Some people drink, some eat, some...well I don't really know.
I'm fine for about an hour, then when the news actually hits me, I'm a wreck for a while after that, then I'm emotionally turned inside, and on the verge of depressive for a bit after that.
We found out this evening that a very close family friend passed away tonight.
Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.
Until next time,
L
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
This isn't the first time my body said no, but it IS the last
I know. That title seems odd.
Some of you may not know this about me, but I like to run. Like, really like. Well, I ran a 5K last Saturday!!! My first all-running 5K. 41:11. That would be a new PB (personal best).
I just ran one mile. One stinking little mile. And it was the most labored mile since I've been able to run a mile! 12:19. Very UN impressive. (Well, I guess I ran at average 13 and change in the 5K, but that was 5K, not 1.6K) but I digress. I believe I've posted before about being gluten and corn free. And how I felt better etc.
Well, recently, I've been trying to stick to 90% gluten free. That's all well and good, but this week, it's been a gluten binge. I've eaten more crap than I would really care to admit, but because it will only help, I'm going to. Breakfast every day this week was a Sonic burrito. I ate one good lunch this week, and that was Chinese leftovers. On Tuesday. Every other day I've been out to eat or fast food, a sandwich of some sort. Dinner is the only redeeming meal, but I've destroyed it by the huge bowls of ice cream. The only good thing about the ice cream (and extreme number of toppings) is it's all gluten/corn free. Yes, Magic Shell is corn free.
Today, in my mile, I paid for all that crap. It was as if my body was telling me: you feed me crap? You no run. Fine. A good lesson. I am going to stick to 90% HOWEVER, next 2 weeks? DETOX. No more gluten or corn, 14 days. Eat out as little as possible. NO sweet tea or soda. I will be going back to Diet Lipton Green Tea for the caffeine (fun factoid: Diet Lipton is corn free, Regular Lipton has corn syrup. *rolls eyes* go figure :-) )
I will be doing walking over the next 14 days, but I'm not going to run until the 21st of January. That's also in part because I'm out of contacts, and running in glasses ends up with foggy glasses and if I take them off, I can't see, if I leave them on, I really can't see. Not fun, and very distracting. :)
I think my weigh in this morning is also going to be an eye opener. I haven't weighed in since Dec 17th. The 24th they were closed, and last week, I had my 5K. That I had also used as an excuse to eat crap, which tells me, even when I hit lifetime, I'll be weighing in weekly, simply for the regular accountability.
Until next time,
:)
Some of you may not know this about me, but I like to run. Like, really like. Well, I ran a 5K last Saturday!!! My first all-running 5K. 41:11. That would be a new PB (personal best).
I just ran one mile. One stinking little mile. And it was the most labored mile since I've been able to run a mile! 12:19. Very UN impressive. (Well, I guess I ran at average 13 and change in the 5K, but that was 5K, not 1.6K) but I digress. I believe I've posted before about being gluten and corn free. And how I felt better etc.
Well, recently, I've been trying to stick to 90% gluten free. That's all well and good, but this week, it's been a gluten binge. I've eaten more crap than I would really care to admit, but because it will only help, I'm going to. Breakfast every day this week was a Sonic burrito. I ate one good lunch this week, and that was Chinese leftovers. On Tuesday. Every other day I've been out to eat or fast food, a sandwich of some sort. Dinner is the only redeeming meal, but I've destroyed it by the huge bowls of ice cream. The only good thing about the ice cream (and extreme number of toppings) is it's all gluten/corn free. Yes, Magic Shell is corn free.
Today, in my mile, I paid for all that crap. It was as if my body was telling me: you feed me crap? You no run. Fine. A good lesson. I am going to stick to 90% HOWEVER, next 2 weeks? DETOX. No more gluten or corn, 14 days. Eat out as little as possible. NO sweet tea or soda. I will be going back to Diet Lipton Green Tea for the caffeine (fun factoid: Diet Lipton is corn free, Regular Lipton has corn syrup. *rolls eyes* go figure :-) )
I will be doing walking over the next 14 days, but I'm not going to run until the 21st of January. That's also in part because I'm out of contacts, and running in glasses ends up with foggy glasses and if I take them off, I can't see, if I leave them on, I really can't see. Not fun, and very distracting. :)
I think my weigh in this morning is also going to be an eye opener. I haven't weighed in since Dec 17th. The 24th they were closed, and last week, I had my 5K. That I had also used as an excuse to eat crap, which tells me, even when I hit lifetime, I'll be weighing in weekly, simply for the regular accountability.
Until next time,
:)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sometimes you just gotta feel it out...
