I have a love-hate relationship with feelings. Okay, mostly hate. I'm NOT amused.

I don’t handle grief well.  At all.  I suppose everyone handles it in their own way.  I eat.  I realize I haven’t blogged in a few days.  I’ve been hiding in shame from what I’ve been eating the last few days.  I tonight realized why: In a few weeks, I will be starting back college.  Full time.  I currently have a cat, Luda.  Since moving back in with my parents, and with that her relocation outside, I haven’t had been as close with my cat as I was when it was just her an I.  She can’t sleep with me now, or sit in my lap while I watch TV.  So a few months ago, we made the decision to start looking for a new home for her, to allow someone else to enjoy her, and to allow her to be loved and cared for like she really should, and I’m going to be around less in a few weeks than I have been.  I can’t (least favorite word in English language) give her the love I used to any longer, and it grieves me greatly.  When the discussion first came up, and the decision was made, I cried for a good long while.  Then the idea went away a little because there was no progress on the actual finding.  Now there’s a meeting.  Luda and my step-dad are going to meet a potential new owner.  Tomorrow at 1PM.  I haven’t hardly stopped crying since I found out.  I can't go.  My mom asked for her file a few days ago, and the eating hit.  I'm stuffing.  BIG TIME. 

McDonalds already three times, Arby’s, it’s like I’m eating like I used to.  I’m not hungry until about an hour after I eat.  Empty calories is all.  I forced myself to eat my brought lunch at work today, and felt better, but then turned around forgot to eat dinner before class, and grabbed a burger afterwards.  ::sigh:: now I know what’s going on.  I was trying to process the grief like I used to process everything.  I don’t think I’ll have that desire after tomorrow, I’ll have cried enough. 

I have mixed emotions about this whole thing.  My head says she’s a CAT.  My heart says she's MY cat, and I have very fond memories of my cat and I in our apartments.  My dream of moving out anytime soon has gone away, and soon, so will my kitty cat.  

Below is one of my favorite pictures of me and my cat.  Taken with my web cam a few months after my cat became my cat.  Back in 2008.  I love you, Luda, and hope you find true happiness and love with your next owner.  

Until next time,

:)

Can't 1+1 just equal 2?

Forgive the following, mostly non-weight related Math rant.  We had a test tonight in Calculus.  It was two parts.  Calculator and non-calculator.  Took the non-calculator part first.  There were 30 questions, I estimate I got 29 of them correct (internal happy dance!).  Those were straight forward: solve this equation.  I can do that.  Then came the calculator part.  There were 14 questions, I estimate I got 2 of them right, at best.  Every single one was a word problem, an application of the "solve this equation".  With these, I had to build the equation to solve it.  I can solve them, but I get SO stuck trying to set them up!  I turned in 5 extra credit, so my hope on this test is to get a C.  


I'm one of those exception-to-the-rule kind of people when it comes to Math.  They say you either do well at Algebra OR Geometry, I did well at both.  So when they say Calc II is the hardest of Calc I, II, or III, it'll probably be the easiest for me.  It starts out with hard core integration, so I'm already pumped.  


I keep getting distracted.  I'm feeling 100% again, and I've done enough napping to not be able to sleep right now.  That and I think I accidentally drank a tea with caffeine in it.  MY BAD.  It was small....


Think I'm going to try to go to bed now.


Until next time,
:)

Finally a weight loss show with which I agree

Okay, I like to watch TV, and the Biggest Loser is a pretty decent show.  My only beef is they concentrate SO HEAVILY on the exercise.  And as you know, I'm a big supporter of nutrition being a MAJOR part (like majority rules) of weight loss.  I'm watching Shedding for the Wedding.  It's interesting to me because they're all couples who are getting married (obviously) and they have a definite goal, not just to get healthy (don't get me wrong, that's a WONDERFUL goal, and it's mine!) but to get in a certain place, by a certain DATE, which adds some motivation.  Also, the winner will have they're dream wedding paid in full.  Now, that's a neat motivation.


Here's what I like about it:  They're on week 3 right now, and all 3 of the women who either half-arsed or didn't track at all in their required food journal didn't lose ANY weight, even though they kicked butt in the gym!  Now, I know it sounds like I'm celebrating their defeat, I'm not, I promise.  I'm celebrating the SOLID PROOF that nutrition matters as much or MORE as exercise.  All you have to do is look at how long you will have to run to burn of the ___________(fill in the blank).  For example.  One Kit Kat bar is 210 calories.  For that ONE bar, it will require you to work out on a stationary bike for 20 minutes.  


The trainers on this show say over and over that it's about what you eat.  I'm highly enjoying this.  


What's also cool, is each of the challenges is geared around a different part of the wedding. Tonight's challenge was about the flower arrangements.  Each of the couples got to sit down with a top flower designer and plan their flowers, and the one that won the challenge got their flowers for the wedding.  Next week is the rings.  


