCRETE.  That's huge!!

For exercise, once you find the exercise, you plug the minutes, and it calculates the calories automatically.  No need to perform any calculations.  Just plug in minutes.

Now back to my turning point.  In the app, I've been logging everything since Sunday.  I've come in under goal each day so far.  So today, at dinner, I had a Mike's hard lemonade.  That clocks about 220 calories, and used up my calories (after dinner of course) and I had 19 left.  So I decided I would skip ice cream, and treat my alcohol as dessert.  Good choice right?  Then I was watching TV and feeling sad that I didn't get dessert, so I got the twizzler bites out and had a serving (which turns out to have finished the bag).  Then I'm logging my dessert and toning down the serving to fit in my remaining calories.  To fit under 19 calories, turns out instead of 17 twizzler bites, I ate 2.5.  Yea right.   So I struggle with myself and log the whole thing, which puts me more than 100 calories over my goal.  Yikes!  I won't get my blurb saying I was under goal!  So I start playing with exercise numbers to see how long I would need to walk to burn off those twizzler bites.  30 minutes.  Groan, those twizzlers SO weren't worth it! 

So I hop to it, get on the treadmill for a grueling 45 minutes at 3 mph (20 minute mile), which by the way was a lot harder than it really should have been.  I burn 224 calories, come out on top, and am drenched and dripping with sweat.  It was a good feeling.

I don't think I'll have any issues moving the scale this week, but even if I don't, I've definitely achieved a non-scale VICTORY!!!

Until next time,
:)

You mean it's possible to ENJOY exercise?!?!?!

A couple of times in Weight Watchers, I've heard my leader say find an activity you ENJOY. And it's true!  If you don't enjoy it, you won't do it for very long, and you'll be miserable. 


Running made me miserable.  I really hate to admit that, since I was so into it and did it for so long, but I didn't really know anything else.  I never got the runner's high, I ran to compete with myself in terms of mileage and pace.  The whole time during my runs I was counting the minutes I had left, which is kind of sad.  But it's how you learn, and I'd like to think it wasn't ALL bad.  I did get some self confidence (and a medal, albeit a participation medal) out of it :)


Tonight I went for a walk down the street to a little park about a half mile from my house. There's a play gym and swing set in the middle.  After a loop around the track (maybe quarter mile?) I got on a swing and swung for about 5 minutes.  Talk about a leg workout!  I also noticed at the end a small twinge in my abs.  Yes, please :)


The point being, I really enjoyed it.  It was a calm walk down the street, and I feel good now.


I'm going to go finish my homework for tomorrow and go have my ice cream.  


Until next time,
:)

All the little things add up to one good week

Well my week paid off: 2.8 pounds off!  That's almost all the weight I gained last week!  


I think I'm going to lace up the tennis shoes (I use that loosely, since my shoes have no laces) and go for a walk down the street in a minute.  I've been lazy most of the day, so it will feel good to get our when it's not super hot.  


Tomorrow restarts the getting up insanely early, but the first week flew by, hopefully the next three will as well.  


I'm excited for another new week.  


I joked earlier today that I go to Weight Watchers for the stickers.  I got a sticker for weight loss, a sticker for exercising, and a bravo sticker.  My bravo sticker was for getting back on the horse and not throwing a pity party for myself.  


I'm really excited, and I'm starting to feel more toned from the exercise.  It's so exciting.  And yes, I know I'm overusing the word excited; I'm just SO excited!! :)


Until next time,
:)

What's that expression? Get back on the horse? Yea, that's it.

I know it's been a little while, so a little recap is in order.  Over the last few months, my weight slowly went up and up.  Finally, three weeks ago, I weighed in at 199.8.  I was so close to 200.  I had sworn I would never go back over 200.  I got scared into right and lost a pound the following week.  Then I started Jazzercise again, I started eating better, and last week I weighed in at a staggering 201.8.  I knew it was bad when the woman weighed me in flashed a very confused look when she saw the number.  I couldn't hold it in, I was so upset.  I was so mad at myself: how did I let it get this FAR?!?!?!  The first thing I did when I got in my car was call my boyfriend.  Who not only talked me off a ledge, but also assured me I was doing the right things, I was on the right track, and the weight gain was more than likely due to the increase in regular exercise from....well nothing, which is a very valid point, one I had not even thought of.  Sometimes it happens.  After our conversation, I was in a really good place.  Ready to pick myself up and keep going.  Which, by the way, is no easy feat.  


I would rate this week as a moderate, but not overwhelming success.  I ate a few things I wish I hadn't, and I didn't go to group exercise as much as I would have liked, but I did take a walk one night, we went bowling today, and I've spent the last two days doing laundry and cleaning OUT (not up, I went through all my belongings and threw/gave a ton of stuff away, as well as reorganizing.)  I'd be lying if I tried to deny myself from counting that as exercise.  I was working up a nice big sweat thank you!


My boyfriend has been an absolute gem through this whole thing.  Constantly encouraging me.  I'm so incredibly lucky to be with him, there are no words.  