I think this time of year is what really gets me all worked up. Today, I'm going to think positive. But first I'm going to get a few negative things out of the way:
I'm tired. I work too much. My feet hurt (thanks to running around in heels all day). Christmas can't come early enough, or be far enough away. I'm tired. Oh, I mentioned that last one twice.
Now let's get to the positive. I feel better about myself today. I found an outfit that, quite frankly, I felt smokin' in :)
I was in a work groove, I got so much accomplished today.
One week from this Saturday, I will run a 5K. The whole thing. I'm very excited! It will kick off the new year right!
I'm going to turn in for the night, busy day already set for tomorrow.
Until next time,
:)
I'm tired. I work too much. My feet hurt (thanks to running around in heels all day). Christmas can't come early enough, or be far enough away. I'm tired. Oh, I mentioned that last one twice.
Now let's get to the positive. I feel better about myself today. I found an outfit that, quite frankly, I felt smokin' in :)
I was in a work groove, I got so much accomplished today.
One week from this Saturday, I will run a 5K. The whole thing. I'm very excited! It will kick off the new year right!
I'm going to turn in for the night, busy day already set for tomorrow.
Until next time,
:)
Sunday, December 18, 2011
One day I'll be okay with myself. Warning: today is NOT that day.
First order of business, a catch-up review of the last few weeks, and reminder to self that I need to post more often. After my maintaining stint, I lost .6 then gained 2.2 then lost .6 then gained 2.2 this past week. And I feel gross, to be perfectly honest. ::sigh:: I feel like I'm taking myself back into the pendulum again, and I can already see the same results as the last time: a lot of frustration, tears, and more time wasted.
In my last blog post, I said I was going to run 1.75 miles if it killed me because that was what the training plan said. Well, I ran 3.25!!! Unfortunately, it was 3.25 miles in one direction: AWAY from my car. So then I had to walk the 3.5 miles back to my car. Boy oh boy was I in pain afterwards! But I did it! I ran the 5K distance + some!! Then I recovered for a week :)
Then last Sunday, I went downtown and ran 3.10 exactly, and that included 2 hills. I mastered this feat in 34:15, maintaining around an 11:03 pace approx. I basically ran the route for the 5K I am running on December 31st. That was exciting!
Something happened the last two-three weeks. I got depressed, almost scary depressed. Didn't want to do anything except lay in bed, did so all weekend and slept and then was exhausted. Didn't understand that one. Gloomy Gus Leigh was very confused. Maybe it's the season, maybe its just the way I am, and I'm going through a difficulty, or working through some of my "stuff", who really knows. All I know is I cried all the time for no reason and didn't want to do anything. Well, except eat. Joy. I have gotten a little sidetracked from my diet plans, and I can tell a difference.
Then I seemed to get out of my funk, and was happy for a few days this week, up to, well right now. I'm fighting tears. What changed? Yesterday I got a massage and spent time with friends, and had tons of fun! Today, I got to hang out with my boyfriend, and we took some pictures, and ta DA. There it is. I was feeling very proud of myself for looking so cute in my cute dress, until I looked at the pictures of myself, and all I could/can think is how unhappy with my current self I am, how fat I think I look (and in some pictures, how pregnant I look - WHICH that is not a bad way to look, if you are, but I'm not....I'm trying desperately not to offend anyone with that sentence). 100% want to change, 0% pure motivation. All I want to do now is sulk.
Then I came home and was trying to find a cute outfit for tomorrow and failed, nothing fits like I want it too, because I've gained weight the last few weeks, and so now I'll probably just hide.
I was only a couple pounds away from hitting the lowest weight in my weight loss journey, the weight I haven't achieved since July a year ago, and what did I do? Sabotaged it. Same old story, over and over. Now I'm frustrated, and I feel defeated. And fat.
I had decided that while eating gluten and corn free was very helpful to my weight loss, and made me feel better, it wasn't "practical" or "financially friendly" and so I decided to scoot away from it a little, I was still going to mostly maintain that lifestyle, but not be gung-ho. Well, I knew what that was before I even started, a self-justification to eat whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. I've eaten gluten and corn all weekend! I have no self control.
So executive decision: back to gluten and corn free. I don't care if I have to wake up an hour earlier and if it kills me financially. Feeling crappy isn't really worth a little convenience and money saved. I think it comes down to I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else and for once not experience consequences. Well, I just have to face that I'm different. And maybe one day I'll be okay with that.
I'm sure this has just been a peach to read, and I apologize for that. Maybe when I pick myself back up, I'll post a happy post.