Then after the weigh in, the two couples at the bottom compete against each other at some challenge and the winner stays.  It's not house politics and voting.  


They also (for now at least) only show the combined couple total at the weigh in.  The next week at the first workout, they reveal which person lost how much of the total weight loss in each couple.  


I think I really enjoy this show.  I set it up to DVR :)


Until next time,
:)

Psh, Who needs iron?

***This post was created earlier, but we had no Internet...so here it is...Now.  (well duh) :)

Well apparently, I need iron.  I came home sick today because of a lack of it.  Or at least that’s the theory (mind you that's a theory from medical professionals.  You know, the one with the degrees).  Hm, does chocolate help iron? :) No seriously, does it?

I’m lying in bed and I feel better, so I get up to walk around a bit, and remember why I’m in bed.  Being out of bed doesn’t last very long.  My eye lids are starting to droop a little and my head’s nodding.  Time to try sleeping again. 

I'm feeling better now, but not back to 100% yet.  I got up and had dinner and did okay with it.  I'm a little draggy, but I think I'll perk up tomorrow.  

I have a calc test tomorrow, so I better perk up.  

I had thought of a few other great things I wanted to blog about, but I didn't write them down.  Shame on me.  I suppose I'll just post again if I think of it.

Until next time,

:)

Tacos, Taco Salad, and Ice Cream Sundaes OH YAY!

Okay, that title is REALLY corny.  First, it was an attempt to mimic the Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my!  but then I could only come up with two things, so I just stuck with the one until I came up with three things, which you see there.  I figured out the third halfway through that last sentence.  Train of thought....DERAILED.  lol.  Then, where you might expect oh my, it sounded like a bad connotation, so I said YAY instead.  I think in English class, that's called paraphrasing.  Yup, we'll go with that.  


Friday night we stayed in and made tacos!  Tacos are one of my favorite meals!  I only have to count the shell, meat, and cheese!  I add lettuce, tomato, salsa, other vegetables, and make it a wonderful meal!  I could probably eat tacos every night.  Then Sunday, we had taco salad!  Even better!  I can get more veggies in there!  I had the chips, meat and cheese, as well as tomatoes, green bell peppers, salsa, and lettuce.  3/4 of my bowl was veggies and it was AWESOME!  Then, I was blessed enough to get to try the new ice cream sundae idea from Hungry Girl.  She took fat free (I used low fat) vanilla ice cream and the new 90 calorie fudge brownies from Fiber One (heated of course) to make an ice cream sundae!  It came out at about 7 points, but that's with a little more than the serving size of 1/2 cup of ice cream.  HA!  Right.  Me.  1/2 cup of ice cream.  Not happening.  :)


Well, I suppose I'll turn in for the night.  Yikes!  It's almost 11.  LATER!


Until next time,
:)

If I ignore being hungry, it goes away, until I think about it again.

I'm serious, it's true.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't do this on purpose.  No need to send in the calvary.  When I'm at work, if I'm super busy, I tend to get distracted from being hungry and just forget about it.  Time gets away from me.  Then, when I stop the bustle long enough to think about it, it hits me like a ton of bricks.  This, of course, is not a good thing for me to do, and normally, I reserve this behavior for weekends, when, usually, I only eat twice a day.  On Saturday I have brunch at 11 and Dinner around 4, Sunday I have breakfast around 8 or 9 and Dinner around 3.  I might have a light snack around 8, but that's it.  Normally, though, this pattern develops on the weekends because that's when I'm hungry.  I also eat two bigger meals instead of 3 smaller ones.  


Today, I was so busy at work, that I didn't even think about being hungry until I pulled myself away from work and went to pick up something to eat.  I don't even remember the drive there and back.  All I know is I was HUNGRY, and I didn't feel it until I left my desk.  


I think I'm having writer's block about this particular subject, and my mind is working on yet another post about a different topic, so I'm going to switch over to that, and if I think of any follow up thoughts on this...well I'll blog about it :)


Until next time,
:)

The most boring title....ever.

I blame the lack of a good title on the fact that I was somewhere without Internet most of the weekend, so this got drafted in Microsoft Word.  On Saturday.  I've slept since then, I've drank since then, and I've worked since then.  I've got the trifecta.  I'm also working on a new post in my head that will cover yesterday and today, etc, so this is just to get this out of the way.  How I did this week!

Weight loss is not predictable.  Except this week.

I said my weight loss would even out this week.   It did.  I lost .4.  I'm REALLY happy about this!  I’m still going in the right direction, and I know I hit a few bumps this week, but I’m losing!  This would be the only time that’s fun :)

I’m going to pay a little better attention this week to what I put in my mouth, because I can feel myself slacking off, getting a little over-confident.  Confidence is fine, it's when I think I got this without the help of tracking etc that I get in TROUBLE.  

Until next time,

:)