My goals for this week: go to Jazzercise all three times.  Work out at home at least once extra, and do the stretching video I have every night (It's 15 minutes...).  Switch my Starbucks Caramel coffee drink between campus and work to a Passion tea I saw in a magazine (60 cals!), and eat more lunches at work (this would include a trip to Wal-mart tomorrow to gather supplies).  Any suggestions for a fruit/veggie that I can get that won't go bad as fast as lettuce?  I seem to waste a lot of lettuce because I can't eat it fast enough, and I like Wal-mart, but goodness, I don't want to be there daily.  :) I'm not going to set any kind of weight loss goal.  This week my calendar says will be a little unpredictable (ah hem) so I think if I do the above, I will have accomplished non-scale victories, and I need to be able to recognize and appreciate those, even when the scale may not reflect them.  


I just have to keep telling myself I can do this, and take every day one day at a time.  


Hopefully I won't wait as long before sharing next time :)


Until next time,
:)

I have to eat it all now so it won't tempt me later...

Occasionally, I get the hair-brained idea to bring something into my otherwise-controlled environment that will tempt me.  I then get this mindset of first guilt, then I think I have to devour the whole bit of whatever it was to prevent it from torturing me in the near future.  Heaven forbid I spread the goodness out so I can actually enjoy it.


Girl Scout Cookies.  'nuff said.  


:)

When you add it all up...

I got a wild hair this morning.  I decided I would look over my 2.5 years in Weight Watchers and add up all the times I lost weight and see how much I've lost total.  Not just how far I am from where I started (Which, by the way, is 28.4 pounds....went back under 30 last week and still haven't cracked 35 in months ::sigh::) but I digress.  I have 61 weeks of losses, totaling 112.6 pounds.  Which means I've done 84.2 pounds of flip-flopping.  


I've decided I'm done telling myself what I can and cannot eat.  It doesn't work.  Period.  I'm going back to basics.  You know, the tracking stuff THAT WORKS.  The absolute majority of those losses was because of tracking, which shouldn't surprise me after 2 1/2 years.  (Can you believe it?!?!?!)


I'll blog more often and let you know how it goes.  I'm running (haha) out of patience and ideas...


Until next time,
:)

I am me and I am OK

I was exposed to this idea through indirect exposure to the 12 step recovery process.  I've seen it since I was 8, but not even been able to utter it much less actually believe it until the...well if I'll be real honest, the last year.  And that's largely possible thanks to my boyfriend for spending the last year making me believe it (It's hard to believe it's been a year, it's been one heck of a good year :) )


I have spent most of my life not being good enough.  And by good enough, I mean perfect.  At least that was my perception.  Could it have been my own expectations I wasn't meeting? Sure, and some of them were (and still are).  


I also, until the last couple of years, never learned how to really feel feelings (maybe that was my fault too, I'm not pushing blame here, just saying what is), so that has been (as you may be VERY aware by now) the crux of my weight loss issue, and the purpose, for the most part, of this blog, but I digress.


When you have a combination of perfect expectations and no emotions, everything is always fine, there's a permanent mask.  I oozed so much confidence it made me sick because I was the world's most insecure person on the inside.  I second guess everything I say, everything I do.  Codependent to a fault.  Feelings are stuffed, no tears, and nothing ever lives up to standards.  Well to make a long story short: what happens when you shake a soda then open it?  


I have been successful in being less in the full mask all the time extreme, but in order to succeed, it definitely went back on, and it worked, I was able to do amazing things with that mask, and with my perfect expectations.  There's always room to improve that way.  


I'll give you an example: yesterday, I ran a 5k.  With an additional hill and in the rain.  I ran it 43 seconds slower than Dec 31st, and I truly had the nerve to be upset.  I still kind of am.  I should be celebrating because I finished and ran the whole thing, but that was my goal for the last one, this time, that goal simply wasn't good enough, my goal was to beat my time!  I have a race this Saturday, but I almost get a handicap...it will be all flat (as far as I know), so if I don't beat my Dec 31st time, I'll REALLY be mad at myself, but I digress...again.  


The point I'm trying to make here is as it would turn out, when I consistently set impossible to reach expectations, and don't allow feelings, I'm bound to get insecure and mad at myself, because who wouldn't if you considered yourself a failure/not good enough time after time?  How incredibly depressing am I?  I'm sure I'm so much fun to be around when I get like that, and those feelings are a lot easier to run away from if you don't have a witness (if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around.....).  I'm not running this time.  And that means I get to deal with my "stuff" (recovery term for skeletons in one's closet).  Turns out healing isn't a one and done kind of thing, some scars take longer to heal, and have to be dealt with more than once.  You can't just deal with one and be over them all, either, you have to take one by one, when they arise and hope you have a good enough head on your shoulders to recognize and start healing.  Sure, there are times that I'm able to tell myself I'm OK, and HOPEFULLY, those times are greater in number than the times I'm not.  But I have to be allowed to work through the times I'm not, or I'll just continue to stuff and be mad at myself, and that will feed a vicious cycle.  


I feel like I need one of those disclaimer signs you see in stores doing construction: pardon our mess while we build a better shopping experience.  Rephrased: pardon my mess while I build a better me... preparing for version 24.0 :)


I am me, and I am OK.  I'm better than OK, I'm awesome, JUST THE WAY I AM!!! :)


Until next time,
:)