Until next time,
L
In my last blog post, I said I was going to run 1.75 miles if it killed me because that was what the training plan said. Well, I ran 3.25!!! Unfortunately, it was 3.25 miles in one direction: AWAY from my car. So then I had to walk the 3.5 miles back to my car. Boy oh boy was I in pain afterwards! But I did it! I ran the 5K distance + some!! Then I recovered for a week :)
Then last Sunday, I went downtown and ran 3.10 exactly, and that included 2 hills. I mastered this feat in 34:15, maintaining around an 11:03 pace approx. I basically ran the route for the 5K I am running on December 31st. That was exciting!
Something happened the last two-three weeks. I got depressed, almost scary depressed. Didn't want to do anything except lay in bed, did so all weekend and slept and then was exhausted. Didn't understand that one. Gloomy Gus Leigh was very confused. Maybe it's the season, maybe its just the way I am, and I'm going through a difficulty, or working through some of my "stuff", who really knows. All I know is I cried all the time for no reason and didn't want to do anything. Well, except eat. Joy. I have gotten a little sidetracked from my diet plans, and I can tell a difference.
Then I seemed to get out of my funk, and was happy for a few days this week, up to, well right now. I'm fighting tears. What changed? Yesterday I got a massage and spent time with friends, and had tons of fun! Today, I got to hang out with my boyfriend, and we took some pictures, and ta DA. There it is. I was feeling very proud of myself for looking so cute in my cute dress, until I looked at the pictures of myself, and all I could/can think is how unhappy with my current self I am, how fat I think I look (and in some pictures, how pregnant I look - WHICH that is not a bad way to look, if you are, but I'm not....I'm trying desperately not to offend anyone with that sentence). 100% want to change, 0% pure motivation. All I want to do now is sulk.
Then I came home and was trying to find a cute outfit for tomorrow and failed, nothing fits like I want it too, because I've gained weight the last few weeks, and so now I'll probably just hide.
I was only a couple pounds away from hitting the lowest weight in my weight loss journey, the weight I haven't achieved since July a year ago, and what did I do? Sabotaged it. Same old story, over and over. Now I'm frustrated, and I feel defeated. And fat.
I had decided that while eating gluten and corn free was very helpful to my weight loss, and made me feel better, it wasn't "practical" or "financially friendly" and so I decided to scoot away from it a little, I was still going to mostly maintain that lifestyle, but not be gung-ho. Well, I knew what that was before I even started, a self-justification to eat whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. I've eaten gluten and corn all weekend! I have no self control.
So executive decision: back to gluten and corn free. I don't care if I have to wake up an hour earlier and if it kills me financially. Feeling crappy isn't really worth a little convenience and money saved. I think it comes down to I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else and for once not experience consequences. Well, I just have to face that I'm different. And maybe one day I'll be okay with that.
I'm sure this has just been a peach to read, and I apologize for that. Maybe when I pick myself back up, I'll post a happy post.
Until next time,
L
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I think I'm scared to be thin.
*Note: I started this post a while ago....
Interesting thought. huh? After two years (first week in November was official year 2 mark) of fighting and losing and gaining and maintaining and feeling...
I've done WELL the last 6 weeks up until last week and this week. I'll start with a little background. On September 24th, I went to get the results from a bunch of lab work I had done. Turns out my thyroid was out of whack. (Don't ask which direction, I have NO idea) :)
My doctor said she wanted to try to bring it to normal range with diet before she made any diagnosis or prescribed medicine. Verdict: corn free and gluten free diet.
This is only half a shocker for me. In high school, I went to a natural doctor who said my eczema was caused by a food sensitivity to corn (among a long list of other things). I cut corn, and the eczema went away and I dropped 15 pounds in a very short period of time. So I knew that the weight would FALL off if I cut corn. Gluten...well that's still a learning process. Turns out, like corn, it's in EVERYTHING. At least everything that resembles bread (and the whole family). So I got my game plan together and the next day (Saturday) I started this new diet change.
Results:
Week 1: -2.6 pounds
Week 2: -2.2 pounds
Week 3: -1.6 pounds
Week 4: -2.2 pounds
Week 5: -.6 pounds
That's 9.2 pounds total. And brings us to last week. I gained 0.4, which is basically maintaining. It's one of those "eh" things. I have maintained the last two weeks (NOT complaining)
I'm pity eating. I'm so depressed that I can't eat all this great stuff everyone else can eat, and that my food is twice as expensive (NOT an exaggeration) and is five times more trouble, it's FRUSTRATING. Am I getting GREAT benefits out of it? Absolutely! I feel better, I'm not tired in the morning, the eczema is gone, I'm dropping pounds, fit back into my jeans from high school (!!!!!!!), the list goes on and on. BUT, sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. I can do all this work to make sure I can eat something and one little thing that I can't eat can undo it all.
I've also figured out what chocolate I can eat (internal GROAN) because I definitely overdid it a week or so ago on that.
Something mental is going on in my head that I have no idea what it is...because I've been eating like crazy all week. It's that thing on the tip of my tongue that I can't get out!
This happens every time. It happened the last time I got this thin: last summer. I got down to a certain point and then something came up that put me in a weird spot emotionally and undid it all (last year it was surgery...). I don't want to do that this time!
I've also decided something: I want to get back to running. I've decided to train for another 5K. It is February 11th. Then I want to run the half marathon at the end of April.
They're lofty goals, for sure, since I haven't done much running since my 5K and even less after surgery (I'll admit: I've been a little scared of hurting myself).
A couple weeks ago (when I started this post) I jumped up and went for a run, and cranked out a mile! In 11:13!!!! Then I ran another mile the next day, and haven't run since. Ugh.
I'm going for a run this morning (in a few, when the sun comes up) and according to my training schedule, I need to be able to run 1.75. I'm driving downtown to a green way (also the 5K site :) ) to get it done if it kills me!
If I post later, you'll know I survived :)
Until next time,
:)
Interesting thought. huh? After two years (first week in November was official year 2 mark) of fighting and losing and gaining and maintaining and feeling...
I've done WELL the last 6 weeks up until last week and this week. I'll start with a little background. On September 24th, I went to get the results from a bunch of lab work I had done. Turns out my thyroid was out of whack. (Don't ask which direction, I have NO idea) :)
My doctor said she wanted to try to bring it to normal range with diet before she made any diagnosis or prescribed medicine. Verdict: corn free and gluten free diet.
This is only half a shocker for me. In high school, I went to a natural doctor who said my eczema was caused by a food sensitivity to corn (among a long list of other things). I cut corn, and the eczema went away and I dropped 15 pounds in a very short period of time. So I knew that the weight would FALL off if I cut corn. Gluten...well that's still a learning process. Turns out, like corn, it's in EVERYTHING. At least everything that resembles bread (and the whole family). So I got my game plan together and the next day (Saturday) I started this new diet change.
Results:
Week 1: -2.6 pounds
Week 2: -2.2 pounds
Week 3: -1.6 pounds
Week 4: -2.2 pounds
Week 5: -.6 pounds
That's 9.2 pounds total. And brings us to last week. I gained 0.4, which is basically maintaining. It's one of those "eh" things. I have maintained the last two weeks (NOT complaining)
I'm pity eating. I'm so depressed that I can't eat all this great stuff everyone else can eat, and that my food is twice as expensive (NOT an exaggeration) and is five times more trouble, it's FRUSTRATING. Am I getting GREAT benefits out of it? Absolutely! I feel better, I'm not tired in the morning, the eczema is gone, I'm dropping pounds, fit back into my jeans from high school (!!!!!!!), the list goes on and on. BUT, sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. I can do all this work to make sure I can eat something and one little thing that I can't eat can undo it all.
I've also figured out what chocolate I can eat (internal GROAN) because I definitely overdid it a week or so ago on that.
Something mental is going on in my head that I have no idea what it is...because I've been eating like crazy all week. It's that thing on the tip of my tongue that I can't get out!
This happens every time. It happened the last time I got this thin: last summer. I got down to a certain point and then something came up that put me in a weird spot emotionally and undid it all (last year it was surgery...). I don't want to do that this time!
I've also decided something: I want to get back to running. I've decided to train for another 5K. It is February 11th. Then I want to run the half marathon at the end of April.
They're lofty goals, for sure, since I haven't done much running since my 5K and even less after surgery (I'll admit: I've been a little scared of hurting myself).
A couple weeks ago (when I started this post) I jumped up and went for a run, and cranked out a mile! In 11:13!!!! Then I ran another mile the next day, and haven't run since. Ugh.
I'm going for a run this morning (in a few, when the sun comes up) and according to my training schedule, I need to be able to run 1.75. I'm driving downtown to a green way (also the 5K site :) ) to get it done if it kills me!
If I post later, you'll know I survived :)
Until next time,
:)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
To read signs or not to read signs, that is the question.
Wow, well I really meant to post about the 100th thing that I thought of. I'm going to run 100 laps at the track on campus. I already have 4 down. It was funny actually, I ran 4 laps around the track, and was so excited that I ran a mile, I then walked a half a mile, and while I was cooling down, I read the sign that said 1 mile is 6.5 laps. *Rolls eyes and laughs aloud*. I laughed about it all the way to my car, which was a half hour hike. I am certainly getting much more exercise now than I was, it's awesome. I suppose if I had read that sign before, I would have only run 3 laps, the 4th almost killed me, but I did it because I thought it was a mile, now I'll do it because I know I can. There was also a sign directing which way to go around the track on which days, not really useful reading that one either, it is the best idea to go the same direction as everyone else and hope the first person on the track went about the correct way. And as I typed that, it sounded very passive and follower to me, and I almost didn't like it, but I suppose there are times, when it's best to follow, and there are times when it's best to break from the pack and lead. Lose the battle, win the war types of scenarios, or is Win the battle Lose the war? Food for thought.
I think the second thing I'm going to do that involves 100 is go 100 days with NO soda. I do not count Sweet Tea in this, not sure why, and this is not cutting out caffeine. I almost said I wouldn't survive without it, however, I made it a full day on campus studying all day and a commute an hour each way very early and late and worked out at night (before the drive) all without caffeine. It was impressive really. I was impressed. Almost impressed enough to try it again the next day, but not willing to push my luck. :)
I lost a pound this week, and I have no idea how, and I hate that, I'd like to be able to spot good behavior so I can repeat. I'll just chalk it up to being sick again, allergies I guess, I coughed up so much gunk...sorry that's a little gross. I ate out a good bit this week, but I made decent choices, and left off the add ons (fries, soda, etc). I feel so...so....so....well I feel something, that's for sure, which is a good thing I suppose. I'm attempting to figure it out. I'll get there.
I have so many conflicting ideas running around in my head right now, for each of my blogs, it's starting to get confusing. I suppose if I blogged more often, I wouldn't have this trouble :)
Well, all these thoughts spinning around are limiting my ability to sleep, so I'm going to blog up a storm while my other computer formats itself and re-installs Windows (ask me how much fun that is) and hopefully go to sleep after that.
Until next time,
:)
I think the second thing I'm going to do that involves 100 is go 100 days with NO soda. I do not count Sweet Tea in this, not sure why, and this is not cutting out caffeine. I almost said I wouldn't survive without it, however, I made it a full day on campus studying all day and a commute an hour each way very early and late and worked out at night (before the drive) all without caffeine. It was impressive really. I was impressed. Almost impressed enough to try it again the next day, but not willing to push my luck. :)
I lost a pound this week, and I have no idea how, and I hate that, I'd like to be able to spot good behavior so I can repeat. I'll just chalk it up to being sick again, allergies I guess, I coughed up so much gunk...sorry that's a little gross. I ate out a good bit this week, but I made decent choices, and left off the add ons (fries, soda, etc). I feel so...so....so....well I feel something, that's for sure, which is a good thing I suppose. I'm attempting to figure it out. I'll get there.
I have so many conflicting ideas running around in my head right now, for each of my blogs, it's starting to get confusing. I suppose if I blogged more often, I wouldn't have this trouble :)
Well, all these thoughts spinning around are limiting my ability to sleep, so I'm going to blog up a storm while my other computer formats itself and re-installs Windows (ask me how much fun that is) and hopefully go to sleep after that.
Until next time,
:)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
100 Post-iversarry
Well folks, we've made it to post #100! In honor of this post, I'm going to drink 100 ounces of water today, wait, I (try) to do that anyways. Hm, I remember in school on the 100th day of school, we all brought 100 of something into class. The only one I really remember is when I brought 100 highlights magazines in. Not sure how long I had to collect those for that.
I know I said I was going to be accountable for all I ate, I'm re-starting that today. This weekend was....let's go with special. And I suppose I made up for it by barely eating yesterday. Go wrap at 7, Mini Lean Cuisine at 3, and I didn't really eat dinner last night. Well, to be correct, technically I didn't eat last night. I got a little hungry and had a bowl of oatmeal at the office before I left, but I wasn't really hungry other than that.
I'm in class and we're about to start, so I'm going to skitattle.
I'll figure out something really nifty to celebrate post #100 and share it when I figure it out.
Until next time,
:)
I know I said I was going to be accountable for all I ate, I'm re-starting that today. This weekend was....let's go with special. And I suppose I made up for it by barely eating yesterday. Go wrap at 7, Mini Lean Cuisine at 3, and I didn't really eat dinner last night. Well, to be correct, technically I didn't eat last night. I got a little hungry and had a bowl of oatmeal at the office before I left, but I wasn't really hungry other than that.
I'm in class and we're about to start, so I'm going to skitattle.
I'll figure out something really nifty to celebrate post #100 and share it when I figure it out.
Until next time,
:)
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